Married to a Sex Addict: Watching the Spiral
Kay Jones
Monday, December 19th, 2011 at
1:32 pm
Comments (2)
I mentioned in a recent post that my husband and I are presently enduring a relapse of his sex addiction. It seems to have been going on for several months now, and I am struggling to remember that I should not feel guilty for not catching it sooner. The things I have found over the last couple of months, the things I realize in hindsight that I should have paid more attention to, and my husband’s responses to my concerns, fit the pattern I have observed during other episodes and relapses Read more [...]
Married to a Sex Addict: Relapse
Kay Jones
Saturday, December 17th, 2011 at
9:57 pm
My husband is in the midst of what appears to be a major relapse of his sexual addiction, which appears to have been going on for several months. In fact, it now appears that he was clean only briefly, if at all, following his last major relapse just over a year ago. I am devastated.
This will be a very difficult series of posts to write, but I feel that our current situation illustrates some concepts I have wanted to discuss here for some time now. This first post will be an overview Read more [...]
Married to a Sex Addict: Setting Limits and Consequences
Kay Jones
Wednesday, December 14th, 2011 at
10:23 pm
A great post on the forum here recently pointed out that convincing an addicted partner to clean up might require you to issue an ultimatum along the line of "it's me or the porn," but it is very important that you only say this if you mean it and are able to follow through. In my own marriage, I have told my husband at least four times that if he slips up one more time, I am leaving; just as many times, I have told him that if he lies to me one more time, I am leaving. Every time I discover Read more [...]
Married to a Sex Addict: The Enabler Trap
Kay Jones
Wednesday, December 14th, 2011 at
9:44 pm
During my husband's last major relapse, I let him persuade me to indulge many unhealthy sexual fantasies related to his addiction, and in the process I involved myself in things that today I am deeply ashamed of and disgusted by. My self-esteem is still damaged as a result. At the time, I engaged in those things because I had convinced myself that if I gave in a little, maybe he would be content with that and not turn to porn sites, dating sites, or other women.
Sometimes it might be tempting Read more [...]
Porn Changes How You See Real People, Part 2
Kay Jones
Saturday, December 10th, 2011 at
8:12 am
The people, especially the women, in pornography are hypersexualized, uninhibited, and all about "fun." They enjoy whatever you want them to enjoy, even things very few real women would tolerate, let alone enjoy; they are constantly carefree, undemanding, and eager to please, with no feelings, preferences, and needs of their own. You can treat them any way you want and they just keep obligingly performing. Obviously this cannot be real; no real person can- or would want to- be that way!
Real Read more [...]
Porn Changes How You See Real People, Part 1
Kay Jones
Friday, December 9th, 2011 at
5:34 am
Mainstream media bombards viewers with images of airbrushed perfection, often sexual, in movies, magazines, and commercials. Advertisers want to sell their standard of beauty and their idea that sex appeal matters in everything from clothing choices to mops, because that combination helps sell their products. Pornography is only the most extreme version, in which idealized bodies and sexuality are the product being sold.
These images, whether you're seeing them on a porn site or in a Read more [...]
Three Practical Reasons to Quit Pornography
Kay Jones
Thursday, December 8th, 2011 at
4:34 am
Whether or not you think you might be addicted to pornography, it can be a very harmful presence in your life. If you are currently in a relationship, you may have noticed the emotional damage that your porn-viewing does to your partner and the conflict it causes in your relationship. Along with the emotional damage, pornography can cause also cause some practical problems that you should take into account when you think about your habit. Porn is bad for your brain, your sex life, and your Read more [...]
Emotional Addictions
rjnetoowe
Saturday, December 3rd, 2011 at
2:49 pm
Awhile back I wrote a blog about drugs & alcohol being a form of self-medication. This week I learned how powerful sexual addictions are which means I'm grateful for this site myself. I get more out of it than the average support groups.
It's great to have people with the same struggle to suport you. I learned this week how powerful sexual addictions are because I came out and accepted the fact that I'm gay. However because of religious beliefs I don't see it as God's best for my life. I am Read more [...]
Married to a Sex Addict: Remember to Have Fun!
Kay Jones
Saturday, December 3rd, 2011 at
5:34 am
When my husband's sex addiction nearly ended our marriage, the thing that held us together and eventually got us through the devastation was our friendship. The old adage that friendship is the basis of every lasting relationship sounds almost trite after so many repetitions, but here's the thing- it's still true. I chose to stick with my husband through all the ups and downs of this illness because even on our worst day, he actually is my best friend. If you can find that and hold onto Read more [...]
Married to a Sex Addict: Dealing with Your Anger
Kay Jones
Wednesday, November 30th, 2011 at
11:54 pm
Discovering evidence of a spouse's infidelity- whether it comes in the form of physical relations, sexting, or pornography- evokes powerful emotions. You are probably- in varying orders- betrayed, confused, devastated, disappointed, disgusted, hurt, sad, scared, shocked, surprised, worried... and angry.
Allowing Yourself to Be Angry:
You have a right to your anger; you have a right to feel it and a right to express it. Do not accept being told otherwise. Remember that no emotion is Read more [...]
Meet Coach Michelle
