Sex Addiction Help

Hello Dear Visitor

  • Do you struggle to control some part of your sexuality?
  • Find yourself wondering, why did I just do that again?
  • Feel that you constantly have to cover your tracks to avoid being caught?
  • Afraid of anybody learning about your secrets?
  • Wonder if there is a better way to live your life?

I struggled with all of the above and wrote a book where I outlined the things that helped me.

It’s Free and It’s Online

This is the book that I wish I had when I first realized that something was wrong in my life, and didn’t know where to turn for help.

Start Reading

Why Feed The Right Wolf?

The name for this site was inspired by an old Cherokee tale of Two Wolves.

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside all people. He said, “My son, the battle is between two ‘wolves’ inside us all.

“One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”

“The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf wins?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

Who Am I?

My name is Alex and I am a recovering sex addict. I have been in recovery since early 2008, and while my recovery is not perfect, I was able to abstain from watching pornography for over 99% of my time. Additionally, although I do not recommend this for single people, I have not masturbated since January 2009, CHOOSING my wife as the only source for my sexual experience.

I was raised in a regular home with two normal parents. Like many teenage boys I started watching pornography when I was around 10 years old. I was very isolated from other kids and for a large part of my life pornography was my only “true friend”. I didn’t know that pornography could have a negative effect and viewed it as a healthy way to have fun and deal with my emotions.

My Pornography Use Continued to Escalate

Over the years, my use of pornography continued to escalate. I thought I would be able to stop once I get into a relationship with a real woman but realized that it was not the case. High stresses of life, combined with anonymity, availability, and accessibility of pornography over the high-speed internet seemed to have taken my pornography use completely out of control. It went on until about three years ago. By that point my sex addiction was completely out of control. I would spend up to 8 hours every day watching pornography and masturbating. In order to make time for my habit I would skip sleep, work, and even time with my family. I felt guilty, shameful, worthless, and hopeless.

Finding a Solution for Sex Addiction

After a while I simply couldn’t deny that I had a problem. I swore to myself “I would do whatever it takes to find a way out”. I’ve dedicated my undivided attention towards finding a solution for my sex addiction. I’ve read every addiction book that I could get my hands on, until I finally found a technique called, Exposure and Response Prevention, that allowed me to see the first glimpses of light. I then proceeded to read even more books, began seeing a therapist, purchased a few recovery programs, and began attending a 12 step meeting for sex addiction.

Combination of Different Methods Brings the Optimal Result

Through my experience in recovery, I noticed that many people were too fixated on one particular approach. Some people relied solely on group therapy, some on religious programs, some on cognitive therapy, and some on eastern philosophy. Yet in my experience, a combination of different methods appeared to be bringing the ideal result. I’ve shared some of my ideas with my friends in recovery and received a very positive response. That is what encouraged me to develop this site. I’ve summarized the most important information that allowed me to stop sex addiction in 23 short and fun to read articles – I call it the “Free Recovery Course”.

In the Free Recovery Course You Will Discover…

  1. A chemical process that takes place in your brain causing you to get addicted
  2. The addictive cycle that your body goes through and how to break out of it
  3. How the human brain works and why sometimes you lose control of your actions
  4. Four simple exercises to strengthen your brain
  5. How to create your sexual recovery plan
  6. How to control your cravings
  7. An important strategy to help you beat your addiction once and for all
  8. How your beliefs are causing you to suffer
  9. Seven beliefs that were keeping me trapped
  10. One big lesson that I learned from my relapse and what you can do to avoid my mistakes
  11. Two very important tools that can magnify your recovery
  12. Four things that you CAN do to help you stay sober for the rest of your life

Click Here to Start Recovery!

Frequently Asked Question:

What do I have to pay for this information?

We offer a combination of free and paid services. This site was design to offer free help to any person struggling with sex addiction, and we are staying true to this mission. Over time however, increasing numbers of people have asked for more “hands on” and “personalized” help. That is why we decided to add a coaching element to our site.

Does this information really work?

Every person is different. It has most definitely worked for me. Additionally you can read a lot of positive comments throughout this website. Since we started offering a free recovery course in August of 2010 over four thousand people have signed up for email delivery, and over a hundred thousand people have read the Free Recovery Course on this website. We’ve received no complaints and have been thanked too many times to count.

Why should I listen to you?

Our coaches, are certified and experienced. They are professionals and great at what they do. My only credentials is that I’ve been there. I am not a doctor, nor do I play one on TV. English is not my first language, and my educational background is in computer engineering. That being said, most of the information that I share on this site did not come from me directly. Rather it is my collection and interpretation of different approaches and techniques that I learned from many books and training courses offered by people who do have credentials. I like to believe that I did a very good job of putting it all together, but I’ll let you be the judge of that.

Why should I read your stuff?

Because it would allow you to learn from my mistakes instead of making your own. Note that you don’t have to be addicted to sex to benefit from this site. Most of the information provided is common sense, day-to-day psychology that will allow you to better understand the inner workings of the human mind, and allow you to get a greater control of your life.

Click Here to Start Recovery!

Since this site presents information from a variety of approaches you would be more likely to find something new and effective that could turn your life towards new direction and allow you to enjoy a new level of freedom. This information provided at no additional cost. You have nothing to lose (except for a few minutes of your time) but you have the world to gain.

Last but not least, because by reading this information, commenting on this site, and participating in the forum, you would not only help yourself, but you will also help others. A journey of thousand miles begins with a single step. And by giving a bit of your attention towards this site you can make this world a little better. You’ll see that by learning and applying some of the techniques discussed here, you’ll begin to transform your life! And you will be amazed to discover that your transformation will begin to improve the lives of those around you!

Call (916)259-3827 For Professional Help

P.S. Recommended Resources:

  • Sex Addicts Anonymous
    I cannot imagine my recovery without this program.
  • Mindful Habit Course by Coach Craig
    Great advice from a great person.
  • Free Podcast and Mini Course from Candeo Can
    I owe my first 90 days of continuous sobriety to this program and highly recommend it.
  • Internet Accountability Software
    Using this software allowed me to get truly honest with my internet usage for the first time in my life. For some reason knowing that my every step was being observed and reported on, made it really easy to use internet only in a healthy way.
  • Treating Pornography Addiction by Kevin B. Skinner Ph.D.
    I have read over 15 books on Pornography and Sexual addiction and this truly is one of the best books on the subject. The reason is I recommend this particular book is because it is full of excellent actionable steps. Other books do a good job describing the problem, but don’t really offer a realistic solution.
  • Your Sexually Addicted Spouse – How Partners Can Cope and Heal by Barbara Steffens Ph.D.
    I know that about half of visitors to our site are spouses of people who might be suffering with pornography and sex addiction. To the best of my knowledge this book is one of the most helpful books for the partners.
  • Free Consultation from Coach Craig
    Coach Craig has been a good friend and supporter of this site since January 2013. He has worked with people from all over the world, including famous musicians and other high profile individuals. Yet, he is only a phone call away and would be glad to give you a free consultation. Call him anytime, with any question you might have, and I am know he will be extremely happy to help in any way he can.

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Comments

  1. eeyore21 says

    Glad to see I can post with just a name, thanks Alex!
    SKYWALKER, though what you say about nudity being helpful makes a lot of sense, I see 2 big problems. 1. How to go about doing that in todays society, especially if you are a religious person, which I assume you are. Your friends and family will not easily be convinced, so do you just go visit a nudist camp regularly or what?
    2. If that was really an answer, don’t you think your church leaders would know about it? God has all the answers, and because “His house is a house of order” don’t you think he would reveal his word (the answer) though his prophet/church leaders? My church has strong views they teach about being modest, which makes a lot of sense. That could never include nudity, except maybe in your own home with your wife.
    I think the solution has to be more along the lines of “being in the world but not OF the world.” I.e. shunning evil and temptation by avoiding unwholesome TV, movies, web surfing, clubs, etc. The problem I see, especially for me, is how to get back to that lifestyle when you’ve succumbed to it and are covered in filth and infected your brain. Just as with drugs and alcohol, its much easier and smarter to avoid it in the first place, than to recover from it.
    Enough for now. My first step is to begin the repentance process and seek the Lords help. I want to find a good web-blocker, and I think I’ll re-read the wonderful book Miracle of Forgiveness by Spencer W. Kimball.
    Anyone know a good safe-search tool/web-blocker? Preferably free?
    Thanks and God bless us all. I know Christ has the power to help us and to forgive, He is the key.

    • skywalker says

      Hi, i want to thank you for your reply. Believe me when i say that i am not surprised at all that you see nudity as a problem, obviously because through media outlets, nudity is tainted with sin i.e. pornography and its resultant filth. You asked how this can be done in today’s society, the only answer i can give to that is to know the truth. I too at a point never believed that there was absolutely nothing good about nudity in itself, but you see years ago when i struggled with the sin of lust which led to pornography, i shared correspondence with one the pastors and while we where at it, i was encouraged to go to an art class and draw a nude figure (i am an artist). Up till that time i have never drawn a nude person because of the belief that i would be tempted to sin, but when i started the class, throughout the class, i mean i was looking at a beautiful naked person and i did not have so much as an urge or immoral desire, i simply saw her as a ‘human being’!!! That experience had a profound change in my life and really brought the message home. I personally have not visited a nudist camp before, but you see i have come to this understanding and fact that it is not even the nudity that is the issue, rather the ultimate problem is that we have all grown up with a false view of the body. You are also right about the fact that God has all the answers, but you will also realize that even church leaders can believe that they are conveying God’s truths but they end up interpreting His word based on their cultural beliefs and this applies more so to the issue of nudity. You see when people hear the word ‘nudity’ it brings such disgust and disdain and of course it is seen as immoral altogether, but is it not the Lord who created our bodies as His temple, is it not possible for us to be able to have another different view about the body. You mentioned about modesty, but how do you define ‘modesty’, what are the yardsticks for defining someone for being modest, is it defined by how someone dresses, maybe how long a woman’s dress should be and all that. I have seen that even if a person dresses ‘modestly’, it does not mean that it will deal with the problem of lust in one’s heart!!! You are also right by pointing out that we must avoid activities like surfing unwholesome sites and video content, but even if you a get a software that blocks access to immoral sites, it will only serve to reduce the opportunity to lust, but it does not deal with the sin of lust itself. This is one of the issues of why people that are addicted to pornography measure their freedom in their minds by ‘how long they have stayed clean’ and that means how long they have not watched porn clips and when they find themselves having the urge and maybe falling back to it, they become very frustrated even after they may have prayed. I can draw this situation to analogy of a having a big tree in your back yard, you do not like this tree because it is giving you problems, and so you start cutting all the branches and even burning them, yet for as long as the root of the tree still remains intact, in time the branches will eventually grow back. However if you deal with the problem by striking at its very root, and that means when we then destroy the tree by pulling it from its very roots, there will be no way that the branches will grow back!!!! What am i saying here, i am saying that nudity in itself is not evil at all and it is not the cause of our problems, it is the misconception of the body that has unwittingly led people to be in bondage to pornography because pornography flaunts the temple of God and fills it with filth and evil and it continually draws its power and allure from the belief that nudity is sexually provocative. I know personally that many in the church will not accept that there is goodness in nudity and so it will seem that what i believe is ridiculous and that i may appear insane but i will say this; my changed perspective about our bodies has allowed to see people for the way Jesus will expect us to see them regardless of their outlook but because i now believe that there is goodness in our bodies and that the body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, i cannot stand and have fellowship any longer with anything that violates, distorts and degrades the sincere beauty and goodness of the body and then unites it with the ungodly view of sex (pornography)!!!! The body is not the problem, the real problem is to deal with the lust, selfish and self centered nature in the heart of both the viewer and even the person being viewed, because it is the wickedness of the heart combined with the seemingly irrevocable acceptance that nudity is sexually immoral in nature that has led to the rise and rise of pornography in our world today. I do not expect you to be convinced immediately because i know how tasking and daunting it can be to question even the very things you once thought to be true, but as Christians, our beliefs must be defined by the word of the Lord ‘truly’ says and not the way the some church leaders may interpret it. Nevertheless i will plead with you to have a look at this website:
      1.) http://gracechurch-sl.us/files/FLF_Apologia.pdf

      Stay blessed always. Shalom.

  2. skywalker says

    Greetings to you all. I thought I post this comment I took from a website that was written by ‘Johnw’. Please read:

    “President Hinckley has spent a lot of energy warning about pornography, calling it worse than the plague. The topic comes up all the time in Stake leadership meetings too. I have heard statistics of the volume of pornography that flows through the BYU network every day. It is a huge, sick problem.

    Still, from my limited experience, pornography is not the problem. In fact, it is a symptom of a much deeper problem. In my opinion, when we put porn blockers and filters on our Internet connections, we’re hacking at the branches of evil, but not striking at the root.

    My view is that we have created our own cancer. By “we” I don’t refer specifically to the church or to the US, but just generally to the Christian culture in the US, which tends to be somewhat amplified in the church.

    What is the cancer? The cancer is mutated views of bodies and sexuality. This has come about from two fronts.

    On one side, we have always been a very “Victorian” society. Surprisingly, in some ways this is growing instead of softening. We have been able to become more and more private about our bodies in these big, modern homes with private rooms and baths. Contrast this with the homes our grandparents grew up in, with one common room for all of the kids and a wash basin on the kitchen floor for bathing; “modesty” just wasn’t an option. But now it is. Even “modesty” itself is taking on a life of its own in the church. Its definition has grown from the original sense of propriety in conduct to the narrow definition of ample clothing. As a result, we have it pounded into our heads that bodies are sexual and they have to be covered to preserve purity. The hiding of them, I believe, creates a second problem. We can easily become fixated on what we are not allowed to see.

    On the other side, Hollywood is working very hard to sexualize the body. It shows idealized, air-brushed flashes of skin and charges them with sexuality. The irony is that the Christian culture is reinforcing Hollywood’s messaging. Hollywood shows soft cleavage with lights and sounds that scream “sex”, and the Christian churches jump to their feet and agree.

    We’re bombarded on both fronts with the same message: bodies are sex. Hollywood tells us to get naked and indulge in sex, while Christian society tells us to cover up and spurn it. And they’re both wrong. Which brings us back to our goal of finding the root of the pornography problem.

    The root of the problem, then, is that we have horribly distorted and mutated the innocent view of bodies. This becomes self-evident with a simple question: How does Heavenly Father react to your nude body? The answer, I believe, is that he does not see a nude body. He only sees you — his child — and feels love.

    When Heavenly Father looks on us, he sees souls. Sadly, when many men (and a surprising number of women too, I understand) look on the opposite gender, their view is tainted by sexuality. Some are able to deal with that. But others struggle with it. To make matters worse, many have a natural, innocent curiosity about what the other gender looks like, intensified by the fact that bodies are so hidden. The obvious and easiest place to satisfy curiosity about sex and bodies is pornography. This is horribly devastating. As soon as these poor souls start looking at pornography, the sexual view of bodies is burned deeply into their minds. From this moment on, they nearly can’t visualize the other gender nude in a non-sexual way. The other gender ceases to be souls and becomes walking sex objects. Innocence is completely lost.

    We make a very sad mistake when we assume that we should cure these people by filtering their Internet connection or installing a porn blocker. That may keep them from seeing porn, but there remain deeply distorted perceptions about bodies and sex.

    I started re-reading The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis and loved this passage from the Prologue: “I do not think that all who choose wrong roads perish; but their rescue consists in being put back on the right road. A wrong sum can be put right: but only by going back till you find the error and working it afresh from that point, never by simply going on. Evil can be undone, but it cannot “develop” into good. Time does not heal it. The spell must be unwound, bit by bit …”

    We assume that if we can get the porn addict away from the porn that they will be able to move on from it. But this is fundamentally wrong. To really help the porn addict heal, we must “unwind” the problem — go back and correct the thought patterns and perceptions that have been altered and mutated. We have to heal their minds and souls. If we can put their perceptions right, pornography will lose its appeal.

    Enter the remedy and relief — nudism. Chaste nudity can be very healing. This seems counter-intuitive, but taking off your clothes in a chaste, innocent environment is a wonderful way to heal distorted body perceptions.

    How does nudism heal perceptions? It takes the body — the object that has been charged with so much sexuality — and brings it back into reality. Sexually charged imagery exists in a world of false perceptions and fantasy. When you remove the body from the imagination and expose it in reality, the fantasy and fiction fly away very quickly. Even the most beautiful bodies turn out to be just a lot of pale skin, body hair, blemishes, wrinkles, and odd fat distributions. When this happens, the porn addict is left disillusioned and sexually-charged reactions disappear.

    When the sexuality is swept away and just a body is left standing there, a surprising thing happens. We begin to see the person inside of the body. And then our perceptions come closer to Heavenly Father’s. The body starts to slip as the primary focal point and we begin to see a soul instead. Eventually, the body becomes the clothing of the soul, and that is a beautiful reality to arrive at.

    The end result is that warped thought patterns and perceptions are healed at the root. From then on, the person views bodies in a healthy way. They are liberated from the sexual overtones that are spread all over pop culture. Victoria’s Secret models now seem ridiculous; it feels sad that they have so little respect for themselves beyond their bodies. As to pornography, it becomes clear that it is a lie, a fiction that has no root in reality.

    It is hard for American Christians to come to terms with all of this. They have a profoundly strong belief that nudity must be perverse and sexually deviant. The strange truth is, it can be very innocent and wholesome. I struggle to explain this or reason it out, but anyone who has experienced it can testify to it. In a truly innocent setting, sexuality just drips away.

    American Christian society also cannot understand how nudity could be modest. But it happens that taking off a swimming suit can be more modest than keeping it on. Swimming suits both emphasize and hide “private” areas and then leave your mind to fill in the blanks. Your mind will always fill in the blanks much better than reality will. Take off the swimming suit and all of a sudden it’s just a body — surprisingly less attractive than you thought, and without all of Hollywood’s music and lights, the sexual charge disappears.

    If one part of the nude body is visually more emphasized than the others, it is only because we aren’t used to seeing it. Once you adjust to the sight of it, the body becomes just one continuous covering — clothing of the soul. Contrast this with current attitudes, where this body is the sum of the “private” areas. It reminds me of Ephesians where the church is described in terms of a body, where no part is superior to any other. That is the way it should be.

    In regards to modesty, nudists come to realize that modesty is far more about the way you conduct and carry yourself than what you wear. I have seen girls that were incredibly immodest in the way they walked and flaunted themselves, even though their hemlines met church standards. On the other hand, a girl can carry herself with dignity and purity and no sexual overtones, even if she is unclothed.

    But again, American Christians struggle to come to terms with this. Their warped perceptions of the body are, in many ways, just as severe as the porn addict’s, but towards the other end of the spectrum. In my view, these souls need as much healing as the porn addict.”

    • Chris says

      Thank you for sharing your view point it was very informative!! I have always wondered how nudists come to view things the way they do. While I respect your opinion, I don’t agree with it completely. Sexual attraction between man and woman is natural, something God put in us. There’s nothing wrong with being aroused by someone who is attractive its a natural thing that happens. When Adam saw Eve for the first time he burst out in poetry because she was very beautiful. What you decide to do with those feelings is what matters and where many go wrong. Also, it was only after sin came into the world when Adam and Eve made fig leaves for themselves. If that was a problem, something that God didn’t like and that would cause probelms, then why did he give them “long garments” to put on?(Genesis 3:21) Why does the Bible encourage women to (and we can apply this to all) “adorn themselves in well-arranged dress, with modesty and soundness of mind?” 1 Timothy 2:9. Its true modest dress in itself dosnt make the person good. One should focus on the ‘secret person of the heart’ as well (1 peter 3:3,4). That would seem to me that God would want us to wear clothes. His son wore clothes, in fact he had a very nice garment. Why wasn’t he a nudist? Christ set the example for us did he not? Why didn’t he make it clear that one should be a nudist? If what you say are “clearly the words of the Lord” then why didn’t Jesus follow his own advice???? 1 Peter 2:21 says he ‘left a model for us to follow his steps closely.’ Did he leave us a model reflecting nudity? No!

      With no sexual attraction to the opposite sex how does a person enjoy sex? Does a nudist have sex? I don’t view my wife as an object, but I’ll be honest her naked body gets me going and it should!!!! The Bible says that such relations are normal. Proverbs speaks very frankly by saying ‘that a man should rejoice with the wife of his youth and that her breasts should intoxicate him at all times and to be in an ecstasy together constantly.’(Proverbs 5:17-19) Genesis 26:8,9 Refers to Isaac having a ‘good time’ with his wife. How does that occur if you don’t have that kind of attraction by being a nudist? Look at the Song of Solomon. That’s a good example of two people being in love and showing how attracted they were to each other physically and also to their good qualities that they had. Even Solomon was very attracted to her beauty. Abishag was spoken of as being “Beautiful in the extreme.” There are many other examples. My point is this, the Bible is very clear that one can have a balanced view of the opposite sex and does not condemn sexual attraction, but rather encourages self-control, getting the mastery over your emotions by relying on him and his word (Ephesians 5:3, Colossians 3:5). It is true we can fixate on things that we cant see, curiosity may arise, but we still have the choice weather to do that or not. There are many people who wear clothes and are able to control their feelings. Its true that “Swimming suits both emphasize and hide “private” areas and then leave your mind to fill in the blanks. Your mind will always fill in the blanks much better than reality will.” But, I and everyone else have a CHOICE not to think that way. I have a choice to fill in the blanks and fantasize and I have a choice not to. I have the ability to control my emotions. I have a choice to not keep looking and I don’t!! Your thinking would lead people to believe that that is impossible to do and that the only way is to devoid oneself of sexual attraction completely by becoming a nudist. That is just not true. I agree that when God sees our naked bodies he sees a son or a daughter, but he also created sexual attraction between man and woman not only for the purpose of procreation, but also for a way a husband and wife can enjoy each other. These feelings can be controlled by following the advice He gave us in his word and the power he imparts to us. Its possible to do without being a nudist. The early christians remained faithful with clothes on and many are doing it today. The fact is many CHOOSE not to. The problem lies not in the creation, how we are made, but in the heart of the individual. We can choose not to be influenced by what we see around us to the point of making wrong choices. We CAN control what develops in our hearts by what we choose to take in through our minds. Its so true that an internet blocker wont solve the problem completely one must change who they are on the inside. But a person can transform who they are on the inside without being a nudist. By being a nudist what if someone who is trying to overcome porn sees that person and is stumbled into sin?? Something to think about. Jesus said it ‘would be better for a mill stone to be tied around someones neck and thrown into the sea than to stumble someone.’ The real “root” of the problem is inherited sin and imperfection from our first parents and due to the works of the Devil. Everyone is affected in some way. It could be with sex, drinking, eating, materialism, we all struggle. Even the apostle Paul struggled with his imperfections day after day after becoming a christian as we see from his letter to the Romans(Chapter 7). But he had help to fight those temptations and so do we! The sexual attraction that we were created with is not wrong, its the abusing of, the degrading of it that makes it wrong.

  3. Jim says

    Just to say that I have been addicted to porn since I got the internet in 1996. Thats 16 dark years. Amazingly this site some how has helped me survive 3 weeks without it. I am so afraid of falling off the wagon . But I am doing this minute by minute. I watch my breathing> I now feel worthy of this second chance to save myself and my beautiful family . I am lucky . You can be too.

    • skywalker says

      Greetings. I will just like to post something for you that i had already posted as a reply:

      I will like you to prayerfully read this website: http://mychainsaregone.org/MCAG-TheChain-ann.htm. You will see things that you have never ever questioned in your entire life but most importantly, open your heart to the saving power of the Lord Jesus Christ. Christianity is not a religion, it is a WAY OF LIFE. Only Jesus Christ can forgive, restore and lead you to all truths including the truth about the human body. I can assure you that it will shake your very foundation of belief and it will require something very drastic but if you see the truth for the truth, you will end up walking away from porn without the desire to have fellowship with it any longer!!! God bless you always.

  4. LuckyOnes says

    so today i relapsed. But thats okay, we gotta dust ourselves off and get back on our feet :) we will win!

    • Alex says

      It happens… The more I think about it, recovery is not really about achieving sobriety, its about minimising our relapses and maximising the good sober times in our lives as much as possible :)

  5. skywalker says

    Greetings, one of the reasons why i believe that pornography has such power and hold over its victim is because we have been socially and culturally trained to accept a false perception or view of the male and female human body for so long. Through the media outlets, we have been feed this false perception because in our minds we accept them as a matter of fact. To be able to overcome this problem, we need JESUS CHRIST to change our hearts where the sin comes from (sin of lust, selfishness and self-centeredness) and then we need to also uncover the lies that keep us bounded to pornography. Victory over a addiction is not measured in “how long we have not been in it” but it is by accepting the truth and living by the truth through the power of the Holy Spirit!!! Have a blessed day.

  6. anonymous worker says

    So im pretty sure I have a problem I am watching it at work sneaking away to a bathroom every chance I get. Other times im thinking about it. The worst I have is in a church. Idk I just cant stop myself sometimes and now with these superphones it is getting worse am I alone in these actions?

    • Alex says

      You are sure not alone. Not at all. Just visit our forum and you’ll see :) I am also glad that you became aware of the problem, now the real change is possible!

      Alex

      • anonymous worker says

        Damn this is not easy. I delete and delete then I find myself downloading more again. There is no end to it. I grow.more disgusted with myself every day. Idk what to do. I am completely ashamed of myself.

  7. skywalker says

    Hi everyone, i will like to post this important link for you all to read it: ——–. God bless you all.

    My apologies, I know you meant well, but I had to remove this link since it contained nudity and it could be very triggering for some of our readers. Personally I also strive to avoid such information just to stay on the safe site, and I would appreciate if you will refrain from posting such links in the future.

    Please do feel free to summarise the point of this link in the reply comment, post it on our forum, or as a guest post on the main site.

    Regards,
    Alex

    • skywalker says

      Apology accepted. I understand that people will take offence with the site i put on, but you see that only magnifies the problem. I used to believe for years from childhood that a woman’s body is seductive in nature and that her exposure to any part of her body, i.e. the breast, will cause a man to stumble and lust, but like i said in my earlier post,the true problem has never been about the woman’s body all along, it is the distorted, misguided and perverted view point of our body which has been hammered again and again through the media and pornography. The truth is pornography is only a reflection or outcome of a much bigger and greater problem in our society.

  8. tkme2mts says

    Hi Alex~
    I’m the wife of a recovering porn and sex addict. I’ve seen your website before and landed here again today. I noticed the Forum link and clicked on it, wondering if it would be something my husband might be interested in. I’ve participated in similar boards/forums when our son joined the Army and found them especially helpful when he was deployed to Iraq. So I’m familiar with the ‘concept’ of these boards and the support that they can provide. I was surprised, however, that your board is fully accessible from what I can see, except for looking at members’ profiles. I was wondering why this is, and if the members might feel more comfortable and ‘safe’ participating if they knew that others can’t just ‘happen’ onto the forum and see their innermost thoughts and struggles? Is there some way you can make it private and readable only by those who have registered and signed in?

    On the flip-side, I can also see that by leaving it as it is, there might be ‘lurkers’ (guests) who may not feel comfortable registering in the forum but who may actually benefit from reading through the threads as they struggle with their own addiction.

    I was just curious, I guess in part, because I recently joined a forum for wives of porn addicts which is totally private, but I’m still a little nervous about posting anything on there, even knowing that only those registered can see my posts. If the forum was ‘open’ as yours is, I probably wouldn’t ever post!

    Thank you for sharing your story and for providing the info and tools for those struggling with this addiction.

    • Alex says

      Thank you for your feedback. I generally encourage people to create fake emails to use for forum posting, to help further protect their identity.

      That being said, I’ve created a private forum that is only visible to and accessible by our registered visitors. Of course you’ll have to be registered to see it :)

      Thank you for your and your son’s service. Being mother of a soldier is probably harder work than being the soldier. I am saying this as an Iraqi Vet myself :)

      Semper Fi,
      Alex

      • tkme2mts says

        Hello again~

        Thanks for your reply, but now you have me wondering where the private forum is, because it’s not the one here at this website that’s got the ‘Forum’ tab you see if you scroll way up to the top of this page?

        Yes, being an Army Mom is a really difficult job, especially when they’re deployed. Thanks for your service too.

        • Alex says

          I am sorry that I confused you; it all seem to make sense in my head :)

          Basically if you go inside the forum, the one that you can see from the “Forum” tab at the top of the page, you’ll see a list of sub-forums that we have available: General, Recovery Journals etc. I’ve added a new sub-forum in there, titled “Private Forum” but it will not be visible to guests, only to registered user, so you’ll have to register with our forum to be able to see it.

          Please let me know if you have any questions,
          Alex

  9. Lisa says

    How do I get my boyfriend to understand he ” is addicted to porn”? His excuse is always everyone does it. It is normal. Im ready to take the kids and leave. I went so far as to tell his family thinking they could help me. Now he bought a memory card keeps it locked in his van. It has 400+ pics of t and a. On his I phone no pics of his family. How do I get help for him? People see him on his phone at work. He wakes up early and plays on his phone for 30-40 min before work and when he comes good he is Im the bathroom for an hour. He has to drive while watching porn.

    I REALLY NEED HELP TO HELP MY BF.

    • Alex says

      Hi Lisa,

      Sorry to hear about your situation. Getting through to an addict is the hardest part. I would recommend letting him know that unless he will stop his behavior this relationship is over, because you are not willing to take it anymore. At the same time let him know that if he is willing to stop, you don’t expect him to be perfect and that there is a lot of help available for him, and a lot of men who have gone exactly through what he is going to. May be you can refer him to some of the personal stories on our forum, just to see if he will relate.

      Regards,
      Alex

      • Lisa says

        Thank you. I sent him an email from this site and others. He got very upset and said for me to stop being paranoid.. All I ever hear is everyone does it that it is normal. I have told him I was leaving. I have told him it is causing problems in our relationship. Nothing works. I asked him to go see a professional and ask them if he has a problem. Once I leave I will not come back. I wish there is another way to help him instead of just leaving and not helping him. This has been going on for about 3 years our baby is 2 1/2. This really is making me HATE him. How do you help someone that thinks they do not have a problem? Im so lost and confused. . . . . . Tears. . .

        • Alex says

          Unfortunately there is only so much you can do. If you ever watched a show called intervention, you could tell that a lot of people get similar help from their families, go to the treatment facilities and yet some people end up going back to drugs, and some recover and change their lives. Why such difference? Because individuals have their role to play.

          I suggest you do get really serious with your boyfriend, if he is the kind that is not willing to better himself, no matter how much support you will provide him, I think you and you child would be better of without him. It is up to him to prove to you that he is worthy of you.

  10. Student says

    Hi Alex.
    I am a Student in High School right now. Actually I was thinking of some good social service for the world which I can do to be different. I want to pursue my studies in Ivy League University. I have been through all these problems and now I realize there are so many people in this world who are not able to live their lives to the fullest because of this. I think it would a great to help you out with your website and in promoting this and spreading the message. By this I can actually do a lot, for this world. Hence, I request you to offer me some sort of work or duty which I can do. Thanks. Please mail me. I’ll help you to promote your website.

    • Alex says

      I wanted to say thank you for your generous offer. Unfortunately I am concerned that putting something like helping this site on your resume will actually do more harm than good for you. There is a lot of stigma associate in our society to pornography and sex addiction, and it will take some time before people will begin to recognize it for what it is. Until then I believe you would benefit more from helping a traditional addiction recovery sites or facility.

  11. Student says

    Hi Alex.

    I am a Student in High School right now. Actually I was thinking of some good social service for the world which I can do to be different. I want to pursue my studies in Ivy League University. I have been through all these problems and now I realize there are so many people in this world who are not able to live their lives to the fullest because of this. I think it would a great to help you out with your website and in promoting this and spreading the message. By this I can actually do a lot, for this world. Hence, I request you to offer me some sort of work or duty which I can do. Thanks. Please mail me. I’ll help you to promote your website.

  12. smith says

    hello, i have been addicted to internet porn for about 10 years. it has drained alot of life out of me and destroyed my confidence in many situations. i often use it as a fall back or crutch to self medicate pains worries stress and anxiety away. i got to a point where i was watching porn/on chat sites for entire days. loosing sleep and suffering exhausting days at work. the final blow was when my porn habit excalated to themes outside of my sexual orientation. this cause me severe anxiety and stress. i have since been on a quest to stop. it has been six months and i have had several relapses. each relapse i step up security and try to solve the issue that lead to the relapse. ive read your recovery course and i have been applying it to my life. im just really down and out on these relapses. currently the longest i went was 36 days. after that i went about 20 days. and here we are today. my question is how can i prevent these relapses?i feel very hopeless right now.

    • Aaron says

      Hey Smith, the best thing you can do is sign up for the forums and start a recovery journal, it helps so much getting support from others, and reading about other people successes and victories. Best of luck :)

    • Casey says

      I just wanted to say that among other things, the “yourbrainonporn” web-site tells about a lot of things people who use porn do that they wouldn’t normally do, and one of them is turning to same-sex porn. Just so you know, you are definitely not alone with that. It’s actually a lot more common than most people know.

  13. adnan says

    i am watchin porn fron 13 yrs and now I m 15 how to stop this addiction want help I m not able to share this with any1 plzzzzzzzzzz help me out

    • LuckyOnes says

      Hey. I am in a similar situation to you. It doesn’t seem like I can stop either. I did the 21 day free recovery course, but I soon returned to my ways. Are you religious at all? We can help each other.

      • Alex says

        Hi guys,

        Just wanted to remind you that I never claimed that 21 days of free recovery course will cure you. My only aim was to teach you the basics, to give you the tools that you can apply to better yourself. But now you have to go out there, and live it on daily basis. Some days better, some days worse. But try to do your best.

        Ask yourself, did I do everything I could to get better? Do I take effort to be more connected to others? Did you join a 12 step group or similar community? Did you sign up for a forum? Do you journal and analyze your hidden believes and actions on an ongoing basis? Do you take care of your body, mind, and spirit on an ongoing basis? All of this is very important, and without it you will not have any lasting change.

        Alex

    • Casey says

      I don’t know if I’d call that language necessary… I don’t know about your “name”, either. It sounds like it might be anti-semetic… do you have a specific and helpful point to add?

  14. Michael says

    Hey I have been off and on with my addiction, im 16. I lost my beautiful girlfriend not because of addiction to porn but because of my addiction to intercourse with her. well anyways I need help, i spend about an hour a day and i feel sickly yet relieved after doing it. I mean if I had another girl I would be off of it, I am a spiritual being, and the material world is not my way. What can I do to deter it, another friend? or should I just read books, idk!

    • Anon says

      One of the biggest misconceptions in this addiction is that a girlfriend/wife/”really hot chick” will cure it. Unfortunately, that’s simply not true. I not only know from personal experience but hear it all the time from other addicts I meet with.

  15. g2 says

    I first time while watching porn did my erp and i am shocked to see that i quite as soon as i entered.I am really happy to avoid it for the first time.This is real happiness. Just do your erp as soon as you feel trigered.Erp worked like magic. Hope everyone may recover as soon as possible.

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