Feed the Right Wolf

I am struggling with being a newly-wed to a porn addict. I knew what I was getting into... My problem is, how to deal with my anger and rejection when he acts out. I try to make him understand how much it hurts me. It hurts me a great deal, as I am dealing with extreme self-esteem issues due to childhood sexual trauma. When he looks at other naked women I feel like dirt. No, less than dirt. It just serves to remind me of how I was treated many years ago. I have been in therapy my whole adult life for this, and continue to work hard on my own progress. He is working tremendously hard on his own issues. The point I am trying to make is, he has no real idea what kind of pain I endure as a result of his behavior. No matter how much I explain, he cannot relate. I have fantasies about hurting him back as much as he hurts me. I know this is not healthy, but does anyone else experience this desire? I love him too much to actually go through with it, but if others say they feel the same way, at least I will not feel like a heel. Thanks for listening.

I can't offer a whole lot of advice, I'm pretty new here as well, but no, you are not alone at all, I promise you that! I have curbed the desire to hurt my husband and always feel better for it, because if I did then that would just be another thing we would have to work through and then I couldn't help him with his problem because he wouldn't be able to trust me.