Feed the Right Wolf

So today I decided to start a journal. I think I can stop this addiction. I have been addicted for about a year now (I was probably not really addicted when I started watching it). At first I watched once or twice a week and I didn't even expect to get addicted. And then slowly before I really noticed I was watching it and masturbating on a daily basis. It ended up being a way to handle stress although watching porn did not help my stress at all and only made me feel worthless, ashamed and disgusted. This year I have started a new grade level and I am willing to quit the habit I picked up in the last grade level. I am taking more difficult courses in a very rigorous program (obviously that is making m very stressed) but I am also doing extracurricular activities and also going to the gym regularly to workout. My grades have been better than last year (I am trying to improve them a bit more tough) but I still need to quit watching porn. I have found that turning off the internet modem while studying or doing homework (when I don't need the internet to study) helps me focus on my studies. So, hopefully I can improve my grades while quitting the bad habit of masturbating to porn.

Today was a tiring day. I went to the gym to workout. The weather was terrible as usual (it's hot and sunny all year round) and the traffic was also quite bad (it's usually quite bad because I live in a big crowded city). I don't feel like doing homework today because I can do it on the weekend but I also feel bored...

Unfortunately I ended up masturbating today. Ok I will try something new... I will try to masturbate only once a day for a week and then once every two days for a month and then gradually stop masturbating. I will also not masturbate in front of the computer and I will do it in the bathroom. I also really need to use the internet less (I waste a lot of time when I'm using the internet).

This weekend was pretty terrible for me. I had very little work and I was very bored... I should learn from my mistakes and try to keep my self occupied because when I don't... Anyways I appreciate taking difficult and challenging courses that give a lot of work and then being expected to do afterschool activities. It keeps me occupied (although sometimes I am really tired on weekdays and then...)

So I should
1) Occupy my time in the weekend
2) Take naps when I need to on weekdays

Ok so it was an extremely stressful day and I didn't really take a nap as I had planned and that was a terrible idea. Currently I am jacking off almost every day of the week (sometimes more than once). But I am realizing that my problem is quite serious. I am determined to quit.

Strong Emotions That You Felt During the Day:
Anger, Annoyance, Stress, Shame




How did you get out of Isolation/ Improved your Social Skill today:
I went to debate club and I gave a speech (didn't really go too well but I'm improving)

Anything Positive that You Learned/Experienced Today:
I got a good grade in English today and I think tomorrow's math quiz will be easy and I should get a good grade on it. I also realized that the first time you do something you will probably suck at it but you can improve over time.

I took a 1 hour 15 minutes nap today after getting home (it really helped calm me) and then I studied a couple hours for an economics test. I only used the internet for about 40 minutes today and during that time my dad was in my room for a few minutes. Turning off the internet really helped me focus on my studies today. Anyways it feels good to not have jacked off for about 24 hours. I will turn off the computer now (immediately after finishing this post) and finish my French homework and then go to bed in a few minutes. I hope I do well on the economics test tomorrow. I feel very optimistic and calm right now even tough before taking my nap I was feeling very stressed and had a headache. Taking a nap before studying and drinking green tea while studying helped me study.

I have not written in this journal in a while but I am writing in it today. So today was very stressful and I was int a bit of trouble. But to try to reduce my stress I played table tennis today. And I managed to relax and study for a few hours. Exams are coming up and I am doing my best to get some sleep and stay relaxed. I am excited for my vacations after exams. But it is very important that I study regularly so that I can do well on the midterm exams. The last time I viewed porn or masturbated was Wednesday (It's now Friday). I am now going to bed so I can sleep.

I slipped twice today. It was a really stressful day and I felt excluded from a group today. I also have a final exam tomorrow which I have prepared well for. I am feeling very pessimistic and sad right now. Today I didn't really do much healthy compared to yesterday. (no wonder I fell so bad)! I will try to get a lot of sleep tough.

Tomorrow I have two more exams. I went to a friend's house after today's exam. I spent the rest of the evening studying. I want to thank some of the people on this forum who have been very encouraging and helpful. I will now go to sleep without having masturbated or watched any porn today(even tough I did have a bit of an urge). Today was a very stressful day but I managed to survive and I now feel better. I have a very important exam the day after tomorrow and I have the weekend to study for two more important exams next week.

Good job! The stressful days can be some of the worst because your body has been trained that there is only one way to get any relief from stress. That's just not true!! If it was, everyone would have this problem. The more times you can teach your body and your mind that there are other ways to relieve stress, the less triggered you will feel to act out. Even if it's just a small step at a time, you are making progress.

_________________
5/17/13

Good luck with the exam mate! Relieving your stress with healthy methods is unbelievably beneficial in the long run

_________________
Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.
(Proverbs 16:3)

30 days bronze achieved!

60 days silver achieved!

100 days gold achieved!