So, I recently blogged about the 25 belief systems that will keep women locked into a miserable existence with their addicted spouses.  

And now I want to offer alternate beliefs that help move you out of that miserable existence.  If you have found out about your partner’s addiction recently OR if you have known for a really long time and want to make a change immediately, keep reading!

Belief systems that lead to setting healthy boundaries with your addicted partner:

  1.  I do not have to live this way.  

  2.  I choose to be proactive and my choices may motivate my partner to choose a different path as well.

  3. If he doesn’t choose a different path, I will continue to grow and live my life.

  4.  I am willing to forgive, but that doesn’t mean I will turn a blind eye to his behavior or unfaithfulness or downplay its impact on me and/or our family.

  5.  I need concrete action before I believe what my partner tells me.  He has to restablish trust. 

  6.  I am sorrowful regarding his choices and I do not want to lose him, but I recognize that every day he spends in his addiction I am losing him anyway, if I haven’t already.

  7.  It will break my heart,  but I know I can live without him if his behavior brings me to that decision.

  8.  Separation is not the worst thing that can happen to me or to our relationship. 

  9.  Divorce is not the worst thing that can happen.  I recognize that salvaging a relationship takes two people.  If our relationship ends I am not a failure.

  10. Boundaries I set to protect myself might be the final straw for my relationship.  But they also may be the beginning of the end of his addiction and true healing.

These are just a few beliefs you should consider adopting as your own…of course, no one can or should make the decision for you about how to respond to your partner’s addiction.  Whatever boundaries you set, you have to be willing to implement or they create a situation where the addict feels no pressure to give up his addiction.

But I always ask women to consider this…”Is what you are doing now actually creating a climate of change or is it simply prolonging the pain and delaying the inevitable outcome of the relationship that is being burdened and destroyed by addiction?”