One question people are commonly asking is “How long does it take to overcome porn addiction?”
There are really two stages to the process.
First stage is breaking out of the obsessive-compulsive cycle and that stage takes anywhere from 30 to 90 days. And the reason for it is because it takes about 30 to 90 days for a person to form a habit or to learn a new behavior and make it a habit.
Second stage of overcoming pornography addiction is relapse prevention, and this stage is an ongoing process throughout the rest of the person’s life.
So while it only takes 30 to 90 days to stop compulsively watching pornography, it takes a lifelong effort and maintenance to prevent yourself from going back into your addiction.
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Tagged with: addiction recovery • how to recover from porn addiction • recover from porn addiction
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I don’t even know how my addiction started.
When I was a kid I used to spray my ‘v’ with water, and within years that evolve to me watching porn and touching myself. I get even more scared knowing that I’ve done it since I was just a little girl. I hate it so much, I want to get out of the addiction, I’ve been trying to recover since like 6 years ago, but it’s so damn hard and there’s no community or whatsoever that could help me in my region. This is so frustrating
I’m glad I found people alike to me in terms of battling this sinful habit. As some people say, when I was young and single, I didn’t realize how bad porn would affect my life. My first girlfriend recently broke up with me because I watched porn and had cybersex. She is the first girl that I ever really loved. I feel so bad for allowing this bad habit affect my life and my significant other to this point. At least, losing her made me realize how it is damaging to my relationship with God and with womem. I decided to turn away from this sin and I really mean it this time. I want to feel the joy, happiness and God’s peace again. And from now on I want to have healthy relationships that’ll lead to a healthy marriage
One of the worst things about the greatest and most lasting lessons in life is that we have to have experiences to learn them. What happened to you is what I’ve feared for most of my life; losing a love. There is nothing that can replace that feeling of being loved. But unfortunately we must move on.
I pray that our Father reveals to me a healthy view of women and sex. I now have a child and I cannot allow this sin to affect my child for the worse. I must be strong for her, for my family, and most importantly for God.
Luis, you’re in my prayers to become diligent in your journey and to love the progress that you make escaping sexual lust.
I feel you. I really want to get CLEAN. I never caught up in a situation like you, I don’t think anyone ever know that I have this addiction though..
Okay so my story is a weird one. I’ve recently come to terms with the fact that I am indeed addicted to porn, to the point where I am constantly going from one extreme fetish to another. The most recent one is an interracial fetish. This one has been around for about 3 years. At first it was me and a black girl; then a black guy and a white girl, untill that was boring and it began to some very, let’s just say homosexual turns. However being someone who is not remotely emotionally or outside if porn, sexually attracted to me, this obviously presented real life issues for me as when I was ‘hot and bothered’ these images and such would immediately spring to mind, and I’d want my girlfriends to indulge them, some did, some didnt. I’m only 19, and the sex I’ve had with woman has been extremely enjoyable and it is only during sex I do not, ironically think any of these fetishistic thoughts.
In the last year however me and an old friend of mine recently discovered we had feelings for each other, stronger than we could have though; love, pure and simple. Like nothing we’ve ever known before, sure we’re young, but she matters the most to me in this world. She has indulged me in these fantasies before in the few encounters we have had of this nature in the past. But since we became a serious thing it has bothered me immensely, if this is the girl I want to someday marry, which she might well be, I want to think of HER when I am horny, not some weird fetish – you can understand that, right?
She is currently overseas though, and has been for the last week or so.I’ve made a conscious effort to eliminate these thoughts by not watching porn and not masturbaiting, only relieving myself during sex, which I can’t have with her being in a different country. So this is making not masturbaiting extremely hard, and today I finally gave in, but not watching porn, just using good old imagination. It was while doing this these fetish thoughts began to resurface, however whenever they did I would stop, think of her and resume. It wasn’t perfect but after about 40minutes of this it seemed as though the frequency of the images weakened and the images I wanted to see intensified, and the amount of pleasure I got from each changed accordingly. I am wondering if this is due to some sort of rewiring in the brain? As the images I wanted to see we’re more in line with pre-addiction things I’d think of, all to do with females, nothing else, and it seemed as though due to this after a lot of effort it seemed to go back to these ‘original wires’? I want to be porn free, and if such wiring exists, back to the original wiring, by the time I go to see her in holland next month.
Anyway the point of this really long essay-like question, is do you think that this kind of ‘wiring’ actually exists?! And how long do you think it will take with me making a conscious effort not to watch porn or think of those thoughts while masturbaiting before I return to my ‘pre-addiction’ wiring ?
Thanks for reading and I really appreciate it if you reply, but understand if you don’t, it’s a long question with a loooot of context!
Cheers!
I can relate. Having been exposed to it in the 1st grade, I’ve been to some disgusting fantasies and have had to realize that they were getting worse. Not that i’m embarrassed to mention them in detail, but I don’t want to trigger thoughts that may lead a reader of this post into temptation. In the Bible we call that a stumbling block when we cause another to be tempted.
My ‘re-wiring’ has been a lengthy process, albeit a process; therefore don’t attach a timeline to it. If you can rid yourself of these thoughts in a month’s time, more power to you. Just don’t be disappointed if it’s only temporary.
Just as you eat meals everyday, and work/study or enjoy recreational activity, practice healthy breathing and awareness tactics displayed on this website. Treat your rehab process like you treat sleep; you need X hours daily to be prepared for healthy activity. I emphasize the issue b/c we can be sober for days, months, years, and even decades; but it takes one time to relapse and fall into that cycle again.
I fell in love with a girl and now I have been fighting against lust for the past 6 months…slowly I quit porn for 3 months….then I relapsed….then now i have been porn free but I have constantly found myself thinking of those images…Its unbelievably hard…this girl I am in love with is in another country…I am only 17 years old…I have been successful in controlling my mind when I am outside and whenever I see a girl I never think of anything lusty…But when I am home Its incredibly hard…The reason for me to quit porn is because of the angel I saw….When I relapsed…let me tell you i felt so depressed and I cried for several hours looking at her picture….There is still years before I will be able to marry her….I am afraid I will lose this battle….PLEASE GIVE ME SOME SUGGESTIONS GUYS…..
I’m only suggesting things that I practice additional to what I’ve learned from this website: please take these as suggestions that may help but may not cure you.
Your surroundings play a key role into addictive behavior. When we’re alone
When we’re alone we think of ways to spend that time, usually looking at porn. You’re only option here is to:
(1) Plan your alone time. If you know when you get home from school or whenever, prepare an activity that either involves someone else on the phone, or being outdoors to keep you from being alone.
(2) When you’re unexpectedly alone, as fast as you can, find a way to occupy your time with company. Calling a relative is great b/c usually they’re glad to hear from you and that you’ve shown a genuine interest in hearing from them.
(3) Find another hobby that gets you outdoors more often. Joining a soccer team helped me b/c I am accountable for being present at practice and games to help our team win. <<Being goal-oriented is a huge aid in the rehab process.
(4) VERY IMPORTANT – chronicle your day. Make time to write/record a voice memo of your daily activities. Spare no details, talk about what made you feel that urge again, or what may have upset you, any feeling that you've encountered that day. Listen to/read it every following day to remind yourself what to be aware of as you go along.
People are creatures of habit, as i'm sure you've heard before. We take the same paths to the same destinations on the same schedule, even if its not everyday. So new habits must be created to produce more healthy and positive effects away from those lustful habits.
Even meditate on what women are, why they're here and how men and women were purposefully created to live together. I use Biblical principles, as a Christian, not sure if you're a believer. But I know that men and women were created to sustain life, grow together, teach each other to be better today than we were yesterday, and to enjoy sex as a gift and privilege; not as a selfish pleasure. You're in my prayers, brother, and that you may understand how to rid your mind and heart of sexual lust and any other selfish desire in your life.
REMEMBER: Struggle is a by-product of change. If you're struggling, you're changing.
Hey i was an addict for three years but abstained for 7 months but i relapsed. I now watch porn and masturbate 3 to 8 times a month. What should i do..
I never had any girlfriend and I wanted to experience sex once so then to fill that emptiness and I started watching porn and masturbating. I didn’t know that I will get addicted to it. I still don’t have gf. I have spend all this years thinking about porn ruining my life. I want o study and want to be a millionaire but these porn videos on internet distracts me a lot. I just wanna get away from it. The more I look at girls the more I think about sex and the more I watch porn and masturbate. This ruin my studies. I just wana forget porn and girls especially. Sorry for my bad English.
My boyfriend is a porn addict..and its comppletly runing our relationship
…he wants so badly to get over it but he keeps relapsing. I really love him and I don’t want us to break up…he says he feels like he cheats on me every time he gets off to porn and that I’m motivation for him to stop because him feeling like he’s cheating on me is horrible…is there someone who can maybe help me as to how we can get over this?..he’s very closed down and just shuts off when he relapses..please I need help as to how I’m going to help him get over this?
I am so sorry “Trying” – please know that you are not alone. We are here to help and I’m really glad you reached out.
Is your boyfriend willing to get help? Is he doing anything about his problem? He needs to take action. There are a number of great free resources out there – this is one of them.
Has he tried the free course on the site? Here is the link to that:
http://www.feedtherightwolf.org/porn-addiction-recovery-course/
There are some other free resources out there – http://www.recoverynation.com/ and http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/
We also provide a very affordable team coaching option. Here is some feedback from two guys who are going through the program – http://www.feedtherightwolf.org/coaching/
**If you are wondering if you should join this group just know there are few things as powerful as the support of your fellow men in this journey of recovery. In only three weeks I have made more progress than in the last year of constant work. Besides the community support the content and leadership from Craig is rock solid – highly practical, well organized and passionate. Get it done – sign up and change your life for the better. JS
**This feels life-changing to me. I’ve never talked to anyone about my feeling and issues before and the positive feelings and connections I’m making with my brothers are strengthening my resolve for change. It’s good to know you’re not alone in the world, and it’s awesome to receive encouragement from people in the know. Craig is a fantastic motivator for us to get our sex on straight. This is about ACTION, brothers! MM
Please have him email me at craig@feedtherightwolf.org or call 916-259-1232.
You also need support too and I commend you for reaching out and trying to help him. Good luck and please keep us posted.
Hello Trying,
In addition to what Coach Craig said I would like to offer an additional comment. While we (as partners) can support our SO’s through a healthy recovery, we cannot be their motivation. It is not sustaining enough. He must have his own internal motivation to want to stop. It is true that some addicts start recovery for other reasons but at some point a shift has to take place to where they are doing it for themselves. Coach Craig asks some important questions regarding this.
The best thing for you, in my opinion, is that you get some information and guidance for yourself on what kind of help you can provide and how to step back and let him do the work he needs to do. Detaching from his recovery will help both of you in getting to a healthy place.
http://www.recoverynation.com has a wonderful program and support network for partners. I think you’ll find it to be a good place to start.
Wether we know God or not porn/masturbating makes us feel ashamed. We know that it is a wrong path and our conscience is telling us it is wrong, we should listen because it is the voice of God. Evil speaks to us too. It lures us to things that promise to make us feel good but never do, we end up feeling more and more degraded as time goes by. That is a voice that we should not listen to.
God gave us a church with a sacrament called confession. It has helped me more than I can tell you. It is not easy to confess sins but make the decision and put one foot in front of the other and go. You will be given grace to overcome.
When you get right with God the voice of your conscience will change, you will stop feeling guilty and find that peace, joy, and love can come into your life. The voice of evil will be the one that tries to make you feel bad then. The father of lies will say things like “the Church is for fools”, “you gotta find some kind of release”, “you are not hurting anyone”.
Be aware of which track you are on, which spirit it is that moves you, and make decisions with your eyes open. Find ways to get close to God, try confession! I wish you strength and give you my prayers.
Very true! Embarrassment is a usual fear in confession. Shame, guilt, contrition are all on deck and these feelings are all necessary. I’ve had to embrace these feelings b/c I realize that it’s God’s will for us. Our Father has made confession necessary b/c it brings forth accountability and help from others whom we confide in. I recommend this method for everyone who struggles with anything. We must consider being saved from these lusts are far better than being judged. Ppl will judge, but they don’t know you’re struggle. Ppl who judge also don’t have your bravery, and their fear of you being prosperous brings forth their judgment. The folks whom I fellowship with don’t judge b/c we know that we’re all sinners and fall short of God’s will and glory. But we all fight the same fight together, whether it be alcohol addiction, drug abuse, sexual lust, pride and self-praise, etc. WE ALL FIGHT TOGETHER.
Yet I fail again, just 5 minutes ago I gave in. After about the hundreth time this is the longest I’ve lasted, a crummy 10 days. Of those 10 days were horrible, my body craved it and I gave in. But I’m going to get up and try again. This time I’m going to rid porn of my life for good.
I’m a victim of relapse as well. This usually helps me, and when I don’t practice these things I give-in.
If you haven’t used the tools on this website, I encourage you to use them. Learn about your behavior to change it. Your mind may be making decisions you don’t want to make, so you have to be aware of what triggers those temptations.
Even try to write/record a memo of your urges when you feel the urge. This will help you identify triggers, it will also become a speed bump to slow down that Narrowing Process. Read/listen to that memo later on when you’re in a calm state w/o any urge and make yourself aware of these snares and traps. Do everything you can daily to rid yourself of this problem.
9 days now in reality, no porn at all, nearly gave in to the monster, broken my previous record of 7. Porn is disgusting, degrading to women, detaches you from reality. And does catastrophic damage to relationships, Good luck everyone, the journey of a 1000 miles starts with a single step
Made it to Day 5. This is tough.
Keep it up! I’d like to say the same, so stay strong. Do more and more each day.
Ok,
Day 1 As I said each time I want to break my oath I swore to come here and type on the forum until the urge passed. This morning was really hard. I work up really depressed and my first thought was to masturbate as usual. I know that it will only make me sad. I saw the girl who I am hoping to date the other day. It makes me realize even more how messed up I have gotten from the Porn use and also makes me realize that I have to stop forever! Here is why, this girl is amazing, no beyond amazing. She is one of those diamonds in the desert type of girls. She is absolutely stunning physically, my friends are jealous to be honest. At the same time, she is looking for a committed relationship?! That is not normal for a girl who looks like her. And the part that worries me… I cannot get turned on by her as much as I feel I should. This makes me worry about later on if we do make it as far as sex. This is not why I want to be with her but it is part of a relationship so I worry about it. I want to have the sex be good for her so that I can enjoy the things about her that I really like, her energy, charm, and just overall beautiful self. I don’t want to fuck this up! I want to feel normal again. I want to get those awkward boners in school when I think about her and have to cover it up as I leave because it doesn’t go away in time. All guys know what I mean. But I don’t get them because porn has skewed my thoughts so much. Anyway, the urge has passed I think I got this for now. Thanks again guys/girls.
Sincerely Second Chance
I am new here and on day ONE…I have over a year of not drinking or smoking so I know that this is another area in my life that GOD will help me with. Looking forward to getting stronger and stronger.
Today is a big step for me. I finally realized that I have an addiction. It just took losing the person I loved for 5 years to realize that. I am 25, I was molested at 15. He also showed me pornography in addition to what he did to me. If anything, the introduction to this medium was far worse than what he did physically. This medium has produced a lasting effect. I am a student in college. I have depression, social anxiety, bi polar, ADD and just about everything else PTSD etc.
Anyway on to the reason I am here today.
I have been training to become a professional fighter (K-1 kickboxer) for over 10 years. This is something that I live for. I train everyday I feel well enough to for almost 2 hours and sometimes as many as 5. Recently, I have found it hard to fight. I just find that I don’t care as much about it. I beat myself up inside and tell myself that I am no good at it and should quit. I am also talking to a girl. This girl really likes me and she is smoking hot. She says that what I do, the person I am… inspires her?! If she only knew the virtual, naked monster that lays underneath. I don’t want her to though. As I read through all these posts, it makes me realize that this is serious. I am technically on day 0 because I had a slip up this morning. Actually, it wasn’t porn, just masturbation. I have not actually looked at porn for a week or more. My goal is to stop masturbation all together. I am tired of not feeling right. Each time I masturbate, I feel good at first but then so depressed I want to die. I am tired of feeling this way. I hope that with the help of the other posters I can get through this. I am doing the 90 day challenge. My oath and you all can hold me to it, is to post on here each time I think I am going to slip up. I have to do this and I dont think I can alone. Its going to be hard, really hard, but I want to be able to show this girl the real me and to reclaim the passion I once had for fighting. I want to live again.
Sincerely, Second Chance day 0
Hey, you did it??
1 day sober. I hope I will be so from now on. I am just so tired of this bad habit.
I was feeling so guilty yesterday afterwards
Good stuff. I’m going to try again today.
im glad i found this place i recently gave up porn 5 days ago and i gotta admit it hasnt been easy i sadly dont have a girlfriend so its been really hard and i havent had sex in over two years now so it gets tough but u gotta do it people ive found ive been happier in the past 5 days thenm i have in a long time everytime i fell like im going to i stop get up and do 10 chin ups and 10 push ups then i usualy find something else to do video games, guitar hit the gym anything i hope for all the best out there good luck everyone
good luck bro I know you can do it. keep the strength there are alot of us out there who are going through the same thing.
Dude, way to go man! How are you doing now? Im only day 2 but I am determined.
Hello, I’m 17, and I’ve struggled with porn since I was 11. A scene Scary movie 3 is what sparked my curiosity( the fridge scene with the BJ.) I’ve been hooked since, but now I’m wanting to stop, I want to get closer to GOD, I prefer him over all porn in the world. But my point is, it’s hard for me to resist porn, because I’m 17 and no prospects of finding a girlfriend Any time soon, (too busy) and if I have to wait however many years until I get married, I’m afraid ill crack until that point. What do I do? How will I resist my RAGING hormones?
I am 23 and married. I have been clean for 5 years now. I quit looking at pornography around your age. I had a girlfriend at the time that dumbed me and I went back to porn after. I found the only way for me was to eliminate all possibilities to see porn. Blockers on cellphone, computer. Try to only use unrestricted Internet in public places. Just like a recovering alcoholic cant even taste the stuff anymore or he will get addicted, neither can we. If we do we are right back in it. I know you can do it! I did it it took me almost 8 years to stop but I did. Pray every time you want to. God made us to succeed. Never give up you can do it.
Its unbelievable how alike we are! I also discovered porn in a movie at a young age and as soon as I got a cellphone I would spend endless hours on the net. I’d google every category I knew of! It would start out of boredom but shortly after I got my ‘fix’ I’d feel very dirty and worthless and as if I let God down… I couldn’t even last a month without porn – whether literature, images or videos. This addiction is harming my self esteem and social abilities and I want to stop so bad !! I don’t want to go back to feeling ashamed and stuff ’cause I know I’m better than this. Just wanted to share my story. It began ever since I knew what sex was and now I’m turning 17 next month. I’m with you on beating this
I have been addicted to porn for over a year because the first girl I have ever loved dumped me. So I just wanted forget love because it sucked. I just wanted to switch to lust. It is my first night of my porn-free life. I am trying, I hope I make the 30-day mark.
I’ll be praying for you, I’m in the same boat
I quit smoking using the patch….too bad there’s not a patch for PORN!!!! I’d get a box!!!
i feel the need to watch even though i can`t always ejaculate. it makes me feel empty inside, i`ve gone a fully year without it but i had to go back. i really want to stop but i`m always horny and i do not want to get married or have children or have sex, it`s just the porn and the moans of the women getting injected hard that get me going.
Wow, Lisa… I understand your problem, but for the sake of recovering addict’s, can you NOT be so mentally graphic? lol
thanks
i am so glad i researched this. i thought it was an anxiety problem. i’ve had some of the most beautiful girls i could imagine at my finger tips and couldn’t do anything with them. it destroyed my self-esteem and now, i know this is the real reason why. i’m on day 3 and was extremely ill last night. i felt like i had the flu (problems on BOTH ends) but feel much better today. i’ve recently gotten with someone i want to be closer with on a serious level which has given me the fortitude to see this through for as long as it takes. the fact that porn addiction is as powerful as heroin or cocaine needs to be spread to the masses. this is a serious disorder and people need to know about it! i wish i had, i would have never gotten in to it!
Hi friends. I have been a sex addict for 15 years. Anymore i do want to break this addiction and be a healty person again. To achieve this i have made a small website containing a football season game(soccer).
In this game, we are defining some rules to obey everday. Such as eating little, doing exercise, reading some books (mostly holy books), not masturbating and so on. Each task will have a certain point. And our teams will be as poweful as the points we have gained.
We will swear on sth valuable for us not to cheat. This game is sth like football manager and it worked for me to some degree when i played alone. But i think it should include some competition. The most important thing here is to eat very little. Because it curbes sex drive significantly. There are some more details. If anybody interested it, please contact me fatihbilici83@gmail.com These are some screen shots and i can send your mail more.
http://s11.postimage.org/8wa25cc4z/Untitled1.jpg
http://s17.postimage.org/k44ziyuov/Untitled2.jpg
http://s14.postimage.org/kg0q8ctep/Untitled3.jpg
http://s12.postimage.org/dtxmxkg7h/Untitled4.jpg
Thats awesome peeps! as a female who has a partner who is addicted to porn, it really hurts me, makes me feel like i’m not good enough and my body isn’t as attractive as those he views, although i’m slim and i think i look OK, he makes me feel like i’m not because of what he is doing. He says he stopped and he loves me and he’s not addicted, he claims he “just does it”. How do i trust him?
This is what is so very sad. I look at my wife and see she is beautiful. I see other men desire her and lust after her – men at her work and strangers on the street. And what is so strange is that I know I love her but I feel like she is somehow like a co-worker or something – where intimacy just does not apply. I’m a recovering addict and I can say “trust me – it’s not you, it’s him”.
Sounds like how my husband is towards me. Says he loves me but acts like a room mate.
I as a wife am. Concerned about my husband. He is an addict. I am concerned not only about the emotional but the physical aspects that porn has on relationships. Most addicts seek afanticy relationship servers it be with aprositute or a slut. This type of behavior puts the wife at riskp of sexually transmitted diseases. This is not the faught of the victim. The addicts constant lies causes the victim to pull away. It is up to the addict to be totally honest.
Addicted to porn or not, if a person is cheating around on their partner and brings a disease home (for their unsuspecting partner) that’s just double-wrong. As if cheating is not bad enough already but to bring home an STD – even AIDS – that is really cruel. The wife of an alcoholic can leave him and start again, but how is a woman with AIDS supposed to start again? I sympathize with your concerns. You should stop sex with this man and get tested, and demand he get tested – and ensure that you know he has made a commitment to being honest with you. Fortunately for me, my addiction remained in the fantasy realm where I only used “online materials”. I did not “cyber” or communicate with women. But I did start to look at dating sites and escort sites. It was a sign the fantasy was no longer good enough… I had never cheating on my partner and that is where things were headed. I am now off porn for over three months and now I need to learn how to make love to a woman (actual love) for the first time in my life.
I’m on my first week of going porn free. I’m feeling pretty good. But here’s why…
I’ve come to an interesting observation that I feel will be extremely helpeful, practical, and/or insightful for many guys:
Going porn free and your success at staying that way are more dependent on WHY (the reason) you are going porn free and how sufficient and personally meaningful it is for you – and SPECIFICALLY YOU.
A long time ago, I got rid of all my porn and went porn free for over 90 days. I did it strictly out of religious belief that God doesn’t approve of porn, that I wasn’t “glorifying God”, that other Christians don’t approve of porn, that porn is just downright “bad”, that it’s wrong to “spill your seed on the ground”, that porn is evil, that watching porn and masturbating to another woman is the same as committing adultery (or at least having sex with someone), that addictions are bad; porn is addictive; therefore porn is downright bad and so on… that most of all “when you watch porn (in the context of these beliefs, as religious people make it seem), you are not glorifying God, need serious prayer and help, and are a “fallen Christian”.
The problem with quitting something on religious grounds like this is that the reason is more of a “shame based” reason, one that is drowned out in legalistic, rigid, dogmatic “good” and “bad” labels with little existential or deeply meaningful yet practical insights or explanations.
We’ve all heard it:
“Porn is bad”
“Masturbation is bad because God says so”
“Porn is bad because it’s not Biblical.”
Folks, quitting because of this only results in you feeling shame and unhealthy guilt. For real. That guilt and shame only fuels a more vicious “cycle of addiction”, a cycle which you get in where you’ll quit for a little while (maybe 3 days maybe 30, maybe 60) and then you’ll go right back into it, sometimes worse than before which only makes you feel more guilty, so in order to alleviate the guilt, you stop to try to make yourself feel better (which is actually selfish), then you jump back into it. Come on, who hasn’t experienced this kind of thing?
This time around, my reason for quitting porn has nothing to do whether people say it’s good or bad, but has all to do with the fact that the use of porn affects your interpersonal relationships in addition to your ability to be sexually aroused in everyday life and sexually responsive to those who deserve your sexual affection. I never realized this as much when I was single and younger, but now that I’m in a serious relationship, I’m seeing how it affects things a bit (not going into detail). Even being in a relationship, I see now that – even for single guys – porn indirectly causes ALL men to objectify women, seeing them more as an instrument of sexual pleasure than emotional intimacy, fulfillment, loyalty, and committment (and the sexuality that proceeds). Most men who regularly watch porn would object to or deny the fact that they objectify women, but I strongly believe that they do due to the way in which porn alters your reactions to “hot” women as well as your ability to be sexually aroused only by pretty women and much more.
If you try to quit porn simply because someone told you that it’s wrong, you’ll have a significantly reduced chance of being successful at stopping your porn watching. I don’t just say this from my experience, but also from watching other guys I know (especially the ones who tried to quit porn or religious reasons – the religious based porn quitters were the ones that appeared less successful at quitting, to me).
Quitting porn the most successfully – as I see it now – involves seeing and experiencing the impact that it has on your relationships with women – you need something to open your eyes to exactly how YOUR addiction is affecting not just you but the women in your life that you love (especially your significant other). When I was single, I never realized that it was affecting how I saw or treated women or reacted to them, but it does in extremely subtle ways.
I could write much more than this, but I’ll spare people…
Quit porn because you want to based on the fact that you want to have the best, healthiest, and most effective relationships with women as possible knowing that porn will mostly inhibit that. Do NOT quit porn because you simply feel it’s wrong or that God (or others) disapprove of it. Your reasons need to be existentially based, not strictly religiously based. Deeper and more personally meaningful reasons need to be realized by YOU and only YOU.
So far, I’ve had a few temptations – like today now that I’m alone – but I have no desire to actually go through with it. I know I’m not perfect. I may mess up. I don’t know. I’m doing what I have to do. Now, I care more about my relationship with women and especially with my girlfriend more than I do about stimulating myself (often selfishly) by watching some other girl get me hard and killing my imagination at the same time (who herself is probably not a healthy person nor attractive “personality-wise” anyways, but I digress).
I hope this helps someone!
Interesting. Food for thought. The problem with relating that to my life is, 1. I Can’t date. I don’t want to date. 2. I can’t have sex (Legally) So, I can not see this physical abnormality of which you speak.
I understand the guilt trip we put on ourselves. I’ve done that more than I’d want to say, much less think. But, I think it does help reinforce purity.
It kind of sucks at my high school age, because, at face value everyone is perfect and sinless. Theirs no discussion about this or openness. It is somewhat depressing to be honest. The idea that you are going through this alone and feel like you are the only one struggling. When in reality, 80% of the male population has viewed pornography in some form by that age of 13. Hundreds of thousands of young males “fall in to temptation,” or to put it more accurately, “click in to temptation.” And yet, to the unaware student, they are alone.
I’m not sure how deep or intimate users are allowed to go on this site. I apologize in advance if I am overstepping any guidelines.
A little about me, I have a genetic cancer. I’ve spent many days at the hospital, to the point where I know all of the nurses by name. My parents split when I was about 14, because my dad literally became crazy and mentally unstable. But, my mom is a God fearing women and has held strong despite surmountable obstacles. My sister ran off with an emotionally abusive, sex driven man recently. I’ve attempted to fight my depression since about 13 years old and pornography since 15. There’s my story in about 5 sentences.
So going back to the previous subject. This loneliness contributed to my antisocial phase significantly. Thank God for breaking me out of my shell. However, no matter how many times I try quitting, I can’t. Or haven’t. This repeated failure on a daily basis really did a number on me about maybe 2 months ago. I became increasingly depressed, verging on suicidal, because it seemed(seems) impossible. I hate living with this cancer of the mind. So, to relate that to your post, God has been the reason I’ve kept trying. Kept living for that matter. I’ve heard you have to reach your lowest or darkest hour to have that “Ah-ha” moment, but I think living for God before you reach that should be the goal, not a good or bad, right or wrong, type thing. Just a, “I want to be closer to God and this is holding me back” reason.
I haven’t figured out the formula for success, but God has to be the most important thing. That’s what I know for sure. I’m glad that worked for you. The idea of quitting because porn is “bad” is crap. I agree, you get no where with that.
I don’t know, I’m going to keep trying and hopefully succeed this time. Wish me luck. Thanks for sharing your experience.
God bless,
Austin
Hello Austin I too was addicted to porn. We share the same name, and maybe age(which I will not publish.) (Please do not pity me..or yell at me. Line of many ways I used to get off porn is line 2. Brief past keep reading.) Basically my Mother’s boyfriend(at the time) was beating me(I was only 3-7 years old at this time..) while my father neglected me, and everyone did not believe me about my moms boyfriend. So after awhile my life started to get better, until I was raped by a friend. Now I realize he wasn’t such a good friend. Any who now the guy who (or moms x- boyfriend) beat me wants to say sorry. I can’t wait to see him now.
Line 2 Many ways I used to get rid of porn and tips. 1st (sounds crazy but worked for a bit) cross cancel emotions or hormones. Example- Watch Girly stuff about dating and respect the girls thoughts. 2)If strong enough when you start thinking about it(sex)just change your thinking.3)Think of all the negative affects of it.4) I know at a lot of guys do tend to talk about it at school(or at least at my school) so just ignore them.5)think of all the people that truly love you(example: Mom) and then think if the would like what you are doing. 6) Try to create a new habit to get rid of your addiction to porn.Example Now I draw to cancel out porn.7) The real threat is masterbation so try to kill this habit first. 8)(my favorite) Make a daily plan on sketch paper, plan every thing don’t leave space for “free time”, because free time is usually when people do it. be as specific as possible.
line 3 how I got addicted in case your curious.
Before I was raped a friend came over. He brought some “stuff” with him.So at the age of about 5 is when I first saw it. As time started to pass I was raped(in case you did not read brief past). So remembering the pictures my friend showed me help deal with being raped(IRONY). Seeing how nobody came to my rescue I concluded that when being raped you have to look at the positives. As you can see my emotions were out of control during this time of my life fogging up the right decisions. Now I see how dumb I was.
Line 4 good bye.
Hope this helped at least one person
~Austin(different one)
Austin,
I just wanted to say thank you for sharing and that you have had a difficult life.
I know pornography overuse can be a challenging thing to deal with, especially for somebody who cannot live their lives to the full ability.
I would encourage you to find as many healthy things in life as you can, may be a worthy cause online that you can contribute to?
I would also encourage you to find a free councilor available through hospital or school or church and to talk to them about all your feelings and struggles, including to your use of pornography.
But please try to remember, that life is not simply nor is it fair. We all get what we get, and all we can do is do the best we can. And from the sound of it, you are already doing that.
You are a great person, just the way you are. And I wish you all of the best.
Regards,
Alex
just starting (again) my fight for recovery. SamD is right the masterbation really reenforces the porn addiction. I’ve just found K9 started making filters for droid & Iphone (K9 is an amazing filter & I really recommend it). Looking forward to being clean, living fully & freely, being open to true love, & being, a true man of God.
Blessings to you all!
13 days clean. And you’re darned right it’s a real addiction. You don’t go into sweats and withdrawal when you’re not addicted. Keep up the good fight men. Orgasm only with your partner. That’s my new rule and in just under 2 weeks we’re getting results!! I am pumped to keep going without porn and getting closer to my wife again.
I’ve been clean from porn for 11 days so far, I have masturbated twice since I’ve gone clean, I was really trying to go for the full 30-days without porn or masturbation but I guess it would be easiest killing off one addiction after the other.
I have found that being transparent with another person and then setting a short term goal like 30 days to be clean really helped. Also, checking in with this accountability partner kept me on the straight and narrow. Been about 45 days and counting!!! On my second short term goal of 30 days!
A big big thank you from the UK! This is the best resource I have found yet on combating porn addiction. I'm starting the suggested 30 day programme today!
Having been a porn addict myself and trying to go sober for living life more fully, I find it hard to stay committed. Its about seeking to find things that matter and seeking to try to build a life outside of this. The purpose is to eventually get to the point where other people matter and hold you accountable.
I've found that not masturbating is the key to this. Masturbation is what seems to enforce your relationship to porn. After stopping masturbation, I have little interest in porn and so regard my recovery as being the time I no longer felt urged to masturbate.