I'm sorry for the pain you are experiencing, but glad that you are reaching out. I am much newer to this situation than you, but it is also in my nature to do hours of research on situations I am facing and take in all the information I can. Here are some suggestions:
I have read the book, "Love You, Hate the Porn" by Mark Chamberlain and Geoff Steurer and highly recommend it. They also have a blog with several posts geared toward partners/couples: http://markchamberlainphd.blogspot.com/ ... habit.html
Curethecraving.com also has some great resources for spouses that are free at http://curethecraving.com/for-wives/
Healthy Minds also has a great support page for partners: http://healthymind.com/s-spouses.html
Another thing that I would strongly suggest is going to a 12 Step Meeting for partners/family of those in recovery. I have attended Al-Anon meetings in the past when dealing with another loved one's addiction and it is a great place to find people who know where you're coming from to share with and talk to when you need to. Here are links to various groups you may consider:http://www.cosa-recovery.org/http://sanon.org/http://recovering-couples.org/
Hope that helps! I am also trying to be more active on this board as well, so keep coming back here and sharing your experience with others.