it is good to see that I have been missed.
Firstly, I am still sober , although not coming here , slowly but surely makes me drift toards old habits.
It is like I am swimming against the flow, as soon as you stop swimming you are getting pushed backwards.
A lot of things are going on in my life - should I change my job and move to the west coast, vs keep on trying here.
I flew twice over to see a potential employer and still haven't made up my mind.
Some family tension - we have a young baby and my partner is going slowly mad at home alone all day. ( Her family is on the west coast , so instant babysitters over ther) . The baby was sick, so they could't go to mothers groups etc. So, I did the right thing and came home straigh away and looked after them.
Baby is better and my partner is out tonight on a girls night out, whilst I am sitting at home.
I was also working late a lot last week - and the temptation to see a prostitute on the way home was getting bigger and bigger.
So I banned myself from the net alltogether. I found myself surfing the on the phone a lot ( no porn ) but got annoyed with myself - " i don't want to spend my time looking at this stupid little screen"
so - I am angry - and the little voices enter my head and use any weakness " go , it's just like a massage "
I am not feeling as strong as I did , but sitting here tonight is a good return to focus.
Thanks again for your messages they mean a lot.
Don't do anything by half. If you love someone, love them with all your soul. When you go to work, work your ass off. When you hate someone, hate them until it hurts.