Healthy Relationships Archives

The Date Minute Challenge

Monday, February 25th, 2013 at 8:14 am  
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Mishka Life Coach Porn Spouse By Feed the Right Wolf Coach Michelle "Mishka" Perra. For an intimate connection to grow, it needs attention and nurturing. Love needs attention and nurturing. This is true for every single couple on this planet but it so critically important for couples that are healing and rebuilding intimacy after sex or porn addiction has wreaked havoc on their lives. Craig and I call this condition "sex affliction." Sex affliction occurs when a relationship suffers a profound attack against its safety, Read more [...]
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What is Co-Dependency?

Wednesday, February 22nd, 2012 at 10:08 pm  
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My husband and I try to maintain a healthy sense of humor about even the most difficult things in life, including his porn and cybersex addiction and the strain it places on our marriage.  Over the years, I have learned that if you have a choice between laughter and tears, laughter is healthier (and burns more calories).  This year for Valentine's Day, my husband gave me a card which proclaimed Happy Co-Dependent's Day! and on the inside, be mine (he had also inserted a very sweet, heartfelt Read more [...]
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Secrets, Transparency, and Recovery

Tuesday, February 7th, 2012 at 7:10 am  
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In one of his previous posts, Alex commented that you are only as sick as your worst secret.  Secrets are your worst enemy in recovery, in trying to stay clean, and in trying to rebuild your relationship. Your spouse needs you to be transparent, especially where your online activities are concerned.  Transparency allows him or her to see for himself or herself that you are "staying clean" and being an honest and faithful partner.  In the aftermath of the kinds of behavior sex addiction Read more [...]
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What to Expect from Therapy or Counseling

Monday, February 6th, 2012 at 4:08 am  
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When I walked nervously into my first counseling session about a year ago, I had no idea what to expect, and no idea how the process worked.  A kindly woman about my mother's age opened the conversation with, "So, what are your objectives for counseling?"  I was both confused and daunted; no one had warned me that there would be a quiz on the first day! "Um... to get better?" I stammered.  I had sought counseling mostly at my husband's insistence, because he saw that the anger, grief, and Read more [...]
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Married to a Sex Addict: What Does This Mean for Your Marriage?

Monday, February 6th, 2012 at 3:29 am  
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If you have just discovered that your spouse suffers from sex addiction, you probably have a lot of questions.  "Why did he do this?"  "Is there something wrong with me?"  "Should I be angry?"  "What does this mean for our marriage?" Your spouse's sex addiction does not necessarily mean that your marriage is over, or that you can never regain the intimacy and affection you previously had.  If you are both willing to work and forgive, you can make your marriage strong and happy again. Read more [...]
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Is Pornography Mostly Harmless? (No!)

Thursday, February 2nd, 2012 at 5:42 am  
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An unfortunately popular misconception in our culture is that pornography use is a normal, harmless habit. If you are a porn user, you may be relying on this idea to rationalize or justify your habit to yourself and your family (if you are a recovering addict, you may have done so earlier in your journey, and you already know better).  This misinformation is one of the things keeping you trapped by your pornography habit.  Please read this. If you are the spouse of an addict, your partner Read more [...]
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Teenagers and Addiction: A Letter to Young People

Tuesday, January 31st, 2012 at 10:21 pm  
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I am often surprised by how many comments and forum posts on Feed the Right Wolf come from teenagers and even pre-teens seeking help.  Their stories are both heartbreaking and inspiring.  It is amazing to witness the maturity, insight, and awareness it takes to recognize this problem, and the strength and courage it takes to face it and seek help. Teens and pre-teens who are struggling with this addiction, you are not alone.  A recent survey says that about 11 million teenagers use porn Read more [...]
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Now What? 9 Things to Do as You Move Forward

Friday, January 27th, 2012 at 10:11 pm  
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As you begin the recovery process together, both partners in the marriage have a lot of work to do.  Spouses, these are things you should ask from your recovering partner to demonstrate good faith and repair the damage done by his or her addiction.  Recovering addicts, these are things you should willingly do for your spouses, for your marriage, and for yourself. Exchange passwords.  As a couple, you should exchange passwords for email accounts, instant-messaging services, social media Read more [...]
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Does Your Porn-Addicted Partner Still Love You?

Friday, January 20th, 2012 at 6:02 am  
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Pornography use does not necessarily mean that your partner no longer loves you, or that he or she no longer finds you attractive. Remember Tiger Woods' wife, the gorgeous blond supermodel?  Remember Sandra Bullock, one of America's most adored actresses?  They were both very beautiful, vibrant, successful women, and their husbands still cheated, repeatedly.  Clearly, this infidelity had nothing to do with either woman's attractiveness; your spouse's infidelity has nothing to do with your attractiveness, Read more [...]
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5 Steps to Help Your Spouse with Porn Addiction

Tuesday, January 17th, 2012 at 10:28 pm  
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If you've just discovered your spouse's porn habit, you are probably angry and hurt.  If, despite that, you are wondering how to help your spouse overcome the habit and move forward, here are some steps you can take. STEP 1: START WITH REASONABLE EXPECTATIONS.   There are a few things you can do in this situation and a lot of things you can't do, because most of what needs to be done is up to your partner. You can: Point out to your spouse that his or her pornography use is unhealthy Read more [...]
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