Hi Absolution, how are you my friend?
I hope that you and FP are continuing on your journey together, forgive me for intruding on your journal but I have only just read what you have both been going through and wanted to show some support. I hope she will return to this site at some point, I am all alone again without her
I have an idea that FP and I are quite similar on how we deal with this addiction. For me knowledge really is power, since finding out about my husbands addiction I have Googled everything I can think of to find out more, that is how I came across this site. The big turning point for me was when (I think it was Nick) posted a link to the BrainOnPorn videos on my thread, I watched them at 3am, by myself on a night I was struggling. By the end of the videos I was smiling, I actually felt happy, strangely excited, at long last I had something tangible I could start to deal with. I couldn't wait for my husband to wake up so that he could watch them, we watched them together and the sense of relief I got from my husband was immense, he was so relieved that at last I had some understanding of what he is dealing with.
I enrolled in the full recovery course that Alex provides, I did this as my husband does not want to go near a computer at the moment, he says it would be like holding an AA meeting in a pub. But I share information, and show him the emails that I receive so together we are learning day by day.
You know how I feel about honesty from my other posts, my husband seems to be doing so incredibly well I just hope he is being honest not only with me but himself. Oh I don't think he is viewing porn, he doesn't have access to computers, or have a phone, but I just wonder if he is inwardly struggling more than he says. This I know, is just my insecurity, as we really are talking about everything, and I mean everything! It is difficult for him to tell me, and difficult for me to hear, yes I still shed a few tears, but at least once I know, I can offer support instead of blame. I see his addiction as a little Gremlin that is constantly by his side and if my hubby is off guard that Gremlin is ready to pounce and overpower him. We may never be able to get rid of the little demon, but hopefully we will be able to bind it in chains and control it instead of it controlling my husband.
Dpac, yes womens self esteem does suffer, we go through a lot of emotions, that is why there are support sites for us as well. If your wife has stated she doen't want to know details, that is her choice, but somehow you have to find a way to rebuild the trust, this seems difficult to me without sharing.
Absolution, you had what you consider a set back, but you are coming through it, you have Miss Absolution by your side, 'TRUST HER'. If she is anything like me (and she seems to be) you will be amazed at how strong she is, things will hurt I can't deny that but you sharing even the most difficult issues will show her that you are being honest.
Work together you will both become so much stronger.
Hugs to you both
Your friend in the UK