Sex Addiction Help

Hello Dear Visitor

  • Do you struggle to control some part of your sexuality?
  • Find yourself wondering, why did I just do that again?
  • Feel that you constantly have to cover your tracks to avoid being caught?
  • Afraid of anybody learning about your secrets?
  • Wonder if there is a better way to live your life?

I am here to help. I struggled with all of the above and wrote a book where I outlined the things that helped me.

It’s Free and It’s Online

This is the book that I wish I had when I first realized that something was wrong in my life, and didn’t know where to turn for help.

Start Reading

Why Feed The Right Wolf?

The name for this site was inspired by an old Cherokee tale of Two Wolves.

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside all people. He said, “My son, the battle is between two ‘wolves’ inside us all.

“One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”

“The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf wins?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

Who Am I?

My name is Alex and I am a recovering sex addict. I have been in recovery since early 2008, and while my recovery is not perfect, I was able to abstain from watching pornography for over 99% of my time. Additionally, although I do not recommend this for single people, I have not masturbated since January 2009, CHOOSING my wife as the only source for my sexual experience.

I was raised in a regular home with two normal parents. Like many teenage boys I started watching pornography when I was around 10 years old. I was very isolated from other kids and for a large part of my life pornography was my only “true friend”. I didn’t know that pornography could have a negative effect and viewed it as a healthy way to have fun and deal with my emotions.

My Pornography Use Continued to Escalate

Over the years, my use of pornography continued to escalate. I thought that I will be able to stop once I get into a relationship with a real woman but realized that it was not the case. High stresses of life, combined with anonymity, availability, and accessibility of pornography over the high-speed internet seemed to have taken my pornography use completely out of control. It went on until about three years ago. By that point my sex addiction was completely out of control. I would spend up to 8 hours every day watching pornography and masturbating. In order to make time for my habit I would skip sleep, work, and even time with my family. I felt guilty, shameful, worthless, and hopeless.

Finding a Solution for Sex Addiction

After a while I simply couldn’t deny that I had a problem. I swore to myself that I would do whatever it takes to find a way out. I’ve dedicated my undivided attention towards finding a solution for my sex addiction. I’ve read every addiction book that I could get my hands on, until I finally found a technique called, Exposure and Response Prevention, that allowed me to see the first glimpses of light. I then proceeded to read even more books, began seeing a therapist, purchased few recovery programs, and began attending a 12 step meeting for sex addiction.

Combination of Different Methods Brings the Optimal Result

Through my experience in recovery, I noticed that many people were too fixated on one particular approach. Some people relied solely on group therapy, some on religious programs, some on cognitive therapy, and some on eastern philosophy. Yet in my experience, a combination of different methods appeared to be bringing the ideal result. I’ve shared some of my ideas with my friends in recovery and received a very positive response. That is what encouraged me to develop this site. I’ve summarized the most important information that allowed me to stop sex addiction in 23 short and fun to read articles – I call it the “Free Recovery Course”.

In the Free Recovery Course You Will Discover…

  1. A chemical process that takes place in your brain causing you to get addicted
  2. The addictive cycle that your body goes through and how to break out of it
  3. How the human brain works and why sometimes you lose control of your actions
  4. Four simple exercises to strengthen your brain
  5. How to create your sexual recovery plan
  6. How to control your cravings
  7. An important strategy to help you beat your addiction once and for all
  8. How your beliefs are causing you to suffer
  9. Seven beliefs that were keeping me trapped
  10. One big lesson that I learned from my relapse and what you can do to avoid my mistakes
  11. Two very important tools that can magnify your recovery
  12. Four things that you CAN do to help you stay sober for the rest of your life

Click Here to Start Recovery!

Frequently Asked Question:

What do I have to pay for this information?

We offer a combination of free and paid services. This site was design to offer free help to any person struggling with sex addiction, and we are staying true to this mission. Overtime, however, increasing number of people has asked for more “hands on” and “personalized” help. That is why we decided to add a coaching element to our site.

Does this information really work?

Every person is different. It has most definitely worked for me. Additionally you can read a lot of positive comments throughout this website. Since we started offering a free recovery course in August of 2010 over four thousand people has signed up for email delivery, and over hundred of thousands of people have read it over our site. We’ve received no complaints and have been thanked too many times to count.

Why should I listen to you?

Our coaches, are certified and experienced. They are professionals and great at what they do. My only credentials is that I’ve been there. I am not a doctor, nor do I play one on TV. English is not my first language, and my educational background is in computer engineering. That being said, most of the information that I share on this site did not come from me directly. Rather it is my collection and interpretation of different approaches and techniques that I learned from many books and training courses offered by people who do have credentials. I like to believe that I did a very good job of putting it all together, but I’ll let you be the judge of that.

Why should I read your stuff?

Because it would allow you to learn from my mistakes instead of making your own. Note that you don’t have to be addicted to sex to benefit from this site. Most of the information provided is common sense, day-to-day psychology that will allow you to better understand the inner workings of the human mind, and allow you to get a greater control of your life.

Click Here to Start Recovery!

Since this site presents information from a variety of approaches you would be more likely to find something new and effective that could turn your life towards new direction and allow you to enjoy a new level of freedom. This information provided at no additional cost. You have nothing to lose (except for a few minutes of your time) but you have a world to gain.

Last but not least, because by reading this information, commenting on this site, and participating in the forum, you would not only help yourself, but you will also help others. A journey of thousand miles begins with a single step. And by giving a bit of your attention towards this site you can make this world a little better. You’ll see that by learning and applying some of the techniques discussed here, you’ll begin to transform your life! And you will be amazed to discover that your transformation will begin to improve the lives of those around you!

Call (916)259-3827 For Professional Help

P.S. Recommended Resources:

  • Sex Addicts Anonymous
    I cannot imagine my recovery without this program.
  • Free Podcast and Mini Course from Candeo Can
    I owe my first 90 days of continious sobriety to this program and highly recommend it.
  • Internet Accountability Software
    Using this software allowed me to get trully honest with my internet usage for the first time in my life. For some reason knowing that my every step was being observed and reported on, made it really easy to use internet only in a healthy way.
  • Treating Pornography Addiction by Kevin B. Skinner Ph.D.
    I have read over 15 books on Pornography and Sexually addiction and this trully is one of the best books on the subject. The reason is I recommend this particular book is because it is full of excelent actionable steps. Other books do a good job describing the problem, but don’t really offer a realistic solution.
  • Your Sexually Addicted Spouse – How Partners Can Cope and Heal by Barbara Steffens Ph.D.
    I know that about half of visitors to our site are spouses of people who might be suffering with pornography and sex addiciton. To the best of my knowledge this book is one of the most helpful books for the partners.
  • Free Consultation from Coach Craig
    Coach Craig has been a good friend and supporter of this site since January 2013. He has worked with people form all over the world, including famous musicians and other high profile individuals. Yet, he is only a phone call away and would be glad to give you a free consultation. Call him anytime, with any question you might have, and I am know he will be extremely happy to help in any way he can.

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Comments

  1. D says

    Don’t worry none of us is alone. It is very common. I have been into porn for 25 years, but things have gotten out of control in the last 5. I’m trying really hard to pull out of this. — One of the most chilling things i ever saw was when Ted Bundy was interviewed the night before his execution. He basically said that all of the psychos he had come across had one thing in common: a unhealthy love for porn. It made me realize that porn appeals to a very dangerous, dark and unhealthy aspect of ourselves. The good news is, if you desire to pull out of it strongly enough, it can be overcome. But you have to WANT IT BADLY. Understand, that it literally destroys your life. All of my brothers and sisters out there, STAY STRONG!!!

    • Anonymous2 says

      Thank you for those words. Very interesting about pornography appealing to a dark aspect of our lives. I certainly see this. Always stay strong and remember its about progress not perfection. I look forward to finally breaking this hold pornography and masturbation has had on my life for so long.

  2. Fernando says

    A book that really helped me is the little pilgrims progress it talks about a christian walk and the way it should be but its demonstrated through a boy named christian who is trying to get to the celestial city and at one time he was bound by evil in fetters( chains) and it represents sin i realized i had thise fetters and they were porn addiction. I decided i was done and my chains fell off ive been set free my Lord and my God has rescued me.

  3. gn2 says

    i am undergoing my recovery plan . i started this plan before two days and suddenly i was alone in home for two days and I couldn’t seriously control myself.I am felling very low, what happened was it usual. If i continue will it work for me. Please help???????

  4. lmsqfhj says

    NOT TONIGHT, Inc.

    Amid the flurry of new terminology coming to my ears sexual addiction is one that has permeated throughout western society. As if it could be tampered with, altered. I thought (personal) sexual drives control were beyond our reach and at least for me, a midlife straight man, I haven’t still been able to harness the damn thing! It’s still under my libido’s strict management… And rightly so: mother nature programmed us, species of the two genres, to not be able to discuss the (once generally accepted) attraction but only the “terms and conditions” in order to keep the stork busy. Healthily.

    Well, in the course of the late 20th century (and please don’t argue that history is not being written now, by us, the rightful owner of the truth), something went awry and things seem to have changed a bit and it’s certainly due to science advancement no doubt : We now allegedly possess the ability to emerge and shake free from the primitive shackles of basic instinct statute. Out of the closet after millions of years of humming and hawing since the dawn of humanity we reportedly recently achieved the mastery and ultimate control of the (soon doomed) human specie’s evolution and who should we attribute this feat to ? Apparently not to the feminists this time around. Rather to a for profit group of people e.g. therapists, eager to coin, spread (and sell) new and exciting last frontier material: the heyday of civilization. Booya!

    This is trial and error at its worse : Were we to gain command of our sex drives -and its subsequent criminalization- the dusk of humanity would be ever near and I’d be left alone, stranded on barren shores, bathed in my own unspoiled, raging testosterone, crossing the desert of the long gone smart minis.

    The reality is that some still have headaches and others don’t. We’re all different in our energy distribution and allocation but some eternally think that they are the truth bearers. Good old politics.

    To my eyes it’s one more sad episode of the endless attempt the prevent people, our peers, from sharing the most natural and healthy common ground between them because in this life there’s nothing more dangerous than being caught in the act of experiencing pleasure.

    Now, that’s control !

  5. Rescued & Recovering says

    Hey i am 17 year old-
    Its been a month that I haven’t watched online pornography.
    I was able to – not to click on that pornographic stuff on the internet even while using my laptop esp. when I was alone. It feels great.
    But I still haven’t been able to leave my habit of masturbation although I have been able to reduce its frequency(once per 3 or 4 days).
    I just want to remove this biggest thorn from my life so that I can Live my Life to the fullest and study hard.
    Kicking the thought of watching online pornography from my mind is not that tough now but I would like the fellow readers and especially Alex to give me advice on how to get rid of my habit of masturbation all at once.
    Last of all I would like to thanks Alex for creating such a wonderful website to help others who are suffering from this problem.

    • says

      Hey, R&R! I’m no Alex, but I see he hasn’t posted in over a month, so I figured I’d try to encourage you myself. I lead a recovery support group for guys like you and I, and I can say that what you’re experiencing is completely normal! You were at a critical stage when you posted this, I hope you were able to stay the course until now. The truth is, there’s nothing harder than making it past that first month of sobriety. However, if you can make it past three months, things will become much easier for you! By then, your brain will be creating new neuro-pathways that don’t involve acting out.
      The fact that you can’t seem to resist the urge to masturbate every 3-4 days is perfectly normal as well! You probably don’t want to talk menstrual cycles, but just as women have natural cycles, the male body desires sexual release every 48-72 hours at your age. Pornography only heightens this desire, but the good news is that once you’ve experienced a longer sober period, it will get easier to rid yourself of this “thorn” as well! Then you really will start living life to the full:)

      • Alex says

        Thanks pfreedude for jumping in. I have been very busy lately as you’ve correctly noted.

        I just wanted to say that I do agree that it is normal for a 17 year old to want to masturbate. I generally do not give advice on abstaining from masturbation for people who are single, just because I’ve never experienced this myself. But if you decide that it is okay for you to masturbate, I would encourage outlining a set of rules (i.e. only 2 times a week, and no more than 1 time a day with no visual stimulation). Just find what make sense to you and doesn’t feel wrong. That way you know in black and white if your are taking care of your health needs, or if you are using masturbation to abuse your sexuality.

  6. kishore says

    I addicted to sex at the age of 8,i make so many vows to overcome but i never…..let see…. I STARTED TODAY….

  7. Chaz says

    I come to this site. it seems unbelievable that so much information is given for free.

    I am starting a journey to sobritity.

    Thank you.

  8. Ramk says

    Hello Alex and everyone in this amazing life saving website,
    First I like to mention that I was sevearly addicted to porn, up untill few months ago that I came to this website, I have been sobor for at least three months, the reason I dont know exactly how long is because I cant find the post that I put on this website the day that I masturbated 3 times and looked online for help and came across this absolotly life saving websie. after doing what alex tought me now I am completly sobor! just make sure follow tow main steps. First breathing and second your goals for why wanting to stop (very important) after seeing your poupose for it you can stop yourself and do some breathing and bring yourself back. life, sex, work, motivation, ambitoin, creativity, strenght, and everything else has been better, more, and amazing. Please Please stop and taste the real life PLEASE STOP

    Alex,

    have you deleted any posts? my post was my motivation and I cant find it :( it was in 29th of some month sep or Aug I dont know. I hope you didnt delete it, I didnt have any bad or obsiene comments!

    • Anon says

      I find it doubtful that any post would be deleted (unless it contained spam, obscenities, abuse or triggering material. Did you post anything that someone else would find triggering? IE. Overly descriptive regarding your masturbation or pornography?)

      Due to the high volume of content this website graciously provides, there are so many pages that I myself have gotten lost amongst them. Perhaps you did not post it on this main page, but instead on another one?

      It might take some time, but if it is extremely important to you I would suggest surfing around all the FTRW pages. Perhaps you will find your comment posted elsewhere?

      Good luck and I wish you strength in continuing your sobriety!

  9. Loveslaborsfound says

    I thank you for putting up this site. I have struggled for years with this addiction, all my adult life really. I understand the triggers and the feelings that porn feeds on. I have them and they possess me and control me. I am going to try focusing on the breathing and feeding the right wolf. No question that the feelings on the light side make for a better life.

  10. abhinav says

    Hello All,
    its nice to read all the articles on this website.I have tried some but in the end i succumb to my desire of watching porn.
    The reason for this is i am 25 years old and i dont have a girlfriend in my life.Which makes me feel very frustrating to overcome this frustration i watch porn and masturbates.I proposed a girl at my workplace but she refused that made me even more addicted to porn. i want to quit this addiction and live a happy and healthy life.I do realize that simply having a girlfriend is not the objective of my life but i just cant overcome this feeling.Please help.
    please tell me how can i contact anyone through mail or phone who can help me…plzzzz

    • Casey says

      With all due respect, you sound like the typical porn/sex addict. One resource is to find a local SA (Sex-aholics Anonymous) 12 Step group, study this site, Candeocan.com, the Church, etc.

      But the main thing I want to say to you and everyone out there with this problem: It’s not going to go away just because you get a girlfriend or get married. It’s a very typical story to hear about a person getting into a relationship but not stopping. They even say it’s HARDER to stop when you’re in a relationship! So what I’m trying to say is ultimately, if you’ve got a problem like this and don’t have it handled, I hope I’m not breaking too many hearts out there when I say this, but in my opinion, you aren’t really quite ready for a relationship at this point. Get sober first and stay that way. I know it’s easier said than done, but just put the shoe on the other foot for a minute, and you’ll probably see things the way I do. Imagine being in a relationship with a person addicted to anything (alcohol or sex or crack, etc.) and they’re what’s known as “wet” (using). Would you really want that person to be raising your kids or even count on them for a ride home from work when your car breaks down?

      In all the 12 Step programs they say at the end of every meeting after a prayer: “Keep coming back!” so take heart and thanks from me, too, Alex.:)

    • Casey says

      I just wanted to add, I know that might sound judgmental to some, but really, if anyone is in a committed relationship and lusting after someone other than their spouse (not that “lust” is OK, either…), I go by what Jesus said about that… and I know it’s easier said than done, and to be fair, I’m not in any position to criticize.

  11. says

    Please I want to stop my porn. I even have a weird website I might shut down. PS thx and fcrcftcftcrcrtcrtrtfrtftrdrdrdededrerxrxdrxdrrexdrxexrexrexrerxrxedrexrderedr

  12. says

    Alex,
    Thank you for putting yourself out there like this for us to gain strength from!

    May I personally take this opportunity to suggest to those who have a firm belief, and would like to incorporate Jesus Christ into their recovery. See if there is an LDS family resources Addiction Recovery Support Group in your area. It is a 12 step program similar to AA that has helped me more than I could ever say.

  13. Shadow in the Wind says

    Thank you. Viewing pornography is my long-time problem, I failed many times, but stood up and continued (and I’m still falling). I tried many methods, prayers and so, but your free recovery program is like water for the man in the desert… I also appreciate that it’s free, I can’t afford to pay horrible prices for courses or therapies.

    By the way, where are you from? (as you wrote that English isn’t your first language)

  14. Anonymous says

    I am working towards a life without porn and this website has been helpful. I wish everyone luck that is really trying to “quit”. It is a process and I believe the information on this website is going to aid myself and others in their recovery. Thank you!

    Currently 2 weeks into my recovery and have been able to manage any craving by working out or cleaning. I plan to use this blog as a way to support myself and others. If anyone would like to join me in giving daily or weekly updates on your recovery feel free.

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