Feed the Right Wolf

Hi Dpac,

Thanks for your advice. But masturbation ( independent of what's the imagination ) is for me and my Church a sin and acting out.
good luck Dpac

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Hi Mombasa,
I do understand what you mean. The masturbation while imagining doing it with my wife is really a last resort. If my wife says no. I just prefer this to porn. I have talked to some Pastors about it and they don't think it is sin. It is a highly controversial topic for Christians.

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I will cease being a slave to my past.

Hi everybody,

Well, I've endured so far. Last week I expected the crucial battle but it didn't occur - maybe in the future. I've just read a post of a man who endured 18 months porn free and has given up recently. For all of us it is a learning - the day you'll believe you are cured will be the beginning of disaster.
Day 44

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Day 51,

It's the halfway point. If I endure to 100 clean days I'll cease counting because the life is not counting sober days the life is focusing on something good and realizing it every day. This focus on counting is harrowing me but I think it can be good in the first stage of quitting P/M. The man needs the feeling of success - 3 days, a week, 10 days 2 weeks, 20 days, 3 weeks, 4 weeks, 30 days ....is good when you are standing up out of muck.The crucial fight haven't come maybe the first crucial days are the first 30 as they say then the urges are not so immediate and you have more time not to succumb . The most important thing now is to keep the good will and motivation. If they are weakening I'll fall into that muck surely.

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Congrats Mombasa,
7 weeks is not easy. For me counting is a reminder that I am an addict. If I cease to count then I might think that I am free of this addiction. I always thought that the longer I stay away it gets easier. I had stayed away for maybe two years and then I fell back into porn use. Then I found this site. This site is very informative and I have found out a lot. It does not get easier even after two years but it does not get worse either. You learn how to implement a plan for weak moments. It is like learning self defense or Karate. Always having a block for that unexpected blow. Never letting your guard down for the enemy knows when and how to strike. If you have a weakness, defend it with all your might. Don't go around thinking that the weakness isn't there. Unfortunately years do not matter. The weakness will always be there. This is my experience.

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I will cease being a slave to my past.

51 Days is excellent....Super Stuff....don't Give Up....engage in Other Activities as well...to divert attention from here...

Thanx Dpac and Adalrichk

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Good going mombasa!
Keep it up. Every clean day that goes by cleans that mind out bit by bit!
Peter

Hi guys,

Today (an hour ago) it was very close. Why? There has come the biggest temptation for me which is I will stay alone (without my wife) tomorrow from the afternoon to Sunday morning.Not all alone I'll stay with my children but they are small enough for me to hide my P/M from them, especially at tomorrow's night.
As I got to know I would be almost alone the temptations instantly went at me - such an occasion why not to feel that extraordinary pleasure? and so long above 15 hours! Today the tempations woke me at half past three a.m. and I waited to about 20 to five ( in order not to do something suspicious to my wife) then I slithered from the bed quietly and went into another room to use the Internet.
My addicted me caused me to find and watch some youtube recordings with girls in bikini ( it was always the way I started to come back to P/M) because I still had doubts to act out or not.But I became sad about my recovery and reached achievement of 50+ days , then some thoughts came to my mind - what would be the results of my acting out (sadness, lost war, negative impact on my ties with wife, children, social life, disturbed connection to God......) and the thoughts have rescued me. I won round 1.
I know tomorrow hasn't come yet so I expect next fighting rounds and the toughest one tomorrow (in the morning or evening or at night or maybe today - I don't know . If I endure the temptations I will be much stronger. The crucial test has come (As usual it caught me by surprise). Frankly I don't know if I weather but I know what to do. I can smell round 2 coming soon. I'm feeling my weakness but the choice is mine. I'm not feeling so powerless that I'm not able to endure. The 50+ clean days have given me some power .If I fail it will be my choice ( my fateful choice ) I know what to do if only I chose the good path. Or it will be me on Titanic.

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Hi Mombasa,
I have been exactly where you are right now. The temptations seem to get worse but it does not. And sometimes when you feel all strong and that. It also goes to prove that even years of remaining clean the temptations can still come. Maybe it might be a good time now to explain to the wife about your feelings even if you don't go all out and tell her that you are an addict. It is a good thing to be candid about your sexual feelings with your wife and tell her when you have a high libido or sex drive. You may not always get sex in return but talking to her about it does relieve some of the tension. She might be feeling the same way and you can relieve each others' tension. Many times I have discovered this. Even if you don't get sex, talking to a real person such as your wife, does help. You don't have to explain everything.
Another course of action would be to lock away the computer for a while in a cupboard and give someone the key. You could make up any excuse why. Then focus your mind on something other than your self and these feelings. Focus your mind on Jesus, family, work, exercise etc. Porn addiction is a self centered addiction and if you can focus your mind on something other than yourself then it usually goes away.
The temptation comes in waves. Ride them well. Good luck!!

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I will cease being a slave to my past.