Feed the Right Wolf

Two relapses since I started abstaining(since May 1). I am not discouraged. If anything else, I am really determined to tackle it with all I got.

Good Things today: Not much since I woke up, but its still morning. My friends birthday today

Bad Things today: Feeling anxiety for everything. My life in general (Withdrawal symptoms?). Also I kinda gave my friend a hint about the birthday party we r having. Heck. Now I feel embarrassed around my other friends.

Plans for today: do something about the pile of clothes lying around the house.

Saw some porn pics yesterday in my phone.. I wasnt my self. I just happened. Stopped a few moments later. I now know how hard it is to get out of this.

Good things today: Stayed strong. Didnt cave in.

Bad things: Slacked all day.

Does that mean i am out of the sobriety count? any body?

Hi kalleBlomkvist,

Your sobriety is up to you. For most people, intentionally looking at pornography is breaking their sobriety. If you accidentally stumble upon a pornographic image or video and then close it, that's usually not considered breaking sobriety. Ultimately, you are accountable to yourself and your higher power.

Your friend,
Absolution.

_________________
Sobriety Date: October 25, 2011
"Everything comes to us that belongs to us if we create the capacity to receive it."
-Rabindranath Tagore

Hello Asbolution,

I can see You post Really Well on here...can You Recommend a Good Way Out of This from Your Experience?...I am struggling Very Badly with This as well....Any Little ADvice will be Helpful...Thanks...

Cheers!!!

Hi Adalrichk, I'll reply to this in your journal.

Your friend,
Absolution.

_________________
Sobriety Date: October 25, 2011
"Everything comes to us that belongs to us if we create the capacity to receive it."
-Rabindranath Tagore

Was really happy all day. For no reason. I guess this could be attributed to the mood swings that come under the withdrawal symptoms. I just hope that tomorrow wont be so depressing.

Good things to day: Had a great day at work (Actually there was no work at all. I sat reading articles about this addiction. Also I felt really comfortable around my colleagues and friends , which was not the case since a really long time.)


Bad things: Procrastinating many things: mainly going to gym

Also I am changing my counter back square 1.

Lot of anxiety about future and worrying about where exactly my life is headed. I am constantly getting these cravings and its getting hard. But the good thing is I could resist every time. Clearly I am fighting a war with my brain.

Good things today: Was sober.

Bad things: Anxiety and pressure. Stress

I decide to give up on the idea of running or working out a couple of months. Need to prepare for some competitive exams I am having. If I don't see any progress on the current way of preparation(which is next to void), I guess I will start doing a few laps around the cricket ground at work.

Hi kalleBlomkvist,

Sounds like you're seeing some results, keep it up!

Your friend,
Absolution.

_________________
Sobriety Date: October 25, 2011
"Everything comes to us that belongs to us if we create the capacity to receive it."
-Rabindranath Tagore

Thanks very much for your support Absolution. I can see Journalling is actually kinda soothing. Will definitely keep at it.

Today is full of mixed emotions. Was happy all day. Even attended the Toastmaster's meeting at work . Then all of sudden I am in this terrible mood. Felt like something pushed me. Helpless, depressed , thoughts like 'what's the point of this wretched life'. No cravings though. I guess I should be glad for that at least.

Good things Today: Went to the Toastmasters meeting. Was motivated(not fully though) to work and study. Found great articles regarding this addiction. I guess getting to know this addiction will ultimately help me understand myself better and thus promote the change I need.

Bad Things: The 'low'.


I am greedy. I am not anticipating cure right this moment, making me a saint, washing all the dirt my mind accumulated over time. I am not gonna push it. I understand the addiction can jump me when I least expect it.