As an old Russian saying states: There are no new things in life, only well forgotten old. I feel that my recovery has completed a full circle of an upward spiral and now I am faced with a new challenge, which in many ways reminds me of some of my old experiences.
Over the course of the past two weeks, I was not following through on my commitment. I did most of the things on my list, but I did not do them all, and my mind was not in the right place. I began to view my commitments as tasks, just another thing on my to do list, and no matter how easy I’ve made my commitments I could not force myself to execute them. My biggest motivator was a fear of a slip up, and while it is a good cause, I would not want it to be the main thing that drives my life.
Also over the course of past weeks, my newly developed addiction of trying (key word trying) to help others , has developed in a new addiction of trying to save the world. I forgot that I was just an addict, with limited possibilities. I began to think that it was my duty to carry out my message to others, even if they did not care to hear my message. This approach brought a lot of distress into my life. My days began to consist of mostly checking statistics for this websites, checking my email, hoping that I would get a new comment, and trying to find another way to promote this website.
While, I still think this website serves a great purpose, I think it will be more beneficially for my recovery to adopt one of the 12 traditions of the AA and let my “public relations policy [to be] based on attraction rather than promotion” meaning I will continue writing and summarizing the material that I’ve learned, and I will continue to share my articles, but I will not invest any of my time in promoting this site. I will concentrate all my efforts on creating quality material, and I will let the universe take care of itself. If somebody in need is looking for some help, I hope he/she can find it here.
As far as my personal commitment goes, I will try to lay off the internet use for the next two weeks. I will apply the Exposure-Response Prevention (ERP) technique to my newly developed habit. I have never came around to outline this technique, but If it will prove to be helpful over the course of the next two weeks, I will make my next post about it.
So here is my commitment for the next two weeks:
- I will not watch any TV over the course of the next two weeks
- I will only use internet for work related activities.
- I will maintain a log of my internet use.
- I will either delete all of non-work related emails, or move them to a special folder to be reviewed at the end of two weeks.
- I will face every urge to move away from being my best, with ERP response, followed by one of the activity from my 67 Healthy Things To Do For Fun list. (Excluding blogging)
- I will keep writing in my recovery journal
- I will keep mediating for 5 minutes every day
- I will eat breakfast every morning
- I will conduct mental practice every morning and before I go to bed
- I will drink glass of water every morning and before I go to bed
- I will stretch every morning
This commitment goes in effect as soon as I publish this post. So no more internet for me 🙂
I’ll see you in two weeks!