This may surprise you but I’m not going to write about NOT watching porn. As I’m sure you know by now the entire concept of feeding the right wolf inside you requires action – action to create a better life so porn is no longer attractive to you. Porn’s grip on you will weaken substantially if you get your life moving in the right direction.

There are five things that you need to do at a minimum to be successful in life particularly when you are struggling with porn addiction. In this article I am going to prove to you that you must improve these parts of your life in order to move forward right now. I’m going to help you assess your performance in these fundamental five areas and provide you with some tips to kick more ass.

When porn addiction is consuming you I am confident that many other areas of your life are impacted. There are a number of things that you know you should do — but don’t — because you’ve surrendered your power of choice.

Now listen, what I’m going to talk about now is fundamental. It is basic!  This is stuff you already know – at least most of it.

I want to use this article to help you start picking some low hanging fruit to accelerate your progress. In my experience, these five areas are often overlooked when someone is acting out – and they’re overlooked in recovery for porn addiction in favor of obsessively focusing on what you SHOULDN’T be doing – in this case your porn use — that’s important — and we ARE going to focus on that and have lots of articles on this site that speak to that precise issue, but we MUST also focus on what you SHOULD be doing. You must FEED THE RIGHT WOLF. feed the right wolf

Before I jump in I want to tell you something about my philosophy. I believe — and science strongly supports this position — that you will move farther faster towards your goals by focusing on what you want to do, instead of obsessively focusing on what you don’t want to do. The cure for mediocrity, malaise, and underachievement is the aggressive pursuit of a great life. So let’s get moving shall we?

Here are the five areas I’m going to talk about in this article:

  1. Eating – you must eat well – what you put in is what you get out – I know this is obvious. It’s not rocket science. I know it and you know it. It’s important and listen, you’d be foolish to think that how you treat your body and what you put in it has no relevance to your mediocrity or suffering;

  1. Sleeping – you need to get regular sleep or your body and mind is a mess. Period.;

  1. Drinking – you must hydrate properly. Without water we die. I can’t begin to tell you how many of my clients are not getting enough water throughout the day – I wasn’t;

  1. Exercise – you know this already and I’m going to remind you again – exercise is critical; and finally

  1. Mindfulness – this might be new to you and I’m very excited to share it with you – it’s going to change your life; mindfulness is one of the most powerful behavior modification techniques in existence. I’m going to explain what mindfulness is and give you some resources to start practicing it now.

Eat Good

Let’s start with the benefits of a health diet. I know some of this stuff is simple, however, when we’re in the throes of our porn addiction the simple stuff gets overlooked. I know I wasn’t nailing the fundamentals.

Eating well — are you ready for some some science? —  has been proven to improve your health – yes there is a study that says this. There is also a study that proves eating nutritious meals makes you happier. Fact – eating well also boosts your self esteem and improves your brain.

Check this out – “Proper nutrition increases blood flow to your brain, protecting brain cells and helping to prevent Alzheimer’s disease.” Do you want Alzheimers?

I’m not going to tell you how to eat – that’s not the purpose of this course. You know how to eat better and right now, with the next piece of food that you put in your mouth, you can make a smart choice. It doesn’t have to be perfect, just make it smarter.

Here’s the low hanging fruit you can focus on the next couple of days. Cut your sugar, ditch crappy fast food, and, eat a diet high in protein and lots of fruits and vegetables. Eat a salad. You know this – get on it! It’s important. Eating is one way we can respect and honor our bodies. Take care of your body and your mind will follow.

Sleep Well My Friends

You know what lack of sleep does. Just reflect for a moment on the impact of those late night porn benders you’ve likely been on. You know it wreaks havoc on your body and mind and contributes to your using PMO to cope, escape, medicate, and basically not deal with your shit. It sucks the life right out of you. Here’s why you need to get good sleep to kick more ass.

Proper sleep can help you with learning. During sleep you can strengthen memories or “practice” skills learned while you were awake.

Proper sleep can make you live longer and improve your emotional life and creativity. Good sleep helps you lose weight. Researchers at the University of Chicago found that dieters who were well rested lost more fat—56% of their weight loss—than those who were sleep deprived, who lost more muscle mass.

Good sleep lowers stress and enhances emotional stability. And you need more emotional stability – do everything in your power to get at least six hours of sleep per night. Eight is optimal. Get in the habit of going to bed at the same time every night. And get those phones out of view or shut ‘em off. The glow actually mimics the daylight spectrum and can totally screw up your sleep patterns.

Drink Up – water makes you alive – without it you die.

When I was bringing an acute and careful attention to the habits in my life that were holding me back I realize that I wasn’t drinking enough water – I was depriving my body of the fluids it needed. I’d go hours and hours without any. I got headaches and I felt like crap.

You need water so make sure you get proper hydration. There are 100 different formulas the doctors talk about to get the right amount of water. The Mayo clinic noted that the eight glasses of water per day rule was sound.

Good hydration can help you lose weight, live longer, protect you from heart attacks, prevent headaches, and it ensures that you are giving your body what it needs to function at its best.

Get a water bottle for work and home and drink. If your pee is anything but clear or a tiny bit yellow, you need more water. Drink.

Exercise duh!

We live busy lives. I get it. That’s tough and it’s an excuse and I am sick of making excuses around why I can’t do something that I know will make my life better and you should too. Exercise must become part of your weekly routine. Here’s why.

Exercise improves your health and can prevent deadly diseases.

Physically active men have a 30% to 40% reduction of relative risk to colon cancer as compared to their inactive counterparts. Exercise for your colon.

Exercise can boost your confidence – “As with the other psychological health variables, exercise has a positive influence on improving self-esteem (Callaghan, 2004). The effect of exercise also appears to be more potent in those who have lower self-esteem.”

I’m sorry but I’m going on because I need to drive this point home hard. Don’t expect profound or long term changes if you aren’t taking care of the basics.

Exercise can relieve stress and eliminate depression. In a study in 2002, patients diagnosed with depression credited exercise as being a most important element in comprehensive treatment programs for depression.

Oh yeah and check this out . . . . exercise can improve your sex life. It helps you be a better lover. How cool is that . . . .

“Regular exercise maintains or improves sex life. Physical improvements in muscle strength and tone, endurance, body composition and cardiovascular function can all enhance sexual functioning in both men and women. Researchers revealed that men who exercise regularly are less likely to have erectile dysfunction and impotence than are men who don’t exercise.”

Exercise for your erection. It’s good for you, and it’s good for her. For you women, the same benefits apply, except for the erection parts obviously.

Mindfulness – don’t be a slave to your thoughts

Mindfulness is critical – it’s fundamental; that’s why it’s on this list. It is the most effective behavior change modality period. It has changed my life and the lives of so many of my clients. Do it and it will help you cure your cravings, be less angry, and happier. Kind of a no brainer right?

So first let me briefly define it and then prove to you why you must incorporate mindfulness into your life. I’m then going to give you a couple of simple exercises to practice mindfulness to get you started. I also attach to this module a list of free and paid mindfulness resources.

What is it? Mindfulness pioneer John Kabat-Zinn (check this guy out) defined mindfulness as follows. “Mindfulness is paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment, without judgement” (Kabat-Zinn, 1994, p. 4).

It’s being present, not living in the past, not automatically reacting to external stimuli like a sexual trigger. It’s being here and it’s being now.

There are a number of ways to achieve and practice mindfulness: meditation is the most common and popular way. Another way to experience is to actually do whatever you’re doing and focus on that thing you are doing to the exclusion of all else – instead of your mind bouncing around like a pinball. When you walk walk, when you talk talk, when you eat eat – focus on the now! I’m going to give you a simple exercise at the end of this module.

Not only is mindfulness a critical tool in the fight against compulsive behaviors it has a whole bunch of other incredible benefits.

“Research published in the journal Health Psychology shows that mindfulness is not only associated with feeling less stressed, it’s also linked with decreased levels of the stress hormone cortisol.”

It Protects your brain

“University of Oregon researchers found that integrative body-mind training — which is a meditation technique — can actually result in brain changes that may be protective against mental illness.”

It makes you a better person

Researchers from Northeastern and Harvard universities found that meditation is linked with more virtuous, “do-good” behavior.”

It helps you sleep better

“A University of Utah study found that mindfulness training can not only help us better control our emotions and moods, but it can also help us sleep better at night. “People who reported higher levels of mindfulness described better control over their emotions and behaviors during the day.

Is a key to winning against compulsive behaviour

“Mindfulness is also compromised when individuals behave compulsively or automatically, without awareness of or attention to one’s behavior (Deci & Ryan, 1980)”

“Mindfulness is important in disengaging individuals from automatic thoughts, habits, and unhealthy behavior patterns and thus could play a key role in fostering informed and self-endorsed behavioral regulation, which has long been associated with well-being enhancement and it relieves pain. a study conducted by Wake Forest Baptist University found that meditation could reduce pain intensity by 40 percent and pain unpleasantness by 57 percent.  Morphine and other pain-relieving drugs typically show a pain reduction of 25 percent.”

Mindfulness is mission critical brothers and sisters.

Here’s an easy mindfulness exercise

Here is the easiest mindfulness exercise that I want you to do right now. Let me explain, it’s one that I use and share with my one on one clients. It’s easy, you can do it anywhere and it’s powerful.

Breath and count your breaths to 10. It’s that easy. Sit down, hold you back straight, close your eyes almost all the way, put your hands in your lap, and breath. Focus only on your breaths and counting. Breath in, out – one; in . . . out . . . two. Watch how quickly the mind starts racing and thinking of other things. Watch the pinball bounce around. Most people can’t get to three or four their first try. When you get distracted, gently bring your focus back to your breaths and the counting. Breath, and count your breaths . . . that’s it.

Ready . . . . go.…

Do this for 10 minutes a day – see how high you can count before your mind wanders.

The app I recommend for my clients is Headspace. It’s available on the droid and iphone and it’s amazing. Check it out and here are some more free mindfulness resources.

ULCA has free mindfulness downloads – http://marc.ucla.edu/body.cfm?id=22

Here’s another site with some free resourceshttp://www.freemindfulness.org/download

TAKE ACTION

So do you get it now. You must eat and sleep well,  you my hydrate your body, you must exercise and you must practice mindfulness. I strongly believe this.

To get started I want you to think about this. Something is better than nothing. Right now, I want you to pick the low hanging fruit. Make the obvious improvements in your light right now. I’m going to show you a path to create a great life later in this course, but don’t wait. There are small things you can do right now in each of these areas that will not take a lot of time.

In the comment section below grade yourself in each of these five areas: eating, sleeping, drinking, exercise and meditation. Pick one thing you can do in each area right now and do it. Remember, right now the goal is to take even the smallest step to improve these parts of your life. DO SOMETHING! TAKE ACTION!

 


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