Hi wecanwin. I am from Finland.
And both Vencer and Wecanwin thank you for your kind words and advices it really cheers me up
So then on today's journal post. So today I slept quite late and still felt tired partly because of my flu and partly because of my depression which is fading away. It is my fourth day and what I can tell about earlier times fourth day has never been very difficult for me and usually I have managed to stay sober for the next following days but then the seventh or eight day has usually been the day when I relapse, so far I don't remember being sober for longer than seven full days and I hope that I would this time go over that milestone.
So today was pretty normal day expect some little arguments between my mother and my little brother and also between me and my little brother... these arguments are actually quite common and happen almost every weekend because my little brother is kind of problem case, but I still like that little guy
So that maked me to feel bit down today because it is not nice to argue.
Well then something about my feelings: Right now I am feeling like that everything is just one big chaos and all things in my life are unorganized. So I need not only to stop watching porn but make complete life change towards more healthier way since my habits are not the most healthiest. Because my life seems to be one big unorganized mess it seems to me that I don't have time for things I am interested in... But in reality I have time but I lack inspiration. I have tried that kind of change earlier but always they have failed because of the addiction, not on first relapse but after third relapse I have usually gone back down.
Wecanwin it is very good idea for me to read something spiritual and motivating because it usually helps and since my spiritual life is in somewhat down hill it would also boost it up. Usually I enjoy reading something spiritual especially something related to Native Americans I truly find their wisdom appealing for me, mainly because I enjoy about nature and often find it to be beautiful. From that comes to mind that I used to go for a walk every evening for about year a pass and also when I am visiting my cousins home place I usually take a walk whit their dog every evening and those walks are thing that I really enjoy because there I can thing and be alone and enjoy some fresh air so at least today I am taking walk before going to sleep and just ignore what others think about that.Check list
Hobbies:Learning to use Gimb and using my boredom in picture manipulating, which was good because otherwise it would have been something triggering if not porn.
Frustration because of my little brother and his some time bead behavior manners.
Anger because of some argumentation.Negative Beliefs
Belief: It's just healthy way to "release pressure" or stress.
Truth: It is not healthy way and I just makes me more stressed. Taking a walk is better way. Social Skills
Visit my grandmother: Who made us some apple pie.
Helping my mother to clean up.What positive did I learn today
Nothing.Things I am thankful today
Adrian Von Ziegler is back, his new song really cheered me up here is link for it if someone wants to hear: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mzhubp0_D7I&feature=g-all-u
This journal and my ability to write because I truly enjoy writing not only to gather my thoughts but also to write poets and lyrics.
So far I have managed to stay sober.
Thankful for the apple pie my grandmother made, it was delicious.
3 days 21 hours.
P.S. Now I am going to sauna which is very good way to relax and it is kind of tradition in here Finland to go in sauna at least once in week.