Feed the Right Wolf

Hi, I'm Jared

I have been a p&m addict since I was 13. I am now 20 and have been struggling with it.

While reading a lot of content on this forum I remember a story from a church conference about Heart Transplants:

"In each heart transplant recipient, the patient’s own body recognizes the new, lifesaving heart as “foreign” and begins to attack it. Left unchecked, the body’s natural response will reject the new heart, and the recipient will die. Medicines can suppress this natural response, but the medications must be taken daily and with exactness. Furthermore, the condition of the new heart must be monitored. Occasional heart biopsies are performed wherein small pieces of heart tissue are removed and then examined under a microscope. When signs of rejection are found, medications are adjusted. If the rejection process is detected early enough, death can be averted.

Surprisingly, some patients become casual with their transplanted hearts. They skip their medicines here and there and obtain the needed follow-up less frequently than they should. They think that because they feel good, all is well. Too often this shortsighted attitude puts the patients at risk and shortens their lives."

Preserving the Heart’s Mighty Change
DALE G. RENLUND

This^ is what usually happens to me, I became casual with my new "heart" (changed from being an addict) that I skip the "medicines"-(controlling your breathing, writing regularly to your journal, etc) because I feel good and all is well; making me open to temptation and eventually going back to p&m.

P.S. forgive my english, I'm filipino XD

Yeah, this is a problem for me too Jared. I find that the best thing is to just keep going. Basically, as soon as you slip once, dont let the guilt go to your head, because thats what will skrew you over. The cycle usually works like this.

1. Stay Clean
2. Get overconfident = slip up
3. Feel guilty about slipping up, which in turn leads to more acting out
4. Eventually pick up the pieces and stay clean for a while
5. Get overconfident = slip up
etc...

The key here is that if you cant catch yourself before you slip up (step 2), catch yourself at step 3. Just keep going, and whatever you do dont let guilt get to you.

The longer you can keep this up, the stronger your body will get, and eventually you will wean yourself off of p&m altogether. The key difference between p&m and a heart transplant is that messing up with your "medication" wont kill you. You have a valuable chance where you can get right back to it. You cant get sober right away, you'll fail, a lot. Just make sure that you can get back up after each failure, and you'll find yourself stronger than before.

_________________

Thanks for the thoughts Gwei.



That's what's been getting me all the time.. sometimes when my guilt is too heavy I would rationalize [ration-a-lie] that "everybody's doing it" or "It will make you better in bed".

Then I realize I have been hanging out with the wrong people (or websites) that give false paradigms and influences about pornography. So I did remove my self from them (like unfriending bad posters from facebook and stop visiting social websites where people tolerate porn or promote it. [9gag, memebase] )

It's been a week since my last relapse. although that made me stronger, I would try my best not to be overconfident, but to be humble and follow up myself regularly.

Yeah, just be strong and keep going, and I agree that 9gag and memebase do not have the best attitudes towards pornography Good luck with your recovery d9!

_________________

Hey decieve.. We're on same boat man

Hey it is definitly diificult. Thanks for sharing your thought.
The advice i can give you is stay with this forum it can definitly help you.

Take care and keep up your efforts

_________________
Always remember that the future comes one day at a time.
Dean Acheson
S. Since 09/28/2012

Hi Jared,

That excerpt you posted is a fantastic analogy to so many of the stories here, including mine. It looks like you haven't been on the forum in a while, and I was wondering if you're alright and if you have plans on coming back. I'm new here, and have realized that encouragement and accountability from other members is what makes this forum so special.

Regards, and I hope you're doing fantastically!