Creating Your Sexual Recovery Plan

You can spend thousands of dollars on the most expensive recovery course, but it will do you no good unless you take action.

Below is my old sexual recovery plan that I wrote almost 3 years ago. I got this idea from a book called Cybersex Exposed.

Sexual Recovery Plan

Column 1 – Problematic Actions

· Watching Pornography

· Masturbating

Column 2 – Warning Signs That Sobriety Is in Jeopardy

· Going on the computer when nobody is around

· Engaging in any kind of activities on the Internet that are not work related

· Scanning the TV channels hoping to find something exciting or distracting

· Not resolving fights with other people

· Lying to myself or others, keeping secrets

· Isolating

· Working more than forty-five hours a week

· Not getting enough sleep or exercise

· Skipping my support groups or therapy

· Feeling overwhelmed, scattered or guilty

· Intense sexual fantasies

· Excessive sexual objectification of others

· Thinking about former sex or dating partners

Column 3 – The Positive Reward of Maintaining Sobriety and Refraining from My Primary Problem Activities

© by Josef Grunig

· Having more times with loved once and friends – better relationships

· Returning to hobbies and creative activities that bring pleasure

· Rediscovering romance with partner

· Taking some classes toward a possible new career

· Feeling clean and good about self

· Having more time for relaxation and fun

· Going to movies and theaters

· No need to be worried about getting caught lying

· Not having to apologize for being late

· Placing greater emphasis on financial health and stability

· Improved health

I recommend that you create a similar recovery plan for yourself.

As you can see, it consists of 3 parts.

Problematic Actions

I saw a poster at a rifle range once; it said, “If you don’t have a target, you will miss every time.”

You have to define for yourself what behaviors you are trying to stop. This will provide you with a starting point from which you can judge your progress.

Warning Signs That Sobriety Is in Jeopardy

Simply look back at your past acting out experiences and try to identify the behaviors that can serve as warning signs that you are about to act out.

The Positive Reward of Maintaining Sobriety and Refraining from My Primary

Problem Activities

This is the most important part. Why do you want to stop?

Another saying that I’ve heard is that having a strong why (reason) can overcome almost any how (condition).

I recommend that you take the next 2 days to create your personal sexual recovery plan. Don’t worry about getting it perfect, just get the ball rolling and get something in writing.

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P.S. Recommended Resources:

  • Sex Addicts Anonymous
    I cannot imagine my recovery without this program.
  • Mindful Habit Course by Coach Craig
    Great advice from a great person.
  • Free Podcast and Mini Course from Candeo Can
    I owe my first 90 days of continuous sobriety to this program and highly recommend it.
  • Internet Accountability Software
    Using this software allowed me to get truly honest with my internet usage for the first time in my life. For some reason knowing that my every step was being observed and reported on, made it really easy to use internet only in a healthy way.
  • Treating Pornography Addiction by Kevin B. Skinner Ph.D.
    I have read over 15 books on Pornography and Sexual addiction and this truly is one of the best books on the subject. The reason is I recommend this particular book is because it is full of excellent actionable steps. Other books do a good job describing the problem, but don’t really offer a realistic solution.
  • Your Sexually Addicted Spouse – How Partners Can Cope and Heal by Barbara Steffens Ph.D.
    I know that about half of visitors to our site are spouses of people who might be suffering with pornography and sex addiction. To the best of my knowledge this book is one of the most helpful books for the partners.
  • Free Consultation from Coach Craig
    Coach Craig has been a good friend and supporter of this site since January 2013. He has worked with people from all over the world, including famous musicians and other high profile individuals. Yet, he is only a phone call away and would be glad to give you a free consultation. Call him anytime, with any question you might have, and I am know he will be extremely happy to help in any way he can.

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Comments

  1. mrfantastic says

    I joined this site last night (still waiting on e-mail confirm) and have been clean for one day. Today is my son’s third birthday. I have been near tears several times today, in guilt and hopelessness. My family is too good for me. I have to break this. I’m afraid I’m going to lose everything.

  2. IN RECOVERY says

    Your plan procedure looks like sounds good.
    Especially the second one.
    I am in recovery.
    Counting day-1(21_12_12)
    my local time:00.00a.m.(12AM)
    Thanx,
    Alex

  3. Zen says

    The plan sounds great but I cant realy think of any thing mean I have only two hobbes my tae kwon do classes I get black belt last year around thanksgiveimg woot and my only other hobbe might be video games which is very weak I know but im pretty good I used to do more.but.im.from a big family and every one has moved out but one of my.sisters and shes full time college plus theres a big age gap when my siblings moved out I just kinda crashed got bored heard the word porn googled it and the.rest is history now.i am here and still watching too much porn can any one give a suggestion for things to do by myself

    • stef says

      keep reading. Get information. Find motivation. If you have a girl U like, let she be your motivation, Just think about her laugh, her smile, how could you get her fell good, but not sexually, just spiritual comfort and happiness. Keep think about. When the word porn comes in your head just think all the bad things which came after and breath. Breath quick and this will hesitate you till your attention goes on something else. Just do something very quick, because you can stop on every moment. I have felt it, but as it goes on as weak i become. Get rid of the dirty thoughts at time, 2-3 seconds are enough to be occupied. Then do it again and again. Let the running out of the porn craving became a simple habit. I am in recovery now an fell very very good. Even my head is not totally clear my will increase every day, even the trill burns me, but i feel the control so that make me proud! :) Good luck

  4. Jesse says

    Here’s a simple start to a recovery plan. Find something healthy that brings as much or more satisfaction as watching porn, and whenever you feel the urge, do that instead.

  5. Anonymous says

    I have never started a journal so how do I do that is it like “I did this today I had the craving for porn and did the breathing excercise” type stuff

  6. says

    i had really controlled my porn addiction…bt there is still a problem….at night when sometimes xxx thoughts emerge then i had nightfall…and then in the morning i had regret feeling….so plz help me…

  7. roger says

    I love this site. I have been adicted to porn and masterbation 20 years. I destroyed two computers in anger. I have been clean for two weeks. Is there anything else I can do to help with my addiction. Thanks Roger.

    • says

      Hi Roger,

      You are doing the right things. I recommend more stuff through the recovery course. But I would highly recommend going to a 12 step program like Sex Addicts Anonymous for a community of recovery, and a life time supply of things you can do to help with your addiction :)

  8. anon says

    i have this bestfriend and were really really good friends..but he gets horny alot..and then he makes me too..i dont want too but i end up doing so..or cybering..and then comes the rush of guilt..what should i do..

    • Alex says

      I think guilt is a pretty good indicator of what we should and should not be doing. If you feel guilty after the fact, chances are your subconsciously know that you did not make a good decision.

      In your case, I would let your friend know how you feel and set a healthy boundary. If you find your cyber chat sessions getting out of control, perhaps it would be best to discontinue those all together.

      • anon says

        i tried that..told him how i feel afterwards but it didnt make anydifference infact it happened more often..he does that on purpose i think..he has been through alot of distress and so he watches porn and stuff and when ever i tell him not to the out come is me ending up like him…should i leave him..?

        • Alex says

          Well, it does not sound like a healthy and/or loving relationship to me, so probably I would have to say yes, you should leave him. But that is just my subjective opinion…

        • Anon says

          Chances are extremely likely that you are not the only female he is talking like this to. It sounds like he may suffer from sexual addiction as well, cyber sex is one of the most common outlets of this. To be honest it sounds like your friendship is a bit one-sided and does not sound healthy or that he truly cares for you and your best interests. This is simply an opinion from my personal experience and I deeply regret the people online that I used while calling them my friend. I am sorry for your situation, it is ok to stand up for yourself, what you deserve and what you want. God Bless.

  9. unknown says

    im 14 and a guy im horny and cant find a girl that will have sex with me jacking off dosant end my cravings wt should i do

    • Anon says

      1. Girls aren’t put on this Earth solely for procreation.

      2. You’re fourteen. Calm down, one day you will look back and realize how young (physically included) you are.

      3. Having sex with a girl, even a full-blown-level-10-hot-as-can-be won’t extinguish your sex drive nor craving for pornography and masturbation.

      What to do then? Try to stay in control of your life and refocus it away from sex. Take up interests, hobbies, investments in your future and fun activities you like to do. The less you obsess about sex, the less intense your cravings will be.

      That is my 2 cents. Good luck!

  10. Anonymous says

    I began reading your Recovery Course two days ago. This is very interesting. Everything you describe has happened to me: the problems, the triggers, the outcomes…all those things. And then your Recovery Plan. That fits my experience precisely.

    Thank you very much for providing this information and all your experience. I will follow this course and work at it. I hope I have the same positive outcome that you have had.

    Thank you.

  11. A,( Netherlands) says

    I quit smoking and alcohol by books from Allan Carr,still wished I’d found a solution on pornography-addiction. This site just might be it. Thanx. Its The Truth that sets us free.God wants us to be free.

  12. Derek says

    i would change in “warnings that soberity is in jeopardy” with getting online when noone is home to “going on the computer when nobody is around”

  13. Anonymous says

    I really want to thank you, there is nothing else out there I can afford. I just found this today, and it already has become a great help. I'm planning on joining an addiction recovery group over the phone, because I am not comfortable with doing it in person right yet. Being able to call someone when I need help could be a great thing for me. Thank you for helping me get my life back!

    • Sex addict 1 says

      I joined SAA (sex addicts anonymous) 2 weeks ago. Scary going to first meeting. But well worth it. I highly recommend taking that step. I don’t think an online forum could possibly be as helpful a a live support group.

  14. Anonymous says

    Bravo to you for posting this and maintaining this site. I'm so grateful to have come across it. This is such a difficult topic to find good help on, and to find free good help is truly a blessing. I can't say enough about how great it is you've posted this. Thank you. Thank you.

  15. FeedTheRightWolf says

    Thank you all for your feedback.

    To the last anonymous. I hope your relationship will work out. But the best way to recover is to do it for yourself, and to hate this addiction for the life that it has stolen from you.

  16. Anonymous says

    I hope my girlfreind will be patient enough for me to use all of these tools for my recovery. I have a plan now and I know what I have to do but the poor sex life has gone on for a while and I dont think she will wait any longer.

  17. Anonymous says

    This plan is very good indeed this may help resolve my addiction and i love the target because i hate failed targets so im giong to use this plan.we learn from past mistakes and yours saved us

  18. Anonymous says

    i'm posting again lol… i'm just so impressed by everything especially this page so far. i'm really picky with finding a solution. this website material seems spot on.

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