Feed the Right Wolf

Day 66

Hi, I'm back again and happy to report that I'm still clean and on the journey.

Recently I've been having lots of things to do, both in my job and socially. One of them is that I have found someone who deeply cares for me and loves me. So my days have changed that much that I have had less time to spend on the computer even for journaling purposes.

That has changed my life in a huuuge way and has helped my addiction a great deal because I don't have any need or temptation to relapse, until last week that a revelation was given to me I was so shocked I felt the need to release my tension with porn... I almost gave in, but didn't. I said to myself, I WANT TO KEEP ON DOING THINS DIFFERENT. And the urge waned.

That has been the only incident but surprisingly, I have even surpassed tmy 60 anniversary. Whoaaa!! I feel so blessed and happy.

Thank you guys for your support. I expect I will give myself more time to journal everyday.

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Sobriety date: Apr 26th 2013.

Great work Yosoy, 66 days is awesome and I'm glad you're feeling strong!

It can be strange to realise that you don't actually NEED that crutch anymore, it's good that
you know inside that you really don't need porn to make you feel better. Knowing that makes
it so much easier to rationalise your urges to act out and see them as something you can overcome.

LT

I almost gave in today, I was browsing the internet and found an image that shocked me... and I felt curiosity, and clicked on it and found out it was a site where males are protrayed wearing underwear. I looked at it for a while, until I started to feel more and more excited and then, I turned the browser off. I thought of the days I have been without using porn. However, it made me feel so restless until the urge faded away.

My significant someone does not live here, and he comes every week to see me. However, I have discovered that after being with him I am left soooo prone to be horny and restless like that and the urges are a little bit harder to fight than they used to at the beginning of this journey.

I pray to God I stay on this journey and that He leads me out of temptations.

_________________
Sobriety date: Apr 26th 2013.

Hi YoSoy,

Remember we're behind you, I think you're doing great things. Keep moving forward!

Your friend,
Absolution.

_________________
Sobriety Date: October 25, 2011
"Everything comes to us that belongs to us if we create the capacity to receive it."
-Rabindranath Tagore

Day 1 (restarting)

Hello Friends!! I am back after a relapse

I hadn't posted because I was really hectic and my addiction sobriety was going well, but I have been watching porn since a month ago.
The relationship I was going through got a little rough, (Saving details not to relive them) and the way to cope for me was "refuge" in damn porn.

I let myself do it without resistance not to worsen it and, I must admit, I was a bit ashamed of losing my 100 days without porn (more than 100)
And coming back here to say I failed.

But I know this is normal. And I wanna keep on feeding the right wolf. So, as of today, this is my day 1, again, off porn.

yoSoy

_________________
Sobriety date: Apr 26th 2013.

YoSoy! Welcome back.

I am sorry that you're back with news of a relapse, but remember this: Your greatest victory thus far, even greater than 100 sober days, is coming back here after a relapse and continuing to move forward.

Your friend,
Absolution.

_________________
Sobriety Date: October 25, 2011
"Everything comes to us that belongs to us if we create the capacity to receive it."
-Rabindranath Tagore

Thank you Absolution. I want to keep on feeding my right wolf!

_________________
Sobriety date: Apr 26th 2013.

Day 5.

And I have been off porn, although my last relapse was pretty heavy ( now I believe that once you clean up yourself if you get dirty again it is worse than before) so lately I've been tempted to visit softcore stuff and I have been able to realize that and shut it down right in the middle of it, then I question myself, why would I want to be doing this? and stop.

I want so badly to stau out of it and be free. I have done it before, for more than 100 days... I know I can do it!

_________________
Sobriety date: Apr 26th 2013.

Hi YoSoy ~

Welcome back to the fight

I'm in the same boat with you.

To watch porn is bad, but it doesn't mean that we're bad persons. To relapse is painful, but it also gives us chances to learn new knowledge and improvise the strategy to overcome the addiction.

I would like to share with you the 4 steps treatment for OCD proposed by Dr. Jeffrey Schwartz, the author of Brain Lock. Perhaps you can incorporate it with the current ERP methods.

An Introductory Overview of the 4-R steps treatment for OCD:

The intrusive thoughts, why it keeps bothering? It's more the medical (brain) issues, not really the psychological issues.
1) Relabel : - calling the problematic thoughts with its right's name.
-"I'm having urge, it is the OCD symptoms, this is just my OCD."
-I'm having OCD symptoms.
2) Reattribute : - relate to the real reason
-"It's not me wanting to do this, it's just my OCD that making me wanting to do it."
-This is caused by a medical condition.
*the long vission : not to identify yourself with the OCD
* Annoying bothersome feeling. So, have to actively remind yourself, "It doesn't make sense."
3) Refocus : - do simple, enjoyable, achievable activities. Anything that you do that challenges the believe of the OCD.
-"Since it's not me, it's only my OCD, what I can do is to refocus and change the way the brain is responding."
*overriding the active response for the OCD symptoms with new constructive behaviours.
4) Revalue : - New healthy way of seeing and responding to the OCD thoughts, due to the regularly training of the 3 earlier steps.
*15 minutes rule: rule of thumb for the refocus activities.

Wish to hear more good news from you .

Bye.

_________________
"God, grant that I may seek to comfort rather than to be comforted; to understand,rather than to be understood; to love,rather than to be loved." - Alex Wolf

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Sobriety date: Apr 26th 2013.