Feed the Right Wolf

Hey Beingclean,
You have great momentum, don't let anything slow you down!

Those times when something tempts you will always crop up, its part of our day to day life!
It's excellent that you identified it quickly and just dealt with it. If keeping worrying about times
you might have acted out and why it happened will just bring those thoughts back into your mind
and put you back into that vulnerable situation again mentally.

Look forward to seeing you beat another week!

LT

Day 20! Sorry for not posting, I had exams to finish, shows to watch, books to read, and sports teams to follow, so I haven't really had a lot of time to think about porn. I did, though, read posts everyday to keep whatever thoughts I had at bay.

@longterm: Thanks for the advice and hope to have many more weeks free along with you and everyone else!

_________________

Day 23, things have been going really good lately, I haven't had any serious urges in a couple of weeks. One day has just been blending into the next, I only know the day I'm on because of when I last posted. Hopefully this trend can continue!

_________________

Don't know what happened this morning, it's like my mind started on the beingclean 1.0 operating system instead of the new and improved beingclean 2.0. My thoughts running wild and untamed into areas and fetishes I thought were buried deep. I even started to make searches online, but before I opened any site I made a different search until I got a hold of myself and came to this site and read a post or two. Luckily it is still Day 25 though earlier it seemed in great jeopardy.

_________________

Sad to report that the bad wolf won yesterday. I don't even know why I slipped because I felt no urges to watch porn, it just sort of happened. I think though it was out of habit that I did, maybe those pathways that I left for a month firing up again. I went on a mini-binge but luckily stopped myself from going too long. It was a different experience than usual when I slipped, first I feel really guilty, then I smother those thoughts with porn. This time the guilt wasn't as strong but the pleasure was nonexistent I was just like a soulless zombie, watching while thinking 'I might as well continue since I already messed up', last time that happened I stayed up until midnight since it was all on the same day.
This is the first time I feel truly hopeful and optimistic moving forward since I feel there has been some kind of change in my head.
Day 1
beingclean

_________________

Hi Beingclean,

I'm glad you came back after a relapse. What are your plans to prevent relapse going forward from this?

Your friend,
Absolution.

_________________
Sobriety Date: October 25, 2011
"Everything comes to us that belongs to us if we create the capacity to receive it."
-Rabindranath Tagore

Day 2 (again), I feel about the same as I did pre-slip so I don't know if that is good or bad. As for what I'm going to change, I'm going to ( even though I should have done this earlier ) move my main source of internet away from my bed so I won't have easy access during my weakest time ( mornings in bed especially). Hopefully this will help since I think the past two or three times I slipped at that place and time ( I know I'm slow to realize this) and getting up out of bed usually breaks the spell on me and walking to get the internet will give me time to think ( I'm waaaay too impulsive )

_________________

Day 5, and I'm continuing to like I did pre-slip. I have decided that it isn't a bad thing. Dreams have been getting a bit more sexual-based, which wasn't happening before, I'm just hoping that my previous slip didn't set me back too much and that I will continue to move farther in my recovery than ever before. Though the best thing is that I don't feel the usual residual effects from slipping (not trying to jinx myself! )

_________________

Day 7, Yes! 1 week down, and feel that several more are coming. Thoughts about porn are still blissfully negligible. As I think Peter has mentioned in some other journals, reading is very fun, especially when you get so engrossed in it that all side tangents your mind can take are effectively eliminated. But for now, on to week 2!

_________________

Day 11, and I think this has been the longest time between an only couple-hours-long slip. Usually I either slip on one day for a couple hours then follow it with a patchy one or two days without porn and one two days with until I get back on track which usually takes a week or more. Or I do a solid three or four day heavy binge with a %90 of getting a new streak. But this time after 28 days when I slipped not only was it for a few hours, I followed it with 11 days! Hopefully I can continue moving forward with this.

_________________