Dear Friends,

I suppose that if you are reading this, we are in the same boat. It is my belief that, as long as we are here, we might as well make the best of it and learn from it. If we just “survive,” all of our suffering, shame, and guilt will be for nothing. But, if we learn about ourselves we will at least become better acquainted with who we are and what makes us tick.

Of course our greatest desire today is to overcome pornography/masturbation. I have learned that, for myself, there is much more to the problem than just the pornography/masturbation. I have come to realize that I simply go from one bad habit to another. In my past it was alcohol, before that it was pain pills, before that it was cigarettes, before that it was biting my nails until they would bleed, ect…

It is not the pornography or any other bad habit that is our problem. I believe that we are searching for something that will make us feel “whole”; something that will fill the gap in our lives. There is a “loneliness” that seems inevitable; something that hangs over our heads like a feeling of impending doom. It is only after looking at the pornography and masturbation that we realize our problem is not only unsolved, but now, even worse because of how we feel about ourselves regarding the guilt and self-loathing.

So, if it is not pornography/masturbation that has us, what is the real problem? If pornography/masturbation is only a symptom, what is the root cause? What is it that makes us do the very thing that we do not want to do? It is my belief that we are not comfortable with whom we are; that we believe we should, in some way, be a “better” person.

For people who do not know me very, very personally, I seem like an average, nice guy. They have no idea of what is going on inside of me; that there is a battle in me that only I can see. I smile and laugh, but, inside I am alone with my habit and see no way out; therefore, feeling very sad, lonely, and disgusted with myself. This is a habit that we must keep a secret because, to us, it is a vile and shameful habit. And, you know what they say; “You are only as sick as your darkest secret.”

If a loving relationship were the problem then I suppose that a married man would not do these things. If it were a money problem only poor people would be affected with this habit. If it were a race problem then only one race would suffer. But, it is not any of these things. Our problem stretches far across the lines of race, finances, and marital status. In fact, our problem stretches across the world. So, what is it we want?

I believe that we are searching for something far greater than ourselves; something greater than our own mortality. We are hurting for something bigger than any relationship, hobby, or self-fulfillment we could possibly produce on our own. The only thing left to think about is God. What do we believe, or do we even believe at all? Is there a God, does He know who I am, do I know who He is? All of us have to face mortality at some point. Are we satisfied with it; are we scared of it?

I am not pushing religion. In fact, religion in itself is just a bunch of rituals. It is only when we feel that God, not religion, is real that we are able to comprehend that there is someone bigger than ourselves; bigger than our own lives. I believe that once we come to terms with all of this we will, finally, be able to unload our burdens, fears, disappointments, and shame.

Personally, I have faith in God. If you do not have faith in God, then perhaps you can look at this through the eye of deduction. If pornography/masturbation is not fulfilling and if you cannot find your peace in anything else you have tried, it only makes sense that you should at least consider some sort of relationship with God.

Ok, so now I have a relationship with God and yet I still have pornography/masturbation in my life. Why? I mean, what gives? If the answer is a relationship with God, then why do so many people with this relationship find themselves in this predicament? Is it because we do not have enough faith in God? Do we believe it is some sort of punishment? For myself, I am at my best when I am in constant contact with God; truly taking a part in our relationship. It is when I stray from Him that I act out on my own; go my own way and do my own thing. I have learned the hard way that I, with my own judgment, do what I hate the most and don’t do the very thing that is best for me.

We cannot expect God to take this vile habit away from us when we are not willing to follow what is best in our relationship with Him. Would you reward your child even if he/she was misbehaving and knew better? We can, however, have the courage to stand before Him and make our requests known to Him when we are truly cultivating His will for our lives.

As you can tell, I am no expert in psychology or theology. I am just a guy going down a road that I do not want. I want better for myself. Not because I deserve it, but, because I believe that, with the help of God, I CAN do better.

So can you!