It is not my intent to bash porn or the porn industry, that argument would be idle. Some of the people I have met in the industry are exemplary examples of professionals in how they conduct their business. Porn will always be around, no matter what and because of this it is totally dependent on the individual to do something to resolve issues of addiction. If you are reading this, there is a fair chance that you think you have a problem in your life related to porn or with sex in general. I have no direct experience as a husband or parent but know of enough instances to describe and know implications and how they affect individuals who have a high priority in their life for erotic material. So what are my goals and what do I want to talk about?
Being informative and giving insight that others may not be able to give are my top priorities. I will give details on some aspects of the adult industry, but nothing more than is necessary to prove legitimacy. I made thousands, not millions or not hundreds of thousands. The very thing that led me to do porn kept me from excelling at it in some instances, addiction. The business model of adult is such now that almost anyone who has a cheap camera and just a little web savvy can be a producer. Anyone can be an affiliate marketer for adult that has a computer. I’m not here to titillate but to give personal experience that will help you gain insight.
Porn has always been a very big part of my life since I can last remember. I’ve been browsing since I was 12-13. The internet was the perfect avenue for the distribution of pornography, and I was coming of age around the time of the boom. It got so bad at one point that my parents had to install a blocker program to hinder my viewing, I quickly figured out how to circumvent this. Unlike some of my habits, porn never abated and only got worse. It intensified to the point on occasion where I found it necessary to reschedule events or meetings in order to sit in front of a computer and find material to masturbate to. I recall sitting up late on the computer downloading any media that I came across and finding self-gratification much easier than any kind of bonding with a woman in real life. Why would I need to go through the process of hours of building trust and rapport with someone for intimate relations when I could get all the gratification I needed with just a few clicks?
In middle school, a group of us traveled to the pet store on our bikes were interrupted by a plastic bag found on the side of road. The bag was full of all kinds of smut that could be thought of. Immediately the trip was halted and we had a time that night after viewing the stack of material we had found. Even though this story may not be an uncommon response to young boys, it shows how pornography gets in the way of goals, even if they are simple as going to the pet store.
Fast forward many years later I was still spending on average two hours a day consuming online material. Some days I would spend many more hours viewing whatever I came across, making much of my day a waste. My life consisted of 40-60 hours of work a week and 10-20 of viewing smut. Yet on and on I continued and eventually decided to be involved with the production of content and advertising the content. I figured if it was so enjoyable, how about partaking in the production of some content and be proactive in something I enjoy so much.
It was an impressive move as it showed action on my part. I made interesting business contacts and learned several things over the course of my 4 years involved proactively in the industry. It would be a lie to say the experience wasn’t fascinating. Even though the adult industry has it’s villains, the model is no different from any other mainstream business.
Content that I produced was a specific niche and it was very good. We developed a strong following; it was extremely exciting to produce the scenes. I got good at recruiting the models, talking with webmasters, setting up accounts, and forming an LLC and business partnerships. We made money, not much relatively compared to some though. The margins in adult are very low now because of all the sites that offer porn in a YouTube like style and piracy from torrents and file hosts. It can be a thrill on occasion to talk to someone on the phone who’s content I watched when I was young growing up. Several people I met made $30k+ a month are now lucky to break with a few thousand in present day. With modern hard drive storage and downloading techniques it is easy to build and amass a library that is nearly limitless.
This continued on for a few years, I met several people, and amassed a collection of other peoples’ stories that are more dynamic than you can think from any other bunch; people in adult are interesting. I tried several other things but affiliate marketing and matters of dealing directly with content didn’t work for me. Inevitably when using material to make image galleries or video galleries, or even blog posts, I found myself quickly masturbating to it. After I masturbated I’d lose will and my drive was shot. This was not a good business practice and as a result my affiliate earnings were very weak.
I refused to acknowledge that any problem existed for me, but there was a problem. Mixing business with pleasure doesn’t always work so well and it didn’t especially here. I get sick if I think about all the hours I’ve spent porn viewing and what I could have done instead with that time.
Viewing pornography has different effects on people, just like drinking alcohol. I’ve never been inclined to continually abuse any substance; the only drugs I can attest to this personally are alcohol and cocaine. Much like the effects of alcohol on an alcoholic, so is pornography on me. Pornography viewing, unlike substantial drug abuse, doesn’t make a drastic change to an individual’s appearance, which can potentially make it even more dangerous and hard to admit to the problem as it’s more subtle.
Pornography is an outlet for some and maybe a relief in some instances but for people such as myself it’s all consuming. What I thought was intrigue and a hobby was actually a very inhibiting activity that limited my potential significantly.
A friend of mine spent 1 year in a halfway house because he could not control his drinking. He often would wake up at noon after going to bed at 4-5am and immediately start drinking. Similar I’ve spent up to 8 hours looking at porn. It’s interesting to decide to do something that you were addicted to in the first place. It’s the same as asking an alcoholic the reason they became a bartender. In the end it doesn’t end well.
A producer and business contact I know from California who produces content invited me out and I stayed with him for a week. When talking with someone for hours on end you get to know that person, well. The gentleman I stayed with was kind and professional and loved what he did. All the neighbors thought he was a sugar daddy with all the models he had coming over to do photo shoots with him. I watched him produce a few scenes in his house, an interesting experience. He talked about his ex-wife and his estranged family, originally an amicable divorce the wife’s lawyer was able to leverage everything he’d done against him relating to porn. With being involved in adult, any abhorring accusations of assault or molestation are much more likely to stick. As of now he has a son that is slightly older than me and both his son and two daughters have been estranged from him, mainly due to a vindictive wife.
Continual viewing of content leads to desensitization, and often people look to increase the stimulation by finding harder and harder content. Sometimes this leads to the viewing extremes of seeking out content in the gray area or even content that is clearly illegal to gain that stimulation. Getting the thrill can be an all-consuming past time that just eats away at your life and budget and have potential legal consequences, and don’t forget time is money.
The thing to remember about porn, even if it doesn’t affect you substantially and analogous to a social drinker who gets by drinking once or twice a week with friends compare to an alcoholic who drinks heavily, when people find out how much of a habit you have: at best it is a fun conversation and you discuss for a bit, at worst you are thought of in a disgusting manner.
Porn addiction is something you may have development out of several circumstances. Perhaps you have trouble talking to people and skipping all the parts of a relationship for gratification on a computer monitor is a lot easier for you. I consider myself to be shy at times and it can be hard for me to manage relationships but you need to manage expectations. Things to consider would be getting involved with a church, even as an atheist the social benefits are very rewarding. Toastmasters, I am personally involved with, you practice giving speeches and being a part of the group has many social benefits.
Some people have no issues with pornography and manage to make it a part of their life and it works fine. When we did shoots I met people that were swingers, people in very awkward living situations, people who had done top modeling shows; none of it really bothered them. I consider myself abnormally addicted though, I can’t even describe how much I’ve viewed or seen.
The decision to quit leaves an uncertain future which a scary thing, I face this now at the time of this writing. At 27, it’s easy to feel jaded about some of my prospects. This is due to how much I’m putting behind myself now as a result of cutting myself off from my activities I was once involved with online. I’m saying goodbye to dozens of people I met doing business. Much like a person that has a problem with drink and having to avoid all instances of settings that involve alcohol so do I with adult which can be very daunting.
My work is cut out for me but I am hopeful.
One thing I did learn in adult that all of you can take is it is no different than mainstream or regular online business or brick and mortar business. You get out what you put in. I know people that were making thousands of dollars a day but they all worked hard, double shifts usually every day.
People who go to Ivy League schools are usually always smart but what separates them from others is their ambition. Ambition is simply what you want in life and striving for it and getting it. Set goals. If you keep your old ways, I guarantee you will fall into the same traps you’ve always been ensnared in.
It is important to find some activities to fill the void. Lack of activities in downtime or a schedule of something to do makes you give in to leisure which in my case is porn viewing. Make it a priority in your life to do new things and to try your best at them.
There is a lot to do in life, develop a hunger for it. Make sure to keep a journal and mark your monthly daily moods and what is currently happening. Surely you don’t remember everything you are feeling at the time. I did this once when going through a very traumatic time in my life, I was suffering from the effects of a head injury, which have now abated, and I wrote down how I was doing. The doctor was able to prescribe an effective treatment as a result of detailed notes. A self-diagnosis is much easier if you have material to help with reflecting what your issues are. Figure out your problems and make goals.
I hope this helps.