Day 1: Journey Out of Cynicism
Hello, I'm Newme (Just picked a generic name out of the blue) and I'm addicted to porn. I'm 15 years old, and this has made my life incredibly more difficult then it should be. Today is my first day since I relapsed recently, before that I made it to a personal record of 5 days, which shows that I'm clearly addicted. I've decided I'm going to promise myself 100 days of abstaining from both porn and masturbation.
I've actually masturbated for as long as I can remember, I would masturbate around age 5 without even knowing about it, all I knew was that it felt good, but I probably shouldn't do it around anyone. Back then I wouldn't say it really counted since this one like a few times a year. When I was around 12, I was pretty popular and generally a very happy child, but due to my parent's jobs, I had to move. I moved right at the beginning of the break, and I had to live with my cousin for a while, while I was at his house I managed to discover porn, became dormant, masturbating and binging on unhealthy foods, it was from this point and on that I became unhappy. For the past 3 years, I've discovered all kinds of porn the world has to offer, and even all of that was beginning to bore me.
When I went back to school I was extremely introverted, and people bullied me, which led to more porn use as a coping method, I had no motivation for virtually anything, I would just masturbate from the time I got home to far into the night sometimes even past sleeping. Fast forward to about almost a year ago, and I'd started trying to improve my overall life style, I started a diet and workout routine (which I slacked on generally but still kept me in decent shape), tried finding sources for socializing, it's only about a few months that I've realized that porn is probably the root of my problems, and despite all of my efforts, I always relapsed after a few days.
Over the past week I've been revamping my life goal, and really researching the best way to approach this. This is why I'm confident in that I can commit myself to 100 days of no porn, no masturbating, trying to be social, and getting fit. I don't really feel like writing that much so I'll end on that note for today, I'll update in the near future and think out my game-plan more thoroughly. I'm generally going to keep this journal free form, writing whatever comes to my head at the time, I'll even post what I feel works really well for me to hopefully help my friends in recovery.
I'm not going to post this everyday, but just keep it as a mental note of what to think about.
8-9 Hours of Sleep
Reading Recovery Literature
ERP or Reviewing Personal Statements of Truth/ Positive Believes