Like most of the people I grew up thinking that pornography viewing was a completely normal behavior. My parents thought it was normal and allowed me to do it as much as I wanted. I thought that I will be able to stop viewing pornography whenever I will find the right woman.
Many years have passed, and I have progressively begun watching more and more pornography. At first I was limited by my parent’s presence, than I was limited by internet connection. I joined military and for a while, I was not able to access internet often, so my pornography viewing was limited by that as well.
When I came back from my deployment I’ve made a purchase – a laptop computer – that has changed my life forever.
While I was in Iraq, I have made a promise to myself, that when I come back from the deployment I am going to watch as much pornography as possible. I assumed that I will be able to watch everything that I had my interest in, get enough of it, and move on.
Unfortunately I soon came to realize that no matter how much pornography I watched, it was never enough. To make things worse, I began to spend a lot of money on my activity, and the rest of my life began to get out of control.
A year later I have found a woman that I fell in love with. And I decided that I will stop my pornography viewing. After all I no longer needed it, since I had a live woman next to me.
To my horror I came to realize that no matter how hard I tried to stop, I couldn’t. After a while I would give in, and go back to watching pornography again.
I felt so bad about myself. I felt so out of control. Time again and again I would swear to myself that I would stop, only to find myself failing again a week or two later.
It took me a very long time to find any kind of relieve from my addiction. I was very poor after I got out of the military and I could not afford professional counseling, so I decided to rely on my own research to find a solution to my problem. To my surprise I have found that it was very little free help available to struggling addicts, and most of the places were trying to make easy money out of other people’s suffering.
After much research I did find some help, began attending Sex Addicts Anonymous, as well as joined online recovery communities. I was afraid that people in recovery would be some kind of perverts, but was surprised to find out that in reality they were good, kind, carrying people who were able to listen. Through working with those people and learning as much as I could about pornography addiction, I was finally able to break free, and now enjoy a more normal life where pornography does not take over all of my daily activities.
If you or someone you know is struggling from a similar problem please know that you are not alone and that there is help available.