Sex Addiction Help

Hello Dear Visitor

  • Do you struggle to control some part of your sexuality?
  • Find yourself wondering, why did I just do that again?
  • Feel that you constantly have to cover your tracks to avoid being caught?
  • Afraid of anybody learning about your secrets?
  • Wonder if there is a better way to live your life?

I struggled with all of the above and wrote a book where I outlined the things that helped me.

It’s Free and It’s Online

This is the book that I wish I had when I first realized that something was wrong in my life, and didn’t know where to turn for help.

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Why Feed The Right Wolf?

The name for this site was inspired by an old Cherokee tale of Two Wolves.

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside all people. He said, “My son, the battle is between two ‘wolves’ inside us all.

“One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”

“The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf wins?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

Who Am I?

My name is Alex and I am a recovering sex addict. I have been in recovery since early 2008, and while my recovery is not perfect, I was able to abstain from watching pornography for over 99% of my time. Additionally, although I do not recommend this for single people, I have not masturbated since January 2009, CHOOSING my wife as the only source for my sexual experience.

I was raised in a regular home with two normal parents. Like many teenage boys I started watching pornography when I was around 10 years old. I was very isolated from other kids and for a large part of my life pornography was my only “true friend”. I didn’t know that pornography could have a negative effect and viewed it as a healthy way to have fun and deal with my emotions.

My Pornography Use Continued to Escalate

Over the years, my use of pornography continued to escalate. I thought I would be able to stop once I get into a relationship with a real woman but realized that it was not the case. High stresses of life, combined with anonymity, availability, and accessibility of pornography over the high-speed internet seemed to have taken my pornography use completely out of control. It went on until about three years ago. By that point my sex addiction was completely out of control. I would spend up to 8 hours every day watching pornography and masturbating. In order to make time for my habit I would skip sleep, work, and even time with my family. I felt guilty, shameful, worthless, and hopeless.

Finding a Solution for Sex Addiction

After a while I simply couldn’t deny that I had a problem. I swore to myself “I would do whatever it takes to find a way out”. I’ve dedicated my undivided attention towards finding a solution for my sex addiction. I’ve read every addiction book that I could get my hands on, until I finally found a technique called, Exposure and Response Prevention, that allowed me to see the first glimpses of light. I then proceeded to read even more books, began seeing a therapist, purchased a few recovery programs, and began attending a 12 step meeting for sex addiction.

Combination of Different Methods Brings the Optimal Result

Through my experience in recovery, I noticed that many people were too fixated on one particular approach. Some people relied solely on group therapy, some on religious programs, some on cognitive therapy, and some on eastern philosophy. Yet in my experience, a combination of different methods appeared to be bringing the ideal result. I’ve shared some of my ideas with my friends in recovery and received a very positive response. That is what encouraged me to develop this site. I’ve summarized the most important information that allowed me to stop sex addiction in 23 short and fun to read articles – I call it the “Free Recovery Course”.

In the Free Recovery Course You Will Discover…

  1. A chemical process that takes place in your brain causing you to get addicted
  2. The addictive cycle that your body goes through and how to break out of it
  3. How the human brain works and why sometimes you lose control of your actions
  4. Four simple exercises to strengthen your brain
  5. How to create your sexual recovery plan
  6. How to control your cravings
  7. An important strategy to help you beat your addiction once and for all
  8. How your beliefs are causing you to suffer
  9. Seven beliefs that were keeping me trapped
  10. One big lesson that I learned from my relapse and what you can do to avoid my mistakes
  11. Two very important tools that can magnify your recovery
  12. Four things that you CAN do to help you stay sober for the rest of your life

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Frequently Asked Question:

What do I have to pay for this information?

We offer a combination of free and paid services. This site was design to offer free help to any person struggling with sex addiction, and we are staying true to this mission. Over time however, increasing numbers of people have asked for more “hands on” and “personalized” help. That is why we decided to add a coaching element to our site.

Does this information really work?

Every person is different. It has most definitely worked for me. Additionally you can read a lot of positive comments throughout this website. Since we started offering a free recovery course in August of 2010 over four thousand people have signed up for email delivery, and over a hundred thousand people have read the Free Recovery Course on this website. We’ve received no complaints and have been thanked too many times to count.

Why should I listen to you?

Our coaches, are certified and experienced. They are professionals and great at what they do. My only credentials is that I’ve been there. I am not a doctor, nor do I play one on TV. English is not my first language, and my educational background is in computer engineering. That being said, most of the information that I share on this site did not come from me directly. Rather it is my collection and interpretation of different approaches and techniques that I learned from many books and training courses offered by people who do have credentials. I like to believe that I did a very good job of putting it all together, but I’ll let you be the judge of that.

Why should I read your stuff?

Because it would allow you to learn from my mistakes instead of making your own. Note that you don’t have to be addicted to sex to benefit from this site. Most of the information provided is common sense, day-to-day psychology that will allow you to better understand the inner workings of the human mind, and allow you to get a greater control of your life.

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Since this site presents information from a variety of approaches you would be more likely to find something new and effective that could turn your life towards new direction and allow you to enjoy a new level of freedom. This information provided at no additional cost. You have nothing to lose (except for a few minutes of your time) but you have the world to gain.

Last but not least, because by reading this information and commenting on this site, you would not only help yourself, but you will also help others. A journey of thousand miles begins with a single step. And by giving a bit of your attention towards this site you can make this world a little better. You’ll see that by learning and applying some of the techniques discussed here, you’ll begin to transform your life! And you will be amazed to discover that your transformation will begin to improve the lives of those around you!

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Call (916)259-3827 For Professional Help

P.S. Recommended Resources:

  • Sex Addicts Anonymous
    I cannot imagine my recovery without this program.
  • Mindful Habit Course by Coach Craig
    Great advice from a great person.
  • Free Podcast and Mini Course from Candeo Can
    I owe my first 90 days of continuous sobriety to this program and highly recommend it.
  • Internet Accountability Software
    Using this software allowed me to get truly honest with my internet usage for the first time in my life. For some reason knowing that my every step was being observed and reported on, made it really easy to use internet only in a healthy way.
  • Treating Pornography Addiction by Kevin B. Skinner Ph.D.
    I have read over 15 books on Pornography and Sexual addiction and this truly is one of the best books on the subject. The reason is I recommend this particular book is because it is full of excellent actionable steps. Other books do a good job describing the problem, but don’t really offer a realistic solution.
  • Your Sexually Addicted Spouse – How Partners Can Cope and Heal by Barbara Steffens Ph.D.
    I know that about half of visitors to our site are spouses of people who might be suffering with pornography and sex addiction. To the best of my knowledge this book is one of the most helpful books for the partners.
  • Free Consultation from Coach Craig
    Coach Craig has been a good friend and supporter of this site since January 2013. He has worked with people from all over the world, including famous musicians and other high profile individuals. Yet, he is only a phone call away and would be glad to give you a free consultation. Call him anytime, with any question you might have, and I am know he will be extremely happy to help in any way he can.

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Comments

  1. Guilt says

    I am 23yrs old i started watching porn wen i was 15yrs old… at first i never knew tat it is gonna twist and sicken my mind to this extend if i would hav knew it i would hav never even gone near it…. nw my life is miserable my gf left me i lost my job going thro very bad time in my life may be de most miserable part of my lyf i depend on porn watch it most of de time and found tat i became addicted i m missin out all de beautiful things in lyf due to dis habbit…. i m praying meditating doing breathing exercise trying my level best to cme out of it… i hav ocd probs and depression probs too i feel like suicide sometimes trying my level best to get my life bac sharing my true situation with u all pls stay away from evil it ll be temptimg but it ll ruin ur lyf 4 sure

    • BreakTheCycle says

      Well, you’re not alone. Remember, the key is to not be mad at yourself and dwell on the past and sadness, because that makes your addiction stronger. You have to move on. Not many people know the affects of porn when they first start watching it, so you can’t blame yourself there. There are other people addicted to porn just like you, including me, so you’re not alone. I’m sorry to hear you lost your job and girlfriend. I’m sure you will find a new job soon, and I wish you luck. As far as your girlfriend, if she leaves you as soon as she finds out you’re struggling, I’m sorry to say she wasn’t the one. I mean, if you were getting married, she would have to be there through better AND for WORSE. And since she didn’t do that, you can’t blame yourself. Good for your that you are recognizing where the problem is and doing things like praying and meditation. It will really help you. Remember, if you are mad and upset about your addictions, and you become upset and depressed, it makes you want to lean on porn to take your mind off things and send you on a high. If you forgive yourself, keep trying doing everything you can, and continue moving on, it will truly be better for you. The only other thing I have to say is, about depression… DO NOT COMMIT SUICIDE!! You are an amazing person, I know that even though I haven’t met you. You will make it through this, and although it’s hard don’t go too hard on yourself.

      Good luck on your journey.

      • Greg says

        This is an interesting post. SUICIDE. I have thoughts of self destruction on a daily basis but I deal with by remembering something I once read.

        SUICIDE is a PERMANENT solution to what is a temporary problem.

        Life is full of ups and downs, like a rollercoaster. The one thing about a rollercoaster is it is really dangerous to get off as its going so fast. Just sit tight and things will go “up” again from the “down” you find yourself in now. LIFE IS FULL OF CHALLENGES WHICH WITHOUT WOULD LIFE VERY BORING”.

        The fIrst step is understanding how your mind causes pshyological changes in your body in teh form of powerful chemicals into the body.

        I have lost nearly everything I hold dear in the world including my lovely wife of 30 years. Saying people are not worth having a relationship with because they walked away is actually incorrect. Sometimes seeing a loved one in such pain on a continuing basis; where they are doing all they can to help, can become be a living hell. They have no option but to walk away otherwise the pain of seeing the partner suffering would end up damaging them.

        The modrn world has so many pressures to bring to bear on people. We are seeing a massive sea change in human behaviours based on technological advances which we are not equipped as human beings to really deal with. Soe teenagers occupy a world whre many of their relationships are on smart fones and spend all the waking hours using the to communicate uttery facile and worthless exchanges.

        don’t ever give up and learn to control your thoughts> which dictate your emaotional state and the world you live in that you create with your thoughts. I recommend people seek out Eckhart Tolle and read his book the power of now. Another brillaint book is The Power Of being by Trevor Emdon. i AM FIGHTING SEVERAL DEMONS IN MY LIFE. Porn and Sex addiction. MY ONLINE PORN ADDDICTION LED TO me having random sex with strangers. male and female. Depression and massive anxiety attacks.

        You just have to “Man Up” read all you can and control your thoughts> If you want to fire up the computer and look at porn simply say “I don’t need this” and go for a walk or do something else. If you are not in a relationship i cantimagine getting through this without masturbating. Just use your mind and think of having sex with your ex until you meet someone new.

        Millions are going through what you are going through> just forgive yourself and treat yourself gently and kindly like you would an errant toddler.

        But you can get your life back on track and be happy again> you can stop and heal yourself and be a better human being as a result of your life experience with pornograhy. FORGIVE YOURSELF and move on.

        greg x

  2. BreakTheCycle says

    Quick question: To anyone out there who is no longer addicted, how long did it take and how bad was your addiction when you first started to try and change? How do you know your not addicted anymore, like is there a certain feeling or are there signs? Thank you

    • Andrew V. Ryan says

      I can’t really say I am free but I felt something click in my subconscious the other day, it literally screamed “STOP!”. I don’t believe in anything spiritual or that but something or someone is looking out for me. I think that me also getting pneumonia AND a kidney infection also had something to do with it. Maybe your body begins to tell you stop in increasingly more painful ways…. oh this my fourth day clean!

      • BreakTheCycle says

        It’s neat that you mention that, because just yesterday, I myself felt something click in my subconscious mind. It was like my addiction surrendered, it was really weird but awesome. For the past couple days I have rarely thought about porn or sexual thoughts, and I haven’t been having as strong urges anymore. Although I’m still doing all I can to not get back into the evil chain of events, and I’m not letting that get to my head, I think I might be starting to break free.

        So almost the same thing happened to me that you experienced. Although I’m not religious either, I also feel something is looking out for me.

        Congratulations on your fourth day clean, that is excellent to hear!

  3. BreakTheCycle says

    Hi Everyone, I’m Anonymous14, but using the name I use in the forum on this website.

    Just wanted to say thanks to Alex and everyone out there who supports each other.

    Good luck to everyone!

  4. Luke says

    I am a 15 year old boy from Jackson, Mississippi my porn addiction started 4 years ago when I began hanging out with the wrong crowd. From the outside no one would think I was addicted to porn, straight A student attended church every week where the pastor regularly warns of the danger of sexual immorality. When I first began viewing porn I was playing on the gaming site miniclip. Just playing regular games when a ” friend ” showed me some of the games where you could watch cartoon girls strip, within a week this 11 year old boy was searching porn sites like a pro. Masturbating multiple times a day. well at the age of 11 I hadn’t learned to clear my Internet history and my mom caught me. Months of my parents guarding me very closely worried about me. After a year this had died down and my parents began trusting me again. Within another week i had fallen baca into the addiction but Now with enough sence to clear my browsing history unknowing to my parents my internet searches got worse and worse from photos to videos from females to females and males and yes to gay porn. I had gotten to the point where I knew I needed help and now I’m begging I REALLY NEED HELP!

    • Luke says

      I have been getting alot worse over time I now will go into mens bathrooms and look at other men peeing its consuming my life and I don’t want to become one of those men who gets arrested for doing something illegal. sometimes, I feel possessed like maybe a demon, I did witness and exerscism when I was younger. It just really scares me I’m beyond going to my parents for help. I JUST WANT TO BE FREE

      • BreakTheCycle says

        Well, I’m no expert, but I would say that what you are going through is understandable. Guys become curious and they go to the internet for answers and porn is something that is full of lies, even though most children don’t know that. My recommendation is follow this course, join the forum, and get involved in this website. But the main thing you have to do, as hard as it is, is confess to your mom or dad, or an adult you trust that you have this addiction. Ask them to install K9 web filtering on all the computers in the house and have them put on a password you wont be able to guess. I use it and it works amazingly, even if I were to see and accidental pornographic advertisement or slip up and go looking, it blocks it all so I have no option of watching porn anymore.

        Best of luck

      • Andrew V. Ryan says

        You can get through this, just break the chain that holds you…. but follow BreaktheCycle he is better at this stuff than me.

  5. Canadian Guy says

    I also used to have problems with porn addiction. But, I the word of God help me quit.

    Thou shalt not commit adultery

    thou shalt not covet your neighbours wife

    whoevel looks at a woman to long for her has all ready commited adultery with her in his heart.

    Enjoy your life with the wife of your youth, and do not be embraced in the arms if a sexually immoral woman.

    • syam says

      Dear Brother from my childhood onwards i had a symptoms of porn,i eager to see naked images when i was 7 yrs, i dont knw how it came….. i edicted to porn from 6 yrs onwards, during that times i had no internet, tv, but i had a feeling inside, i watched the women naked so many times, i made it very secret every time, i seemed to be a good to others, offcource for also my parents, years are passing when i was 21 God called me, that time i giveup this bad habit to God because of his power, i met jesus personally when he called me, after some days again i felt into watching porn, i asked forgive so many times to God, i began to live holy for few days only, again i felt into that sin, finnaly i got married, i began to satisfy with my wife, there is a lot of change in my behaviour, i totally changed my self by doing Word of God every day, i made covenant with God, (God i never more see porn again), after some days satan is tempting to watch porn on internet, i began to search little bit, then finnaly i felt into satan`s temptation, i became a slave every time i covenant with GOD, would please help me how can i get out of this ploblem, and live like holy, (note:- i have no dring, smoking, but i cant overcome from watching porn.)

  6. Anonymous says

    I liked the entire course. I feel it has opened my eyes to my addiction and had given me the tools to change!

    I like the fact that it explained how I got where I was, what makes it happen and how to fix it! 

     I wouldn’t change a thing.

  7. I says

    Hey, I was really surprised to find how helpful this site is, and how recent the posts are! I am for sure going to recommend this to some friends that are fighting this as well.

    My problem is that I have an internet blocker set up by my parents, and it actually blocks the button that says “click here for a free recovery course”. How’s that for ironic! So, um… could someone post it as something else or on a different site? Perhaps a PDF or something? Thanks so much, I really want to get over this addiction, because I still have a chance to get out.

    Also some advice: Honestly as weird as it seems, God actually can help you get over porn.

    Thanks Alex, and God bless!

    • I says

      I actually got it now. Thanks.

      Just want to add how encouraging all the responses are. To me they are just as powerful as the article itself.

      God Bless

  8. Anonymous14 says

    I’m 14 years old, and started watching porn when I was pretty young, because of curiosity and stress due to my parents divorce. I used to think it was harmless and just curiosity. I shook it off and was free for a few months, but for some reason I got back into it. Now I am 14 and I need to stop it. I’m not heavily addicted, but the addiction is there. You certainly notice when you try to stop! I have K9 on all my internet accessing devices, and I’m now posting comments on this site to any open ears. I’m going to start reading the Bible and praying for help, so I can shake it off before it gets too bad, too addicting and ruins my life, because I want to have a successful life, and marriage and have kids.

    To FeedTheRightWolf/Alex, all I can say is thank you so much! Upon feeling guilty of watching porn, I found your site and it has given me reasons to not watch it any more. It made me realize I wasn’t alone, and now I don’t just have to keep my thoughts jumbled up in my head where my addiction can change them and make them seem like porn is a good idea, I can post my thoughts here. Also, because it is free, that I can’t thank you for enough. I’m 14, so I can’t commit to anything financially, so your generosity has and will change my life drastically for the better.

    To anyone else out there reading this, I understand what you’re going through and I’m sure you understand me. Thank you for being an open ear.

    Any thoughts or suggestions on what my next step could be?
    Thanks again. Anonymous14

      • Lifewasted. says

        Just set your eye on the goal, and if this helps remember this quote I made; ” A voice of reason is the best weapon one can wield.˝

        • Anonymous14 says

          Wow, that’s an awesome quote! Thanks so much, your reply really helped.

          Best of luck to you as well!

  9. AChristian says

    Everyone, I have an insight to share… every time you master bate either to porn or to thoughts you create more desire or passion for sex or masterbation. Its like it multiplies it self. So its harder to give up every time you do it. I have given up cocaine & alcohol for the lord Christ but have not been able to give up this addiction… yet. I have stopped looking at porn only for a month & now i want to look at some naked woman again.. I give this advice to all seekers of freedom from this evil habit… When ever you think of sex say aloud ”VUM” this sound helps you to overcome the sex thought. Make this a habit to say this sound ”VUM” every time you get aroused. Pray to the creator & ask for the saints Christanthus & Daria converts of christ to intercede for you. These saints have overcome sexual temptations. Remember the scribe & pharisee’s how they thought they were so holy because they kept all the hebrew laws – even they rejected their own savior but Mary Magdalene (a prostitute) knew & followed Jesus. I feel that it is where your heart is – is the most important. ”What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off?” … GOD wants you because he loves you…! ”And he answering said to his father, Lo, these many years do I serve thee, neither transgressed I at any time thy commandment: and yet thou never gavest me a kid, that I might make merry with my friends.” … Look this quote up & contemplate on it… I feel that it means that when We go wrong but then we stop being wrong God rejoices in our change of heart… (even MORE than the son that has obeyed his father rules)… -ONE more practice- Pray this prayer ” Cast thee satan hence behind me & may the father rebuke thee in the name of the father the son & the holy ghost in Jesus Christ’s name I pray. Amen. – I prayed this prayer yesterday after feeling the urge to commit fornication with a women who already has a child & I heard in the far distance something yelling angrily… that I had overcome… Like ghosts were yelling ”NOOO!” That they were disappointed that I did not fail & have sex. No Lie. That is so powerful that when you overcome you cast out demons. I am also giving a Practice for all regardless of religious denomination. This practice comes from a Eastern Saint. ”Breath Up to the middle of the eyebrows – Hold for 10 seconds seeing the light of your Creator at your forehead. Breath out – for 10 seconds – imaging that you have expelled the spirt compelling thee to sin.” You may also sound the sanskrit Word “VUM” (spelt Vam but sounded as VUM). I have come across other religious information regarding Sex.. having a religious inclination myself – & have found them very useful. Also a Eastern man who is very interesting – Paramahansa Yoganada has pointed out a few health risks of Masterbation. Number 1). The seminal fluid is brain food. It contain every vitamin in the human body. To dislodge these astral battery packs is to give up powerful resources of strength needed during labor, sickness or any other important activity. To give up this fluid by the Breastly urge by any mean is to fall into sickness, Disease, Low concentration & even premature death.” Also in the koran it states that ”And those who guard their private parts, Except in the case of their wives or those whom their right hands possess– for these surely are not to be blamed, But he who seeks to go beyond this, these it is that go beyond the limits” also “Those who guard their sexual organs except with their spouses or those whom their right hands possess, for (with regard to them) they are without blame. But those who crave something beyond that are transgressors.” “And let those who find not the financial means for marriage keep themselves chaste, until Allah enriches them of His bounty.” 24.33. This verse also clearly orders whoever does not have the financial means to marry to keep himself chaste and be patient in facing temptations (including masturbation) until Allah enriches them of His bounty.

    • syam says

      Dear Brother from my childhood onwards i had a symptoms of porn,i eager to see naked images when i was 7 yrs, i dont knw how it came….. i edicted to porn from 6 yrs onwards, during that times i had no internet, tv, but i had a feeling inside, i watched the women naked so many times, i made it very secret every time, i seemed to be a good to others, offcource for also my parents, years are passing when i was 21 God called me, that time i giveup this bad habit to God because of his power, i met jesus personally when he called me, after some days again i felt into watching porn, i asked forgive so many times to God, i began to live holy for few days only, again i felt into that sin, finnaly i got married, i began to satisfy with my wife, there is a lot of change in my behaviour, i totally changed my self by doing Word of God every day, i made covenant with God, (God i never more see porn again), after some days satan is tempting to watch porn on internet, i began to search little bit, then finnaly i felt into satan`s temptation, i became a slave every time i covenant with GOD, would please help me how can i get out of this ploblem, and live like holy, (note:- i have no dring, smoking, but i cant overcome from watching porn.)

    • Anonymous14 says

      I feel you! What I’m doing right now is using K9. Alex gives a link on his website. Set all restrictions on high and put time limits on so you can’t stay up late at night surfing the web. K9 also has apps for Apple devices, and I think Android, not sure. Follow all the instructions on this site and go to it daily. If you are religious, pray. If not, review reasons why you should stop watching porn.

      Best of luck,
      -Anonymous14

  10. Lifewasted. says

    To all those below 18, life is bright for you, but I am a lost cause. It was great being here but, something better awaits me.

    • JP says

      You are NOT a lost cause. Your addiction is strong yes. But it’s not God. Keep seeking help. You’re make it!

    • Anonymous14 says

      Your NOT lost or alone. Don’t give up on yourself. It is vital you have self respect. We are all human and we all make mistakes. Think of how proud you would be if you walked away! Do everything you can, and don’t make any excuses.

      Best of luck.

      -Anonymous14

      • Lifewasted. says

        Well, let me state why I became addicted, I am a son pf a Captain of Industry the stress, lying, and overall competition puts so much pressure on my mind, and to add salt to a wound, whe left just yesterday.

  11. Roger says

    Hey guys i’m glad I found this site, i’ve been addicted to porn for at least 6 years i’m 21 years old now. Now its to the point where it is out of control. I would spend around 4 hours a week or more looking at porn. Its to the point where i’m not stimulated anymore and clicking on random nude images nonstop. It’s at that point where I don’t even know what i’m looking at. Its like a disturbing drug, I don’t want to lose my family or girlfriend over this. I’m glad to see there are people willing to be strong, step up, and heal themselves. This site definitely motivates me to stop. I just want to focus in college or in life. I think I just need to let a tear drop, forgive myself, and move on. Its a new day. I thank everyone for the courage they have to fight.

    • Anonymous14 says

      My situation is almost exactly the same! I understand you completely! All I can say is don’t give up on yourself! You will be so proud of yourself when you shake this off!

      Best wishes,
      -Anonymous14

  12. Jose says

    I was so close to putting porn entirely behind me. I had gone months without it and thought that I was home free. Somehow it started slipping back in my mind and then I was going online weekly. Then I’d make progress for a few months and now I’m going head first out of control again. I have tons of reason and will to quit but somehow I still find myself back here again. A months ago I really felt like this was a critile point in the struggle (make or break) and now if seems that I am trapped forever. For thoes of you that pray, I could really use something. Maybe just a boost to get me going. I want to stop very bad and have made a plan so I beleive that my heart is in the right place but I have been pulled very far off track this week.

    • Stephen says

      Hey Jose I know exactly how you feel. I’m going through the same exact thing. I know the pain and suffering that you are going through. It is awful. Pornography destroys like a drug but worse. What I can tell you is not to give up. You are not alone in this. I’m praying for you right now.

    • Thanks says

      Jose I encourage you to keep going. Something that is working for me really well is:

      1. When I don’t do what I suppose to be doing, I will be in risk of messing up. Do not procrastinate!
      2. Have a relationship with god. Read the bible and pray everyday.
      3. Every time you think in something related to porn BREATH ! Hold it for 10 seconds and slowly breath out for 10 seconds. Do this 5 times. Some how it WORKS!

      God bless you man, I just prayed for you.

    • Anonymous14 says

      The fact that you are on this start is already an amazing start, so I congratulate you. I understand you, the same thing happened to me. Use all the help you can get, especially using this amazing website. The boost to get me going is this:

      Whenever I have a temptation, I think of two doors.
      One door is dark, black, evil. It is full of lies, tricks, scams, etc.
      The other door is bright, sunny and beautiful. It is full of everything I, personally, love and want out of life.

      I just think to myself; I have two options. Follow my addiction, which is the wrong path no matter what I am thinking now, or I can down a path that chases my dreams. I am proud to say that now when I have the craving, I go to this website and reply to comments, and that helps a lot.

      I also highly recommend you get the free program, K9. There is a link to it on this website.

      Remember, your on the right path now being on this site, and realizing you need to change, so don’t look down on yourself. I support you and I’m praying for you!

      Best of luck,
      -Anonymous14

    • Jose says

      Hello evenyone,

      I can’t thank you enough for your support! Even just a quick post has kept me in check because I feel as if I am not only letting myself down but others as well. I can once again say that I feel that I am headed in the right direction. My plan becomes even more comprehensive with each passing day and I hope to remain vigilant. At the moment my desktop is littered with digital sticky notes containing various reminders in case of serious temptation. A journal with several of the course steps replaced my internet shortcut and the LAN cable is gone when I am done with my legit online business. I will keep you all posted on my success and try to provide help where ever I can. It’s a good week. God bless!

  13. Dave says

    Pornography has destroyed my soul and my sense of self-worth. Please, anyone out there, get out of it before you’re addicted. Never use it. Not even once. Just leave it alone. I only pray that I can get out of it before it’s too late.

    • Anonymous14 says

      Don’t look down on yourself. Keep trying. Download K9, go to chat groups, read every word on this site, get Covenant Eyes… whatever you have to do. I support you and believe in you, even though I don’t know you, just for the fact your on this website.

      Best of luck,

      -Anonymous14

  14. heather says

    So my husband is really hooked to porn. Spends hours on the phone looking at tits and Ass. He does not like having sex with me. Why is this? How do I get it threw to him it is NOT NORMAL, THEIR IS SOMETHING WRONG? He even got a memory card and has it locked in his van. It has pics of over 300 + girls and some me his cousins.. He says he just wants a pic of them cuz he does not have any pics of his family cuz they are in another country.But there pics are of them in mini dresses thong bathing suits. Not pics a cousin or uncle would HAVE.I went so far as to tell his mother. The mother only yelled at him like a kids stole a cookie from the cookies jar. Did not help at all. Then my husband sends the pics to his email like I did not know what he was doing.
    SHOULD I LEAVE? IS HE HAVING SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE SINCE HE DOES NOT HAVE SEX WITH ME? HOW DO I MAKE HIM SEE THAT HE IS LOOSING HIS FAMILY.

    • Casey says

      heather, I just wanted to tell you Alex gave some very straight-forward advice pertaining to your situation to someone called “anon” somewhere in the middle of this blog. He cuts right to the chase in that post.

      Just so you know, there is a lot of help out there. You can even call an AA hotline, and they will find a free on-the-spot counselor to give you advice right in the moment. Al-anon is for family and friends of alcoholics. S-anon is for family and friends of sex-aholics. They will be able to give you all the help you could hope for. You are definitely not all alone and have every right in the world to be disgusted.

    • says

      Hi Heather,

      Sorry to hear about your struggles. Unfortunately what you are going through is very common in our society. The behaviors that you are describing are clearly unhealthy, and I believe that it could be a good idea for you to prepare to leave your husband, UNLESS he is open to seeking help for his “potentially” harmful behaviors.

      The reason that I put potential in quotes, is because while it may be apparent to you and to outsiders like myself, to your husband, in his mind, it’s probably feels like he is not doing anything wrong. I know hundreds of men, who first sought help for sex addiction, simply because they were afraid to lose their family, only to later realize that they do in fact have a real problem.

      We have a lot of articles on this site to help spouses of addicts. This article might be a good place to start: http://www.feedtherightwolf.org/2010/04/my-husband-watches-porn-addicted-husband/

      Regards,
      Alex

    • Heather says

      I am Heather also lol, but I just wanted you to know that I know how you feel. I have been dealing with my husbands porn/fantasy/gambeling addiction for 8 years. After this last cycle in febuary I finally filed for divorce. The denial he is in is exponential I always thought that when he really saw that he was loosing his wife and kids he would see how bad it really truely is and what its done to him and me and us. But unfortuantely he still doesnt see it. Heather I would say the earlier you get out the better, I have realized I will never be able to get him to see the light only he can make that decision. My husband for 8 years has said repeatedly that he wouldnt look at porn anymore and he would get help but he was only saying that to keep me and never actually seeked help. I left him 5 years ago but returned after his pleading and begging how foolish was I to think he would change. ITs not you its him and I just hope you protect your heart from this disease and definately kids if you have them.

  15. Anonymous2 says

    i am 14 and addicted…..I’m really pissed because everytime i say i won’t do it, i just do….i don’t wanna be like this anymore

    • Casey says

      Join the crowd! My psychologist recommends learning about the human brain’s neuro-plasticity at a web-site called yourbrainonporn -it has an easy to understand six part mini-series about it and TONS of other useful info. Also, Candeo.com has A LOT of free advice – you might want to pay special attention to “the avoidance cycle” – it’s a totally typical state for (I guess) any addict to find themselves caught in… I’m personally about to get into reading a book the same psychologist recommended reading called: “The Porn Trap”.

      Also, there’s TONS of helpful factual information on a site called “pornharms”. It has a little over 30 snippets of video of educated people speaking about porn and seems to be leading the legal movement against porn – as porn is “obscenity” and contrary to popular opinion, it ISN’T protected by the 1st Amendment. There’s one lady on there who’s got a Phd. (doctorate) from England that’s an incredibly powerful speaker. You’ll also find a snippet of Shelly Lubben – she’s a former porn star that was personally saved from the industry by Christ – she’s actually been miraculously healed of an incurable STD, and she’s one of the leaders in “the good fight” against porn and has her own web-site, too – like that powerful speaker from England – but from an entirely different point of view. Shelley Lubben will move you.

      The good advice I hear talks about learning from your relapses and thus turning a negative into a positive – and don’t be too hard on yourself (beating yourself up). Knowledge is power! Hang in there! I used to be 14, too. Now I’m 41. Do you still want to be asking the same question when you’re my age?

      • Casey says

        I just wanted to add that learning about the brain’s neuro-plasticity seems to really help people to not be too hard on themselves and be a little kinder.

        Shelly Lubben’s site is called “PinkCross”. She has a book, too.

        Right now, I’m digging into all the free info I can, and then probably will buy into Candeo.com to learn as much as I can about developing a healthy sexuality. That’s not a bad goal, eh?

    • Casey says

      Wow! You are so young! You made a good decision to post on this site, I hope. I hope Alex and any other trustworthy person with good advice will speak up in response to this 12 year old!

      I’ll tell you from personal experience, I was very troubled with this subject matter when I was about your age, and maybe the best advice is to tell you to find an adult you can trust and tell them about it. When I was your age the person who wound up being the best person to talk to was the guidance counselor at my junior high. They HAVE to keep your personal stuff private according to the law (unless they think you are going to hurt someone or yourself). The counselors at junior highs are there waiting and ready for someone just like you –

      Another thing you should know: “sexting” on your phone with other minors is potentially a REALLY bad idea! Anytime anyone (regardless) of their age sends even a sexually suggestive picture even with their clothes on (!!!) it can and will be considered CHILD PORNOGRAPHY and they can and will possible be prosecuted and have a VERY BAD criminal record and have to register as a SEX OFFENDER for the rest of their lives. So don’t get into sexting! Also, if someone (anyone at your age) sends you a sexually suggestive picture, you SHOULDN’T delete it! You should take it to a trusted adult and let them deal with it. This is a very serious new problem in the world. I work in a junior high, and they just had a VERY BIG SCANDAL because of “sexting”! Remember – don’t just delete it – the harsh reality is that ANYTHING that gets “out” on the web can be seized by an opportunistic child pornographer and put on a porn site – especially those sites that blur the lines between “legal” and NOT legal (age-wise).

      You are so young. I highly recommend talking to you school counselor. If you don’t like the one assigned to you, hopefully your school is big enough that there might be another – but be sure to talk to an ADULT – and one you know and can tell you can trust.

      Good for you for asking for help. God bless!

      • Casey says

        Also, when I was your age, I didn’t really “know” my counselor at that time, but when I got called into her office, she radically altered the direction of my life for the better (at that time) with the smallest, gentle and kindest of words:)

        Note also how I said, “when I got called into her office”. That means I got busted for sexual misbehavior! It’s much better to go into their office seeking their help instead of pushing your luck misbehaving until you get busted and HAVE to go in to see them…

      • Casey says

        I just wanted to add another thing about “sexting” – DON’T DO IT. They just had a big scandal where I work with kids your age and to help curb the problem, they put up signs giving this advice about when you’re texting:

        tHiNk

        t is it true?
        h is it helpful?
        i is it inspiring?
        n is it necessary?
        k is it kind?

        There is so much advice I could give you, namely the #1 thing you have to know about sexual relations is that it has to be consensual – that means both people have to communicate that they want to be intimate with each other – otherwise it’s non-consensual – and that is potentially going to be a sexual offense – that’s BAD in a BIG WAY. And you need to know that legally speaking, 18 years old is the legal age when a person is old enough to give consent, but anything younger is illegal. That’s right! Kids aren’t supposed to be having sex!

        Well, one last point: don’t be too disappointed if it takes you a while to get some real sobriety under your belt. It’s especially hard at first, but keep at and don’t give up!

        Now at this point, I’m hoping someone whose got way more sobriety under their belt will step in and take over from here… Alex are you out there? What about you, PornFreeDude? They probably be able to give you better advice and with a more positive attitude…

    • Anonymous says

      Hey,
      I just want to back Casey up on this. I’m an 18 year old guy, and I’ve had problems with this since I was about 14. PLEASE go talk to an adult you trust!!! Cut it off early! Please! They seriously will want to help you, and you aren’t going to get into trouble. Cut it off now. It gets so hard and is so hard on you mentally. Please don’t think “I’ll take care of it later” or “This is something that I can take care of my own”. I had enough self control to lose over 100 pounds, but this is something I’ve dealt with for way too long! Please ask someone for help!
      It’s something you CAN take care WITH HELP!!!

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