Dear Alex,

My name is Mohamad and I come from a very far place called Brunei Darussalam. Brunei Darussalam is a very small country where more than 70% of the populations are Muslims. And believe me, I am one of the Muslim people in Brunei. Though I may not be good in writing my story in English, but I hope you understand how the story goes. Well, even though I am a Muslim, I am pretty much what you say an addict to pornography, and I was wondering if you could help me solve this kind of problem.

First of all I want to say that it has been an honor to meet you as a person who has shared so many experiences for more than two years with the help of articles and trainings. I write this story as my experience towards pornography and how it devastates my life for the past decades. I have realized that being a porn addict would not get me anywhere to becoming a good person I want to be. After I watched Internet pornography I started to get angry sometimes at people even my parents. After wondering what I have been doing for the last couple of years, I have been feeling very guilty and ashamed. But right after I had done watching pornography I felt like I had to stop the thing I am doing and get back to my normal life where I used to be a good person. But everything turned out to be worst because I still have that feeling of wanting to watch more of that stuff.

Most of the time, I watched pornography at midnight where the time no one knows what I am doing in my room. So it is a terrible mistake I have made. The next morning I felt very cranky listening to what people had to say and I suddenly ignored them. I have been less communicating with people because I have been very upset with my guilt, and sometimes I have the feeling that I lack knowledge and social interaction with others. This is one of the problems I face everyday. Although I am still a university colleague, my academic qualifications for the past few years are very poor because of this addiction. I needed help trying to solve this problem of mine because it has ruined my life. Most of the time I didn’t get respect from people I know and this is what it hurts me the most.

I have someone that I love so much and she is upset about me lately. She had realized that I lied to her a lot saying that I didn’t watch pornography especially at night. She knows I am a porn addict and that breaks her heart. And she even said to me that if I am going to keep doing things like these she will definitely break up with me, and that’s not what I want from her.

Despite of that, I have been dealing with a lot of problems recently and here are the problems I am willing to share with you:

  1. Lack of knowledge,

  2. The feeling of anger and frustration,

  3. Poor academic qualifications,

  4. Always being forgetful even if for a short while,

  5. The feeling of laziness and jealousy,

  6. Unable to communicate well with other people,

  7. Refused to do good things at will,

  8. Disrespect from other people including your families,

  9. Able to tell lies that can hurt people’s feelings,

  10. Negative thoughts.

So I hope that you may be able to help me solve this addiction problem of mine that I still have until now. My parents depend on my future and I don’t want to let them down because they are my parents. So if there would be a way to stop (or reduce) the addiction once and for all, I would be glad to know it. This is very important to me so it would be much appreciated if you help me solve this problem I am having. And I admit that I am a porn addict. 

Many thanks,

Mohamad


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