Eadeca, the short answer is that I don't have the answers yet. I am still trying to find them for myself. However, I think I have some clues as to what my underlying problems are, and I am starting the quest to find solutions.
For me, I believe the root of my problems are anxiety and lack of confidence. I grew up in a great, close-knit family. However, my family wasn't very expressive emotionally. I didn't have siblings close to my age. I was a shy kid who had some awkward teenage years, where I was sometimes picked on by other kids. As a result, I never really gained confidence in my social skills. During my teenage years, I learned to hide my emotions, as I viewed it as a sign of weakness. One thing you learn when you are getting bullied is that if you show any emotion (fear, anger, etc.) it will often result in a stronger reaction from your tormentors. You learn to blend in and not draw attention to yourself. That usually means not being expressive.
When you do turn to porn, it numbs your emotions even more. I think porn, TV, and the internet in general have a way of turning people into zombies if they are over used.
As I have mentioned before, I think there is a viscous cycle in play. In my case, the anxiety and lack of confidence caused me to shut off my emotions and turn to porn. Porn then dulled my emotions even further, and trapped me in my anxiety.
So what am I attempting to do to dig myself out of this hole? First I am working on my porn addiction. I think I will naturally get in touch with some of my emotions once I break free from porn.
Secondly, I need to work on the anxiety and lack of confidence issues that are the underlying problem. I am an avid reader, so I have been reading all kinds of different self improvement materials from a variety of different sources. For example, I have never had much confidence around women, so I have read various books on dating and relationships. Some of the books have been somewhat sleazy, "how to pick up women" type books, and I don't recommend them, but even they gave me some insight into the psychology of attractiveness and what I might be missing. I have also read books and articles on body language and developing presence.
I realized that I never really felt masculine. I read "No More Mr Nice Guy" which deals with nice guy syndrome, which I show some symptoms of. I have become a regular reader of The Art of Manliness website, as I try to learn what it truly means to be masculine. I have picked up some good tips from these sources. One thing I learned is that if I shut off the computer and TV and go do physical things, such as lift weights, work on the house, etc., it builds my confidence.
I have also been reading about and and practicing Mindfulness Meditation. This is helpful for both getting in touch with your feelings as well as overcoming anxiety.
These are just some of the things I have been working on. I don't know if any of these would be useful to your husband or not. My main advice is figure out what is driving your porn addiction and take steps to battle that while you are battling your porn addiction. In other words, you have to wage the war on multiple fronts.