About a week ago my fiance told me that he was addicted to porn. During our entire relationship I wondered why his sex drive was almost nonexistent compared to mine, but I always thought it was a situation in our lives causing the problem, not an addiction!
Anyway, this has been the longest week of my life. I am still battling feelings of devastation, hate, disgust, fear, and at times a very strong need to get revenge. During my good moments I think, "ok, I said that I was going to commit myself to this guy forever, so I need to hold up my end of the promise, even if he didn't hold up his end in the beginning.
Incidentally, does anyone have advice for setting my boundaries with regards to relapse? It is helpful for me to know what my limit is. So, he can relapse approximately X number of times...Or if he relapses for a certain amount of time and doesn't try to correct himself then I will leave. Partners have to protect themselves as much as they have to be supportive, especially when we have kids to be strong for. So if anyone has any advice on that, I would greatly appreciate it!
What I am really posting about, is whether I should go through this process, too? I haven't looked at porn since we have been together, but I have done my fair share of masturbating, mostly because we weren't having pleasurable sex. Now that I know what is going on, I am relieved to know that it isn't really my fault. But now that I know that it isn't my fault, my drive is through the roof, like it was when we first met. Would it be beneficial for me to abstain from masturbation and orgasm as well? Or should I engage in masturbation in order to be fully present as a supporter, rather than someone who is going through the same process?
I can't seem to find much on this topic! Have any of you come across advice for partners going through recovery as if they were addicted too? Did any of you find your sex drive increasing due to relief or a renewed sense that maybe you are attractive after all?