Feed the Right Wolf

Watch your thinking Cole!
Keep your mind occupied with other things.
Get a book and start reading. Maybe you need to read it from start to end.
Watch those thoughts!
Peter

Well, it's been about a week and I have been strong and able to keep my thoughts at bay with changing what I'm thinking when they come up. They seems to be coming less often than they have been previously. Meditation, reading and practicing good habits is making a difference. I've been really busy and out, so the lack of access to a computer / electronics is also helping.

Peter, the book you recommended, 'you are not your brain' is making a lot of sense to me and has great examples to help explain scenarios and thoughts around them.

I'll come back later to finish this off.

_________________
Start date 3/29
Reset date 5/16
New start date 9/12
05290803

Those things that bind us are the most difficult to unravel

Just when I thought I was doing so well, this afternoon has been a real struggle. I hate it when I post that things are going really well, only to follow up with a post later in the day that I'm struggling again. Even though I've been trying to focus on work and other things, my mind keeps coming back to 'only one more time'...'it's a quick peek'. I keep reminding myself that it's not a little thing, I've come this far, I just need to make it through today. Tomorrow will be another day. Going to get some fresh air and try to come back with a renewed focus.....

_________________
Start date 3/29
Reset date 5/16
New start date 9/12
05290803

Those things that bind us are the most difficult to unravel

Hey Cole,

Sorry to hear about your relapse. It is the most disgusting feeling to watch yourself ruin a good amount of sobriety. I had a significant period of sobriety which got screwed up by few seconds of uncontrollable urge. Instead of crying out loud for the same I just rewinded as what went wrong and I had my answer. So don't feel low about your relapse, look at the bright side that you want to get out of this mess. You want to recover yourself and you very well know that you can do this. Set things straight and work on them. Take this relapse as a minor glitch in your process of recovery. Good luck with your recovery. Keep coming back and keep posting.!!





Flit.

_________________
If yu're in a hot air balloon, yu hv to burn some fuel every now & then to keep the air heated & stay high in the air. If yu wait until the balloon gets dangerously low, yu hv to burn a ton of fuel to gt bck up to whr yu need to be. - Absolution

Hey Flit...thank you for your encouraging words. I haven't faltered, but feeling pretty low. Going through my ERP to remind myself why I'm here and struggling.

_________________
Start date 3/29
Reset date 5/16
New start date 9/12
05290803

Those things that bind us are the most difficult to unravel

Oh that's even nice.! Boost yourself uP. Be away from the sources which can lead you to a dangerous situation. Call and talk to people you really care about. Watch out for H.A.L.T.!! Good luck my friend. You'll be fine and safe. We're here.!!


Flit.

_________________
If yu're in a hot air balloon, yu hv to burn some fuel every now & then to keep the air heated & stay high in the air. If yu wait until the balloon gets dangerously low, yu hv to burn a ton of fuel to gt bck up to whr yu need to be. - Absolution

At day 27. 30 is just a stones throw away. I made it through the afternoon and night by keeping myself occupied and didn't have any still moments to ponder until I was in bed. Once there I meditated and listened to my Pandora station. Not sure if anyone uses Pandora. I've been falling asleep using the ambient radio station. It's a standard station and is good soothing music. It helps me to calm down and clear my mind of any thoughts. Clearing my mind of any thoughts has been very useful at bed time. My meditation guide has suggested that I ask myself, 'where did that thought come from?'. This exercise helps me to stop the blur of thoughts that race through my mind at the end of the day. So that I don't end up in a tightly wound internal discussion that keeps me up all night. Not sure if it will work for anyone else, but thought I'd mention it in case anyone is reading this other than me.

Feeling guilty today. Asking myself how I got here and how I came to making such a mess of my life. If I could start over, I would in a heart beat. So many conscious / unconscious bad decisions. I wish I knew about this addiction many years ago. I may have been able to stop it then and wouldn't carry so much regret. I pick up habits easily and incorporate them into my daily life. I've been seeking help for my many addictions, but never admitted to this one until I had some help pointing it out from my psychologist. She has made a huge difference in my life and has helped me identify so many bad habits, guiding me through life's obstacles. I am very grateful to have someone who will not judge me for my indiscretions and help me to make better choices.

_________________
Start date 3/29
Reset date 5/16
New start date 9/12
05290803

Those things that bind us are the most difficult to unravel

Hey Cole, Nice to see your post. Good results and keep on going!
CSC

_________________
Kind regards, CSC

"I wished for nothing beyond her smile, and to walk with her thus, hand in hand, along a sun-warmed, flower-bordered path. (Andre Gide)"

Been a NEW MAN since: April 16, 2012

Thank you CSC!

Feeling much better today. Have had a lot going on at work which has been keeping me busy. Thoughts have been creeping into my head. Things like looking at women as objects and finding time to act out by surfing again. However I know if I start down that road, it's nothing but ugliness. So I have been trying focus on changing tracks quickly and keeping my mind occupied when this happens. So far so good. 2 days to 30. I'm really looking forward to getting past 44. That's only 2 weeks away and will be the week of the 4th. Good time to celebrate a small victory.

I've been meaning to journal about how I've been able to smile recently. It feels good and is something I haven't done consciously in a long time. Good thoughts come easily when I'm smiling and it's easier to put the past behind me. I am not trying to forget my past. Just to put it behind me so that as I look at the future, I know I can be the best person I can be and make good moral decisions without having to second guess myself. It's the second guessing that is a trigger and we all know where the triggers lead if not addressed immediately.

To those of you reading, you'll probably notice that my emotions are up and down. Mostly down, but I need to recognize the up times so that I'll do it more often. I know there are some of you that understand these swings and they seem to get more drastic the further along I get into sobriety. Until tomorrow.....

_________________
Start date 3/29
Reset date 5/16
New start date 9/12
05290803

Those things that bind us are the most difficult to unravel

1 day closer to 30. Very excited about achiving this goal. Not sure why, because I've done it before. Since falling a month ago, I've really been wondering if I was going to make it this far. (negative thoughts I'm trying to address) Still having roaming thoughts about what if....just one more time. Staying strong by doing my meditation, reading and ERP.

_________________
Start date 3/29
Reset date 5/16
New start date 9/12
05290803

Those things that bind us are the most difficult to unravel