Feed the Right Wolf

February 11
Self Care List: 10 hours of sleep;
6 to 8 glasses of water(stayed hydrated);
mindfullness meditation 15+ minutes;
read recovery literature;
ERP practice in the morning;
healthy eating 3 meals plus a snack;
journaling.
Strong emotions that I felt during the day: Lust, Anxiety, Excitement, Paranoia, Fear;

Negative Beliefs that affected my day: Belief: If I fantasize only, and act out without using porn it's going to be ok;
Truth: Fantasizeing will only islolate me in an imaginary world, to self medicate,and will streghten the addiction.
How did I get out of Isolation: Went to visit a friend at his house.

Positive things I learned: That the term wasabi is made out of two terms that are contemplated together just to sound good like Ping-Pong.

Things that i'm thankfull for: That I found this forum, that my insight grows daily.

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Welcome to the forum, Sabu.

This is a good start to your journal. Keep coming back to the site, posting in your journal and reading about others' recovery; when you help yourself you are helping us all, and vice versa.

Your friend,
Absolution.

_________________
Sobriety Date: October 25, 2011
"Everything comes to us that belongs to us if we create the capacity to receive it."
-Rabindranath Tagore

Hey Absolution thanx for the heads up. I'll try to do my best here, I feel much better being here, the feeling of not being alone in this struggle is really something.

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February 12

Self care list: slept good 10 hours;
ERP practice in the morining;
mindfulness meditation 15 min;
healthy eating 3 meals plus snack;
stayed hydrated 6-8 glasses of water;
read recovery literature;
journaling.

Emotions that I felt during the day: Pain( I fell bad and hurt myself), Anger, Excitement, Dispair also beacuse of the pain, Iritation;

Negative beliefs that affected my day: Belief: That I will not succed overcoming this addiction;
Truth: If I continue to stay away and practice positive behaviours my old emotional associations will dissipate.

How did I get out of isolation: Went outside in the snow with a friend.

Positive things that I've learned: That porn addicts can be divided in 5 particular groups, I for one belong to the predisposed group.

Things that I'm thankfull for: That i didn't break anything while getting hurt yesterday, That I'm determined to get my life back(You never really miss something till it's gone).

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Welcome Sabu
You have made a good move to come here, now stick to it.
Keep coming back and keep applying all the things you learn from this site and the personal journals of others.
Peter

February 13

Self care list: 10 hours of sleep;
ERP practice in the morning;
stayed hydrated 6-8 glasses of water;
ate good 3 meals plus snack;
mindfull meditation 15 mins;
read recovery literature;
journaling.
Strong Emotions that I felt during the day:Lust,Excitement,Iritation,Anxiety,Fear.

Negative beliefs that affected my day: Belief: That Sex is my most important need; Truth: It is actually a obsessive compulsive cycle that can be broke off trough the right tools;

How did i get out of isolation: Met with some friends.

Positive things that I've learned:Porn and cybersex are actually a step apart of reality, wich grants us the posibility to be who we want ,do and see what we want with no actual consequences beacause it feels safer.

Things that I am thankfull for:my life on earth, having close friends, being in one piece after the fall that I took.

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February 14

Self care list: slept good 10 hours;
ERP practice in the morning;
ate healthy 3 meals;
stayed hydrated 6-8 glasses of water;
mindful meditation 15 mins;
journaling;
read recovery literature:

Strong emotions that I felt during the day: Anger, Dispair , Anxiety, Iritation;

Negative beliefs that affected my day:Belief: That I'm powerless angest my double life; Truth: The double life is a result of impaired thinking and delusion, if I walk away I will regain my true life;

Positive things that I've learned: Zen in japanese is enlightenment and in chinese it's tao;

Things that I am thankfull for: the relationship with my mom and sister, the food that I eat, my understanding of things.

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February 15

Self care list: slept good 10 hours;
ERP practice in the morning;
journaling;
stayed hydrated 8 glasses of water;
read recovery literature;
mindful meditation 10 mins;

Strong emotions that I felt during the day: Curiosity,Excitement,Iritation,felt proud;

Negative beliefs that affected my day: Belief: That I deserve relief; Truth: If I walk away I will feel better about myself;

How did I get out of isolation: Left the door open to my room so mum could enter at any time;

Positive things that I've learned: The addiction cycle contains 4 steps: preocupation, ritualization, compulsive sexual behaivour, unmanagebility and dispair;

Things that I'm thankfull for: the food I eat, not relapsing, having the tools to fight this addiction.

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Hi Sabu,

good job keeping your journaling going. Tao translates to "The Way", which I think is pretty cool since it can be related to Christianity (when Jesus famously said "I am the way"). Every religion has its negative and dogmatic aspects, but at root the messages are all good. Keep moving forward!

Your friend,
Absolution.

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Sobriety Date: October 25, 2011
"Everything comes to us that belongs to us if we create the capacity to receive it."
-Rabindranath Tagore

Hi sabu .

Love your systematic way to write the journal, as suggested by alex wolf.



- Ahah.. I've found a way to strengthen our thoughts that porn & cybersex aren't real. Let say if you slip, in the middle of the act just look at the back of the screen.. Nothing.. Porn is just flat images build from thousand pixals.. That's all. It's not real. Just like the image of a burger. Immediately, the consciousness will come. I find this way is helpful for me , at least during the emergency time.

Well. Goodluck in your recovery, friend.

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"God, grant that I may seek to comfort rather than to be comforted; to understand,rather than to be understood; to love,rather than to be loved." - Alex Wolf