Feed the Right Wolf

Hi Cole,

I posted this list on the wall at about 6pm and got a text the next day in the afternoon that said thanks and that's it. No he hasn't talked to me yet and I am still on the couch. What drives me crazy is that he comes on here everyday and reads my posts and still does nothing. He was working on his recovery nation workbook last night if that is what you want to call work, at the very end of the day for 10 mins and then fall asleep. Not really doing much if you ask me, it's a big show I think. He did that so he can say he did something if he is actually even doing it I don't know as there has been nothing posted to his workshop forum for a week and a half and a mentor replied last and advised him to work on his vision for his life more and he hasn't.

I wAs thinking while on the phone last night that I do not want to start my life all over again, I just turned 38 a couple weeks ago and that is too late to start over. I have a house I really like, we have two great Basset hounds funny ass puppies, just bought a new travel trailer last year, our kids are involved in a lot of things baseball, hockey etc that involves travel etc. How will any of that work? On of the things I really regret was changing employers, I did this mostly for him last summer as he said I worked too much and that this is what the problem was. I did work longer hours in jan and jun each year as it was our busiest months (I also made a ton more money) but it wasn't everyday that I was late. I was at the top in that place, I worked so hard on my career at that time to be one of the best and I did it. Last summer I got to go to Paris even for work because my shop had earned it and we're some of the best in the world and I took him (no sex at all in Paris wtf). Last summer when I asked what was going on again he said I worked too much and he missed me so I quit. I put my marriage ahead of me and my career. I did get another job in the same industry but don't make the same money, about $18,000 less. Of course when I changed jobs things just kept getting worse and now because of the less income and his irresponsibility with money we are having money troubles.

I doubt he would chat with you as he has said for weeks that he was going to come on here and start posting and he still hasn't.

What a life, a crappy one for sure.

_________________
Good sex begins when your clothes are still on. --William Masters & Virginia Johnson

Cappy

Hi Eadeca,

UGH!!!! I can't believe he didn't say anything about your list. Not even rip it down if he was angry about it....he reads these posts? DUDE...take some action for your self if not for your great wife!!!!! Had to get that out if he is reading....He needs to read and do Alex's literature on this site. This is the best ground-work material for addressing this addiction I have found yet. If he doesn't do this, he doesn't want to recover. It's that simple from my perspective. I've seen people come and go on this site and those that want to do something about it take action. I know that I'm preaching to the choir on this.

I get your not wanting to start over. You have worked too hard to get to where you are and to have the things you have, need and want. From my perspective, moving on will only destroy all of that. I have a lot of friends who have gone through one or 2 divorces. They are rarely a smooth transition and most people lose everything they have worked for and destroy each other in the process. So there is a price to pay for moving on. I can't advise on what the right thing is to do...I'm on the other side of that doing everything I possibly can not to lose what I have. Even though I totally fucked up and have no one to blame but myself.

It sucks that you changed jobs for him and he has not responded in like. That is a huge sacrifice you have made to make things better and another thing that blows my mind as to why he's being such an ass about this addiction. Paris and no love? Is he out of his mind? I'm really beginning to think that he may not be capable of recovery.

If he is reading your posts...then this message is for him..... Get your head out of your ass and start respecting your wife! I don't know many woman who would put up with your crap, work with you to address your problems and forgive you for what you have done to your relationship. She's even willing to have sex with you, not just once a month or once a week but whenever you want it! Do you know how many guys would kill for this? She's open minded and wants to explore passion and lust with you and your not willing to put your porn aside and pleasure her? Skin on skin, holding, kissing & touching each other? I would die to be in your place. Get your act together before someone comes along and replaces you!!!!

Sorry...had to get that out if he is reading these posts...

Why are you on the couch? I would think that he would be...your not the one with the issue. I know in my situation, I would take the couch just as consequence for my behavior. Never mind the respect you have earned over and over again.

Eadeca, does he provide for you and take care of you at all? Life is so challenging and worse if you don't get the respect you deserve.

Cole

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Those things that bind us are the most difficult to unravel

Had a good weekend and for the most part was unaffected by this addiction. However Monday is here and back to routine. Images, desires and thoughts come rushing back. (images in my head, not real ones) Trying to stay distracted by work....

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Start date 3/29
Reset date 5/16
New start date 9/12
05290803

Those things that bind us are the most difficult to unravel

Been really busy which is good. Trying to stay focused but as I keep reading about more people falling, it makes me wonder if I'm setting myself up for a binge. ERP, meditation, trying to stay out of that other world that just has drawn me in and dragged me down to the bowels of addiction. Why does desire for this pleasure drag me down. Why am I struggling to turn if off in my mind? I know there is no good answer to this question...it just creates more unanswerable questions.....give me strength to stay on the path to recovery.

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Start date 3/29
Reset date 5/16
New start date 9/12
05290803

Those things that bind us are the most difficult to unravel

Just because other people fall Cole does not mean you will, you are strong!!!!

You have so many good things going for you and you are on the right track, I can tell just by how you talk to me:)

Keep going and keep pushing, you can and will do this for yourself, I believe in you and your power to do this.

You have been a great friend and inspiration to so many please do not let it go to waste all of this hard work you have been doing.

_________________
Good sex begins when your clothes are still on. --William Masters & Virginia Johnson

Cappy

Thank you Eadeca for the pep-talk. It's what I needed last night to get through the night. Although, today isn't much better as the desire is getting stronger. I am getting good sleep, meditating and practicing my ERP. Things are getting a lot better with my wife....focus is what I'm going to need to do today to pull myself out of this. I spent my drive into work fantasizing, not a good way to start off a sober day....

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Start date 3/29
Reset date 5/16
New start date 9/12
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Those things that bind us are the most difficult to unravel

Hi Cole,

You should check out the following site http://www.recoverynation.com/

They have a great workshop for addicts, partners and couples. It really helped me and gets to the root of the problem. It makes you deal with what causes you to go to porn to begin with. They also have mentors and coaches who check in with you to help guide you and it is free.

You can do this and you can succeed!!!

The more help we can get the better I think:)

_________________
Good sex begins when your clothes are still on. --William Masters & Virginia Johnson

Cappy

Made it thorugh yesterday, but came too close for comfort on caving. I went to CL and scanned down the first page of the list and got uneasy and quite stressed. So I switched over to here and did not pursue. I am so horny I don't know what to do with myself. Today I must get stronger and stick to my goal of 90 days.

_________________
Start date 3/29
Reset date 5/16
New start date 9/12
05290803

Those things that bind us are the most difficult to unravel

You can do it Cole!!!! Don't give in to it. Just think of all the time you would have wasted, remember your goal and how proud you are for accomplishing that. You are better than this and you can get through it. I know it's hard trust me!!!!

I am here all day if you want to chat and will be checking in on you regularly today:)

Keep your hard work going and you can push through this and I know you will!!!!

_________________
Good sex begins when your clothes are still on. --William Masters & Virginia Johnson

Cappy

thank you Eadeca...I really appreciate the support. I feel like I am either going to explode or implode. I've been so strong and feeling good to be back here feeling this way really sucks. I think this is the worst urge I've had to date. Will keep coming back I need something to take my mind off of this. Although no matter what I do today, my mind keeps going back....ugggghh!

_________________
Start date 3/29
Reset date 5/16
New start date 9/12
05290803

Those things that bind us are the most difficult to unravel