i have been a heavy porn user/addict for around 15 years. the content escalted to levels that have not only led me to question my sexuality but my self worth and sanity.
Friend, I know, it's a tiring fight.. 15 years is quite long. For my case, I'm in the 11th year of my addiction. But hope is still there. There are people who had worse struggle but manage to overcome the PMO. What is needed are strong reasons to be sober plus with discipline to our commitments, i.e. ERP, journalling, etc.
Heard you have a hard time with your girl. Woman is a strong motivating factor for man. There were several times that love made me stay sober too. My first love-driven sobriety caused me to achieve 10 days clean, whilst the 2nd love-driven sobriety caused me to achieve 20+ days, but later on I relapse for abandoning the practice ERP. But trust me man, self-love should not be forgotten as well.. Try to forgive ourselves when we fell into the cycle of addiction, not to mingle in the past for all day long (as it will be counter-productive, causing us to be deep in sorrow), not to set high expectation for our recovery, just accept our current condition, just be good for each moment. Like what has been written by one of our comrades,
I believe in following my dream, giving best in everything I do and expecting less out of everything. - Flit
Recently, I've read articles & watched videos on the Dr. Jeffrey Schwartz's method to overcome OCD. I would like to share with you, for it has been helpful for me too. The method can be incorporated with the ERP as well.An Introductory Overview of the 4 steps treatment for OCD:
- Why it keeps bothering? It's more the medical (brain) issues, not really the psychological issues.
1) Relabel : - calling the problematic thoughts with its right's name.
-"I'm having urge, it is the OCD symptoms, this is just my OCD."
-I'm having OCD symptoms.
2) Reattribute : - relate to the real reason
-"It's not me wanting to do this, it's just my OCD that making me wanting to do it."
-This is caused by a medical condition.
*the long vission : not to identify yourself with the OCD
* Annoying bothersome feeling. So, have to actively remind yourself, "It doesn't make sense."
3) Refocus : - do simple, enjoyable, achievable activities. Anything that you do that challenges the believe of the OCD.
-"Since it's not me, it's only my OCD, what I can do is to refocus and change the way the brain is responding."
*overriding the active response for the OCD symptoms with new constructive behaviours.
4) Revalue : - New healthy way of seeing and responding to the OCD thoughts, due to the regularly training of the 3 earlier steps.
*15 minutes rule: rule of thumb for the refocus activities.
By the way, if you have time, you may read this inspiring journal as well, at http://mediadoggz.livejournal.com/764.html
. He had been a PMO addict for 18 years, became a porn-producer and even acting in the set. But those were his past. His story is pretty moving as well. He even responded to my e-mails.
I wish you all the best in your path of recovery, my friend
. Best of luck to you. And do pray for my sobriety as well.
"God, grant that I may seek to comfort rather than to be comforted; to understand,rather than to be understood; to love,rather than to be loved." - Alex Wolf