Feed the Right Wolf

Day 1: Journey Out of Cynicism

Hello, I'm Newme (Just picked a generic name out of the blue) and I'm addicted to porn. I'm 15 years old, and this has made my life incredibly more difficult then it should be. Today is my first day since I relapsed recently, before that I made it to a personal record of 5 days, which shows that I'm clearly addicted. I've decided I'm going to promise myself 100 days of abstaining from both porn and masturbation.

I've actually masturbated for as long as I can remember, I would masturbate around age 5 without even knowing about it, all I knew was that it felt good, but I probably shouldn't do it around anyone. Back then I wouldn't say it really counted since this one like a few times a year. When I was around 12, I was pretty popular and generally a very happy child, but due to my parent's jobs, I had to move. I moved right at the beginning of the break, and I had to live with my cousin for a while, while I was at his house I managed to discover porn, became dormant, masturbating and binging on unhealthy foods, it was from this point and on that I became unhappy. For the past 3 years, I've discovered all kinds of porn the world has to offer, and even all of that was beginning to bore me.

When I went back to school I was extremely introverted, and people bullied me, which led to more porn use as a coping method, I had no motivation for virtually anything, I would just masturbate from the time I got home to far into the night sometimes even past sleeping. Fast forward to about almost a year ago, and I'd started trying to improve my overall life style, I started a diet and workout routine (which I slacked on generally but still kept me in decent shape), tried finding sources for socializing, it's only about a few months that I've realized that porn is probably the root of my problems, and despite all of my efforts, I always relapsed after a few days.

Over the past week I've been revamping my life goal, and really researching the best way to approach this. This is why I'm confident in that I can commit myself to 100 days of no porn, no masturbating, trying to be social, and getting fit. I don't really feel like writing that much so I'll end on that note for today, I'll update in the near future and think out my game-plan more thoroughly. I'm generally going to keep this journal free form, writing whatever comes to my head at the time, I'll even post what I feel works really well for me to hopefully help my friends in recovery.

I'm not going to post this everyday, but just keep it as a mental note of what to think about.

Daily Checklist:
8-9 Hours of Sleep
Meditation
Healthy Eating
Healthy Hydration
Reading Recovery Literature
Physical Exercise
ERP or Reviewing Personal Statements of Truth/ Positive Believes
Journaling

Hi Newme,

Your target of 100days shows strong determination. Stay strong with the same will power. The road is going to be harder. Good Luck friend.

_________________
Last day PMO - 08/05

Hello and welcome to the forum! That is a very ambitious goal and I wish you the best in reaching it. We're all here to support you in your journey to a new life.

_________________
When fear knocks, let faith answer the door. -Joel Osteen.

Modesty is sexy.

Last time I self-harmed: 5/13/13
Last time I masturbated: 5/13/13
Last time I watched porn: 5/13/13

Hey guys, I'm back on day 2, I relapsed, but I don't feel particularly bad about it. Since that relapse I took some more measures to prevent that, I leave the internet unplugged and keep the cable pretty far away, since I only relapse when on the internet, and I've found a handful of hobbies and ways to busy myself, so I don't use the internet hardly ever. I'm keeping this brief cause I'm exhausted.

Hi Newme,

I'm glad you came back after a relapse! And that you're taking measures to prevent another. Keep coming back and keep moving forward!

Your friend,
Absolution.

_________________
Sobriety Date: October 25, 2011
"Everything comes to us that belongs to us if we create the capacity to receive it."
-Rabindranath Tagore

You are very mature for a 15 year old. I am amazed at how many young people have realized they have a problem and have come here to nip it in the bud.
Wish I would have done that long ago.
You have a much better chance of kicking this habit at a young age. You can do it.

_________________
Breathe deeply. Turn off the tv and internet when home alone. Read and watch nature scenes or get out of the house.

Porn ruins marriages, wastes valuable time.

I will regain my self-respect if I walk away.

Get a life. Read, gym, hobby.