This is one of those things I’ve struggled with myself for years. Is masturbation harmful?
Technically you would think if you can do it without lusting or fantasizing about another person, or do it without looking at porn, then you would think it wouldn’t be so harmful. However, for men especially, this is nearly impossible.
In my case, I have managed this only in cases where I went several weeks or months without pleasuring myself. If you can do that then it wouldn’t seem “sinful” as most religions put it. On the other hand, since I’ve been married, I have learned that the more years you spend pleasuring yourself until you find someone to spend your life with the harder it is to give yourself to someone else because masturbation is an act of self-gratification and we get so used to “do-it yourself” that we struggle with giving ourselves to our mates.
The only way to right this wrong is to seek spiritual wisdom from our Higher Power and rely upon our HP to guide us in the selection of a lifetime mate. Note that a mate is intended to be for life. I know in the Bible account of Creation, God said “it is not good for man to be alone, therefore He has created for Him a helper.” Someone that compliments us, loves us unconditionally, and shares our vision for life. God only intended for us to have one mate but sometimes stuff happens such as divorce and death of a spouse. Although divorce should never be an option because if it is it shows the couple was never truly committed to each other.
In the most common case of cohabitation and sex before marriage, in my opinion it’s not the actual act of either one that is wrong, it’s the lack of commitment. Lack of commitment is why marriages today don’t last a lifetime while marriages in previous generations lasted 50 to as much as 70+ years.
Too much societal pressure nowadays with job quotas, easy credit to get you into debt, buy-now-pay-later. also many couples have a “roommates with benefits” option that says if they get tired of their mate they can move on. We are all guilty of this because, I know for myself, if I haven’t done it I have contemplated it. That doesn’t justify it but we should strive for excellence in everything we do so if we truly love someone we should wait and not stir up love till it pleases.
P.S. Recommended Resources:
- Sex Addicts Anonymous
I cannot imagine my recovery without this program.
- Mindful Habit Course by Coach Craig
Great advice from a great person.
- Free Podcast and Mini Course from Candeo Can
I owe my first 90 days of continuous sobriety to this program and highly recommend it.
- Internet Accountability Software
Using this software allowed me to get truly honest with my internet usage for the first time in my life. For some reason knowing that my every step was being observed and reported on, made it really easy to use internet only in a healthy way.
- Treating Pornography Addiction by Kevin B. Skinner Ph.D.
I have read over 15 books on Pornography and Sexual addiction and this truly is one of the best books on the subject. The reason is I recommend this particular book is because it is full of excellent actionable steps. Other books do a good job describing the problem, but don’t really offer a realistic solution.
- Your Sexually Addicted Spouse – How Partners Can Cope and Heal by Barbara Steffens Ph.D.
I know that about half of visitors to our site are spouses of people who might be suffering with pornography and sex addiction. To the best of my knowledge this book is one of the most helpful books for the partners.
- Free Consultation from Coach Craig
Coach Craig has been a good friend and supporter of this site since January 2013. He has worked with people from all over the world, including famous musicians and other high profile individuals. Yet, he is only a phone call away and would be glad to give you a free consultation. Call him anytime, with any question you might have, and I am know he will be extremely happy to help in any way he can.