I'd like to quote something I posted in someone else's journal, I really surprise myself with my writing sometimes XD I should be a writer.
I'm sure we all have genetic predispositions to certain behaviors. For example, I'm not an alcoholic (as far as I know, haha) and so I'd be able to drink just fine and regulate myself however I want. Even if I were drunk a few times, I have no problem just not drinking. But if I had an alcoholic friend who had that genetic predisposition, he'd have to either completely abstain, or be thoroughly regulated or he'd go off the top. Same with this, i've known people who'v seen porn and been like "meh.." and others, like myself, absolutely can't get off of it, or resist it when the temptation comes. It's very subjective. I'm not predisposed to gambling addiction, yet others have lost their homes, jobs, and family to it. It's crazy how we differ!!
But that's also why it's so difficult for people to understand eachother. People who aren't addicted to porn look at us and think "what perverts! What horrible, horrible people!" and we're like "honey... you don't have the slightest clue... ugh."
Likewise we may look at an alcoholic and say "man, what a terrible person, just drinking in excess like that, how could he do that? That's horrible" but in reality he has a terrible genetic predisposition to it.
This isn't supposed to JUSTIFY our actions, but it is what it is. The truth of the matter is that it is much, much more difficult for any of us to stop watching porn than an average, non-addicted viewer. He may be able to just say no to it while we binge our butts out. But that's not justification, it's just all the MORE reason to try THAT MUCH HARDER to QUIT.
I think that's important for all of us to remember... At the Landmark Forum I learned the many ways society doesn't get along. People make up so many stories about each other without just stopping and looking at the hard, logical facts. The past is the past, leave it there. Now is now, work on it. The future is unknown, don't worry about it. It's perfectly human for people to make instant judgements, it happens instantly, without thought. But the above quote is what I know and truly believe to be the truth. We've all got our problems, our specific sins we need to deal with and get help for. It's annoying, I know, but it IS. And there's nothing we can do about it but DEAL with it.
There's just so much going on right now, I just don't even know what to write about. Between losing my cat, having one of my best friends leave for college, almost losing my relationship, having the best weekend ever, having school start soon, needing to read my summer reading books still and needing to see my friends, it's just UGH! stop! Everything just stop! Stop it all. i'm 17, crap i just want to enjoy my life. Seriously.
All i know now, is I'm still just in the process of working on this, and figuring out what works for me, what is it that will help ME beat this addiction. What combination of things will be the right ones to get me to that 30, 60, no, 90 days that i want so badly.
I'm having a horrible re-occurrence of my past terrible thoughts about porn. Im getting my "i'll never find anything so fun again" thought stuck in my head and it sucks! I need to find things to do in my life. I'm like an internet addict, let's just face it, I'm going to be one of those 40-year old guys who lives alone with 40 cats and I'll havde literally the biggest butt in the world from sitting so much. And multiple back problems. there ARE so many things I love doing, but nothing that I know of so far makes my heart race like porn, or gives me that same sense of ahhhhh, if you know what i mean. Like. Think about it. "Oh yeahhh I'm drawing. yeahhh I'm feeling such a rush... putting a pencil to paper, feel the burn man, look at my heart race. wooo drawing is so scandalous.... yeahhhh." Hahahha. no.
I also enjoy making music, but that can be such a tedious task too to get it just right, it involves hours sitting at the computer tweaking virtual knobs and things to get just the right sound. Yeah, makes my adrenaline and dopamine rush SO much... sitting there... getting frustrated as to why I can't make that sound I want... woo.
I mean what else? I could go running. That makes my heart race! But not the good kind that i like. It's the kind that's like "ugh... exercise, this is so painfullll..... ugh, make it stop... breath, breath, BREATH, FKING BREEEEEAAAATHHH." That's clearly not going to do the trick. I don't get much pleasure from the act of exercising, certainly not like porn... and I don't have much money to take classes in something or whatever.
Come on guys, help me find an alternative. What else can I do to get that same rush, that same pleasure?? But of course it has to be a good, healthy activity. Gahhh... I just don't know, this is all just so painfully annoying. I mean come on... there HAS to be SOMETHING fun and exciting to do....
Anyway, still not giving up.