I apologize for being a little more quiet than usual. As I mentioned before, I take two graduate courses while working full time and it is very challenging on my schedule.
As much as I love interacting with people in recovery, I simply don’t have enough energy to dedicate to this site. I do my best to work on my own program of recovery by going to 12 step meetings, following through with my morning practice, and making phone calls.
But writing on this forum, is more of a hobby for me. Something that I do if and when I have time. I do want to share more, but I just can’t afford to dedicate any serious amount of time to this effort, which leads me to my next point:
Paying for Recovery
Those of you who’ve read my story know, that my sole purpose for starting feed the right wolf was to provide quality and free resource for people struggling with pornography addiction.
When I first got into recovery myself, I was not willing to pay for any recovery programs. I felt cheated and betrayed because the few people who seemed to be providing help for this problem, were charging money. I felt like I was being ripped off, and felt very angry.
Eventually, I did sign up for Candeo Can, which was about $300-$400 at the time, if I am not mistaking. It was a lot of money for me, but I was too desperate for help. I was just getting off 1 month of successful ERP practice, and felt like I needed an extra push. So I gave in and bought the program.
Looking back, I think the best part about Candeo Can was it’s high price. Not because I like to spend money, but because knowing that I’ve spend so much money on it forced me to actually take all of the exercises seriously.
I believe they now charge $47 per month, with a 6 month commitment. And I’ve seen people complain about its being too expensive. What people don’t realize is that you really do get what you pay for. One visit with any decent psychologist would cost you at least $70 in United States. For a little more than half of that, Candeo provides a full access to professionally recorded video courses created by two Ph. D’s – experts in dealing with pornography addiction.
Additionally, every person get a personal mentor, who emails them at least once a week, more if person is willing to communicate. Honestly, I don’t even know how Candeo people are able to make the profit. Lets say the mentor earns 15$ per hour, a very modest income in United States, and lets say this person emails a student 4 times a month for 30 minutes each. That alone will add up to $30 per month. And then they have to pay bills for storing their website, their office, and salaries for all the people who support the company. If you add all of that up, $47 per month would not seem this much anymore.
That being said, I do not think that you or anybody else needs to spend money in order to recover. There is enough free help available. I believe in feed the right wolf.org. I believe in 12 steps of recovery. I believe in other free resources.
But I also believe that people who do have money and can afford to spend it on recovery are missing out by not using all of the opportunities available to them.
I remember one night before I got into recovery I’ve spent $400 in strip club. On another night I’ve spend close to $200 on sexual video chat. Yet it took me over a year to get myself to pay $300 for 6 month worth of recovery material. Isn’t that ridiculous?
You should also know that if you sign up for Candeo Can through one of the links on feedtherightwolf.org Candeo will pay us back some of that money as an advertising fee. Therefore, if you do decide to sign up for this program, you can support our site by using one of our links. It will not cost you a penny extra.
That being said, I want to be 100% transparent with you. I recommend Candeo Can because it is a good program which can provide something that I cannot, not because I am trying to make some quick money.
If you don’t feel like this arrangement is fair, I encourage you to sign up without using the affiliate link. You can simply google Candeo Can or use this link, and I will not get paid for it.
Our Member Write:
I am a 28 yo male, working part time studying full time in a respected college. Almost like anyone else, I have found this website after I gave in on Wednesday 4/20. I have been trying to quit this for a few times already. I usually stay away from it for a couple of months and when I feel pressured from studies and the school work added to the uncertainties, I give myself in. The end result is devastating for me.
It does not only mass up my time management, or delay on an assignment, it does zero my motivation, which is the most important thing that one suppose to carry on every single day. It also violates my principles and values that matter so much to me that I hope to pass on to my children. For example, I respect women. Yes, I was thought to respect everyone, especially women. I was taught to treat people around me with good attitude. This is not what’s happening after several hrs of viewing porn.
Not only does it alter the motivation, It also affects one’s intelligence. As I said, I ‘used to’ relapse every several weeks but when it happens, I continually stay on it for a good 7-8 hrs. Towards the end of it, I feel drained, I don’t feel me anymore, can’t find meaning in my self, can’t see pride in me when I look in the mirror.
Most importantly, I feel that my brain is shrinking. It really feels hurt. The next couple of days, I tend to have disorganized thoughts, make grammar and pronunciation mistakes. Although I am a foreigner, English is my second language, I usually have a few pronunciation mistakes when I continuously talk during a conversation. After Porn, mistakes increase exponentially.
Despite the fact that I was in recovery, I knew I would not be able to put a good work, I chose to sit down and study. During my studies, I felt refreshing. Unlike the feeling of shrinking of my brain, I felt the opposite, together with a headache of course. It may sound funny but this is how it feels. It also brought back some motivation. After two days, I am feeling much better, I don’t see any images when I close my eyes. So my conclusion is that it may help your brain to get better, if you engage yourself with some other irrelevant thing than what you have exhausted your brain with.
Few years ago, I have quit smoking cigarette after trying five times. Every time it would take few days or a week, and I would begin again. At the end, I took an advise from a person and implemented it. If you reach 30 days without a single cigarette, you may not be clean of it but the urge to have one will decrease dramatically. This is exactly the same thing Alex was talking about about in one of the sections for prevention of relapses. The bell curve. If the urge to go for porn or cigarette is so high that you can’t focus on anything else, you should know that you are at the top of that curve. Tough. I used to give myself 20 min and used to notice that the urge would fade away. Every time it happened and I won, I gained confidence then all I knew was that myself was the winner against my other self. Another words, I fed the right wolf.
Today is 4/22/11. Two days after my attempt to permanently restrain from any kind of sensual, or sexual image on internet. I will be posting on my progess and share with you my feelings. I believe this is about motivation, courageousness, and determination. If we reached to this point-seeking a solution, we must realize that we all have these credentials to succeed living an absolute pornography free life.
I am a severe addict of porn for last 15 years. I lost my career because of porn. My life is in vain. I have been living always alone in a single room which compels me to watch porn. I have come to a stage that I cannot live without watching porn and masturbation. Nowadays I think of committing suicide since I come to the conclusion that I can never escape from this dangerous habit. All my precious life time has simply gone wasted in watching useless porn. But I am too late to realize this. My brain is completely damaged by this habit. I have lost all my hopes of getting rid of this habit. I tried many times and failed to abstain from porn and masturbation. I dont know why I am living with this f**king habit. Today I came across this website and I have started reading this. Hope it will be helpful to me.
Thank you for reading, and I’ll check back in with you soon!
Your friend in recovery,