Feed the Right Wolf

Dear tobefree,

Sometimes it takes some structure, strategy, and adaptation to get back into a great sleep cycle. A habit takes 30 days to form, so you must consistently sleep at the same time 30 days in a row to fully retain the benefits of the cycle. Time is your friend, and allow it to happen by committing yourself to time.

I have some resources for you to use to regain your sleep cycle, thereby helping to relax your body in mind. The first thing you need to know is, what is a healthy amount of sleep? For everybody, it is 7-9 hours of sleep. 8 hours is the recommended allotted time for sleep, and you should plan your bedtime and set your morning alarm accordingly.

Tips to Fight Insomnia: http://www.well.com/~mick/insomnia/
Bedtime Calculator: http://sleepyti.me/ (use this to schedule your bedtime and the times you should wake up at)

Don't hate yourself, bro. You need to love yourself. Self love will heal you and one day you will be freed. Then you might want to change your username

-Dance

_________________

Goal: April 20th, 2013

Today I've kept busy. I haven't really thought about the whole 100 day thing that much. I wanted to do it, but I can't really convince myself to believe in it enough to feel anything. I've been quite busy doing other things too. I spent a few hours with my dad this morning making a really involved recipe we've been wanting to make for a while. It ended up making enough for 4 meals. I guess it's a good thing we liked it! haha. Then I got a haircut. And after that my parents and I all went out to see a movie. We just finished dinner, and we're gonna watch some tv shortly, so there wasn't really time to do much of anything.

I got 8 hours and 15 minutes of sleep last night, so it looks like I'm finally starting to settle in. I will be sure to check out those websites.

I had to disable K9 again because it was interfering with the installer. So I've been unfiltered all day, but I've been too busy to really care or think about it much, until now. I'm going to leave it unfiltered until the download and install finish because it just doesn't seem to work with K9 running at all. Hopefully I won't get into trouble before it finishes and I can put the filter back in place.

Tomorrow I'm going back to work! Yay! It's going to be so nice to be back to work. It will make getting over this problem so much easier because I'll be working around 50 hours a week. I'll have real people and real girls to interact with too. Gotta round myself up a little posse and go hiking as soon as possible. I haven't hung out with anyone my age since...october?

_________________
When fear knocks, let faith answer the door. -Joel Osteen.

Modesty is sexy.

Last time I self-harmed: 5/13/13
Last time I masturbated: 5/13/13
Last time I watched porn: 5/13/13

I hate life.

_________________
When fear knocks, let faith answer the door. -Joel Osteen.

Modesty is sexy.

Last time I self-harmed: 5/13/13
Last time I masturbated: 5/13/13
Last time I watched porn: 5/13/13

I slept 7 1/2 hours last night.

Today was my first day back to work. The hothead manager I didn't like working with isn't coming back this year, so that's good. I also get to train a new girl, which is always fun.

I'm still unfiltered because of the game download, and I'm feeling very tempted to watch something. I've already been on youtube and looked at some of my old channels, but haven't yet actually watched anything. I wish this download would hurry up and finish so I could filter myself again. I don't trust myself without a filter and I really like having the filter there because I feel safe from temptation.

This new girl is well-built, and I know that I need to stay out of those videos so I can look at her straight. If I spend time watching those videos again, it's going to very difficult to look at her. It's been 8 days so it wasn't too difficult today.

_________________
When fear knocks, let faith answer the door. -Joel Osteen.

Modesty is sexy.

Last time I self-harmed: 5/13/13
Last time I masturbated: 5/13/13
Last time I watched porn: 5/13/13

Sounds like a plan TBF. I like your focus. Keep pressing on.
You will be fine with the new girl. Just show her respect and honesty
and you will do ok.

Don't forget she is relying on you! She needs
the support and training you can give and if you guide her with respect and care
then she'll never refer to you as "my hothead manager". Ha Ha

Keep strong my friend. All the best,
CSC

_________________
Kind regards, CSC

"I wished for nothing beyond her smile, and to walk with her thus, hand in hand, along a sun-warmed, flower-bordered path. (Andre Gide)"

Been a NEW MAN since: April 16, 2012

The excitement of being so close to viewing something made me act out. I looked at some thumbnails of videos that I used to watch, but they're tiny, and I didn't look at many, and didn't watch any of the videos at all, not a second. So I'm going to call that a victory. But the excitement of being so close was too much. I ended up doing some s&m stuff with myself and masturbating, but at least that kept me focused on me, and not some sex fantasy about a girl. I don't really want to reset my counter, so I'm making two counters now to acknowledge at least a partial victory yesterday.

At any rate, the first couple days are always short, things will be much better when the days get longer (8-10 hours). Then I won't really have time to surf. After an hour of gaming and an hour show on netflix...it'll be time for bed.

_________________
When fear knocks, let faith answer the door. -Joel Osteen.

Modesty is sexy.

Last time I self-harmed: 5/13/13
Last time I masturbated: 5/13/13
Last time I watched porn: 5/13/13

The past few days have been good. Yesterday I went hiking with a couple people. Today is our first "normal" day, so I'll be working 9-10 hours today. That should made it quite easy to stay out of trouble. Nothing else really to report.

_________________
When fear knocks, let faith answer the door. -Joel Osteen.

Modesty is sexy.

Last time I self-harmed: 5/13/13
Last time I masturbated: 5/13/13
Last time I watched porn: 5/13/13

And now I have a 2nd female trainee.

_________________
When fear knocks, let faith answer the door. -Joel Osteen.

Modesty is sexy.

Last time I self-harmed: 5/13/13
Last time I masturbated: 5/13/13
Last time I watched porn: 5/13/13

keep it up tbf,
you're doing a great job. there will always be women around. that's life.
you are going to be ~fine~. you have a job to do in more ways than one!

best wishes for the coming week. keep posting
CSC

_________________
Kind regards, CSC

"I wished for nothing beyond her smile, and to walk with her thus, hand in hand, along a sun-warmed, flower-bordered path. (Andre Gide)"

Been a NEW MAN since: April 16, 2012

Got a group of 7 people to go on a 3 hour hike yesterday after an 8 1/2 hour workday. I woke up today feeling kind of down, angry, and tired, though I did get 8 hours of sleep. I felt that way right from the moment I stepped out of bed. I think I fell asleep in about 5 minutes last night.

Today was my 8th day in a row working. I worked almost 10 hours a couple days ago. My lunch break (my only break) the past couple days has only been 10 minutes, because I had too much to do to take a half hour. Wednesday I get my first day off, and then back to work on Thursday. Friday we start opening for longer hours, and we don't have an evening crew yet, so I'm scheduled for 8 am - 10 pm, 14 hours, both Friday and Saturday. This is also a very busy weekend for us aside from the long hours I'll be working. With my drive and getting ready for work, I can't even get 8 hours of sleep with that schedule, let alone do anything else. If there's anything that gets me down, it's a lack of sleep. I have a 40 minute drive each way, and doing that while tired, is absolutely miserable. And then working, I just get really, really apathetic and whiny. Schedule for Sunday and beyond isn't up yet...but I really hope we get an evening crew soon because 14 hours is a bit ridiculous day after day. I'm ok for about 8-9 hours and then I start to go downhill pretty quickly after that, adequate sleep or not.

My trainees are doing well. I hope they're ready for this weekend though. It tends to shock new people pretty hard. I haven't really thought about my problem much at all, except when I check this forum twice a day. At work, thoughts have rarely crossed my mind anymore. I didn't even realize I was approaching 2 weeks until today I noticed that I had reached 15 days. How about that. I wonder how that happened. Funny thing is, I never did bother to put that filter back on either.

_________________
When fear knocks, let faith answer the door. -Joel Osteen.

Modesty is sexy.

Last time I self-harmed: 5/13/13
Last time I masturbated: 5/13/13
Last time I watched porn: 5/13/13