Feed the Right Wolf

Hello there.

Just relapsed ... I feel I want to cry... It's the same routine, every four days I look up at sexual images and I start rubbin it... then O. Then guilt. Then shame. Then I get all

these fucked up shit in my head. I have a total different perception of my gf anf women / beauty since my old depresseion (1 year ago)

One year ago I always had in mind my gf isn't that attractive... shared these depressing thoughts with her.
Crazy thing is that when I decreased my porn site visits (images instead of videos, one time a week instead of I dont know how much, less interest in porn sex acts), my perception of her was really improving. I felt sometimes I was in front of the most beautiful lady.

Nowadays, when I relapse, these taughts come in mind and they influence my perceptions of her when I see her. The perception of her isn't as bad as the images I had in mind a year ago. It's like if I see a disfigured person (and honestly I perceive it bcuz of the porn effect that plays in my mind).

6 months before, i was able to supress porn(lookd only at models etc to M) and cohld stay 3 weeks wihtout mo. I had a clean head (better then now). I was way better and my penis grew like WOW!!

For all you striving folks, I hope victory is near.
This is my story that I am still strugling with. And I really hope from the bottom of my heart to remove this habit from my life. I really love my gf, and adore her. I don't wan't to hurt her nemore...

Thanks

HC1...have you read Alex's literature and done the exercises? If not, I would strongly recommend them. It has helped me a great deal as well as many people on this board. If your serious and take this seriously, you can recover. Read up and post again when your ready to tell your story and ask for help!

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Start date 3/29
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New start date 9/12
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Those things that bind us are the most difficult to unravel