How to Stop Porn Addiction – One Powerful Technique to Help You Stop Watching Porn

Do you want to know how to stop porn addiction? The answer is simple but not easy.

Before we get started, I want to make sure that you are aware that we provide a Free Recovery Course and a Free Forum. Both are Free as in air that you breath, and are placed there for one reason only – to help you.

Click Here to Start Recovery!

Even if you don’t want to join our forum, make sure to visit it and read through some of our member’s stories. Recovery Journals and Support for Partners could be especially helpful in providing insight into pornography addiction and effects it has on people’s lives.

That being said, lets get back to the article below. It is organized in 8 major parts. In parts 1-3 I share my understanding of the porn craving. In part 4 I share a powerful technique that allowed me to stop porn addiction, at least for the first 30 days. And in parts 5-8 I list some other tips for long term recovery.

A few words about me – founder of this site. My name is Alex and I am a recovering porn addict. I have been in recovery since early 2008, and while my recovery is not perfect, I was able to abstain from watching pornography for over 99% of my time. Additionally, although I do not recommend this for single people, I have not masturbated since January 2009, CHOOSING my wife as the only source for my sexual  experience.

What I am about to share with you does work.  Below is a quote, from one of our readers. You can read more reviews here, if you want.

I never though that porn addiction is real, but after reading the info on this site I now truly understand it. This site is beyond awesome and amazing… it really explains what and why I am going through right now.
Anonymous

I am not here to tell you what you should  or shouldn’t do with your life. But I think that techniques that I used to stop porn addiction, could be used to make lasting change in all areas of our lives.

1. Pornography Is Not Just a Bad Habit!

A first major component in my own recovery was an understanding that pornography viewing was not just a bad habit. It was an obsessive compulsive cycle (see Figure 1 below) from which I was not able to break free. It usually started with an unwanted sexual thought that I would try to avoid for as long as I could.

Figure 1. Obsessive Compulsive Cycle of Pornography Addiction

Unfortunately, trying NOT to think about something never really worked for me, and eventually I would get to a point where thoughts would get so intense that I couldn’t handle the pressure any longer. Then I would go back to the only way that I knew to make sexual thoughts temporarily go away – watching pornography and masturbating.

After sexual acting out I would slowly come back to my senses and realize what have happened. I would feel guilt for being so weak and giving in and I would swear to never do it again!

Unfortunately over time I would find sexual thoughts coming back, and since I didn’t know how to handle them in a healthy way, the whole cycle would repeat itself.

Clearly fighting my sexual desires only made them come back stronger and faster, and I began to rely more on pornography and masturbation to help me get a temporary relieve.

Eventually this cycle got completely out of control to the point where I would have to spending most of my day watching porn. My brain got so used to regular imagery that I would have to seek out really hard core pornography in order to temporary satisfy my desires, and allow me to return to my normal state.

In other words, I found that the more I fed my porn addiction, the stronger it got.

2. No Craving Can Last Forever!

The second component that I learn was an understanding that any human feeling, including cravings, cannot last forever. In actuality any physiological impulse is shaped like a bell curve (see figure 2 below).

At first cravings starts out slow but grow exponentially until they get really intense. Somewhere along this path most of addicts would end up giving in. As the result they get used to an idea that they could never get past their cravings and that their cravings will eventually get so strong, that they will have no choice but to give in.

Figure 2. Craving Curve

In actuality human beings cannot sustain any emotion or feelings indefinitely, and eventually any feeling or craving will decrease.

So the trick to stopping porn addiction is to learn to ride out cravings; to master a skill to stay away long enough for cravings to go away. This of course sounds simple, but as many addicts know it is not as easy to do.

Below I am going to share a technique with you that have helped me do just that. But first let me show you a few simple physiological signals that can be used to measure how strong our craving really is.

3. Physiological Signs of a Strong Craving

It is important to know certain physiological changes that begin to take place in human body when they experience strong desire to watch porn and/or masturbate compressively. Such changes include:

  •     Rapid Pulse
  •     Increased blood pressure
  •     Dilated Eyeballs
  •     Shallow Breath

It is important to know these symptoms because this knowledge can provide us with information needed to help us on our way to recovery from porn addiction. Let me explain.

We can learn our pulse rate during normal state and then use this information to recognize if our pulse is getting too high. Therefore pulse can serve as an easy to measure indicator that we are about to get out of control. At the same time we can use pulse measurement to let us know that we are exiting the danger zone and that the physical craving begins to decrease.

Another very important component that is easy to observe is our breath. Breath is the only subconscious bodily function that we can consciously control. Think about it! You cannot control your blood pressure, you cannot control you pulse, but you can control your breath. You can take slow, deep, controlled breaths, and through that you can have a direct effect on your subconscious mind. This is a very powerful key to stopping porn addiction!

4. Killing the Craving

So let’s move right into action. The technique that I used to help me overcome the craving is called Exposure and Response Prevention or ERP and is generally used for Obsessive Compulsive disorder and other psychological problems. It’s been around for a very long time, tons of people use it, and it is very effective. I’ve originally learned this technique from a book called “Kill the Craving” which uses ERP to help people with alcohol and drug addictions, and I slightly modified the approach to help me overcome porn addiction.

The key idea of this technique is to systematicallyexpose yourself to situations that would usually cause you to feel a strong craving and practice responding to this craving in a healthy way.  This practice allows our subconscious mind to learn a healthy response mechanism by the time we are faced with a real craving.

Over time you will learn that cravings do not rule your life, and that there is a way for you to ride out a craving and return to your normal self without having to act out. And the high that you get from feeling proud of yourself will be much stronger than any high that you could possibly get from porn addiction.

ERP works in the following way. You first identify a trigger, and as soon as you feel the physiological response from your body, you measure your pulse rate, which you would likely find to be a bit higher than your normal pulse. After that you immediately shift into a controlled breathing exercise to calm your subconscious mind. Next you review your personal motivation statements, to remind yourself of all the positive things that you can bring into your life if you were not to act out. Then you measure your pulse again, and note the difference. Last but not least, you follow up with an act of self care. Let’s look at those steps a little more closely.

Step 1 – Identify or imagine the triggering situation.

While ERP is very effective with helping you overcome a real trigger, it will not be as helpful unless you have already practiced it continuously before facing the real danger. Therefore I recommend a commitment of at least 30 days with complete ERP practice being done the first thing in the morning and last thing at night.

A quick note on sources of trigger is due here. The book that I’ve mentioned earlier “Kill the Craving” recommended alcohol and drug addicts to look at photographs of their addictive substances in order to generate an addictive response. This approach, however, did not seem practical for porn addiction, because looking at addictive images was precisely what I was trying to avoid.

I solved this conflict by creating a strong mental image of myself in a triggering situation instead of looking at actual photography. For example I would imagine myself being alone with computer, or passing by a magazine stand at the store.

Our brain is not able to tell the difference between a vivid mental image and a real life situation, and will produce a similar physiological response. That way Exposure and Response Prevention techniques can be practiced in a safe environment, without having to expose yourself to the real danger.

If at any time during the day you begging to feel a strong craving and a desire to act out, follow up with an extra ERP exercise. Personally, at first I found myself doing 3-5 ERP exercises per day, but soon was able to get through most of my days with only 1 or 2 exercises.

Step 2 – Measure your pulse rate as soon as you observe your body begin to change.

It is easier to measure your pulse for 15 seconds and multiply it times four. Follow this link to download a quick reference chart that will help you to quickly convert your pulse rate and keep the record of your progress.

It is likely that measuring your pulse rate may feel like a burden at first, but after a few days of ERP practice you will get used to it and it will become very easy.

Also, after 5 to 10 days of regular ERP practice you may notice that your pulse rate will not change as much as it did at first from you merely imagining a triggering situation. Please do not use this as an excuse to go look for more triggering stuff. After all it is the sole purpose of ERP practice to train your body not to react addictively to triggers. Therefore, take the decrease pulse rate as a sign of progress, and continue your practice for at least 30 days to allow new habit to form. (It takes about 30 days of repeating a certain task for human beings to form a habit)

Step 3 – Perform Controlled Breathing Exercise.

After you record your pulse rate, follow up with a controlled breathing exercise. Simply, breathe in for 10 seconds, hold your breath for 10 seconds, and breathe out for 10 second. Repeat it 10 times.

I use my fingers that I keep resting on my knees to keep the count of my breaths, tapping each finger for one of ten counts. That way I can free up my mind from counting and concentrate on breathing.

Remember that our breathing is the only subconscious function that we can control through our conscious effort. Do not overlook this step.

Step 4 – Review Personal Motivational Statements.

Next you review your personal statements. You will have to do a little homework on this. Just sit down and write down all of the reasons why you want to get sober. Why do you want to stop watching porn? What positive changes would it bring into your life? What negative consequences will you be able to avoid?

Answers to these questions must be able to touch the bottom of your soul. When I read mine I can literally feel the Goosebumps! That is how badly you need to want to stop this addiction and get the good things in your life. If you are not going to feel the Goosebumps and if it is not going to touch your soul, it is just not going to be strong enough to make you choose life instead of porn when you will be faced with real temptation.

Some of the statements that I used were: My dreams of having a wife and a child will come true if I walk away. I will be stronger and more in control if I walk away. I will regain my self-respect and dignity if I walk away. My family will be proud of me if I walk away. I will be able to look into people’s eyes, and feel proud of myself if I walk away. You can download 30 sample stamens here.

I had each of my reasons written on 3 by 5 cards, which I would read out loud to myself during each ERP practice. Cards allowed me to be doing (i.e. moving the cards), reading and hearing the message at the same time. Human beings learn the best by combination of action, seeing and hearing. (We learn even better by teaching something that we already know to somebody else. So when you get a handle on ERP practice yourself, try to teach it to another addict).

Step 5 – Re-measure your pulse rate.

When you first begin your ERP practice, you might notice that your pulse rates remain the same between steps 2 and 5. Sometimes you may even find it going up a little. It is normal. Over time you will learn to decrease your pulse rate, and you will be able to bring yourself back to your normal state. Ideally you should be able to decrease your pulse rate from its highest point by about 4 to 8 bits per minute.

Additionally, as I mentioned earlier, overtime you will notice that your pulse rate in step 2 will not be getting as high as it did at first in reaction to the triggers. This will be a sign of your progress.

Step 6 – Follow up with an act of self care.

This is also a very important step. You have to do something good for yourself. Preferable you need to get out of the house.

For my first 30 days I would go out and jog after my morning practice. And if I felt the craving again during the day, I would do another ERP exercise and follow up with a different act of self care, like cooking a healthy meal, journaling, or taking a nap. After my evening practice my act of self care was simply to go to bed early. You can view a list of 67 healthy things to do for fun.

5. One Technique is Not Enough!

I want to share one short story with you that helped me to put everything together and stop watching porn for good. Exposure and Response Prevention technique is great, but I think it would not have gotten the job done if it was used alone. Anyway, here is the story:

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside all people. He said, “My son, the battle is between two ‘wolves’ inside us all.

“One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”

“The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf wins?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

So I thought what can I do to feed the right wolf? The answer was not as obvious as it might seem.

Over time I came to a conclusion that if I took a good care of myself, my good wolf will be stronger, and my bad wolf will be weaker. Therefore in addition to the daily practice of Exposure and Response Prevention, I committed to the following rules:

  • 8 hours of sleep a day
  • Eating Healthy (3 meals, and 2 snacks a day)
  • Drink plenty of water (at least 8 glasses a day)
  • Journaling about my triggers
  • Meditating
  • Morning and Evening Prayer
  • Avoiding Dangerous Situations (think acronym HALT)
    • Hungry
    • Angry
    • Lonely
    • Tired

6. Warning!

Soon after you’ll stop porn addiction, you will become able to get in touch with your true feelings. While this might sound like a good thing, you could find those true feelings to be unpleasant.

Chances are you’ve used your addiction for a very long time to escape discomforts of life, and when you take away this crutch, you might feel the full weight of your past mistakes.

Just realize that this pain is a temporary. Use this pain as a guide to identify what areas of your life need improvements, so you can face them and get the life that you truly deserve.

7. Other Resources to Consider

I used everything that I’ve outlined so far to help me get my first ever 90 days of sobriety from porn and masturbation. In the matter of fact I have not masturbated yet since I did my first 30 days of ERP practice. I did however look at soft core pornography on a few occasions so this method is not perfect. Actually, I have yet to find a perfect method, and when I will I’ll make sure to let you know. But for now I wanted to share a few other resources that I found helpful.

12 step groups

There is a lot of criticism out there in regards to 12 step groups, but I’ll recommend you doing what my sponsor told me to do, “Take what works for you, and leave the rest behind”. The best thing about the 12 step groups is that the infrastructure is already in place.

If you live near a major city, chances are you will have multiple meetings in your area. If you live in a remote location, you can always attend a phone meeting. It is there, it is available, and you can meet people who have similar problems and are looking for similar solutions. And best of all, it will only cost you a 2 dollar donation per meeting. You can view a full list of 12 step meetings here.

I’ve been attending Sex Addicts Anonymous for almost 2 years now (I started right after I lost my first 90 days of sobriety), and it has been a tremendous tool in my own recovery.

Professional Coaching

Professional counseling and coaching is a great tool, but you need to be careful, and pick a person experienced with porn addiction. That is why we are so happy to announce that we have our own coaching team specializing in helping people in recovery, their spouses, and couple’s together to survive and thrive from this addiction.

Craig Michelle_Perra

Additionally we have a Free Recovery Course posted on this site, which provides a lot more of other helpful information.

I am sure there are other good programs available, so make sure to find what works for you.

Accountability Software

Knowing that there is no way to hide my internet history made it much easier for me to make good decision when browsing the internet.

I recommend Covenant Eyes that costs $10 a month. This software does not filter any of the internet content, but it keeps a detailed report of all your internet activity and emails it to your accountability partner.

A free option that I also use is K9 web filter. This filter can block access to certain sites and keep track of all of the internet history. Just make sure that somebody else is in charge of the password.

No software is perfect and there is always a way around it, nevertheless I found those tools to be extremely helpful.

Educate Yourself

Read as much as you can on how to stop porn addiction. This is what I did and continue to do. It will not only help you to stop watching porn, but it will help you with the rest of your life.

Start Your Own Recovery Blog

Seriously! Starting this site was one of the best things that I did for my recovery. It forced me to really internalize everything that I’ve read, put it through my own conscience, and explain it to others. Best way to learn something, is to teach it to somebody else.  On top of that not only do you get to help yourself, but you get to help others too and make the world a better place.

You could try to do it through one of the free sites like blogger or tumbler, but I would highly advise against it. I started this blog on blogger, and a year into it, when it began to get more popular, I had to migrate to my own hosting and it was a nightmare! If I could go back, I would most definitely get my own domain and hosting from start.

I recommend Blue Host as a way to get started, because it is very well respected, very affordable, super easy to use, and it has excellent customer support.

Unlike back in 2008, starting a blog is super easy now and can be done in less that 5 minutes. See how easy it is to get started in the video below.

 

Click Here To Start Your Own Blog Now 

Spiritual Life

Get involved with your spiritual life, and make sure you make room for it.

Journaling

Journaling was one of the most beneficial tools for me. There is something magical about getting your thoughts on paper.

Remember, progress and not perfection!

Don’t try to do it perfectly and don’t try to be perfect. You will make mistakes, we all do. As long as you keep working at it, you will get better. It took you many years to get this far into your addiction, don’t expect to fix it all in 30 days. It will take you some time. Be patient with yourself, keep going, and your life will continue to improve.

If you stumble don’t beat yourself up.

Just learn from your mistakes, and over time you will become a new person. If you keep working at it, there is no other way; you will become a new person!

8. Thank You!

Thank you for carrying, thank you for trying to change yourself, and thank you for continuing to look for solutions. By making changes in yourself you are making this world a much better place!

If you know someone who is looking for ways to stop porn addiction, please share this message with them!

And remember to feed the right wolf :)

9. Join Our Free Recovery Course To Discover…

  1. A chemical process that takes place in your brain causing you to get addicted
  2. The addictive cycle that your body goes through and how to break out of it
  3. How the human brain works and why sometimes you lose control of your actions
  4. Four simple exercises to strengthen your brain
  5. How to create your sexual recovery plan
  6. How to control your cravings
  7. An important strategy to help you beat your addiction once and for all
  8. How your beliefs are causing you to suffer
  9. Seven beliefs that were keeping me trapped
  10. One big lesson that I learned from my relapse and what you can do to avoid my mistakes
  11. Two very important tools that can magnify your recovery
  12. Four things that you CAN do to help you stay sober for the rest of your life

Click Here to Start Recovery!

 

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Links:


Call (916)259-3827 For Professional Help

P.S. Recommended Resources:

  • Sex Addicts Anonymous
    I cannot imagine my recovery without this program.
  • Free Podcast and Mini Course from Candeo Can
    I owe my first 90 days of continuous sobriety to this program and highly recommend it.
  • Internet Accountability Software
    Using this software allowed me to get truly honest with my internet usage for the first time in my life. For some reason knowing that my every step was being observed and reported on, made it really easy to use internet only in a healthy way.
  • Treating Pornography Addiction by Kevin B. Skinner Ph.D.
    I have read over 15 books on Pornography and Sexual addiction and this truly is one of the best books on the subject. The reason is I recommend this particular book is because it is full of excellent actionable steps. Other books do a good job describing the problem, but don’t really offer a realistic solution.
  • Your Sexually Addicted Spouse – How Partners Can Cope and Heal by Barbara Steffens Ph.D.
    I know that about half of visitors to our site are spouses of people who might be suffering with pornography and sex addiction. To the best of my knowledge this book is one of the most helpful books for the partners.
  • Free Consultation from Coach Craig
    Coach Craig has been a good friend and supporter of this site since January 2013. He has worked with people from all over the world, including famous musicians and other high profile individuals. Yet, he is only a phone call away and would be glad to give you a free consultation. Call him anytime, with any question you might have, and I am know he will be extremely happy to help in any way he can.

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Comments

  1. Shammah says

    Hi! I’m a girl and I believe I’m addicted to porn. At first I didn’t want to admit it but now from, what you’ve described and what I’ve read what a porn addict does, I think I am. The urge to watch it recently resurfaced and became much stronger. I’m glad I found this site and I’m going to start the ERP when I sleep tonight. And I’m dedicated to take out the addiction! Thank you so much! Now, I understand the addiction cycle. I believe by recognizing this I can overcome this!

  2. me says

    to tell u the truth, i try really hard not to watch porn or masturbate. the only problem is that there’s nothing else for me 2 do but stuff like this. i live in a place where i can’t do much. i used to do it every day, but now i don’t do it for a week or a week nd a half, but then i do it all like 4 to 5 days in a row. then the cycle just repeats. i actually know when i wake up wheather or not i will watch porn nd masturbate, but i feel like there’s nothing i can do about it. im trying, NEVER GIVE UP!

    • gn says

      Spot on…we need to find something else to do, preferably in a environment with several people, and force ourselves to engage in this activity.

      Here are some things that keep pulling me back:
      1. boredom (Got plenty of things to do, but none can give me the same level of perceived satisfaction. Basically, inability to set and pursue goals that can ),
      2. easy access to content,
      3. natural preference for pleasure over happiness (Pleasure comes without having to struggle. Happiness usually comes only after a struggle.)

      Giving up porn is going to give us happiness, and the path involves a struggle for many of us.

  3. David says

    Up until recently, I’ve been doing fairly well with keeping my addictions down to a minimum. In the entire month of February, I only had 7 “smudges”. And, the first part of March wasn’t too bad. But, now, it’s starting up again. I’ve already got 11 for March so far and three of them occurred just since yesterday. It’s gone from keeping them down to suddenly losing control again, back to square one, so to speak. Now, what do I do?

    • Allen says

      Hey, I would definitely recommend an accountability partner. It’s so hard to break the addiction on your own and I know that from experience. An accountability partner may seem like a scary idea at first, but once you find the right person it makes breaking the addiction possible. It’s every man’s battle not just yours.

    • Anonymous says

      David, It is so true about having an accountability partner. I also told my wife, that was very hard. The path of least resistance is to let the porn take over your life. The hard decisions you are making now WILL pay off. Get an accountability partner, it makes all the difference in the world.

      • David says

        To both of you who replied, what’s an accountability partner and how can it help me overcome my addiction? By the way, my addiction is now extreme during the last few days of April and into the first week of May. It’s definitely compulsive. I don’t want to do it, but it’s an uncontrollable urge that keeps making me do it. Anyway, thanks for replying, Allen and Anonymous.

      • David says

        I just found out from Wikipedia.

        An accountability partner is a person who coaches another person in terms of helping the other person keep a commitment.

        I’m not sure if this person can help me keep a commitment to stop looking up porn. Trying to quit cold turkey often backfires. And, I’ve been down the road of trying to quit bad habits cold turkey…only to have them re-fire and become stronger than ever.

        I believe what I think I should do (if I can stick to it, that is) is very slowly ease away from porn until I no longer feel the addiction or the urge to proceed with what I’ve been doing.

        Another possibility that I’ve been considering is talking to a sex therapist about this problem and hope the person can help me overcome my apparently losing battle with this addiction.

  4. nonamepleasethanks says

    oh god, please help. i read your advice and it all is working except this: i can’t stop giving in! EVERYTHING you wrote is true, the circle, the temporary relief/release, and i really wannt to stop. please, please, PLEASE help. this is hurting not only me, but my family and life as well. HELP!!!

      • nonamepleasethanks says

        David, i mean no disrespect, but i really need advice, not just a comment about a similar situation. please help me! also to Alex, thanks, and do you have any advice on HOW to “walk out of the forest”? please respond, anyone. i need advice!
        btw, i will not say my age, but i am under 15, so i want to stop as early as possible!

        • Alex says

          This entire site is dedicated to answer your question, there is no short answer.

          That being said. Given your young age, I would advice you against trying to figure out anything from this site. It was created by adults and for adults.

          I would advice you to talk to your parents, and/or an adult you can trust.

          And don’t worry too much, chances are most of teenager are going through experiences similar to yours. Good on you for being careful, but I do encourage you to seek advice from real live adults.

          Regards,
          Alex

          • nonamepleasethanks says

            Thanks, Alex. don’t worry, I have confided in an adult. the only thing i’m worried about is my weak willpower. but still, thank you so, so much… your site and advice have been a miracle for me. God bless you, Alex. (or if you’re part of a different religion, may THAT god bless you.) thank you.

    • says

      Sorry to hear that, but there is no easy way out… It takes usually months if not years to start seeing some serious changes toward the better. It did took you many years to get this far into the forest, it will take you a few years to walk back out.

      Alex

  5. Josh says

    I just wanted to reply to Skeptical. The talk isn’t about suppressing sexual urges, that is not the problem. It is good to feel sexual urges, the problem comes when it becomes obsessive and when sexualization of women or men occurs. You start to look at a beautiful person not as a person, but as a sex object that excites you which sends you spiraling down a path leading to places that you don’t want to go. We don’t want to stop feeling sexual feelings, just avoid the bad behavior that is not healthy and not respectful to other people. Most if not all women in porn have experienced sexual abuse, and are not doing it because they want millions of people to spend hours masturbating to their body.

    Just something to think about. We all want to be better people.

  6. Josh says

    So many more problems in my life can be traced back to my addiction. My relationship struggles, my bad self image, my anger and frustration with myself when I know I can do something, but I don’t because I have squandered my time with porn. I am 25 and I have so much I want to do with my life. I don’t want this to rule me forever. Thank you. I will work hard because of your story and the wonderful tools you have put together for people like me to use.

  7. Skeptical says

    I should not have jumped to conclusions, and I want to be sure to say that I have not been addicted to pornography nor am I any kind of expert in psychology. I haven’t been in your shoes. Clearly watching pornography and masturbating for eight hours a day is excessive and would interfere with your life.

    That being said, I think taking the approach of suppressing all sexual desires is bound to be unhealthy, misguided, and impossible. The goal should be to control your sexual urges, not eliminate them entirely.

  8. Skeptical says

    I got partway into this article and was confused. You say you can’t go a week without masturbating? That is fully within the range of normalcy for a human male, and there is nothing wrong with it. Just judging from the fact that your goal is to stop masturbating entirely, I would say your real psychological problem is with the guilt you feel about enjoying your sexuality, not porn addiction.

    Guess what? Sexual urges are going to keep coming back. That’s what your body evolved to do. You are never going to eradicate your desire for sexual pleasure, and masturbation and sex are a perfectly healthy expressions of sexual desire. It’s abnormal to not masturbate. Saying you want to give it up entirely is as bizarre and unhealthy as trying to be celibate.

    A normal, healthy human has a sexual urge, satisfies it, and moves on. Just like when you are hungry you eat, when you have to excrete waste, you do that. Denying yourself all sexual pleasure is as unhealthy and warped as going without food or trying to never go to the bathroom again. What you need to do is overcome your shame about sex.

    • Casey says

      According to the web-site (that doesn’t shame people or argue against masturbation) called yourbrainonporn, the studies done on masturbation are unintentionally biased. Not to act like an arrogant know-it-all, whereas, (as far as I can tell) in the industrialized world “it’s abnormal not to masturbate”, there are parts of the rest of the world that don’t even have a word for it in their vocabulary and don’t know what they’re being referred to when being asked about it. In other words, they don’t even know what it is!
      Also, taking a position against celibacy sounds like the beginning of a personal bias against religion… with all due respect… no offense.
      In Sexaholics Anonymous they define sobriety as NOT having sex with yourself (or anyone but your spouse)… something I haven’t managed to accomplish, myself – ahem – yet… like um, someone named “Alex”… not to drag him into things:) Another “cool” thing about SA (when people actually do it) is they don’t lord any particular religion over another – they don’t word it that way – it’s been a while since I’ve been to a meeting.
      Lastly, when talking to the deacon of my church about this, he said the approximately the “exact” same thing as you… so there!:D

  9. riverside 64 says

    Thank u everybody for all the encourage ment im 18 and have been adicted since the age of 12 im planning tobmarry and this caused big problems in our relathionship god blessed her with understanding this site has helped me know im.not alone tank you all

  10. Anonymous says

    I am 12 years old and I am addicted to pornography. I hide away from my parents and watch it. I have asked the lord several times to help me stop. I am scared about this and I question why I like it so much. I don’t want to tell anyone for I have to much guilt. These videos helped me. Hopefully I’ll be able to go on the right track. Thank you.

    • nonamepleasethanks says

      i can relate with you so much. all i can say is, hang in there! you CAN do this, good luck and God bless.

  11. Anonymous says

    it has been almost 8 weeks without masturbating, but i ejaculate when i have a naughty dream.. is that normal or bad?

  12. Anonymous says

    If God thought masturbation was wrong 1. He would have said so in the Bible. 2. He wouldnt have made your body to do EXACTLY what your condemning naturally whether you want it to or not. and 3. He wouldnt have made it feel so good. You know that guilt you all speak of after you do it? Why do your thoughts ALWAYS go to what so-and-so said about it? Or what if so-and-so found out? Guilt from sin is never about outside sources. Ever. It is an inherent guilt free of outside control or persuasion. Anything else is about social acceptance in our modern societies.

    • Anon says

      You know what feels good?

      Killing that #*$@^98$^@ that cut me off in traffic.
      Eating that entire pizza and following it up with 10 pounds of chocolate whenever. I. Feel. Like. It.

      What’s that you say? Impulse control?

      Well, that’s part of the cornerstone of sexual addiction. You sound educated so I think you would find a lot of the scientific research fascinating in this venue. Did you know that the portions of your brain responsible for impulse control can actually SHRINK? This is prevalent in most people that find themselves suffering from all sorts of different addiction, including this one.

      Also I should note that for the logic of your first point to apply we must assume a few things:

      There is one God.
      That one God’s word is law and that law is the bible. There is one version and translation of said bible.
      This bible is 100% accurate, literal in meaning and application in addition to being written by God himself and not man.

      One must also need to throw free will and free thought out of the window and one must also take a stance of false extremes:

      Human beings know what’s best for them and have no problem with impulse control.
      All sexual dysfunction is rooted in upbringing and/or religion.
      There are no physical, mental, societal, moral or monetary consequences to our actions, only spiritual ones.

      Don’t let a few bad apples ruin your intellect. It sounds like you have run into too many people who have sexual issues due to religion or family issue, but they are not the representatives nor spokesmen for sexual addiction.

    • Josh says

      This site is not to stop masturbation. Look over the material again. It is about an obsessive compulsive disorder. It is funny that you made no comment on the porn and the sexualization of the women and men in it. It is not healthy to look at someone and only think about how much you want to have sex with them and masturbate to the thought of it. No one has said anything about suppressing sexual desire, that is natural. It is not natural to spend hours a day doing something you really don’t want to be doing because you feel you have no control over your actions. It is not normal to look at porn (curiosity is normal) obsessive compulsive acts are not.

      • says

        Thank you Josh,

        I agree. The point of this site is not to say that masturbation is bad. I believe that view on masturbation is subjective.

        The point of this site is to find peace and balance in their sexuality. And while for some it means no masturbation, for others it means masturbating in a way that does not feel wrong and/or takes over their lives.

        My personal believe is that men in relationship could benefit a lot from abstaining from masturbation completely, just because it does wonders to the relationship that they are it. But I do not push my views onto anybody. I encourage everybody to take what works for them from this site, and leave the rest behind.

    • Julian says

      1 Corinthians 6:1 further confirms this, saying that unlawful sexual relations defile our own bodies. “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.”

      Matthew 5:28
      But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

      Ephesians 5:5 read Gods words before blaspheming his name
      For you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous (that is, an idolater), has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God.

  13. Dreamer says

    i am 15, i have dreams of playing professional football. But i truly believe porn my only addiction will stop me from reaching them. I started when i was 12. At first i did it once every week or so gradually i did it 2-3 times a day. I need help really badly. When i ejaculate it ruin my day. I cant exercise i cant study or do anything. I need help really badly i have tried at a dozen times to stop but it seems impossible. Will anyone plz help me

    • Anonymous says

      Why the hell would what you do with your pecker make any difference to how you play football? Last I checked you were always fully clothed and a little too busy focusing on other things while playing it. Your parents are stupid for allowing you to believe such things no matter what their intentions or personal beliefs. Save the medieval beliefs for the medieval times…

      • Anon says

        The only thing that sounds medieval is your thinking process. I hate to start out of the gate with something offensive but it sounds like YOU are the one not thinking for yourself nor with any sort of open mind!

        Here’s the thing: there are men and women out there who do lose everything they possibly could. Family, house, jobs, clean arrest record, the ability to control their thoughts, literal physical sexual function, you name it.

        Sound insane to you? GOOD! That probably means you don’t have a problem nor the propensity towards such a problem. Just like there are social drinkers out there and then other people who can’t touch a drink otherwise they practically instantaneously return to an alcoholic downward spiral.

        There will be extremist beliefs in absolutely every single venue of life. The majority here and the intention behind this site is that of an educated stance which I would consider to be in the middle. Sexuality is AWESOME. Masturbation can be healthy! You should thank your lucky stars that sexual addiction seems so foreign to you that you account such accusations up to sexual repression and religious dogma.

        Unfortunately the fact is that, while sometimes those are roots of sexual dysfunction, this site is dedicated to something very real having nothing to do with medieval thought or religious agenda. That something is sexual addiction, it is real and it is growing.

  14. Anonymous says

    Thank you dude, very much, bless you, i wish i cud give u something as a gift, im 12 and have had trouble for a year now, i just wish i chose my friends more carefully, But theyre gone now, i got new ones. I thought i cud stop by myself, but i couldnt so hey i googled it. My dad looked at my laptops history and he found some porn sites, i promised i wud never again, but shortly after the urge came and i didnt know what to do. I wish people at school wud look at this site, the Feed The Right Wolf story was good thx.

  15. ANON says

    Hello, I am a 20 year old porn and computer addict. Actually I am an internet addict.. and here I am. I am going to through my computer away, well at least have it hidden. I am sick of this habit. I have broken it before but not completely. I am also addicted to masturbating. Funny how I don’t drink I don’t smoke yet still manage to find things that are just as destructive. I hope you will pray for me. I am also training as a youth minister and this needs to stop! I can do all things through the Lord but nothing without Him. The thing that has made this worse is that I like to get online and flirt with girls which leads to thoughts and eventually I am looking at porn. The guilty feeling has even faded. :( I need help. I mean it comes at the wrong time not when I need it. So Please pray for me.

    • Alex says

      I will pray for you, but I would also encourage you to not to try to fight this battle alone… This addiction is like fungus, it grows in darkness. Try to share your experience with others, it is like shining light on your addiction.

    • nonamepleasethanks says

      i am so sorry, i have a similar problem. i will pray for you, and for everyone else out there. you can do it! never give up hope. the Lord is always with you, and He will help if you pray. i am stuck, too. let’s quit, together, for good. god bless.

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