Feed the Right Wolf

I've been reading this site for a while and it really has helped reading every bodies stories and learning how to manage my addiction.
After 10+ years of porn, chatrooms and masturbation every day, after at least a year trying and failing to stop while stuck in the avoidance cycle I've managed to make some headway with the information on this site!

I'm currently on day 22 of no porn or masturbation and although its been a long, dark road I'm finding it easier to avoid looking at porn.
However, now I am increasingly finding myself fantasising and lusting for women when in public whether it be at a bar, on the train or even on the street and it is really hard to avoid as unlike a computer you cannot just walk away from the situation.

The thoughts of sex just come bubbling up and I do my best to get through them with the ERP and other exercises but it seems the further I get away from porn the more tempted I am to think about real people and the temptation to try and actually engage physically with somebody seems stronger and stronger. Worse still I don't like projecting my fantasies onto people like this and I really do not want to be leering at every woman I see. I keep telling myself it is my addiction trying to kick into over drive to get me to act out because it's not getting fed anywhere else and I know that if I stick it out I will come through the other side.

How do/have you dealt with similar problems?

Longterm,

Your handle is right on the money. Long term is what recovery is all about.

I am not sure if you have tried yet but my advice to you would be to find an SAA meeting if you can. I am making assumptions based on the fact that I see no mention of a meeting. I "white knuckled" with various levels of success for years and years. I did not start making real progress, extremely slow but steady, until I found a 12 step program, did my homework, and got a sponsor. It was the only way for me.

People are different. I have also run across more than just a couple of people that stopped cigarettes, alcohol, pornography and other addictive behaviors cold turkey; that's it no other process involved. I am sure that if you have been reading these posts for a while you will see that every one of the people that post address their addiction with different strategies and meet with varying levels of success.

And you are absolutely right. If you stick it out you will come out the other side, you will achieve those goals that you desire, you will have peace. I can promise you that I have seen many people who, if they stick with their program, have success and peace, myself included. Currently I am working through a relapse but I am finding peace some measure of success and peace quickly.

Regards,

Nevada

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"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." -AA or Albert Einstein

Well that it exactly, I don't expect to get better all at once, It takes a long time to deal with years of ingrained habit and the issues surrounding it!

I haven't tried a SAA meeting before, It might be a good option, I will give it some thought.
Mostly I hold myself accountable through a journal which I write in every couple of days which seems to work but
if things don't seem to improve I will have to find another solution!

Thank you for the advise Nevada!

talking as someone who quit cold turkey a year ago(except for a recent relapse), you can quit cold turkey.BUT. it. is. VERY hard. and if you just quit cold turkey, I think youre way more likely to have a relapse. but more power to those that can.
I find that looking women in the eye when you talk helps fight my desires to look, maybe you can try that.

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The last time I acted out:
4-7-12
My goals:
24hrs[]
4days[]
1wk[]
30days[]
60+days[]

Hello, Longterm.

I also recommend SAA meetings, and I hope that you've already attended one or plan to. In my opinion there is nothing else that is as effective as working the program, but it in person, over the phone in tele-meetings, or on the internet via web-meetings. I hope you're doing well

Your friend,
Absolution.

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Sobriety Date: October 25, 2011
"Everything comes to us that belongs to us if we create the capacity to receive it."
-Rabindranath Tagore