You are married to or romantically involved to a man who is addicted to sex or porn.

Maybe you have just found out…if that is the case, stop reading and go here first:  

What do I do now? First Steps after Discovering Your Partner’s Addiction

Maybe you have known a LONG time or it feels like forever anyway.  You have struggled and struggled with your thoughts, racking your brain for a solution.  

You have endured sleepless nights, anxious mornings, joyless days.  Yet you constantly find yourself back to square one…paralyzed.  

I remember those days.  I married a good man; A gentle man; an affectionate man; a talented and intelligent man.  And yes, I married a man who returned my love for him.  We were madly in love. 

But he was stuck in his addiction.  

And I was stuck in a cycle of hurt and obsession about his addiction. 

One fateful day I made a choice, and I set a boundary.  Treatment or separation.  Sounds so strong, right? So well adjusted of me!

I wish.  The irony makes me laugh.  Here I am of all people…a life coach to women and men whose relationships are impacted by porn and sex addiction.  But not because I did it right..no.  

In fact, I remained stuck in a vicious cycle for 16 long years.  It is because I had it all wrong that I share today.  

Maybe you are like me..you have invested a large portion of your life to one man.  And you see no way to a better life.  You want to be with him desperately and are afraid of making a choice…

If so, please read the following…a long list of belief systems, many of which I held (along with countless other women) that kept me paralyzed for 16 years.

  1. If I explain one more time, then maybe he will get it, change, do the right thing.

  2. I need to stay in this relationship for my children.

  3. If I can just monitor his phone, computer, and keep close tabs on him I can help prevent him acting out.

  4. If I can only keep having sex with him frequently he will not be tempted to look at porn or stray to other women.

  5. If I join him in his addiction that might help draw us closer together.

  6. If I ignore it it will go away or will not impact me as severely.

  7. Nothing is worse than separation or divorce or loss of this relationship. 

  8. I cannot handle being alone.

  9. I have control over my partner’s behaviors.

  10. I can never trust again.

  11. I can never love again.

  12. I must continue in this life despite my misery because there is nothing I can do and I am afraid to lose the relationship.

  13. I am ugly, unattractive, unlovable.

  14. Addiction is a life sentence.

  15. All men are hopeless and not able to change.

  16. My anger and control will change the situation.

  17. No one understands what I have gone through but me.

  18. I cannot tell anyone what is happening because it is shameful.

  19. There is no personal work I can do to create the life I want outside of hoping for him to change.

  20. I can motivate him and feel better by criticizing, railing, controlling and monitoring him.

  21. The good things about our relationship outweigh his addictive behaviors.

  22. Our relationship is so good otherwise, that this behavior is not causing any major damage.

  23.  Divorce and separation are a sign of failure as a person.

  24.  No one can fill this man’s shoes because he is so special to me.

  25.  If I were a better wife this wouldn’t be happening.

If you are adopting any of these beliefs, then you are in danger of never getting the life you want or could have.

If any of this sounds familiar..I urge you…do not delay!!!  You are not going to be the first woman to make positive changes in your relationship or your life while holding these belief systems.

Take it from someone who tried for a VERY long time.  Don’t make my sharing for nothing.  Use the lessons I learned to take action.  

Most importantly, don’t waste YOUR life, YOUR limited time on this planet locked in the painful cycle. 

Not sure where to begin?  Sign up for our Free Partner Support Group by emailing support@themindfulhabit.com

Help is available.  Take it and take back your life.