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Do you or some you love wants to know how to stop porn addiction (or any other addictive behavior for that matter)? The answer is simple but not easy. You need to teach your subconscious mind to respond to cravings in a new, healthy way.
What I am about to share with you does work. I am a recovering porn addict. Three years ago, even though I made a decision to stop, I couldn’t go a week without watching pornography or masturbating. In the past 3 years I was able to stop watching porn for periods ranging from 3-9 months at a time. And I have not masturbated in over 2.5 years.
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| I never though that porn addiction is real, but after reading the info on this site I now truly understand it. This site is beyond awesome and amazing… it really explains what and why I am going through right now. Anonymous |
I am not here to tell you what you should or shouldn’t do with your life. But I think that techniques that I used to stop porn addiction, could be used to make lasting change in all areas of our lives.
In the following article I share my struggles with pornography and what I did to break free. For more in depth version I recommend our Free Recovery Course.
The article is organized in 8 major parts. In parts 1-3 I share my understanding of porn craving. In part 4 I share a very powerful technique that allowed me to stop porn addiction. And in parts 5-8 I list some tips for long term recovery.
1. Pornography Is Not Just a Bad Habit!
A first major component in my own recovery was an understanding that pornography viewing was not just a bad habit. It was an obsessive compulsive cycle (see Figure 1 below) from which I was not able to break free. It usually started with an unwanted sexual thought that I would try to avoid for as long as I could.
Unfortunately, trying NOT to think about something never really worked for me, and eventually I would get to a point where thoughts would get so intense that I couldn’t handle the pressure any longer. Then I would go back to the only way that I knew to make sexual thoughts temporarily go away – watching pornography and masturbating.
After sexual acting out I would slowly come back to my senses and realize what have happened. I would feel guilt for being so weak and giving in and I would swear to never do it again!
Unfortunately over time I would find sexual thoughts coming back, and since I didn’t know how to handle them in a healthy way, the whole cycle would repeat itself.
Clearly fighting my sexual desires only made them come back stronger and faster, and I began to rely more on pornography and masturbation to help me get a temporary relieve.
Eventually this cycle got completely out of control to the point where I would have to spending most of my day watching porn. My brain got so used to regular imagery that I would have to seek out really hard core pornography in order to temporary satisfy my desires, and allow me to return to my normal state.
In other words, I found that the more I fed my porn addiction, the stronger it got.
2. No Craving Can Last Forever!
The second component that I learn was an understanding that any human feeling, including cravings, cannot last forever. In actuality any physiological impulse is shaped like a bell curve (see figure 2 below).
At first cravings starts out slow but grow exponentially until they get really intense. Somewhere along this path most of addicts would end up giving in. As the result they get used to an idea that they could never get past their cravings and that their cravings will eventually get so strong, that they will have no choice but to give in.
In actuality human beings cannot sustain any emotion or feelings indefinitely, and eventually any feeling or craving will decrease.
So the trick to stopping porn addiction is to learn to ride out cravings; to master a skill to stay away long enough for cravings to go away. This of course sounds simple, but as many addicts know it is not as easy to do.
Below I am going to share a technique with you that have helped me do just that. But first let me show you a few simple physiological signals that can be used to measure how strong our craving really is.
3. Physiological Signs of a Strong Craving
It is important to know certain physiological changes that begin to take place in human body when they experience strong desire to watch porn and/or masturbate compressively. Such changes include:
- Rapid Pulse
- Increased blood pressure
- Dilated Eyeballs
- Shallow Breath
It is important to know these symptoms because this knowledge can provide us with information needed to help us on our way to recovery from porn addiction. Let me explain.
We can learn our pulse rate during normal state and then use this information to recognize if our pulse is getting too high. Therefore pulse can serve as an easy to measure indicator that we are about to get out of control. At the same time we can use pulse measurement to let us know that we are exiting the danger zone and that the physical craving begins to decrease.
Another very important component that is easy to observe is our breath. Breath is the only subconscious bodily function that we can consciously control. Think about it! You cannot control your blood pressure, you cannot control you pulse, but you can control your breath. You can take slow, deep, controlled breaths, and through that you can have a direct effect on your subconscious mind. This is a very powerful key to stopping porn addiction!
4. Killing the Craving
So let’s move right into action. The technique that I used to help me overcome the craving is called Exposure and Response Prevention or ERP and is generally used for Obsessive Compulsive disorder and other psychological problems. It’s been around for a very long time, tons of people use it, and it is very effective. I’ve originally learned this technique from a book called “Kill the Craving” which uses ERP to help people with alcohol and drug addictions, and I slightly modified the approach to help me overcome porn addiction.
The key idea of this technique is to systematicallyexpose yourself to situations that would usually cause you to feel a strong craving and practice responding to this craving in a healthy way. This practice allows our subconscious mind to learn a healthy response mechanism by the time we are faced with a real craving.
Over time you will learn that cravings do not rule your life, and that there is a way for you to ride out a craving and return to your normal self without having to act out. And the high that you get from feeling proud of yourself will be much stronger than any high that you could possibly get from porn addiction.
ERP works in the following way. You first identify a trigger, and as soon as you feel the physiological response from your body, you measure your pulse rate, which you would likely find to be a bit higher than your normal pulse. After that you immediately shift into a controlled breathing exercise to calm your subconscious mind. Next you review your personal motivation statements, to remind yourself of all the positive things that you can bring into your life if you were not to act out. Then you measure your pulse again, and note the difference. Last but not least, you follow up with an act of self care. Let’s look at those steps a little more closely.
Step 1 – Identify or imagine the triggering situation.
While ERP is very effective with helping you overcome a real trigger, it will not be as helpful unless you have already practiced it continuously before facing the real danger. Therefore I recommend a commitment of at least 30 days with complete ERP practice being done the first thing in the morning and last thing at night.
A quick note on sources of trigger is due here. The book that I’ve mentioned earlier “Kill the Craving” recommended alcohol and drug addicts to look at photographs of their addictive substances in order to generate an addictive response. This approach, however, did not seem practical for porn addiction, because looking at addictive images was precisely what I was trying to avoid.
I solved this conflict by creating a strong mental image of myself in a triggering situation instead of looking at actual photography. For example I would imagine myself being alone with computer, or passing by a magazine stand at the store.
Our brain is not able to tell the difference between a vivid mental image and a real life situation, and will produce a similar physiological response. That way Exposure and Response Prevention techniques can be practiced in a safe environment, without having to expose yourself to the real danger.
If at any time during the day you begging to feel a strong craving and a desire to act out, follow up with an extra ERP exercise. Personally, at first I found myself doing 3-5 ERP exercises per day, but soon was able to get through most of my days with only 1 or 2 exercises.
Step 2 – Measure your pulse rate as soon as you observe your body begin to change.
It is easier to measure your pulse for 15 seconds and multiply it times four. Follow this link to download a quick reference chart that will help you to quickly convert your pulse rate and keep the record of your progress.
It is likely that measuring your pulse rate may feel like a burden at first, but after a few days of ERP practice you will get used to it and it will become very easy.
Also, after 5 to 10 days of regular ERP practice you may notice that your pulse rate will not change as much as it did at first from you merely imagining a triggering situation. Please do not use this as an excuse to go look for more triggering stuff. After all it is the sole purpose of ERP practice to train your body not to react addictively to triggers. Therefore, take the decrease pulse rate as a sign of progress, and continue your practice for at least 30 days to allow new habit to form. (It takes about 30 days of repeating a certain task for human beings to form a habit)
Step 3 – Perform Controlled Breathing Exercise.
After you record your pulse rate, follow up with a controlled breathing exercise. Simply, breathe in for 10 seconds, hold your breath for 10 seconds, and breathe out for 10 second. Repeat it 10 times.
I use my fingers that I keep resting on my knees to keep the count of my breaths, tapping each finger for one of ten counts. That way I can free up my mind from counting and concentrate on breathing.
Remember that our breathing is the only subconscious function that we can control through our conscious effort. Do not overlook this step.
Step 4 – Review Personal Motivational Statements.
Next you review your personal statements. You will have to do a little homework on this. Just sit down and write down all of the reasons why you want to get sober. Why do you want to stop watching porn? What positive changes would it bring into your life? What negative consequences will you be able to avoid?
Answers to these questions must be able to touch the bottom of your soul. When I read mine I can literally feel the Goosebumps! That is how badly you need to want to stop this addiction and get the good things in your life. If you are not going to feel the Goosebumps and if it is not going to touch your soul, it is just not going to be strong enough to make you choose life instead of porn when you will be faced with real temptation.
Some of the statements that I used were: My dreams of having a wife and a child will come true if I walk away. I will be stronger and more in control if I walk away. I will regain my self-respect and dignity if I walk away. My family will be proud of me if I walk away. I will be able to look into people’s eyes, and feel proud of myself if I walk away. You can download 30 sample stamens here.
I had each of my reasons written on 3 by 5 cards, which I would read out loud to myself during each ERP practice. Cards allowed me to be doing (i.e. moving the cards), reading and hearing the message at the same time. Human beings learn the best by combination of action, seeing and hearing. (We learn even better by teaching something that we already know to somebody else. So when you get a handle on ERP practice yourself, try to teach it to another addict).
Step 5 – Re-measure your pulse rate.
When you first begin your ERP practice, you might notice that your pulse rates remain the same between steps 2 and 5. Sometimes you may even find it going up a little. It is normal. Over time you will learn to decrease your pulse rate, and you will be able to bring yourself back to your normal state. Ideally you should be able to decrease your pulse rate from its highest point by about 4 to 8 bits per minute.
Additionally, as I mentioned earlier, overtime you will notice that your pulse rate in step 2 will not be getting as high as it did at first in reaction to the triggers. This will be a sign of your progress.
Step 6 – Follow up with an act of self care.
This is also a very important step. You have to do something good for yourself. Preferable you need to get out of the house.
For my first 30 days I would go out and jog after my morning practice. And if I felt the craving again during the day, I would do another ERP exercise and follow up with a different act of self care, like cooking a healthy meal, journaling, or taking a nap. After my evening practice my act of self care was simply to go to bed early. You can view a list of 67 healthy things to do for fun.
5. One Technique is Not Enough!
I want to share one short story with you that helped me to put everything together and stop watching porn for good. Exposure and Response Prevention technique is great, but I think it would not have gotten the job done if it was used alone. Anyway, here is the story:
One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside all people. He said, “My son, the battle is between two ‘wolves’ inside us all.
“One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”
“The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.”
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf wins?”
The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”
So I thought what can I do to feed the right wolf? The answer was not as obvious as it might seem.
Over time I came to a conclusion that if I took a good care of myself, my good wolf will be stronger, and my bad wolf will be weaker. Therefore in addition to the daily practice of Exposure and Response Prevention, I committed to the following rules:
- 8 hours of sleep a day
- Eating Healthy (3 meals, and 2 snacks a day)
- Drink plenty of water (at least 8 glasses a day)
- Journaling about my triggers
- Meditating
- Morning and Evening Prayer
- Avoiding Dangerous Situations (think acronym HALT)
- Hungry
- Angry
- Lonely
- Tired
6. Warning!
Soon after you’ll stop porn addiction, you will become able to get in touch with your true feelings. While this might sound like a good thing, you could find those true feelings to be unpleasant.
Chances are you’ve used your addiction for a very long time to escape discomforts of life, and when you take away this crutch, you might feel the full weight of your past mistakes.
Just realize that this pain is a temporary. Use this pain as a guide to identify what areas of your life need improvements, so you can face them and get the life that you truly deserve.
7. Other Resources to Consider
I used everything that I’ve outlined so far to help me get my first ever 90 days of sobriety from porn and masturbation. In the matter of fact I have not masturbated yet (over 2 years now) since I did my first 30 days of ERP practice. I did however look at soft core pornography on a few occasions so this method is not perfect. Actually, I have yet to find a perfect method, and when I will I’ll make sure to let you know. But for now I wanted to share a few other resources that I found helpful.
12 step groups
There is a lot of criticism out there in regards to 12 step groups, but I’ll recommend you doing what my sponsor told me to do, “Take what works for you, and leave the rest behind”. The best thing about the 12 step groups is that the infrastructure is already in place.
If you live near a major city, chances are you will have multiple meetings in your area. If you live in a remote location, you can always attend a phone meeting. It is there, it is available, and you can meet people who have similar problems and are looking for similar solutions. And best of all, it will only cost you a 2 dollar donation per meeting. You can view a full list of 12 step meetings here.
I’ve been attending Sex Addicts Anonymous for almost 2 years now (I started right after I lost my first 90 days of sobriety), and it has been a tremendous tool in my own recovery.
Professional Coaching
Professional counseling and coaching is a great tool, but you need to be careful, and pick a person experienced with porn addiction. That is why we are so happy to announce that we have our own coaching team specializing in helping people in recovery, their spouses, and couple’s together to survive and thrive from this addiction
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Please click here to meet Craig and Michelle
Additionally we have a Free Recovery Course posted on this site, which provides a lot more of other helpful information.
I am sure there are other good programs available, so make sure to find what works for you.
Accountability Software
Knowing that there is no way to hide my internet history made it much easier for me to make good decision when browsing the internet.
I recommend Covenant Eyes that costs $10 a month. This software does not filter any of the internet content, but it keeps a detailed report of all your internet activity and emails it to your accountability partner.
A free option that I also use is K9 web filter. This filter can block access to certain sites and keep track of all of the internet history. Just make sure that somebody else is in charge of the password.
No software is perfect and there is always a way around it, nevertheless I found those tools to be extremely helpful.
Educate Yourself
Read as much as you can on how to stop porn addiction. This is what I did and continue to do. It will not only help you to stop watching porn, but it will help you with the rest of your life.
Spiritual Life
Get involved with your spiritual life, and make sure you make room for it.
Journaling
Journaling was one of the most beneficial tools for me. There is something magical about getting your thoughts on paper.
Remember, progress and not perfection!
Don’t try to do it perfectly and don’t try to be perfect. You will make mistakes, we all do. As long as you keep working at it, you will get better. It took you many years to get this far into your addiction, don’t expect to fix it all in 30 days. It will take you some time. Be patient with yourself, keep going, and your life will continue to improve.
If you stumble don’t beat yourself up.
Just learn from your mistakes, and over time you will become a new person. If you keep working at it, there is no other way; you will become a new person!
8. Thank You!
Thank you for carrying, thank you for trying to change yourself, and thank you for continuing to look for solutions. By making changes in yourself you are making this world a much better place!
If you know someone who is looking for ways to stop porn addiction, please share this message with them!
And remember to feed the right wolf 
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I never though that porn addiction is real, but after reading the info on this site I now truly understand it. This site is beyond awesome and amazing… it really explains what and why I am going through right now.
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Filed under: Cognitive Behavior Therapy • Frequently Asked Questions • Treatment Program for Porn Addiction
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Lust bring tension Love brings relaxation
Lust focuses on the part Love focuses on the whole
Lust brings violence Love brings sacrifice
In lust you want to grab and
possess
In love you want to give and
surrender
Lust says all I want you to have is
what I want
Love says I want you to have what
you want
In lust there is effort Love is effortless
Lust causes feverishness and
frustration
Love causes longing and pain
Lust imprisons and destroys Love liberates and sets you free
Lust demands Love commands
Lust gets you mixed up and
confused
In love you are focused and spaced
out!!
Lust is only dark and monotonous Love has many modes and colours
If someone’s lust is interrupted
they get angry and start hating.
so lust destroy every moment of life.We have to bring love in mind not lust
best way to do mesitation and yoga after this not resist the thought in mind sexual desire will increase if resiatance is given in thought
thanks for the guidance and i definitely look forward to it
Hi People. I know you will probably begin to read this comment and then say “it’s too long” and then move on but if I can stop you before you move on please just hear me out. I believe in God. I’m a 16 year old girl born in a town close to hell; but then I moved and now i’m living with my parents and three sisters under a house blessed by God himself. If I may, I’d like to share a little information I picked up while sitting in church. My pastor was preaching on addictions, temptations, and ways to break them and he said one thing that really caught my attention he said “When you get a feeling inside of you that tempts you to want to fullfill an evil task such as watching porn, first think about a certain person that matters the most to you for example maybe a spouse, or a child, or a mentor. Keep them in your thoughts and think how looking at porn would affect them. Think of how its hurting them. Then go and serve that person. Go try and make yourself better so you can make yourself feel worthy enough to know that person. Whether its praying for the strengths to become ‘good’ enough for them or its acctually going and doing something for them just go do it. By the time you have done all this you will either have forgotten your intentions of watching porn or you will feel so bad about wanting to do so that you will walk away easily.” In my opinion, he is absolutely right. Use a person in your life that is very valuable to you to stop you from giving into your addiction. So far, I have followed this procedure and it has worked very well. I don’t have a partner in my life so don’t think that you have to in order to want to get out of an addiction. In the bible (1st Corinthians 10:13) it says “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” What that means is you do not have a temptation that no one else has faced. You are not alone because many have faced the same temptation as you. God will not let you be tempted more than you can withstand. God always makes a way out so you can take it. Sometimes you just have to ask yourself “Do I want out?” If the answer is yes then Go for it, get out. God provided a way for you to get out so do it. Keep up the faith people and I sincerely believe that even the farthest lost, can find a way out.
hi
I have been a porn and masturbation addict for 15 years!! Started it when i was 13 at high school and eversince then i have been hooked. Stopped watching porn for a while, for about a year and went back to it and never stopped. Just came across this website and I think i may give it another try. Already given up bcos I”ve tried everything possible and I seem not to be able to control myself. I hope I can do this again because I really need to recover. I have lost my relationship with family, friends and colleagues bcos of this addiction. My normal human reasoning and thinking is just on the downward path. I feel so guilty and ashamed of myself, like an animal that has no control over his senses. I really need help, maybe this time around I may finally recover becos I’ve tried everything possible and nothing seems to work.
I have had problems with porn since i was 10. the average person exposed to porn 7-11 years old. I don’t know about rest of you. But youtube can be a great site or a hard site. I find a lot of movies people have uploaded are 50% porn based and the other half good. My wife has been great at helping me. But lets be realistic. I got get help. Has anyone ever seen the movie Fire Proof. This movie is not just for married couples. But for anyone getting married, single. dating, etc. When come to the part in the movie when the wife says(if thats how you get fulfilled, I will not compete with it. That should really make us think about how porn destroys marriages, family’s, friendships. I believe in God and know that he is able to help us. To those you who have different beliefs. I mean know disrespect. After reading this websites information. I really want porn out of my life. We can really do this if we get good Godly counselling. and reading up on our addiction so we ca defeat it
Hi Dave. I too believe in God. And yes, I have watched the movie fireproof. It is a very inspirational movie for those who are addicted to pornography. If I may, I’d like to share a little information I picked up while sittin gin church. My pastor was preaching on addictions, temptations, and ways to break them and he said one thing that really caught my attention he said “When you get a feeling inside of you that tempts you to want to fullfill an evil task such as watching porn, first think about a certain person that matters the most to you for example maybe a spouse, or a child, or a mentor. Keep them in your thoughts and think how looking at porn would affect them. Think of how its hurting them. Then go and serve that person. Go try and make yourself better so you can make yourself feel worthy enough to know that person. Whether its praying for the strengths to become ‘good’ enough for them or its acctually going and doing something for them just go do it. By the time you have done all this you will either have forgotten your intentions of watching porn or you will feel so bad about wanting to do so that you will walk away easily.” In my opinion, he is absolutely right. Use a person in your life that is very valuable to you to stop you from giving into your addiction. So far, I have followed this procedure and it has worked very well. I don’t have a partner in my life so don’t think that you have to in order to want to get out of an addiction. In the bible (1st Corinthians 10:13) it says “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” What that means is you do not have a temptation that no one else has faced. You are not alone because many have faced the temptation as you. God will not let you be tempted more than you can withstand. God always makes a way out so you can take it. Sometimes you just have to ask yourself “Do I want out?” If the answer is yes then Go for it, get out. God provided a way for you to get out so do it. Keep up the faith Dave and I sincerely believe that even the farthest lost, can find a way out.
I wiLl try a lot!!!! I reaLly needeD this and thanks aloy mahn I really thank uU!!!
I think I’m the only one who suffer for 8years of masturbation and there been a side effect on my health! Will i ever heal from this disaster =(
You talked about a side effect on your health, please what is the side effect on your health?
This website is really really helpful, i am a porn addict for last three years now an this habit has nearly destroyed my academic career. I want to thank the author of this site for such a wonderful work and promise to try my 100% to overcome this addiction
thank you
I want a program to stop my husband from going there
thank you for this i will try
Hi I need help really badly.Its started off when I was 10 my cousin had introduced me to you know the thing.Every time i would go on those websites each time my cravings would get stronger and stronger up until the point where i would be shaking. I just came from a slip up and feel horrible. I’m 12 and you know that saying love has no boundries I know I’m kinda young to be saying such things but she i the only person in the world that makes me feel special. I have been dating this girl I really love for about half a year now. I feel guilty every time I look into her eyes I wanna burst out in tears and tell her everything……but I can’t .It’s almost gonna be three years of the stupid addiction i feel lost and have nobody to tell my deepest thoughts to. If I tell any of my friends and family they would probably outcast me and call me a freak. I’m so lost and confused help me god.
hey. I am right there with you. I am a very bad porn addict and I’m only 14. I’ve gone through thiis for the past 3 years of my life. My addict has reuined my relationship with my famiy and friends. I hate this addiction, and told myself I would do ANYTHING to give this up. That was not the best way to go. I ended up breaking the trust of everyone I loved. What I then decided to do was to write down everything that mattered to me {family, pets, friends} and told myself if I loved these things so much, I would NOT watch porn anymore. That I would respect them and not watch porn. I made a sceret promise to them that I would stop. And it has worked so far
hope my advice helped. Good luck!
Thank you for the support I’m happy I’m not the only one
Hi “person that needs help”, I really appreciate your openess in seeking help on your addiction to porn. I feel its not an easy cake walk to just give up this addiction. I had been there and its tough.We need to bring out our darkness (addiction to porn)into light. This is possible only by the Grace of GOD. I have recently a day ago started to take the course, and I request you to try through the course at
http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/courses/way-of-purity/
God Bless you.
hi
I have been a porn and masturbation addict for 15 years!! Started it when i was 13 at high school and eversince then i have been hooked. Stopped watching porn for a while, for about a year and went back to it and never stopped. Just came across this website and I think i may give it another try. Already given up bcos I”ve tried everything possible and I seem not to be able to control myself.
“person that needs help”. I’m sorry you’re having a hard time and wish you the best. I know it’s a struggle, but you already know this isn’t who you want to be or what you want from life. So, now you just have to fight and if you stumble, don’t give up. Look at what you were doing right before you caved in to the impulse and have a strategy for stepping away (like 1. turn off the computer, 2. inhale slowly to the count of 10, hold for a few seconds, exhale slowly-do this for ~ 10 minutes, then go do something actually good for you as a reward. Maybe start your day with some breathing exercises and list all the things you want to accomplish or are proud of/thankful for.
Don’t be surprised if you feel down when you first start. It’s your brain chemistry changing back and feeling down goes away eventually just like the craving to repeat the behavior.
I believe you can do it!
“Never give up, never give up, never give up!”
~ Winston Churchill
Sorry for the slang I used; should have thought twice before doing so. My fault, this is supposed to be formal.
Thx. This really helps dude.
Thank u.. U just blessed me
This is excellent advice, thank you so much for all your thoughts and ideas!!!
Howdy! Would you mind if I share your blog with my facebook group?
There’s a lot of people that I think would really appreciate your content. Please let me know. Thanks a lot!
Sure,
Thanks!
Alex
OpenDNS has FamilyShield solution
parental controls which block pornography, proxy servers, phishing sites and some malware
use the following DNS server name number on your pc
right click network on desktop —–> properties —–> highlight TCP/IP —–> properties —–> use the following dns server address.
enter both numbers, one is ok but both is preferred
or you can add them in you home wireless router insted of you ISP DNS server
the numbers are
208.67.222.123
208.67.220.123
I am a porn addict. I feel bad everytime after the act. I am trying to get back to my normal life which was really wonderful, with lot of respect and running towards achieving my goal. I slipped and fighting the thoughts of watching porn and mastrubation. Hope will succeed one day and prove i am God’s child.
Martin you are not alone my brother. I too battle with this horrible and destructive addiction and I am a Christian, a child of the Most High GOD. Lust is powerful and we must recognise how powerful it is. But it just shows how the Lord Jesus is perfect in that He was tempted in all areas but never succumbed to sinning. That is why its on the Righteous life of the Lord Jesus Christ that gets believers to Heaven. I will pray for you Martin. I thanked the LORD that I saw your message because I feel like a failure and more a servant of satan than a servant of the Lord Jesus Christ. I never touched porn for 14 months until a worldly friend dropped into my mind that its harmless and there went my control out the window.
God bless you and please pray for me
God isn’t real and watching porn isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it just wastes a lot of time. Great guide! I found this very helpful. Now I am so much more productive.
Don’t go bashing on other people’s beliefs. And porn can destroy lives, it is very much a bad thing.
Thanks so much for this site. You have saved my life which I have been destroying for 17 years as my Internet porn addiction has spiraled out of control. Today, after reading this page, I have destroyed every single file (many) saved, which has taken massive courage – a bit like an alcoholic smashing bottles of wine. I feel so incredible now, like I have a second stab at life.
I am indebted to you.
I am also a recovering porn addict.After watching the videos and reading the text I have realised that porn is just another one of the devils techniques to draw people away from their lives.He uses it to distort our minds.i used to watch porn and this affected my concentration in class.my grades dropped and i went from best male student to bottom of my class.all i am trying to say is that porn and masturbation are not good, they are sinful and socially unacceptable and so i will advise every other person involved that porn isnt the best so if we follow the ERP and have faith in God we shall all be free of this burden and become living testimonials to others.
I’ve had a porn/masturbating addiction for 14 years. The longest time I went without participating of it was during a time that I served for my church. I had made an honest repentance and forsake the idea of it, I did so well in that service time that I had thought it was over with. I was able to focus my time and thoughts on other people while helping them know what it takes to receive the remission of sins through Christ’s Gospel. But since I’ve returned, started working, studying, and dating again I’ve only returned to my old bad habit.
I know that God made us and gave us Agency (the freedom to choose), but my body and the chemicals that are released while watching pornography are super hard to reject and put off. I loved the insight on ERP and I will be choosing to do that from now on. I know I’ll fall sometimes; God (Our Heavenly Father) doesn’t care how many times we fall down, all He wants is for us to get back up.
-A Latter-day Saint-
Thank you for speaking up, you’re not alone.
Ya thanks for the Website. I’ve been trying to stop for sometime. I’ll use the suggestions you gave. They seemed like sound tips. I’m just 23 and it’s been too long. I’ve been telling myself that it’s not an addiction for the last 7 years. But i finally convinced myself of it. But thanks for the help.
Every day longer is too long my friend. Your sex is powerful . . . don’t squander that energy and waste it on porn. Use it to get the incredible life you deserve Thomas and everyone else on this site. Welcome to the Pack.
Coach Craig
Feed the Right Wolf
I have also been battling with porn/masturbation ever since i was 6years old now i’m 18. It has not been easy abstaining from it because it just keeps coming back. And when i try to ignore the feeling, it still remains in my subconciousness. The annoying part is that i always feel bad after i get off…but when i’m in the mood, nothing seems to matter. I’ve tried and tried to stop and the longest i have gone is 4months and when i relapsed i just couldnt stop. What stopped me at a point in time was when my sister saw me! My God i wanted to die! I was so ashamed and angry with myself…but after sometime i still went right back to it. I’m tired of always asking God for forgiveness..deep down i know its a terrible sin and if eventually the rapture takes place now, i wont be able to go because of this sordid addiction….my parents are pastors and they must not find out that i ever do things like this…in their eyes i’m their perfect little girl and it tears me up inside. Sometimes i cry and cry but its still no use…during the week i just decided that enough was enough already..then i googled for help and i stumbled on this site…thank you very much for all the points and highlights…i’m going to put them to good use and ensure that i’m not always alone cus it seems to trigger the most part of it! I’ll make sure to always keep myself busy. Thanks Alex! I need prayers too! Please!! I really wanna stop!
I will remember you in my prayers sister.I am a christian as well fighting these addictions as well but since I visited this site I am a different man, I am even proud of myself.Always bear it in mind that you are not alone but you have brothers and sisters who understand your condition.
YOU CAN OVERCOME THIS!!! I FOR ONE BELIEVE IN YOU.
This is great piece on how to fight such an awful addiction. All of you out there who are really struggling and hating life due to this issue remember you are not alone, and more importantly you are bigger than the problem you struggle with. I think that finding a hobby like playing an instrument, or going to the gym, or reading, etc can really help with the addiction. Whenever the urge set on just leave the computer and practice your hobby or go engage with others in a friendly setting and before you know it the urge will fade away. Also remember that God will always shower you with grace and forgiveness no matter what. You are all great people and you can all abolish this addiction.
Thank you for the wise words and I am very happy that I searched this.I am also in this evil act and I always feel bad after watching porn.I sometimes ask myself what am I gaining and the answer will be nothing,instead Im loosing a lot of money and time.I pray for God’s grace and pray that He embrace us and help us stop it.I will do the ERP.
I have had a terrible addiction in watching porn. Over 5 years now. And am in my final year computer engineering. I doesn’t stop me from being intelligent and doing my work but I just want to stop it. Each time I quit for some months I find my self going back there after some time.
I am having the same issue here .as I grow up .I had 2 elder brother that addicted to porn . Sometime he asked me to join him but I am great full cause that time I had an opportunity to shut down the feeling for porn . Maybe I feel that watching porn is nothing. during my childhood times I really love to play with my dick .I feel so happy after doing that .and it did not triggered by porn or any nad imagination. But the desire just come n I realized how good when I’m doing that. It keeps me going jmtill I know about mastrubation .that time I was taught by my brother .he did asked to manstrubate him . What an aeshole brother. And it keeps going untill my secondary school time .I have an easy access to get a porn .cause they are everywhere in my house .of course this was done by my brother. Untill I tried to watch the video .cause I want to know why they want towatch .soon I realized how big the impact of wacthing it. I found that myself start to like wacthing it .then it grow untill I finished my school.then now it keeps haunting me .I tried so hard .but soon I still can’t maintain my desire. But I just dont give up. I believe the best way to stop is to get married .but for noe .I have to prepare myself to be a good husbanf .so this is my mission of change this bad habit. I wish you all good luck .and we have to change. Slowly n consistently.
I have had this horrible addiction for about 8 months now it has torn me apart. I pray and ask God for help as I am a strong Christian. I hate it so much but I feel as if cant stop and I know there has to be a way because of all these powerful responses of overcoming this addiction. This is my second time trying this website. I just keep relapsing over and over again. I am 14 years old a freshman in highschool. It seems like all of my friends have girlfriends and I do not know if maybe I am seeking pleasure since I don’t do the greatest. Although I tell myself I will not have a girlfriend for the risk of ruining my life in highschool or anything like that. I try to do anything I can to stop from masturbating but it is very hard for me. I am horribly afraid of telling anyone about this because I feel like I will be treated differently or if I tell my family they will all look like I am a failure. I hate this addiction so much I had my first thought of suicide. All I want is to stop but I can’t even stop myself I feel powerless and out of control. Please help or give any different ways you quit looking at porn
I am a christian brother as well facing the same problem,it is more than 10 yrs now I have this addiction.I have tried diverse ways in trying to deal with it but have failed but since I have found this site,a lot has changed in my life.Keep on using ERP atleast twice a day it will work.
If you need a person to partnership with in fighting this addiction let me know so that I can try to help you where can.
I have been doing the erp and all this I went from maybe almost every day to every 3 days since I started is this how it is suppose to work or am I still failing I’m not quite sure when you stopped did this happen to you I am having a decrease in frequency of it?
Yes, it is how it is most likely to work, it is hard to stop all together, but over time you can greatly reduce the time you spend on unwanted activity, and greatly increase time intervals between different episodes.
You are not failing Anonymous American, you my friend are making progress. If it is decreasing it’s moving in the right direction. Now that you are reducing the time spent on unwanted activity, you can now fill that time with positive things. To break a habit you have to make a habit.
What do you recommend for a girl?
I recommend the same tools that we teach the guys. Everything in Alex’s course can be used for both men and women.
Firstly I would like to thank graig so much for opening this site.
I am a 24 year old male, who is addicted to porn and mastubating for more than 10 years.I always thought that I was alone in this Unspeekable addiction,but through this wep page I realised that I am not alone.Frankly this has given me so much hope and I know I will prevail sincewell now I have sisters and brothers who are going through same experience that I am going through.I know that you will not judge me or condenm me.
As for today I am starting use this recovery program for individual with porn addiction.I need your prayers guys because this is my last resort and it has to work.
After 30 days of using this program I will let you know how did it go.May God help me!
I will pray for you right now brother! Pray for Bob too.
Thanx a lot Bob ,I will pray for you as well.God bless you.
I have been a porn addict for 7 years now, and it feels like I am trapped in an endless black pit with no way out. I don’t want to have this addiction in the future, I don’t want to be held back. It feels like chains grounding me from flying and not reaching my true potential and purpose in life.
It seems then that we are all in the same boat and that boat is sinking as we continue to act out, but I ask you this Why? Whenever you feel like giving in, merely ask yourself Why? Do not provide an obvious or simple answer to yourself, like “It would feel so good” or “Because I have to”, but rather answer it philosophically. Look deep inside yourself to find true the reason why you do it and why don’t. When you find these reasons find a cause for you to stop that you can justifiy and prove beyond any reason of doubt and then remember it.
Best of Luck to you all, we certainly will all need it.
When it’s as easy for a man to go out and get laid as it is for a woman, only then will I give up the porn.
It’s not all about getting laid. In fact, porn may stop you from ever getting laid in a meaningful manner. Have you ever thought about falling in love? Being happy and content instead of lustful. Watch Pixar’s Up married life scene. Porn could take away the wonders of married life from you. I’m not married or even have a girlfriend but sure I hope it’s the way they show it in Up.
The thing is I’m really struggling, and my “Craving” can last a long freaking time… one time I felt it coming on so I went outside and read a book for two hours and it stuck with me the entire time and I finally gave in when I had to come inside…
I’ve yet to find anything that makes it go away, I can’t sleep while I have the feeling (lasts for hours again). I’ve never been able to break away when it hits in force… it just stays there and distracts me until I give in even if that’s like 4 hours later and can’t focus in the mean time to do or enjoy anything… even my favorite books are annoying as all get go when the feeling hits… I’ve just never won against the feeling hitting in full force… any ideas? It just won’t go away…
2 things work the best for me – getting something to eat with a really good friend/s and long period of low impact cardio exercise outside (i.e. jogging for 45 minutes).
I have tried and fell so many times. God is probably not too happy with me now. Perhaps I am already dead in His eyes. It certainly feels that way. Saturated with the sordid and the frustration of not being able to break the habit. I don’t go to church but believe in God. I’ve been at this since I was 10. I am 22 now. My degree is very stressful, and I feel the habit is taking away my ability to complete it. I don’t want to be the best, I just want to feel competent at what I do and for people to have faith in my ability.
Link for building up or removing bad habits, once you can understand the concept, this will definitely change your life
http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2005/04/30-days-to-success/
My friend, I feel almost exactly as you do and I know the hardships that you face. To stop it almost becoming entirely overwhelming I will tell you this, you are not alone. God loves everyone no matter what so don’t worry everything happens for a reason. Do not worry about tomorrow, tomorrow will worry about itself.
What did one computer say to the other?
010101101010101010101
Ah… God!!! I am really worried about my future!!!! I am an Indian. I am 17 years old. I started dis durin my 10 grade. Now i am in 12 grade. I have tried to control myself manytimes but i end up in masturbating. I was the topper in my skool in sports,studies n all. I am a total crap now. Iam in love with a girl. She doesnt think anytin lse other than me in her life. It feels lyk killing her wen i do dis. I pray god every minute for this. Pls help me dudes n dudies. I dont want to think about dis crap anymore. The problem is that my girl is not near me. We talk daily but meet only once in a year. I feel really guilty to talk to her. I feel lyk ruining her feelings. i dont miss my prayer to god, but there is no improvement in me. I have been crying for nearly an year coz of this. Notin is important for me than her. Pls help me . Pls… Pls…
All will be alright in the end and if it is not alright it is not the end.
Haha.. wow. I just had a porn craving and I came to this site seeking help. It demonstrated exactly what you were talking about in chapter 2 “2. No Craving Can Last Forever!”. It’s been a minute or so and the porn craving has completely subsided.
Will tell you how it goes..
I have been masturbating since I was 14, I am now 20. I’m at the point where I “rely more on pornography and masturbation to help me get a temporary relieve.”
Really glad I found this site sooner rather than later..
P.S – really enjoyed that story about the two wolves!
i will listen to my heart and not my mind to stop porn….
i am 15 and have been a porn addict for 2 years and i need help. it has gotten to the point where i just want to chop of my (STUFF) and be done with it, but i want to have kids one day. i am idependent baptist and am saved. can anyone help. p.s sorry for bad spelling
I was an addict since I was 11 and now I am 16. I am Indian. Here, porn addicts are looked as characterless, homeless drug addicts. I started off with simple imagery but within the years, the addiction escalated. Now, I download hard core pornography and masturbate everyday. After some months, my life went steep down hill. I was the topper in my class but now, I am not even in the top 10. With the years, I kept feeding my addiction, I thought it harmless but now, I can see the consequences. I am the shortest boy in the class. I am also very week due to which, I can’t focus on my studies. There is a girl I like but I can’t even talk to her. Porn reduced my self confidence. This addiction, is eating me alive. I think of porn every moment of my life. It is like quick sand with each struggle, I am getting deeper. Now, I am completely submerged. Help me.
That is the problem wid me 2!!!! I am an Indian toooo….. Pray for everyone!!!! Dis s de worstt addiction in de world!!!!!
I addicted to porn. I have been addicted since 2nd grade when a friend showed me some pictures of naked girls. I didn’t see anymore porn for about 2 years and then in 4th grade it hit me again. I couldn’t stop. Then again it wne t away till i ws in 6th grade. I am in the last semester off my 8th grade year. I haven’t stopped looking since 6th grade. My birthday was a few days ago. I swore i wouldn’t look again, but just a few minutes ago the craving hit me again. I looked at porn. I a now at the point where sometimes i cry and sometimes i feel nothing. by the way i am a guy. The only thing that stop the cravings fo me is video games but i have been groundedfor a while now and i have nothing to help me. My grades an social have all fallen because of this addiction. This is the first time i have evr openly expressed my addiction it feel good. I can’t tell my family becuase they already look down on me because i have been caught a few times. If i told them now that i am still addicted they would hate me. i already have lost any kind of realtionship with my father becuase it is so awkward to be around him because he is the one who always catches me. i also lie about reading my school books. my mom is the one who cathces me when i do that. currently we have a deal i lie she takes away my video games forever. i have a video game addiction to. so i am always on edge thinking about the fact that if she finds out i am screwed. th i have no way at all to stop the cravings. i hate my life. and i don’t want to be a dick, but my friend is the one who got me into this porn thing so i don’t blame him all the way but it is his fault a littl right. i don’t know why i am living this way it sucks i hate it and i can’t even think about the person i have become. i pray but god does nothing so far. i hope god snds help eventually so i can stop. i have typed alot so if you read all this thanks i apprcieate it. please god help me i don’t know who i am anymore
You are not alone. Youre story nearly mirrors my own. But now it is different, now we have this place. Now we have tools to fight the cravings. I thank God for leading me to this website and to you. Now I realize there are others in the same place as I and there is a way out for all of us. We needn’t be afraid of ourselves any longer. Now we have hope for a better tomorrow and the tools to achomplish it.
Ive been addicted to porn/masturbation since i was 11/12 and im 28 now, and i can say its all happened during this time. Ive been having sex, been caught in the act, ive stayed off for a month at different periods, ive been strong in my faith, backslid and so much more. Its affected my life so much that right now im just gonna be graduating (with a terrible result) because ive been too unserious to properly focus in school, ive lost out on opprtunities to get my life better because i wasnt focused and recently i let a wonderful girl go because i felt i wasnt worthy of having somone that good. Right now, after staying away for the entire month of February and only doing it once in January ive relapsed into my worst possible state of doing it almost everyday this month. Its mainly triggered when things dont go well for me, like right now im broke, ive been waiting on a job that isnt looking so good, and i feel God is pissed at me because nobody around me sees all these things and ive got great people around me my family, friends and church folks and i appear all good to them, they even wanna make me the assistant house fellowship leader. The guilt is killing me but ive learned somethings, the H.A.L.T is definately a trigger for me and your desire to end this should be strong (as strong as your will to live) im gonna try take these steps ive seen and use them and i pray to God that itll be my last trial and all ill say from now on is progress AMEN
Thanks, i’ll try my best!
I have been a Christian since I was a little kid, and somewhere along the way, after being unsuccessful with girls, probably just due to a lack of confidence I started feeling sorry for myself an porn made me feel better about myself and it felt so good, but always lead to guilt shame and remorse. Somewhere along the way I also became an alcoholic, but I asked God to remove the obsession to drink and he did and I worked the 12 steps of alcoholics anonymous and haven’t had a drink in a couple years. My problem is with porn. I look at all kinds of perverted porn, as regular porn just doesn’t do it for me anymore for a long time now. I feel real ashamed and guilty about it. I always as God to forgive me, and I think he does, but after a while doing it every day it gets old, and I imagine it’s like he says, yeah your sins are forgiven, but I don’t want anything to do with you besides that you claim me as your savior, that’s great and you are forgiven but your of no use to me because you’ll just masturbate again and come crawling back to me to forgive you which I will but you will be of no use to me. And that makes me sad. This addiction, porn addiction is so much harder than my alcohol addiction, partially I think because you can’t really talk about it with people. People are more likely to understand an alcohol addiction than a porn addiction. Idk. I used to talk about it with my AA sponsor and it helped but I’ve been in limbo between sponsors, I have a couple guys I talk to who I’m not sure if they are or not, but anyways, when I used to talk about it with them it would help, so I hope I can start talking about it with them some more. Even with like a regular counselor, I am afraid to tell her the stuff I think about for fear she’ll report me or something, so I don’t, and I just stay sick. It’s such a evil thing, this grip that porn addiction has on us. On me. I can see clear as day when you described the good and bad wolf that I’ve been over feeding my bad wolf and starving the good wolf, just because I think the bad wolf is more fun, but God what a hell of a price to pay for “fun and excitement,” the price of ungodly guilt, shame, remorse, self-pity, fear, resentment, jealousy, greed and self-destruction. I am in school and I cannot concentrate on anything, and I do not care about anything, and I just want to drop out and go get drunk or something. I hate pornography, I hate the devil, I hate demons, I hate evil, I hate everything that hates me. Good wolf, where are you? Are you still alive in there, I know you’re hungry and starving, and dying of thirst, I’m sorry I’ve been so neglectful old buddy, let me nurse you back to health, I love you and I’m sorry and I want to make it up to you and hug you in my arms and pet you like I did when I was young, we were so happy once. I’m sorry old buddy, I just forgot about you. Can you ever forgive me good wolf? Let me start feeding you 3 times a day, and I’ll even give you treats in between, I’ll take you for walks, and I’ll make sure you have a warm bed to sleep in, I’ll treat you just like I would want to be treated if I was a good wolf. Thanks Craig. I’ll update you on my progress once I’ve made some. Can you please pray for me?
Sounds like you are struggling with a cross-addiction, which a lot of us in AA experience. For some, it’s drugs and for others eating but for others it’s porn. Sounds like you came across a sponsor and some AA friends who understand this. But if your main addictive behavior right now is porn, then you might do better with a 12-step group focused on that. There are several groups that deal with sex and porn addiction, and you may be able to find a sponsor there that directly relates to your problems and can help you walk through them. Keep AA in your life because you are still tempted to drink, keep up the spirit and continue to improve your conscious contact with a higher power.
I really feel sorry for how the so called “freedom” has led humaity to!! How it is made possible to make porn reachable in this way that humanity never thought of?
You have tried to find the wolf everywhere you can. Try listen to these two youtubes.
Hear this story: very touching.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l8JSdYCV82Q
Watch this interview: something new so it wont be the same advice you are hearing all over again untill you became immune to it. The guy toches on a very crucial point you mentioned above.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zPBdNKG0C_I
I have been doing good for the past two weeks or so, but today I fell and started looking at porn, now I feel like crap, I just ask God for His forgiveness, and to give me the strength to over come these feeling, urges, This is the hardest addiction to over come. But I know I could do all things through Christ.
buddy i too feel the same thing!! it’s as if like tht feeling’s never gonna go away from us!! the above instructions are very true!!!! i did find it very helpful!! i would suggest yu to try it too!!
Thank you so much for this article. This is exactly what I needed
I have an interesting story on the subject:
For many years I have suffered from this terrible affliction.
It started when I was about 6 years old when I saw my first porn-magazine, and from that point on I was obsessed with the explicit covers in video-stores and on the shelves in gas-stations.
I have been very interested in sex for as long as I can remember and had my first sexual experiences at a very young age.
In puberty the urge to look at porn really took hold in me, and I gradually lost interest in the outside world.
When I was 18 I became a born again christian, and I thought it was done with porn, but NO! It was exactly the same if not worse.
For years and years I tried to fight the urges but they would always got the better of me in the end.
One night about half a year ago I got so fed up with being out of control, while at the same time trying to live my life in accordance with my beliefs, that I got down on my knees as so many times before and begged Jesus to help me. The only difference from previous attempts to do exactly that, was that this time I meant it!
When I got back on my feet I knew that I was free.
I have not deliberately looked at porn since and I try to be very carefull what I search on the internet. While writing this, I am sitting on a public computer, as I know that it will be too much of a temptation for me to have one on my own. Not that everything is just swell and perfect. Far from it. I have to take extra precausions all the time. My mind often plays tricks on me and it often frustrates me that “I can´t just be like everyone else!” But what I consider miraculous is, that I dont HAVE to look at porn anymore!
For that I am gratefull!
i will try my best thsnk you for helping
I am young, and sorrifully have found myself trapped in the same addiction. This website helped me out so much I just wanted to say thankyou from the bottom of my heart. I am a girl so I feel 10 times as bad for looking at these eye grabbing images. In fact the reason I’m here is because I was so fed up with what i was doing just a couple of minutes ago that I said “I’m going to google this mess so someone else can get me out of it!” And thats exactly what happened, so thanks, and I will certainly use this tactic all the time.
You will do this again with in one week..hahaha
Thank you for the support. As you thought you were putting me down in realtiy you boosted me up. I will most likely never do this again just because you think I will do this again. Your doubt in me only forces me forward, so thankyou
You go girl! I am a young boy, and unfortunately I fell into the same pitfall that we are both trying to overcome. Your positive support of yourself and others has in turn supported me in my struggles. Thank you for making my experience in life so much better. Don’t give up!
I’m so glad to hear i’m not the only young person on here. How old are you? I’m 16. I’m so glad I could oblige you. I won’t give up, and neither should you. Do you think we could help each other? Do you have e-mail?
By the way, “not important’s” (my) real name is Brenda. Just to let you know Anonymous Person
The second name I used on here is “Not important for not important for not important”. I really think we should become friends, I think we can help each other 
I do not have an email, sorry, but I am willing to help you out. I am 15, and have been an addict for 2.5 years. I am glad to hear that you won’t give up. Stay strong. We can do this!
I do not have an email, sorry, but I am willing to help you out. I am 15, and have been an addict for 2.5 years. I am glad to hear that you won’t give up. Stay strong. We can do this!
The same exact thing happened to me and the world makes it seem as though its aight but yet disgrace guilt and shame is the only outcome
smh
Hi, I kow the feeling you get after you give into temptation. It feels like i’m dirty. And I hate it. Please, if not for anyone else than yourself, don’t give up. There is always a way out of temptation you just need to find the way that best suites yourself. Sometimes it feels like everything is against you and all you can do is crumble at temptations feet. If I have learned on ething out of this fighting experience it is to stop letting the world change my smile and to start letting my smile change the world. Go ahead, smile, and you too can change the world
Till the comment before yours, I was building my mind towards not watching it anymore, for tonight at least.
After reading yours, I’ve decided strongly! May be you being a girl and fighting it made me do so. Thanks.
I am so glad to help you out! I am the kind of person that loves to help people even when sometimes its me that needs the help ha ha. Keep holding on and don’t give up! I have learned that if someone advances confidently in the direction of his/her dreams and really tries to live the life which he/she has imagined, then he/she will meet with a success in common hours. The best of luck to you.
I have been searching for a particular answer. If you are married to a porn addict and want to help/be part of the cure…. Should you withhold sex until they are able to control the urges? Does marital sex during a time of personal growth damage the effort?
Hi Tammy!! Thank you so much for your great question … I’m the Feed The Right Wolf Life Coach for women and couples and this is a question that many women ask me! I’ve been in your shoes too so I know what it is like to be confused about what the right thing to do is. And it’s a question that there isn’t 1 great answer for either … different things work for different people … BUT, I am going to tell you what worked for me & my hubby and what I find works the best with the couples that I work with.
Ok … I believe that putting sex on hold while early on in recovery is a good idea. With porn addiction the addict’s view of sex and what is “healthy sexuality” is very out of wack! The concept of SEX is out of balance in the relationship and in both of your lives (for you it’s dealing with the effects of his addiction) There are so many wounds that need to be healed (his, yours and the relationship as a whole) and so many things that need to be worked on. One goal in recovery is to learn to create a new way of intimacy and connection and that takes time. Emotional safety, trust, vulnerability have all been wounded BIG TIME and these are key components to creating that intimacy again …. a better amazing intimacy.
Putting sex on hold for bit allows you both to work on those places that are wounded, the things that need healing .. it just works better when you don’t mix it in with sex. The ideas around sex is jacked up and it confuses things. Learning how to truly connect with each other, trust each other again, openly and honestly communicate in a safe way is REALLY important to you both …. and again, I believe separating it can benefit healing in the long run!
Now, how much time is enough? … well, that is unique to every couple. For some it is a few months for some it is a year …. But you will know when you are both ready. This is also a great thing to talk about together and see where you both stand on the topic.
So, hopefully that helps answer your question …. and I applaud you for helping your hubby through this time! My hubby Craig and I helped each other and in the end we created a better and more connected relationship! So, the growth for both of you can be AMAZING when you work at it!!!!!!
Thank you for your response. It was very timely. My husband was out of town when I wrote, and I was considering contacting an attorney. I knew he’d want to appologise and reconcile as soon as he returned home (not our first time doing this.) And I knew if we did the ‘same’ thing, we’d get the same results. (Pretending nothing is wrong, but nothing changes).
So, I am now comfortable suggesting that we’ll discuss sex when he has made an active effort in making a lifestyle change. He has made contact with a counselor, but has not met with him yet. I have shown him your website and your excellent understanding of the situation.
Alas, I cannot do this for him. I am still waiting for a ‘real’ response. But I do sincerely appreciate your support.
Tammy
Hi Tammy,
I recognize that this is coming 3 weeks after your post, so I hope you see it. Please be careful about the way you approach your husband and be sure that you don’t withdraw from him sexually as a tool to take control of the situation.
Perceived loss of control may be viewed by your husband as a threat to his role as the head of the household and drive him further from you. Try not to make an ultimatum that you will only join him intimately IF he changes his behavior. This will not be a healthy way to draw him toward repentance.
Please try to communicate that you understand the desire to engage in harmful behavior, by confessing to overspending, overeating, gossiping, or whatever your own personal struggles might be. This will help him to feel appreciated and understood rather than pushing him into a closet of shame.
You want to be a part of the solution and you want him to know how much respect you have for him and in his own ability to change his harmful behavior.
I hope this helps.
It is amazing that you have done an incredible research on porn addiction. The analysis is excellent and it reflects the actual experience of a sufferer. This technique has already started (it appears so) working on me as I am taking it seriously. Thanks a lot for this powerful method. I hope I will win.
this thing is evil guys. we must pry for the all the people.
OMG, I can’t get rid of this addicition, I have been married for about 5 years now, and I have three kids. Yet, I can’t quit it. It is distroying me, exausting my feelings towards my wife. Man, I wish I can be free for more than a week at least. In fact, every time I want to stop it just gets worse. Now I do it like 3-5 times aday. my nerves are shaking, my lower back is aching and my hands are stiff and painful and with all that, just can’t get out of this shit!
The problem is that you can’t share this kind of addicition, once you do, you feel yourself wanna do it more!
I wish your technique works, I SO SO wanna quit it!
Hi mate, I know how you feel, but let me tell you, there are other people with similar histories and to be honest, reading this, will help a lot, we can break any addiction, we need just time and practice to quit for ever, but is good start that you share and get it out. Im on the same boat, but we wont sink
I just want to tell you to hang in there, and seek the Lord, for he will give you the strangth, I went about two week with out even looking at it, but today I relapes, and now I feel like crap, but what I am trying to say is you will fall frome time to time but just get back up and start to fight this urge that is what I’m finding out. Hope this helps
Hi im in 8th grade currently and I absolutly hate my porn addiction I try to stop it I really do but sometimes its just to strong and I constantly ask God to help me over come it but most of the time i just fail God by watching more can yall please pray for me and leave tips or something please id appreciate it
You’ll get through it. I promise! We’re in the same shoes. I’ll pray for you.
Thankyou it feels good knowing more people go through this and over come it and it feels even better knowing somene is praying for me to get through it! I’ll pray for you too thanks!
Dear Ben, I am so thankful and proud that you are taking steps to conquer this addiction now while you are young. I am not a particularly religious person, but I will get down on my knees now and pray for you to succeed in getting out of this hell hole of porn addiction. PLEASE PLEASE DO IT FOR YOURSELF AND FOR EVERYONE THAT LOVES YOU NOW AND IN THE FUTURE. I am married to a porn user and I am struggling just to make it through each day because his addiction has just destroyed our lives. I wish someone or something had come into his life when he was your age to stop him before he started using porn. Porn has so totally owned him and devastated me, that I don’t ever want to see someone else stuck in this void with us, especially someone as young as you are. I hope and pray that you succeed. I hope that you gain the strength and fortitude to free yourself. then don’t ever look back.
I will pray for you too, that is about the same grade i started to look at porn
I am in the same grade and I have the exact same addiction. I’ll pray for you buddy just pray for me please. I am so ashamed.
I’ve been addicted to porn since I was in 4th grade.. since I was a little 9 year old girl.
I was curious.. it started with me looking up girls kissing. I don’t even know why! I’m not interested in girls. It was just the curiosity. After awhile I discovered girls “fooling around” and eventually started watching porn. My curiosity only led me to masturbation in 5th grade, or maybe the end of 4th. It hurts me so much that I’ve been stuck with this addiction for 7 years. I’ve gotten caught indirectly by my parents (web history, but nobody in my household owned up to it) and I’ve gotten very close to getting caught since then. I don’t want this for myself! I really truly don’t. I know in my heart that God is ashamed of me, and I’m ashamed of me. I try my very best to life my life for God, but then I feel like it doesn’t matter about everything else I do if I can’t kick this addiction. I pray and pray for this to stop, and it does for a time. But I know it’s up to me to keep it that way, and I always give in. The longest I’ve gone without porn/masturbation is maybe 2 and 1/2 to 3 months. I really hope this works… I can’t take feeling so ashamed of myself much longer.
God isn’t ashamed of u. He’s ridiculously in love with u and He loves being the center of the reason he wants u to quit.
Thank you. I love that statement: ‘He loves being the center of the reason he wants u to quit’. It gives me son much hope!
Sorry, it gives me SO much hope
Your good will and continuous prayer for this to stop is a clear sign that you are ‘good’ and God is not ashamed of goodness.
you should read about islam
God has seen it all and I’m sure that seeing people try makes Him proud that you are fighting to take control of your life. That you are trying to be strong. Shame is a strong emotion and it tends to force you back into the hole of addiction. Try to be proud of yourself for every success and then figure out what made you backslide and conquer that trigger. Don’t stop trying. That is all anyone can ask of you and that is all you can do. Every day you keep trying until you succeed.
Im the same age and im a girl too. And ive had the exact same problem. Ive been a bright girl and good at everything except relationships. Nobody loves me in that way and i dont feel appreciated by anyone. This led to feelings of frustration and i give in. But today im vowing to stop. I feel very ashamed that ive committed a sin many times and il pay for it. Im scared. But being rejected by ur friends and the ppl you love doesnt help me regain my selfconfidence and courage to leave this addiction. I hope im strong enough to beat it on my own.
I started watching porn (at 12 years old) after I was at a pornografy new drug thing and it didnt help at all because I went home and looked up on YouTube dog having sex then it went to google and best porn websites free then I have been on that for over 4 months (about) I don’t want to tell anyone then I do but I asked god to meet me half way and I haven’t watched porn for 1 mont (about) I started watching dogs then I’m still master bating. But I gave up porn for lint. It is working and should I tell any one about my addiction?
very positive website. I am planning to start feeding the good wolf as I am starving the bad one
I’m a successful 16 year old athlete in high school, I’m on my church’s worship team, and I’m very polite to people when they talk to me. Not to be boastful, but I do have some fine lookin women after me. It’s sooooo hard to stay away from lust. I’m not into drugs or alcohol. In fact, I’ve never smoked, drank, chewed, any of that crap. I want people to think that I’m not addicted to masturbating/porn.
But in reality, it is a lie. I have two good parents, and they both have asked if I do it/watch it. I have said no on multiple occasions. I’ve been prayed over, and it did work for some time. I felt free from my addiction, I truly did. But I ended up going right back to it. I feel so ashamed by it…. I have put up a wall telling people that I’m this perfect kid. When really, I’m not. I’m not weak. Mentally and physically, I’m a strong person. But I’m not strong enough to the point where I can stop masturbating/porn. I am a leader at school, but sometimes, I don’t feel worthy to lead because of my addiction. Sometimes, I feel like I’m letting God down, my family down, my friends down, and even my future wife down.
Only with God, these new tech., and other peoples tips do I even have a chance at stopping. I would really appreciate having some comments. Thanks.
Don’t beat yourself up. I would consider talking to one of the fine girls you describe and start a healthy relationship. Loneliness is the main problem for me..
I’m a seventeen year old girl and I’m struggling with the same problem. I feel the same way you do. I won’t give up fighting for my soul though, I’ve come to far in my faith to just throw it away. I suggest you try your best to battle the addiction first and after overcoming it, consider engaging in healthy Godly relationships.
settingcaptivesfree.com this site will coach you through the pornography battle with scriptures and a accountability partner. It’s powerful. All glory to God though.
I too am 16 years old. My parents pulled me out of high school because of my porn addiction. Both my parents are true Christians and I want more than anything to be as well. I do my school online so I am faced with the same problem every single day. I have tried so many solutions and I give in almost every week. Your story sounds exactly like mine except I am a girl. I am afraid that when I meet my husband one day he will end up resenting me because of my terrible acctions. I feel so guilty ALL the time. God sees me doing all this bad stuff and sometimes I don’t kow why it had to be me stuck with this curse. I too am not into any drugs or alcohol, but I am not an athlete. I play in a concert band. Sometimes I feel like I am alone in this but when I read your reply I felt so connected with you its like you spoke what I’ve been trying to say for so many years. I too feel like I’m letting everyone down. Maybe we can help each other.
this dosent work
It hasn’t really worked for me either, but you have to keep trying. It will work eventually. If you stick to it then you will succeed. I can’t proove that but thats what i’m doing and I’m pretty sure It will work.
Hello. Ive been a porn addict since i was a high-school kid. Back then i used to watch it with a friends and didnt have a personal PC. But ever since i got my own laptop and whenever i get alone at work and at home, im triggered to watch and end up feeling miserable.
I truly appreciate u making a website of your experience and some of the detail u’ve put in is actually what happens to me…like the Porn cycle. Ive bookmarked this page and i wish to start the ERP thing as soon as possible, though im just trying to pinpoint exactly what triggers me to watch..For me, i usually get good positive thoughts in the morning hours and get the ‘bad’ ones usually after lunch hour. Its always been like that.
Also, i read in one of our spiritual books about something similar to ‘feeding the right wolf’
Thank you so much. I wish to starve the bad wolf to death.
I am a female and I have been addicted to porn and masturbation since I was 10. I am now 21 and have been sober for about 6 months. The thing that really helped me stop was a video I watched about pornography. There was a specialist on there that said something I will never forget….. When someone watches porn, they develop an unreal expectation for sex and no matter how amazing their partner is, their partner is not a porn star and will not be able to satisfy the unreal expectations. I want to get married and have a family and I want nothing more than for my future husband to know that he is enough for me. It would be horrible to never receive satisfaction from another human being and to always have to turn to porn. That is why I stopped. I am on this website today because I have been struggling with impure thought and cravings a lot lately and it’s hard because even though they go away and I fight them off, they come back the next day. Honestly I know that the feelings won’t stop because of the porn but sometimes it just seems like it would be easier to give in. My porn addiction got so bad that porn wasn’t enough and I moved on the next level, cybersex. That really messed me up. Being on webcam with up to 30 guys a night… they made me feel so special and beautiful yet so empty at the same time. I never want to go back to that dark place again and this website will help, I just know it!
Thank you so much ALEX!!!!
Keep trying, think about the progress and about the perfectionism. You are cool if you understood your problem and now want to change. Keep trying. Wish you best.
To the guys that are married with this addiction, try spending the time you spend on porn sites with your wife… I never really understand why married men watch it if they already have the real thing.. don’t take it for granted. The only reason i’m addicted is because I have no one to love yet.
Its not that those of us that are marrier feel lonley or anything like that. porn is just as if not more addictive than any other drug. I have been stuggling since I was in 7th grade Only recently have I been even remotely clean.
You know, in the beginning I didn’t think there was anything wrong with it because it seemed like “every guy watches porn and it is no big deal.” My husband actually asked me to watch it with him, so i did. It was bizarre watching other people and I didn’t think it was all that interesting. I also didn’t like the feeling that he was disconnected from me. Years later I found he was addicted to porn the whole time and was watching and trolling for women on the internet when I wasn’t around. He would wake up early and go to sleep late to watch porn even though our sex life was very active because I didn’t know about the porn. I had not ever denied him anything ever, but it was never enough. He was a different person while watching porn. He is not the person I thought he was. I can’t respect him or trust him because he took something that was supposed to be mine and gave it away to hundreds of other women just for “fun.” I don’t feel he loved or respected me. I don’t feel happy to be near him. I don’t feel like sex is something to cherish or enjoy. I feel like an object, a toy in his fantasy world. I am emotionally torn up and I truly feel dead inside because I truly loved him and now I don’t know what in life is real anymore. People tell me I am beautiful. Last week a few pro athletes tried to flirt with me at work and men look at me, but I feel ugly and I feel ashamed of myself because the man I loved did not ever love ME. I hated being used by him in this way. I feel like every man I meet is just trying to cast me in some sick porn fantasy. I have seriously felt like killing myself for the past year because the pain is so intense. I have a child to care for though. He is the only reason I claw out an existence for myself. I am highly educated, I make alot of money, I am attractive and could find another mate in a minute – but it all feels worthless because the only thing I ever wanted was love and my husband made me feel like I am unworthy of it. If you have this addiction-do everything in your power to stop and do not EVER try to trick a spouse into watching with you to support your addiction. Every woman I know that has been with a porn addict is living this same life. Please wake up and don’t encourage people to do something they may regret for the rest of their lives.
I am sorry for what you have gone through and are going through. I hope you are ok. Please do not kill yourself. Your husband is a sick man. Think about how you can be helpful. You have helped me see an entirely different perspective on this. Not just from a woman’s point of view, bug from a WIFE’s. The pain and hurt you have and are experiencing must be terrible, I can only empathize. Only you can feel it. God knows what you have and are going through, and he cares. I am a Christian and I care to. I care deeply about people, and about you. This porn addiction is nothing personal about you, I’m sure your husband loves you. Please realize that he is only sick and needs help. Please pray for him, and pray for me as well. I want to thank you for sharing your experience with us, it means a great deal to me. I have never heard it from a hurt wife’s perspective before. I do not want to hurt my future girlfriend/wife, and I want a family one day. This is a battle of good and evil, good wolf and bad wolf. Please help your husband find a way to feed the good wolf. There has to be hope for him, because if there is hope for him than there is hope for me and the rest of us. Please listen to your heart right now. There are a lot of guys hitting on you and everything but how do you know they don’t have this problem. Remember this is a secret, silent problem that goes under the skin like a poison that no one can see, and no one knows about but the victims. The Bible says there is no acceptable reason to divorce except for reasons of infidelity, and Jesus said that if you so much as look at any woman but your wife with lust you have committed adultery already in your heart, so I would say that you can divorce him, especially if you do not love him anymore. But pray about it, and speak with your local Pastor, and seek counseling, and do all manner of shit besides kill yourself. I do not want you to kill yourself. Ok. I hope we can all find what we need in the loving arms of our Lord and savior Jesus Christ, amen.
use,a filter: http://www.wisechoice.net, http://www.xxxchurch.org, http://www.hedgebulders.org . Put a wall between you and the porn…most guys cannot stop on their own…
I’ve been watching porn since the 6th grade. I am now 24 and have been struggling to quit for the past 3.5-4 years now. The longest I’ve gone is 14 days. I was busy during that time and didn’t even think about it. On the 15th day I realized how long it had been which was enough thought to keep in my mind to relapse that very night. That was a year a and a half ago and I’ve gone maybe 4 days at best since then. It’s difficult for me becuase I dont know my triggers and unsure how to find them. It can be as simply as hey I’m home alone why not? Or I’m bored, nothing going on might as well… And when I do end up doing it I figure I shot that day might as well do it again since the day has already been a loss… Reading this gave me some real motivation though. I want to be done with it.
Actually i know far more better method but i cant apply it to my life since i am alone. The key point in this method is to stay hungry. You have 2 meals a day, breakfast and lunch. And you have to be outside after those meals. Food has more privilege for mankind in comparison to sex. And when you are hungry your crawling will be be very weak. The problem for me was that i am alone and loneliness and hunger made me angry and i couldn’t control the things. Nevertheless i had only two cracks in 40 days that is a record for me. In addition to this i used a software that sent the info to my accountable body about if i obeyed my diet or not. He was my very close friend and i gave him 1500 dollar and he paid it to me back in parts each day. So i recommend this method to you. I believe it will work for you perfectly if you have a proper social life.
one more thing : once you start….. and naughty thoughts come up from your subconscious… the amount of effort required to stop is colossal; (that’s what I was experiencing)
.
A few sex nights I’ve had with my partner started like this. I was lying to myself that I would stop after the next kiss and that I was too tired for it that night and such. Wrong ! The feeling just doesn’t go away if you keep stimulating yourself, even by kissing.
Once you ”get going”… it only goes up
One helping hand I’d like to add : The easier the move you do to reach that temptation, the harder it is to resist:
for example,
I downloaded movies from websites. If you do the same, put them on some storage device and lock them up in the cellar, or some place. (if it isn’t in your power to DELETE them completely and you have a collector mentality – sick , I know, but that’s how I feel sometimes)
The longer it takes for you to be able to watch something , the easier it will be for you to resist.
My longest period of abstinence was for 15 days. I went on a yacht in a cruise and some models were there too. They did topless and yoga on that boat; with all the prayers to God, it wasn’t enough. I was beaten and it showed. It was the end of my efforts.
Back in the day I seeked perfection. I now see the error of my ways. I want to thank you, You have some good info here.
My journey will begin as soon as I move/delete the material from my computer to somewhere else. For the moment I’m stuck in a very,very small town where I can’t hang out. It just feels more productive sitting in the house, reading, or working out, making plans for a future career. I have a long distance relationship but it gets lonely and stressful. Those are two factors to take into consideration. I dunno how to change them. All the blokes my age are gone from the city. When I move to a bigger city , it will be much easier to refrain myself.
I find myself again & again returning to porn sites. Then I feel guilty as all git out . My little wife has &is praying every day for my deliverance from this addiction. I know God can & will deliver me from this. He taken all my other addictions to drugs & to cigarettes & alcohol . Somehow I just cannot seem to overcome porn. So glad to find a site that may be able to help.
To the guys that are married with this addiction, try spending the time you spend on porn sites with your wife… I never really understand why married men watch it if they already have the real thing.. don’t take it for granted. The only reason i’m addicted is because I have no one to love yet.
It’s really great seeing these responses. I am 26 and have been on and off fighting temptation to view pornographic images for a long time. I got access to a video when I was probably around 9 or 10. I have had long periods of time where I was able to stop but I find myself relapsing. And now that I have moved and am alone more often, it seems I relapse more frequently. I feel so guilty and have this pattern for constantly asking God for forgiveness and to do the right thing when temptation calls. I feel gross afterwards. I do feel happy that I feel a sense of distaste now in the past two times I’ve watched and hope that will grow into saying no when I feel this urge to watch.
I thought I should finally do something different than say ‘okay I won’t do this again!’ and actually visit a website about ways to stop this. In some ways it feels a bit like a confession in writing. I want to walk in the path that God wants for me and I don’t want to keep slipping like this.
I recently got into a relationship too and I don’t want my struggles with this to impact my relationship, especially because I don’t want to rush into being sexual as a way to quell the urges to watch porn.
Steve, thank you for the pink cross link! It definitely helps put things into perspective and removes the voyeuristic fantasy of what’s really happening.
Great article, I’m going to revisit this as much as I can and aim toward getting toward kicking this habit to the curb once and for all
Good luck in your relationship. When I was in my last relationship it helped because I could replace the porn for real sex but I jumped in to it way too soon. I really hope the best for you and that your partner knows about your past because if they love you, they will support you!
I hate this addiction. It is causing me to want to act on what I see on these pron sites. I just want to stop and be normal! But it is such a high for me and I’m having a rough time saying no. I’m 48 and I’m tired of thinking that watching these porn sites is the only way I can have an orgasm. At least I now know why I can’t quit! Maybe knowing is the start of healing.
It’s a horrible addiction! I hate it because no one can see that we are struggling from the outside like they can with someone who is addicted to drugs or alcohol. Maybe read “MY REASON” that is one I posted and it might explain why you can’t orgasm any other way but there are workshops out there to help partners get in touch more and that might help! Love you and you are an amazing person! You are strong and can conquer anything
Alex,
This is truly a revolutionary site and has been helpful to me. This week, because of this website, I am determined, with help from Our Lord, to break the cycle. Your methods listed here are so new to me and yet they appear to be working. I’m so excited to discover through your work how to tame the wild beast inside.
May Our Lord continue to bless your work for those of us with porn addictions.
Mike (Crawling out of the hole)
I am 62 and have been addicted to porn since I was 19. One thing that has helped me with this addiction was when I recently looked on line for information on porn star deaths. I found a web site that is trying to help women in porn https://www.thepinkcross.org/ and the information I found there was depressing and touched my heart. The number of suicides, car crashes, death from STD’s, and alcohol and drugs was staggering. I felt terrible for the men and women in the industry.It has helped me realize just how exploitive and dangerous pornography really is and I hope it will make me come to deal with my life long addiction.
Thank you so much for posting this. You completely know what you’re talking about and the true feeling bit really got to me. I once beat my addiction last year for 3 months for the first time in my life and I felt like myself and I felt good. But when I was back to my senses I was completely disgusted in myself for wasting so much time and hurting myself and others and losing all my friends. When you are in this cycle, it’s almost like nothing really matters and its scary because deep down I know it does, but I still do it. I felt alone and miserable but this reminded me that I’m not alone so thanks to you and all the commenters. I will try your ERP exercises and continue my gym routine without having my addiction get in the way. Cheers.
I feel you 100% It’s crazy because when you are sober it feels so good that you would never think of going back to your addiction and somehow we all end up back where we were. You are right, now that I think of it, nothing else did matter! It’s horrible. Thank you for your comment it is really relatable. Keep up the good work! you can do it!!
Thanks and no problem, I’m very happy someone out there can relate. I’m a little over 2 weeks sober, I feel good, I think clearer, and express myself A LOT better. The best advise I can give that’s working for me is too avoid any material that will set off urges, don’t think about it when you do (I know it’s hard), stay determined to whatever your goals are and try to be busy everyday. Stay strong Katie, best wishes to you.
It started for me by mere mistake.
I was 12 and my parents had just got a sky-box. I was flicking through the channels and came across a lot of confusing things.
I switched it off and went back on it at 11 to find completly different things, again i switched the tv off and walked stiffly up the stairs, i felt so confused so scared that i could barely move. Little did i knew that curiosity would gradually build inside of me and it did i went back to it several times yet it wasn’t enough. I turned to the internet in the hopes i’d discover something more and i did. Again like before i was scared confused i flinched away from the graphic images on the videos i watched so i decided it was not for me. But still something inside of me was gnawing away i didn’t understand what i feeling- it was temptation. For the next two years on and off i would keep revisiting it, i felt overwhelming guilt and shame i would pray out saying i was sorry asking for help but still i didn’t entirely want to, the beast inside was too powerful until finally i decided enough was enough in december of 2010 i watched it for the last time. But the remains were evident i couldn’t barely speak to my family as for some insane reason- lets call it paranoia- i thought they knew, i was afraid that everyone was secretly judging me. stress began to enter my life and shame. I found i was no longer hungry. The sick feeling in the pit of my stomach made it difficult for me to eat. Then in the summer of 2011 i went to a Christian camp and i told my youth leader. She prayed over me and reassured me that i should not feel guilty i had been forgiven already long ago. The following night i asked god for healing and the sick feeling vanished. I felt love and comfort, i have felt no guilt nor shame since that day. But i have however been tempted. I have find that when i’m under serve stress or if i feel lonely my temptation returns This Christmas my mum went to hospital for a hip operation. I’ve revisited three
Times i don’t want to go back. But in moments if temption i compeletly ignore the part of me saying stop stop! I block out god because i want to see in that moment of temptation and gah!! Help.
Hi Sarah,
I am sure too that God have forgave you. None of us are perfect, all is that is expected of us is to do our best, not to be perfect. In other words, try to concentrait on progress rather than perfection.
Regards,
Alex
I applaud everyone one on here. To be here at this point is understanding that porn is a problem and you’re trying to better yourself. I’m the other party involved. The wife that leaves, because i don’t understand why? I’m every bit as cute, thin, and a nympho as the girls on porn. I even would watch occasionally with him. Then i realized how it ruled him, how he watched everw he was choosing porn over sex? he said he couldn’t even understand himself, it just happened. I love him sooo dearly. I think he’s getting better, its been around 4 months, so he tells me; and he’s done lying about it. I hope what else can I do?
Who in this journey I became more knowledgeable. I read the books. I’ve gone to the groups. I wanted to know what makes this tick. Wow! By joking the bran up too sensors, they have compared kicking porn equivalent to kicking heroin. While I haven’t experienced what you his are feeling, I now do realize its hard. I know it sounds rudimentary, but take away the computer. There was a time, not to long ago, where we functioned completely without then.if you absolutely have to get on the net go to the local library. Don’t think you can watch it there. Only do this with the erp exercises for a month, when its easier start introducing diff back into you’re life. As Alex says when the cravings subside a little.
Mine was distraught when I pulled my truck and my trailer up to the door to move, that was his motivation, don’t let it be yours. Beat this awful disease before it gets that far. The people in you’re life love you. If you want to have a healthy happy relationship, you need to beat this. Make a commitment to yourself. GL.
I completely agree with all that had been said. for three years I have experienced pornography and masturbation, driving me to act homosexually. I don’t want it!!! I’m sick of hiding all my secrets from my family and I always end up crying by the time I start clearing the internet history, and I knew deep down in my heart that something needs to change NOW!!! This website really spoke out to me and talked about most of what I am going through and I have just barely started training my mind to easily fight against such Satanic compulsions. God bless you all for actually doing your best to become stronger in this world filed with all these immoral and wicked things. Remember the Atonement and the sacrifice that Jesus Christ have for us. He has provided a way to come back to Him and live with Him again!!!
And I know this is what God wants me to do and this is certainly where I need to be.
I too succumed to the allure of man on man sex. I am ashamed not because of my weakness, but that it felt natural to me. I look back into my past, and I wonder what influence could have shaped my inclination to engage in same sex, sex. Did I see some porn as a child? Yes, and unfortunately, it came from an unlikely source, my pastor. Few know that pastors struggle with porn addictions and mine was no different. He did not rape me or touch me, nor did he know I saw his collection, but I often wonder if he meant me to see it. I was 12. From that day on, I was confused, I wondered why God would lead me to see pictures of naked men with erections and latex body stockings. I dont know, I still don’t know. Am I gay? Am I normal? Was my pastor gay? Did he want to be gay with me? Who knows what I would have done differently if I had seen women. I have been thinking that seeing naked women might reverse my attraction to men. I don’t know, just that masturbating does not make me feel guilty as some say on here. It makes me feel better, I like it. If that is bad to say then this isnt the warm, welcoming place that I was told it was.
Bert, i’m gong to tell you its okay. If you dont feel a convicton about mastubation, then I cant tell you how wrong I think it is. I feel guilty when I masturbate because I’m taking my own satisfaction into my own hands when I know I should leave it up to God. I already know that my Father will satisfy me far more than images and self stimulation. You are welcome here, no matter what you think or do. Sometimes, God lets us hit rock bottom so that we’ll know He’s the rock beneath us. Its better to be on solid ground than in quicksand. So maybe you saw those things so that the Father could use you in the lives of others. No matter what, you are always loved