Sex Addiction Help

Hello Dear Visitor

  • Do you struggle to control some part of your sexuality?
  • Find yourself wondering, why did I just do that again?
  • Feel that you constantly have to cover your tracks to avoid being caught?
  • Afraid of anybody learning about your secrets?
  • Wonder if there is a better way to live your life?

I struggled with all of the above and wrote a book where I outlined the things that helped me.

It’s Free and It’s Online

This is the book that I wish I had when I first realized that something was wrong in my life, and didn’t know where to turn for help.

Start Reading

Why Feed The Right Wolf?

The name for this site was inspired by an old Cherokee tale of Two Wolves.

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside all people. He said, “My son, the battle is between two ‘wolves’ inside us all.

“One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”

“The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf wins?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

Who Am I?

My name is Alex and I am a recovering sex addict. I have been in recovery since early 2008, and while my recovery is not perfect, I was able to abstain from watching pornography for over 99% of my time. Additionally, although I do not recommend this for single people, I have not masturbated since January 2009, CHOOSING my wife as the only source for my sexual experience.

I was raised in a regular home with two normal parents. Like many teenage boys I started watching pornography when I was around 10 years old. I was very isolated from other kids and for a large part of my life pornography was my only “true friend”. I didn’t know that pornography could have a negative effect and viewed it as a healthy way to have fun and deal with my emotions.

My Pornography Use Continued to Escalate

Over the years, my use of pornography continued to escalate. I thought I would be able to stop once I get into a relationship with a real woman but realized that it was not the case. High stresses of life, combined with anonymity, availability, and accessibility of pornography over the high-speed internet seemed to have taken my pornography use completely out of control. It went on until about three years ago. By that point my sex addiction was completely out of control. I would spend up to 8 hours every day watching pornography and masturbating. In order to make time for my habit I would skip sleep, work, and even time with my family. I felt guilty, shameful, worthless, and hopeless.

Finding a Solution for Sex Addiction

After a while I simply couldn’t deny that I had a problem. I swore to myself “I would do whatever it takes to find a way out”. I’ve dedicated my undivided attention towards finding a solution for my sex addiction. I’ve read every addiction book that I could get my hands on, until I finally found a technique called, Exposure and Response Prevention, that allowed me to see the first glimpses of light. I then proceeded to read even more books, began seeing a therapist, purchased a few recovery programs, and began attending a 12 step meeting for sex addiction.

Combination of Different Methods Brings the Optimal Result

Through my experience in recovery, I noticed that many people were too fixated on one particular approach. Some people relied solely on group therapy, some on religious programs, some on cognitive therapy, and some on eastern philosophy. Yet in my experience, a combination of different methods appeared to be bringing the ideal result. I’ve shared some of my ideas with my friends in recovery and received a very positive response. That is what encouraged me to develop this site. I’ve summarized the most important information that allowed me to stop sex addiction in 23 short and fun to read articles – I call it the “Free Recovery Course”.

In the Free Recovery Course You Will Discover…

  1. A chemical process that takes place in your brain causing you to get addicted
  2. The addictive cycle that your body goes through and how to break out of it
  3. How the human brain works and why sometimes you lose control of your actions
  4. Four simple exercises to strengthen your brain
  5. How to create your sexual recovery plan
  6. How to control your cravings
  7. An important strategy to help you beat your addiction once and for all
  8. How your beliefs are causing you to suffer
  9. Seven beliefs that were keeping me trapped
  10. One big lesson that I learned from my relapse and what you can do to avoid my mistakes
  11. Two very important tools that can magnify your recovery
  12. Four things that you CAN do to help you stay sober for the rest of your life

Click Here to Start Recovery!

Frequently Asked Question:

What do I have to pay for this information?

We offer a combination of free and paid services. This site was design to offer free help to any person struggling with sex addiction, and we are staying true to this mission. Over time however, increasing numbers of people have asked for more “hands on” and “personalized” help. That is why we decided to add a coaching element to our site.

Does this information really work?

Every person is different. It has most definitely worked for me. Additionally you can read a lot of positive comments throughout this website. Since we started offering a free recovery course in August of 2010 over four thousand people have signed up for email delivery, and over a hundred thousand people have read the Free Recovery Course on this website. We’ve received no complaints and have been thanked too many times to count.

Why should I listen to you?

Our coaches, are certified and experienced. They are professionals and great at what they do. My only credentials is that I’ve been there. I am not a doctor, nor do I play one on TV. English is not my first language, and my educational background is in computer engineering. That being said, most of the information that I share on this site did not come from me directly. Rather it is my collection and interpretation of different approaches and techniques that I learned from many books and training courses offered by people who do have credentials. I like to believe that I did a very good job of putting it all together, but I’ll let you be the judge of that.

Why should I read your stuff?

Because it would allow you to learn from my mistakes instead of making your own. Note that you don’t have to be addicted to sex to benefit from this site. Most of the information provided is common sense, day-to-day psychology that will allow you to better understand the inner workings of the human mind, and allow you to get a greater control of your life.

Click Here to Start Recovery!

Since this site presents information from a variety of approaches you would be more likely to find something new and effective that could turn your life towards new direction and allow you to enjoy a new level of freedom. This information provided at no additional cost. You have nothing to lose (except for a few minutes of your time) but you have the world to gain.

Last but not least, because by reading this information, commenting on this site, and participating in the forum, you would not only help yourself, but you will also help others. A journey of thousand miles begins with a single step. And by giving a bit of your attention towards this site you can make this world a little better. You’ll see that by learning and applying some of the techniques discussed here, you’ll begin to transform your life! And you will be amazed to discover that your transformation will begin to improve the lives of those around you!

Call (916)259-3827 For Professional Help

P.S. Recommended Resources:

  • Sex Addicts Anonymous
    I cannot imagine my recovery without this program.
  • Mindful Habit Course by Coach Craig
    Great advice from a great person.
  • Free Podcast and Mini Course from Candeo Can
    I owe my first 90 days of continuous sobriety to this program and highly recommend it.
  • Internet Accountability Software
    Using this software allowed me to get truly honest with my internet usage for the first time in my life. For some reason knowing that my every step was being observed and reported on, made it really easy to use internet only in a healthy way.
  • Treating Pornography Addiction by Kevin B. Skinner Ph.D.
    I have read over 15 books on Pornography and Sexual addiction and this truly is one of the best books on the subject. The reason is I recommend this particular book is because it is full of excellent actionable steps. Other books do a good job describing the problem, but don’t really offer a realistic solution.
  • Your Sexually Addicted Spouse – How Partners Can Cope and Heal by Barbara Steffens Ph.D.
    I know that about half of visitors to our site are spouses of people who might be suffering with pornography and sex addiction. To the best of my knowledge this book is one of the most helpful books for the partners.
  • Free Consultation from Coach Craig
    Coach Craig has been a good friend and supporter of this site since January 2013. He has worked with people from all over the world, including famous musicians and other high profile individuals. Yet, he is only a phone call away and would be glad to give you a free consultation. Call him anytime, with any question you might have, and I am know he will be extremely happy to help in any way he can.

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Comments

  1. Anonymous17 says

    Thanks Anonymous :) Well, unfortunatly I have to start over Yet again. ;( but I’ll do what I can with those tips. also I’m still wondering should change my screen name to my real one? also is there any way to join this group without having an e-mail? (cause obviously I dont have one)

  2. AJ says

    i have been addicted for three years ….i thought i recovered after 3 months but i just broke it…

    • Shadow in the Wind says

      I broke it after 10 days. Everybody falls, it’s OK. But the important thing is that you can still get up and continue fighting with it. You will be wiser after every fall because you know where you failed previously and now you can better prepare and avoid.

  3. Anonymous17 says

    What the heck is shaswat grawal talking about? And shaswat, that was no help whatsoever. By the way beginning the second third or so of porn free week 1, any tips and tricks anyone (excluding shaswat grawal)can offer me? I could really really use ‘em if ya got ‘em.;)

    • Anonymous says

      Try commiting yourself to a number of healthy activities everyday. For example, commit yourself to 30min of excercise, do the erp excercise, drink a lot of water, eat healthy, listen to music, and have some sort of social activity everyday. Good luck!

    • Shadow in the Wind says

      If I can advise, try to meditate (at least a few minutes), it clears and calms your mind. Also socialize, try to meet new people, especially women (no fithy stuff, just a normal friendly talk, it can “fix” your view on women and build a healthier one). Or try some new hobby what you didn’t do before – it’s up to you.

      Ignore Shaswat, I don’t know if he just wants to troll, make fool of himself or be funny… Just ignore him.

      • Anonymous17 says

        I’m not the kind of guy to be flirting or sexually harassing to women, cause I’m only 17.

        • Shadow in the Wind says

          Why flirting? Just normal friendly talking, you don’t have to say “how are you” to a girl only to get her into bed :)

  4. Anonymous17 says

    Hey, it’s me. I’m having more difficulty with quitting porn than I expected. :( I Didn’t make it through week 2, in fact, I think I was at week 2 day 2 when I lost, sorry, was massacred with one of those stupid brain lockups I mentioned before>:( . Can anyone offer any Insight to my problem please? I need help! (Should I change my screen name to my real name?)

  5. Anonymous17 says

    Hi, its me again. I was just coming to update my status an ask a question. First off, status report: My current longest porn free time was about 2 or so weeks then I had a massive slip :( but I’m beginning week 2 of yet another attempt at stopping porn. My questions (sorry thought up another one) are whats the difference between the K9 and covenant eyes software ( Not that it’ll help me cause I’m using my 3DS for this). And how can I stop myself before Iose it? I mean, I will think something about a porn site and then before I can think about it I’m temporarily Incapacitated by porn!!! GRRRRR!! Its very very demoralizing.:( Can anyone offer some insight to my instant incapacitation problem?

  6. ShameFull says

    I appreciate all the stories I’ve read here, I’m 40 now & been watching porn for over 20yrs & now realize that I need to stop cause i feel terrible for doing it & I know its wrong. I’m married now for 10yrs & we have problems that i have created b/c I feel my wife should perform like a porn star & she will not, cannot & should not. I need to & will get help from sites like this.

  7. Samama Fahim says

    Hello, Please can you tell me what is Pulse Reference Table(15 second count on the left)in the checklist. I don’t know what is it.How it should be used? And What to do with it. Please help me.

    • Alex says

      It simply means that you measure your pulse for 15 seconds, and the table will help you to convert it to 60 second count.

      So if for 15 seconds you counted 20, it means your 60 seconds or 1 minute pulse is 20*4=80 bits per minute.

  8. fenal says

    i check few website, for my friends to give a gift,to check it up.not laffing,seriously some time getting bord so make it simple make age wise, can’t be free at all, paywise as well, stop addiction,to find another playboy,not bunnys but porn star as long as pop star.for good future for them make it up simple life.

  9. says

    Good to see another sex addiction recovery site online! Thank you for your work. Take a look at my site when you get a chance. We are located in Katy, TX for anyone in the general Houston area that would like a Christ-centered SAA meeting.

  10. says

    i m begining to fil safe n mo strong torwards quiting becoz there ar some people out there who care fo othaz. guyz i also feel confident that quiting is possible bcz sharing with u wats in me has opened me up .

    • Andrew V. Ryan says

      Think of an addiction as a disease, like Cancer. It slowly takes over unless you catch it early on. But if caught later it proves harder to remove. You get my point?

      • Andrew V. Ryan says

        And remember this quote; “A man chooses, a slave obeys.” We all were slaves to pornography, some still are, but they are aware of their plight!

  11. says

    hi guys i m an male btwn 15 & 18 n i m tryna quit pornography n murstabation bt i cldn’t.i told my self that i wld nt go back to such an immoral thing but jst a month after stopping i was back to my bad ways(internet porn and masterbation).i then tried to have frequent prayers but it not helping mch.i often dream on me having s*x with many females.i fear for my life HELP PLIZ.but i was vry touch by ur article thank u vry mch keep ur spirit of helping up.i m into my 1st two hours of quitng.

    • I says

      Hey man, I know how you feel! I would recommend not just reading the article, but follow the course!

      Also, because I am also not doing so well ATM, I think I will do something like tie a really tight bracelet around my wrist (not enough to cut circulation, but enough to be uncomfortable) So that it is a constant reminder for me to stop, because I mean hands kinda get us into this mess in the first place, so it’s a good place for a reminder. Mabie a WWJD bracelet or something? I also relapsed recently, so lets try to quit together! Also, try to find someone to be accountable to and can talk to. I think that is very important.

      Good luck!

  12. Anonymous says

    Hey everyone. I am new to this site. I have had this problem for about 10 years or so. I am going to try and battle this problem with the help of God and my mother Mary. For anyone who is interested go to this site called pornnomore.com.Wow! the stories on this site are truly amazing. There are people who have been addicted for like 20 or even 30 years. Heck there is a guy who was addicted for 17 years and after becoming Catholic and attending church on a regular basis is porn and masturbation free for 12 years, and he is entering into the priesthood. I am Catholic and am not trying to evangelize anyone but it seems to be working. I know that the more one sins the farther you push yourself away from God and more towards the devil. Alex, you are right on when you say the addiction makes slaves out of us. It is the Devil. Jesus said, ” The man who sins becomes the slave of sin”.

    • Josef says

      I’m new to this site as of about ten minutes ago. I’m also catholic and appreciate your encouraging post. I just recently became re-addicted to masturbation, and more shamefully, porn. I continue to tell myself I’m done with it, and know that one of these times it will for real be the last time. Thank God. I haven’t read the article yet but am hoping it helps a lot. Once again, thanks for the post, hope your battles have long since been overcome. If you’re still using this site, and you’re comfortable with it, say a quick prayer for me.

        • I says

          Hey man, I know it is so very tempting, but if you are on this site, read over the comments and see how badly people want to get out. Then do the breathing exercises Alex suggested. Also praying helps a lot.

          Best of luck!

          • BreakTheCycle says

            Just remember how much it means to you to lose porn. Everyone has personal reasons, but one common one is that it takes over and ruins our life, and we become a slave to it! Stay strong and fight it out, do the breathing exercises, review reasons to stay sober, and remember that no craving can last forever. Maybe read some stuff in the forum, or re-read the Free Recovery Course. Good luck, and stay strong!

          • Andrew V. Ryan says

            Well I would pray but, I found an easier way to break the addiction chain for me. By continuing my fathers research in genetics, it consumes all my free time eliminating the chance of a relapse for me.

  13. Henri says

    Hi, I’ve been aware of my problem for the last year as it has really taken over me. I’m now 16 days into stopping masturbation and watching porn but my mood is all over the place. The journaling exercise is very helpful but makes me very sad reading over my thoughts. Its the same recurring negative thoughts about loneliness, loss of loved ones and general self loathing.

    I know now that jerking off has been my ‘prozac’ for the last couple years, dulling my ability to listen to and accept the bad thoughts going on in my head.

    I think I’ll be able to make the whole 30 days but won’t necessarily be the happy ending that I hoped. It really helps to read what others are going through and to draw strength from your thoughtful, inspiring messages

    • BreakTheCycle says

      Well, good for you for getting that far! That’s an accomplishment already. You’re 16, you can fix this now and still have your whole life ahead of you. Your mood will fix itself over time, just stay true to what you know is best and continue to not give any strength to your addiction.

      I wish you luck!

  14. Andrew V. Ryan says

    I was playing a game the other day and a character said this quote; “A man chooses a slave obeys.”. I figured out right then I was mentally a slave to pornography. We all just need to break that chain, for some it is harder, some it is easy. But we can get through this!

    • BreakTheCycle says

      Wow! Excellent quote, thanks for sharing! :D Yes, it is sadly true that addicts are slaves to pornography, but if you dedicate yourself fully and do all you can to the best of your ability to break the pornographic cycle, you can be freed and get out!

  15. Anon says

    Hello again, I just made a post a little while ago so I’m adding what I couldn’t at that time. I said previously that it’s vital that we never give the bad wolf any food to eat. This could mean a number of things. “Food” for the bad wolf, could mean anything that can nourish the addiction and cause it to be able to continue fighting us. Whether it’s thoughts of the images we’ve taken in, images themselves that we inadvertently come across (which will happen from time to time as well), and things like these. I also try to remember that when WE feed the right wolf, and WE starve the bad wolf, we are only doing things that are in our control. Maybe that bad wolf will come across food itself (in the form of recurring thoughts of images that we can’t really do much about except not focus on them, as well as images and such that we encounter on the internet or magazines, movies, anywhere.) We can’t do much about those things. But it’s so important to not dwell on them or nurture them, it’s important for us not to justify going on a high-risk website in a situation where we’re alone, etc. because that’s not starving the wrong wolf, we can try our best to take the food away from the wolf that has found it’s own food, it won’t be easy. it won’t be easy. I repeated that because it’s so true, but in order to conquer it, it’s something we need to realize and apply. Now I realize that everyone has the free will to make their own decisions in life, I don’t have the right to tell anyone to “do this” or “do that”. But I care about people and I feel that if someone is on here for a good reason, then I hope that anything I share that helps me can help them as well. Again, I have so much respect for Alex as well as everyone who contributes to the website as well as the purpose of it, the conquering of evil. You’re not alone, and it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person if you have a problem like this. The fact that you’re on here trying to get help, taking the initiative in solving your problem, shows that you have a lot of good in you. And it shows that that good can and will overpower this evil addiction. Much Love <3

  16. Anon says

    I really, really have a ton of respect for you Alex, and I thank you a lot for creating this website. All the more so for the recovery course being free, and not some scheme to make money off of people’s sincere efforts to overcome a serious obstacle in their life. It does sound pretty heartless for someone to do such a thing, but there are actually people who do that out there. It’s really sad. Which is why I have a lot of respect for you as well. I really like the “Feed The Right Wolf” analogy, and being of First Nations background myself, it hit me even harder. As far as addiction goes, I have not progressed to the extreme end of the spectrum. (The farthest I’ve gone is just the so-called “tube videos” portraying hetero-sexual relations in action,) but even this is too far for me, it’s been a habit that I have had a lot of trouble with, even with periods of abstaining and then periods of relapses. The relapses are devastating, I’ve harmed myself because of the guilt at times, even though that is not a healthy thing to do, quite the opposite actually. But back to the “Feed The Right Wolf” analogy, I’d like to throw something out to all who see this posted on here, something that I add to it. There is truly always a constant battle inside of us, 2 wolves, good and bad. So when we feed the right one, the good one, we can conquer the bad. What I like to emphasize to myself though, is that if we don’t STARVE the other wolf, then it may just stay alive and keep the battle going. Even if it’s not as strong from being undernourished, a wolf will fight to the absolute death if it is defending it’s territory or it’s cubs. When we have an addiction of this terrible nature, the bad wolf has established it’s own territory in our hearts and it’s even started a family you could say. It’s NOT going down without giving everything it has. So we can’t give it any food at all if we want to beat it, not dwelling on any thoughts of a pornographic nature that come into our minds. (The thoughts will always come, it’s inevitable, so there’s no reason to feel terrible when they do come but it’s vital that we don’t let ourselves dwell on them.)
    I have more I would like to post but I am strapped for time at the moment.
    Much love to Alex and everyone who’s going through the same struggles who visit this site

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