I wanted to reach out to you really quick.
First of all, our member AnAllias has been keeping his journal on our forum for the past 4 weeks and amount of progress that he has made is amazing. I wanted to share it with you.
Healthy Hydration (>6 glasses of water)
Healthy Eating, except Thursday.
Praying Morning and Evening, except Thursday.
Reading Recovery Literature – mostly online.
X Healthy sleep. Thursday night particularly bad as I worked through. Got an early night yesterday, though.
X Physical exercise
X ERP – have missed these the last couple of days.
Strong Emotions That You Felt During the Day:
Intermittent Anxiety. Main driver for this is my work project, which should be winding down from Monday. Need to make sure I take a breather before taking on anything new.
Contentment, Satisfaction, Optimism – Still feeling calm the rest of the time, and as I think I mentioned in my last post I’ve got this weird confidence that ‘everything is going to be fine’ despite any evidence indicating otherwise.
Strong Negative Beliefs that Were Affecting Your Day:
“I won’t get finished on time” – not as insistent as before, but still cropping up every so often. I think it’s changing slightly now to “I’ll barely get finished on time” with implications for the quality of my work.
How did you get out of Isolation/ Improve your Social Skill today:
Getting a haircut and chatting with the hairdresser! Phone calls, visiting a local office and meeting one of my colleagues for the first time. Church, visiting mum and cutting her lawn [I was rewarded with a delicious lunch, so not entirely altruistic there.]
Anything Positive that You Learned/Experienced Today:
I discovered I have far more stamina than I thought I had, and can get a huge amount done if I put my mind to it.
Things You are Thankful for Today:
My dogs, who’ve been wonderful companions whilst I’ve been working from home.
My work colleagues, who’ve generally been exceedingly helpful over the last couple of days.
The internet – a bit of a double edged sword, perhaps, but tons of good stuff out there if you know how to find it. e.g. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cup … oned-arrow
My CD players – which have been getting abundant use recently, not to mention the CDs themselves and everyone involved in producing them.
Anything else you would like to add?
A week sober (Hooray!!) and significantly less ‘effort’ involved in getting here than previously. Just realised it has been five weeks since I started on this path and I’ve only had 4 episodes of acting out over that period. Since I seem to be most vulnerable immediately after a slip, at least two of those episodes have been double features, but even so that is amazing progress.
I can distinctly remember when I started that I *knew* I couldn’t possibly succeed, so it wasn’t worth trying, but I tried anyway and I’m very glad I did. There’s a long way to go. Hopefully any future slips will be fewer and further between. Progress, not perfection. I’ve still got a quick fix mentality, but I’m working on it.
There’s a half formed idea at the back of mind which I’m having difficulty expressing, but I’d like to say to anyone reading this who’s even thinking of trying to give up the porn to just give it a shot. Put aside any expectations of success or failure and just try. Even if you just do it as an experiment. “I’ll give up the porn for maybe four weeks, and if I still miss it I can always start again.”
According to a report I heard recently, most people who give up smoking succeed on their third attempt. There is a professional exam I have taken which has an abysmal pass rate (<50%) and fewer than 10% of people who take the courses for it even attempt the exam. However practically everyone who attempts the exam, even once, eventually passes. Again, most people pass on their second or third try. It took me six attempts (IIRC) to pass my driving test, but I finally did it. This is my second attempt (after about 4 years) to give up the porn. I wish I’d started sooner.
OK, enough rambling, I trust you get the idea.
Your friend in recovery.
You can comment on AnAllias’s journal here: http://feedtherightwolf.org/forum/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=162&start=40
12 Steps Tips
“Sobriety with a capital S” (means sobriety and serenity in all area of one’s life, and not only in areas related to addiction).
“It is our secrets that keep us sick”
“Most people are pretty amazing, they want to help. Just make sure to ask for it.”
It is important to develop a strong positive image of yourself, to see yourself as a person who would not click on such image etc. You then would try to live up to this image.
Define your “outer circle” (a term used to define all positive behaviors and healthy things that you enjoy doing that will replace your addiction. ) and live in it.
“It is easier to move towards positive direction, than resist moving towards negative direction. So eat an apple when you are hungry, instead of resisting eating a cake. Look for healthy intimacy when you feel lonely. Look for healthy ways to take care of yourself.”
“You have to be brutally honest with only 1 person, yourself, if you want to get better.”
Thank you for reading,