Entry #: 24
Date: August 30, 2012
Time: 6:23 AM
Days Sober: 8
WHOO! 8 DAYS SOBER! ALSO FROSH 2012!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (lol). No but in all seriousness frosh week could not have happened at a better time. I'm really pumped, full of energy, and most of all happy. Sleep is kind of minimal unfortunately, what with the commute to and from school I went to bed at 12:30 and got up at 5:30, which is not to bad, but technically not great either. However, what I did do right was kill the battery on my laptop. I stayed up for a bit reading some journals on these forums, and when I saw that the battery was going to die I just let it run out. Its almost gone now, and I'm going to keep it that way for the duration of the week. I don't need it until school actually starts, and why tempt myself with unfiltered internet if I can avoid it?
That was good news, now for bad news. I spent a bit of time today adding people on facebook, and ended up going on there for a while and searching for suggestive content before catching myself and turning it off. I read yesterday about something called the "three circles" system, or something along those lines, but did not have time to check it out yet, however the gist seems to be that you have to group addictive behaviors into three concentric circles, with the outer one being light triggers, the second one being preludes to acting out, and the third (inner) circle being acting out and directly related activities. Well, *if* that is the case, searching social networking sites for suggestive material would fall into the second circle, which is frankly to close to acting out for comfort. (btw, my knowledge of this system comes only from reading about it in journals, I have not yet had time to check it out myself, however it seems to be a very useful and informative tool, and I will research more about it on Saturday after frosh ends, so if I am wrong about how it works feel free to correct me, I haven't done my research just yet).
Anyway, 8 days is a good milestone for me, and its how long I lasted last time before acting out. I'm going to have to be really careful, and work really hard to stay clean in the future. I also have to make sure to be strong, but not proud or overconfident. Several days under my belt plus my naturally outgoing nature make pride a fatal flaw of mine. In fact, I would say that it was really pride, not lust, that causes me to actually fall in the first place. Lust is what comes later, after the first steps towards my fall have already been taken. But this time, I have to remember that I CAN'T fall. My girlfriend and I have a wonderful relationship right now. I miss her a lot right now, and am looking forward to seeing her on the weekend. However, our relationship is still healing from the strain of my addiction, and I HAVE TO KEEP GOING, for her sake and for my own. I cant skrew up right now, I just have far, FAR too much to lose.
This is Gwei, signing off, staying strong but not proud or overconfident.
P.S. Before I forget, I must remember to pray and thank god for my current success, and to pray for strength every time I feel even the smallest iota of pride. This has helped me a lot before, it seems that god wants me to quit too
. Also thanks to all of you for your continued support. I know I haven't been very active on this forum, and I'll try to post and give help and support to others in this community, but its just that I have been trying to stay off of the computer as much as possible, and usually I simply turn it off after I journal and don't turn it back on. That reminds me of another thing: I SHOULD NOT go on facebook tonight. I will be really tired and the risk is just too high. But yeah, thanks everyone, and you will hear more from me tomorrow morning