My story began a long time ago when I was just a little kid with an early exposure to pornography and other forms of sexuality. It was uncommon in my culture to talk about sex with children, and to be honest, I think my parents themselves had very little idea about how human sexuality was designed to work.
As a result of that, I was left on my own to figure out my sexuality. I used to look at what other people did in an attempt to understand out what was going on inside me.
This was not a healthy approach, especially since at the time I was witnessing the divorce of my parents, as well as my father’s struggle trying to figure out what kind of man he really wanted to be. I would see his personality constantly changing from a good loving father, to a horny selfish person. I could tell he was trying to do his best, but I could also tell that he was not succeeding. Eventually, my parents got a divorce, and I was dedicated to never turn out to be like my father.
Unfortunately, I used some of the false conclusions that I’ve drawn from childhood in attempt to lay out a framework for living a healthy lifestyle. Very soon this approach got me into a big trouble, but it took me year to cut through the chase and figure out some of the false beliefs that have kept me trapped.
I do not want to impose my views onto anybody, if you seem to disagree I ask you to ignore this post. My only goal is to help others learn from my mistakes instead of making their own.
Here are seven myths about male sexuality that have kept me trapped through the years, as well as some of the truth statements that I’ve used to replace them.
Myth #1. Uncontrolled erection is a sign that I have an animal inside of me – I think an erection was one of my earliest sexual experiences. Nobody told me that this supposed to happen, and when I began to feel my earliest erections I really wanted to make them go away. I tried to use my will power to make it stop, but couldn’t get it to work. Eventually, my erections began to serve as an indicator that there was a part of me – my sexuality – that was stronger that my willpower and that there was no way for me to control it.
The truth is that erections are not bad at all; they are one of the greatest gifts of life. They are signs that I take my love towards another woman, and use this power to create another life. They are signs that I can have a family of my own. This truly is beautiful and wonderful gift, and I am thankful for.
Myth #2. Every man has secret sexual desires that cause them to cheat on their wives; they just don’t talk to anyone about it. All men are born this way.
The truth is that all men do have sexual desires. This is part of the same great gift that I talked about in the first myth. However, this does not mean that men have to cheat and that all men will cheat. Many men do, but many men do not. It is my life, and I was given a power to make the choices of what I want to do with my life. I can choose to disperse my sexuality on thousands of women, or I can choose to save it for the special woman in my life. The choice is always mine and mine only.
Myth #3. If somebody knew about my dirty secrets they would have lost all of the respect for me.
The truth is that sharing my experience with others is the only way for me to be whole again. For most of my life I have thought that I could not be happy if I tell somebody about my secrets. Now I realize that the only way for me to be happy is through sharing my experience with others. There are plenty of supportive and understanding people out there, who have had similar experiences to mine, and who would not judge me and will support me on my journey towards become the best man that I can be.
Myth #4. Pornography is a safe and healthy way to explore my sexuality; it is just a tool that I can use to keep my animal instincts at bay.
The truth is that pornography is the worst way to explore my sexuality. Through intensive pornography use of many years, I completely redefined my definition of sexuality, and what I considered to be acceptable. I went from looking at beautiful ladies when I was a teenager, dreaming of one day meeting my true love, to looking at hardcore pornography. Eventually this no longer was enough for me, so I kept on looking at harder and harder stuff. Pornography acting similar to drugs, was taping in directly into the pleasure centres of my brain. That is why I was able to spend hours watching pornography, while it felt like I could not concentrate on any other tasks for longer than 5-10 minutes.
Myth #5. Pornography is the only thing I have to cope with life, without it I have nothing.
The truth is that pornography was the only response that I’ve learned for coping with the stresses of life, but it is not the only response available to me. I am learning to developed healthy outlook on life, proper time management skills, meditation, and other techniques that would allow me to go through life without having to rely on pornography.
Myth #6.I don’t know if I really want to quit, maybe it is OK to look.
The truth is that there is so much more to life then pornography. I only get one chance on this planet, and while it might have felt that pornography was the only thing that I truly enjoyed, in actuality it simple kept me trapped. When I look back, all I can see are years of my life that were thrown away. By no longer allowing pornography to dominate my life, I am able to follow my dreams.
Myth #7. This is not my fault that I turned out this way; it is a result of what others have done to me.
The truth is that I do not have control over what other people do in my life, but I always have control over how I choose to react to it. I accept full responsibility for everything that takes place in my life.
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Filed under: My Story of Addiction and Recovery
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