Feed the Right Wolf

i have post traumatic stress syndrome from multiple sexual assaults thruout my life. only one word scares me more than the word rape and that is porn. i have fallen deeply in love with a man who is addicted to porn. suddenly i have an even bigger problem than i normally do with ptsd. how on earth do i deal with both illnesses at once? he has made it clear that there is nothing i can do to help him, that i should concentrate on taking care of myself. i speak with my therapist tomorrow. she will probably say i need to drop this man to protect myself. i am not willing. i want to fight. i love him that much. any tips on how to cope? anyone else out there in my shoes? there has to be!! thanks for reading. love to all, meg

Hi Meg,

First of all welcome to the forum.

How long have you been with your man? How bad is his porn addictiion? Is he activly engaged in recovery and if yes what steps does he take to get better?

Also please let us know what your therapist said.

Last but not least I wanted to say that you are not alone. Ive met a lotgood of people in recovery who had similar situations and who are doing just fine now.

Alex

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Keep posting meg.

I am a firm believer that in most cases when we ask the question, i.e. What should I do? The answer is already there, inside our subconscious or our heart, however you prefer to look at it. We just need some time to translate that subconscious knowledge into action that is meaningful and positive. Writing our thoughts and feelings down, especially in a forum such as this, requires that we be very introspective about what we write. We have to look deep to form the written words to express our feelings. In doing this we are able to reveal to our conscious mind those answers we seek and hopefully build up the courage required to act.

Good luck and please keep posting.

Nevada

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"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." -AA or Albert Einstein

Hi Meg,

I can give you my perspective on this as well. My fiance found out about everything I was doing about a year and a half ago. She deciding to stand by me through everything. You can read my journal or posts, and she's also posted here (her name is TheFlyingPickle) for more insight if you want, but needless to say there have been some huge struggles since we started working through everything. We got engaged almost 2 months ago and although there were some pretty horrific times, I know 100% that we are closer and have a stronger bond because we stood together through everything. We feel like a team. When little issues come up, we handle them pretty effortlessly because we both know we've tackled mountains to get where we are.

My advice is to first have open communication with your partner. If your partner acknowledges that he has a problem and you believe he is willing to work on things, then my advice to you is to try to work through them with him. I think the process will help you with your own issues as well... I think the more your partner works on recovery, the closer and more open you will find your relationship will be, and I think that will help you in your own recovery more than you can imagine. Put simply, as your partner becomes more and more healthy, he will be able to be more and more supportive in your recovery, in a sort of symbiotic way. Having my fiance as my primary support has been literally invaluable to the utmost extent of the word.

Your friend,
Absolution.

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Sobriety Date: October 25, 2011
"Everything comes to us that belongs to us if we create the capacity to receive it."
-Rabindranath Tagore

thnx so much for the kind words and support. my sweetie is working on his addiction. he has even been to a 'dryout' center for a month. did not know such things existed for this. he is supposed to return to his 12 step program, tho that has not hapend yet. but he is filling the void with many other activites to avoid using. my therapist said it was all out of my control and to just take care of myself. being out of control is the hardest thing. feeling helpless is my least fave state of mind. after all, i was in no control when being sexually abused... i need to work on my own self control now, which includes not harming myself and not looking for trouble. his addiction makes me feel physically unattractive, so i am dieting and exercising, wearing makeup and curling my hair. not for him, for me. so far so good.