Hello all, Today is a special day that fills me with both happiness and regret. It was on the 16th April 2012; exactly 1 year ago today, that I joined this forum and decided to end my porn and masturbation addiction of over 40 years. I have posted many times of the struggles and triumphs of the past year and was trying to think of that I would share with you all at this 1 Year Celebration.
I have too much respect to you all to 'preach' to you. Every struggle is an individual effort and you are all champions just to be here, aware and trying. I sincerely wish that my life in porn and masturbation and subsequent recovery will encourage you all to press on the achieve that goal. I have said many times; I am nothing special; I was seriously addicted and debilitation had set in in so may fronts. The classic case of hopelessness. But it can be won. I have won. So far so good! (of course I know its not over!)
I want to share 4 songs that cut me deeply and brought me to tears many times as I reflect on them. Each one represents a phase of my past 12 months and each one speaks directly to the issue of sexual addiction and specifically to pornography. IMHO
Sit back and please enjoy.......
Porn and Masturbation THE MUSICAL - 365 Days That Changed My Life
If you right click and open in a New Window, play the clip and close the window you will return here.
1. Falling out of love. Speaks of the absolute desperation of the porn addict and the despair, loss and hopelessness I experienced. The repeated cry to 'let me out, set me free' tugs at my heart having made so many failed promises. This is the dark place I lived in for so many years.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3mT-nstxOVk
2. Jar of Hearts Is the story of the repeated URGE that I experienced. Porn keeps 'wanting me back'. Leaving breathless with its power over me and as I awaken to the danger, more than anything this song speaks of the emerging fight I began to resist porn's call and I saw all it "broken promises". There is powerful emotion in the call to porn... "don't come back for me...don't come back at all"! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3H21fj0hQRM
3. Shingle by Shingle The sky began to clear and I had to start to rebuild my life and relationships. Shingle by shingle speaks to the small steps that I made as I began to be free from porn and the urge to masturbate all the time. The line in the song "I'm living proof" speaks to me of the encouragement that a tiny bit of success brings. This song also represents the the gratitude I have for 'every drop', that is all the blessings in my life.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zkasBb3zJrE
4. Falling In Love With You Again Just like to sun brightens the sky after a big dark storm, as my numbness from continued addiction started to lift, i began to see things differently. I fell in love with my wife all over again. Every word in this song is my song to her. "Your lips taste soft once more", "My heart flips when to simply come in my door". Yes my friends, this has been some journey. I will end here with this song because this is what I have become. Happy with my life, regretful that I didn't do it all sooner. Love to you all and happiness, strength to beat this wretched thing call porn addiction, a blossoming of love to give those in close relationship with you.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OMJ6MRA5MBU