Do you want your man to suffer for the pain he’s caused? Read why this isn’t a healthy long term solution.

[EDIT: Written by Coach Michelle] “I want him to suffer for what he’s done.” “His sex addiction and porn addiction hurt me and I want him to know what this pain feels like.” “He has to pay for what he’s done.” Do these sound familiar? I want to share a very interesting question that’s come up a lot lately. It involves making someone else “pay”, feel “bad” or be “punished” when their actions hurt us, the spouses and significant others. We are hurting so bad and Read more [...]

Stop Hurting the One’s You Love and Those That Love You

There is a selfish component to recovery so I thought I’d use this post to be remind everyone that our actions, whether our SO (“significant other”) knows it or not, is causing hurt and pain. It’s moving you away from LOVE. That can’t be a good thing. That can never be a good thing. Developing empathy will help you recover faster. Ask your SO how your habit makes them feel. Really ask and be prepared for a difficult answer. Learn how they feel unloved, unattractive, and sometimes even grossed Read more [...]

Partners of Porn Addicts are Not-Codependent says Expert

We here at Feed the Right Wolf do not label the spouses of sex and porn addicts as co-dependent. Coach Michelle takes offense at the notion and did not experience this label to be in any way empowering. In the article below our friend Omar Minwalla, Licensed Psychologist, Clinical Sexologist and Clinical Director of The Institute for Sexual Health, argues against this label and advocates a PTSD related model for spouses and significant others – we agree. He had tears in his eyes when he talked Read more [...]

15 Ways to Not Ruin Your Marriage

Relationships are hard. So is every other cool thing you are going to accomplish in your life. This is Craig, Porn and Sex Addiction Recovery Coach, and I wanted to share what I found on Facebook today. It’s a great article by a twice divorced guy giving advice to his sister. Please read it and tell me what advice you’d add to this list in the comments below. You know what blows big time?The other night I was sitting with my family, most of whom are very successfully married. We Read more [...]

The Date Minute Challenge

By Feed the Right Wolf Coach Michelle “Mishka” Perra. For an intimate connection to grow, it needs attention and nurturing. Love needs attention and nurturing. This is true for every single couple on this planet but it so critically important for couples that are healing and rebuilding intimacy after sex or porn addiction has wreaked havoc on their lives. Craig and I call this condition “sex affliction.” Sex affliction occurs when a relationship suffers a profound attack against its safety, Read more [...]

What is Co-Dependency?

My husband and I try to maintain a healthy sense of humor about even the most difficult things in life, including his porn and cybersex addiction and the strain it places on our marriage.  Over the years, I have learned that if you have a choice between laughter and tears, laughter is healthier (and burns more calories).  This year for Valentine’s Day, my husband gave me a card which proclaimed Happy Co-Dependent’s Day! and on the inside, be mine (he had also inserted a very sweet, heartfelt Read more [...]

Secrets, Transparency, and Recovery

In one of his previous posts, Alex commented that you are only as sick as your worst secret.  Secrets are your worst enemy in recovery, in trying to stay clean, and in trying to rebuild your relationship. Your spouse needs you to be transparent, especially where your online activities are concerned.  Transparency allows him or her to see for himself or herself that you are “staying clean” and being an honest and faithful partner.  In the aftermath of the kinds of behavior sex addiction Read more [...]

What to Expect from Therapy or Counseling

When I walked nervously into my first counseling session about a year ago, I had no idea what to expect, and no idea how the process worked.  A kindly woman about my mother’s age opened the conversation with, “So, what are your objectives for counseling?”  I was both confused and daunted; no one had warned me that there would be a quiz on the first day! “Um… to get better?” I stammered.  I had sought counseling mostly at my husband’s insistence, because he saw that the anger, grief, and Read more [...]

Married to a Sex Addict: What Does This Mean for Your Marriage?

If you have just discovered that your spouse suffers from sex addiction, you probably have a lot of questions.  “Why did he do this?”  “Is there something wrong with me?”  “Should I be angry?”  “What does this mean for our marriage?” Your spouse’s sex addiction does not necessarily mean that your marriage is over, or that you can never regain the intimacy and affection you previously had.  If you are both willing to work and forgive, you can make your marriage strong and happy again. Read more [...]

Is Pornography Mostly Harmless? (No!)

An unfortunately popular misconception in our culture is that pornography use is a normal, harmless habit. If you are a porn user, you may be relying on this idea to rationalize or justify your habit to yourself and your family (if you are a recovering addict, you may have done so earlier in your journey, and you already know better).  This misinformation is one of the things keeping you trapped by your pornography habit.  Please read this. If you are the spouse of an addict, your partner Read more [...]