What is Co-Dependency?

My husband and I try to maintain a healthy sense of humor about even the most difficult things in life, including his porn and cybersex addiction and the strain it places on our marriage.  Over the years, I have learned that if you have a choice between laughter and tears, laughter is healthier (and burns more calories).  This year for Valentine’s Day, my husband gave me a card which proclaimed Happy Co-Dependent’s Day! and on the inside, be mine (he had also inserted a very sweet, heartfelt Read more [...]

Secrets, Transparency, and Recovery

In one of his previous posts, Alex commented that you are only as sick as your worst secret.  Secrets are your worst enemy in recovery, in trying to stay clean, and in trying to rebuild your relationship. Your spouse needs you to be transparent, especially where your online activities are concerned.  Transparency allows him or her to see for himself or herself that you are “staying clean” and being an honest and faithful partner.  In the aftermath of the kinds of behavior sex addiction Read more [...]

What to Expect from Therapy or Counseling

When I walked nervously into my first counseling session about a year ago, I had no idea what to expect, and no idea how the process worked.  A kindly woman about my mother’s age opened the conversation with, “So, what are your objectives for counseling?”  I was both confused and daunted; no one had warned me that there would be a quiz on the first day! “Um… to get better?” I stammered.  I had sought counseling mostly at my husband’s insistence, because he saw that the anger, grief, and Read more [...]

Married to a Sex Addict: What Does This Mean for Your Marriage?

If you have just discovered that your spouse suffers from sex addiction, you probably have a lot of questions.  “Why did he do this?”  “Is there something wrong with me?”  “Should I be angry?”  “What does this mean for our marriage?” Your spouse’s sex addiction does not necessarily mean that your marriage is over, or that you can never regain the intimacy and affection you previously had.  If you are both willing to work and forgive, you can make your marriage strong and happy again. Read more [...]

Is Pornography Mostly Harmless? (No!)

An unfortunately popular misconception in our culture is that pornography use is a normal, harmless habit. If you are a porn user, you may be relying on this idea to rationalize or justify your habit to yourself and your family (if you are a recovering addict, you may have done so earlier in your journey, and you already know better).  This misinformation is one of the things keeping you trapped by your pornography habit.  Please read this. If you are the spouse of an addict, your partner Read more [...]

You Are Not Alone

Whether you are a recovering addict or a partner, sex addiction is difficult to talk about, even with people you normally trust.  Unfortunately, our society still stigmatizes most mental health issues, so even more conventional illnesses like depression or anxiety disorders are too often met with skepticism, ignorance, or judgement.  Sexual issues can be especially sensitive, for everyone involved. As a result, the long and difficult journey toward recovery can feel very lonely and isolated. Read more [...]