Jim heads out to the car and cranks the key. Frost on the windowpane impedes his view of the driveway and of his nice suburban neighborhood. He doesn’t mind. He has seen it all before. Countless times he has hoped for a beachfront property, but that dream was just a wish that he knows will never be fulfilled now. Debt looms over him like a dark storm cloud.
He feels a twinge of guilt as he heads back inside to eat breakfast and grab his briefcase. He could have avoided a lot of extra spending this year.
He cringed to think about their anniversary next month. Carol and he would have never been able to get the time off, or find a babysitter for the three little ones, anyway. Besides, they hadn’t actually made plans for their anniversary get-away.
But he vowed to make it up to Carol in the summer. In the meantime, he would commit to working some extra hours to get rid of the second credit card he had maxed out on impulse last night.
While chewing on a bagel, and mumbling mindless responses to Carol, he was aware of her chatting about her plans for the day.
He felt shame flooding him and wondered how she could love him. That is until he became aware that she was complaining again about his failure to pay last months car payment.
How dare she complain or question him when he worked his fingers to the bone in a joyless job? Didn’t she know that all this was for her, so she could live in a nice house, in a nice neighborhood? So the kids could attend an award winning school district?
He spoke curtly to her, leaving her in tears, and stormed off to work. Five seconds past his street and his mind was already wandering to the busty blonde he had seen in several deliciously compromising positions last night.
He thought with resentment about his wife’s lack of energy for sex more than twice a week. She didn’t understand that he had needs! He stewed on his resentment until any shame he had previously felt, faded into craving.
He craved escape from his life, from his marriage, from everything. And he wasn’t about to give up the one thing that brought him pleasure! He anticipated waiting until his family was tucked away for the night to indulge his cravings over and over if he so desired.
And none of them could stop him. And his wife didn’t deserve or need to know. After all, what she didn’t know couldn’t hurt her. And it was his body, his right…
Jim is figment of my imagination. But he represents men all over the world who are trapped in porn dependence.
You might be thinking, “What’s the Big Deal? Porn usage is a personal choice! The man is an adult, for Pete’s sake!” After all, he isn’t impacting anyone but himself. Right? No one is being harmed! It isn’t like Jim has molested anyone, he hasn’t raped anyone. He hasn’t committed any crimes. He is a good man. A responsible citizen. So, he ran up a credit card bill and is frustrated with his life…so what?
Jim may appear perfectly normal from the outside, but his behavior that many people see as a perfectly viable option for an adult, has already led him to a lack of honesty and transparency, debt, dependence upon porn as a coping strategy, and lack of empathy for his wife. But the choice to look at porn doesn’t just stop with Jim.
Every time Jim clicks the link, watches the video, he is making ripples in a large pond. His personal “choice” or right has impacted him, his wife, his three kids, porn actors, producers, film crew, production company, future customers of that production company, the families of those working in the porn industry…think I am being melodramatic?
I ask you to look deeper…and find the reason that I believe that Porn should not be considered a personal choice or a right for an adult.
I do not believe that porn can be another erotic tool in the hands of couples everywhere for a more fulfilling sex life.
Sorry, sex IS positive, but read the list below and tell me if you can pick ONE positive thing from the list of side effects of porn use:
- Sexual abuse of women
- Enslavement of women to serve men coming to the sex industry for pleasure
- Physical abuse of “porn stars”
- Unsafe working conditions for porn actors and sex industry workers
- Shortened life spans of porn and sex workers
- sexual abuse of children
- child pornography
- child enslavement for the sex industry
- children addicted to sex and porn
- children acting out porn scenes with other children, even those violent in nature
- Relationship trauma
- Accidental or Intentional Exposure to Pornography as a minor
- neglect of emotional and physical needs in homes of children who have a parent addicted to porn
- Shame and guilt of addiction
- Financial ruin
- Suicide and murder of porn or sex workers
- Injury on the porn set
- Intimidation and coercion of young female porn actresses by a male dominated production teams
- Lost productivity and financial investments in the workplace
- Loss of employment
- Lack of intimacy
- erectile dysfunction
- lack of empathy
- sleep deprivation
- self hatred of those who use and who produce porn
- Body image issues for women and men
- Dependence upon fantasy to get aroused or to be satisfied with real life sexual experiences
- Unrealistic expectations for male performance in the bedroom or female performance
- Lack of intimacy
- Lack of respect for personal boundaries or rights of others to say “no” or “how” they wish to participate in sex
- Distorted views of adolescents of what to expect of the opposite sex
- cheapening of the sexual experience and of people, reducing them to objects, body parts, and pixels
Do you see how Jim’s private behavior, his personal choice or right, is not really so private or personal?
I conclude with these thoughts:
ANY CHOICE THAT IMPACTS OTHERS OR OURSELVES IN A DESTRUCTIVE WAY, IS NOT TO BE LABELED AS A RIGHT OR AN OPTION.
IF THE MEANS TO PROVIDE THAT “CHOICE” OR “RIGHT” IS DEGRADATION, ENSLAVEMENT, AND FORCE, I SUGGEST THAT IT IS SIMPLY TYRANNY, AND AT THE HEAD OF IT ALL IS THE PORN INDUSTRY.
TYRANNY OVERRIDES TRUE SEXUAL FREEDOM. TYRANNY ENSLAVES. TYRANNY KILLS. TYRANNY ISOLATES. TYRANNY CREATES HATRED OF SELF AND OTHERS. TYRANNY CREATES AN ENVIRONMENT WHERE DISEASE, CRIME, and ABUSE GROW UNFETTERED.
From where I stand, as a coach of men who struggle with addiction to porn? Choosing porn is making a choice to GIVE UP your personal choice to not only experience your sexuality in a positive way, but to allow others to experience freedom and live a life free of disease, hatred, and enslavement. Your choices impact you. AND they impact others. Think before you click.
Perspectives from a former porn star:
TIRED OF BEING ENSLAVED TO PORN? I offer a free consultation to any man or woman who contacts me. In that consultation I will hear your situation and provide you with valuable advice, as well as share what I can do for you as a coach through Feed the Right Wolf. You may contact me at (304) 514-1688. Please leave a message as I screen all of my calls. I try to return all calls within 24 hours.