I don't know who started or maintains this site but I need to say thank you.
I don't think for one second that I'm not going to fall, stumble screw up etc...but even the 3 short days I've been here I feel like I have hope. I believe that I can be the person I've never actually had the chance to be.
My first sexual encounter was when I was 8 with another kid. We played doctor, I've never forgiven myself for that. I was violated at 13 by a family friend and almost immediately after that incident started with mb. My marks in school went from "A"'s to "F"'s. I started getting into trouble with the police and eventually ended up in reform school.
I spent years trying to make up for my feelings of inadequacy and shame by sleeping with as many girls/women as I could.I now think that I was trying to make others feel as worthless as I felt. As soon as there was a sign of commitment on the horizon I would run and I don't ever remember being faithful in any relationship. I'm 47 years old now and to be honest I don't think I've ever really had a chance to be "me". I've always been a shadow of what I should be due to pornography, masturbation and random sex.
This site is like a breath of fresh air for me. I can't put into words how glad I am that I stumbled onto this site...I cannot wait to begin the next chapter of my life and look forward to being able to develop real relationships that are based on mutual trust.
I've received support from a couple of people here already and appreciate it more than you can know...or maybe you do:)